Banned from Woolworths - Didn't like shopping there anyway

Yesterday I was at my local Woolies buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ar... and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from Woolies.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

Hee hee very good. I think I've been on that diet toooo.

Yummy!!! :thumbup:

Good for you. I think those questions fall under "Here's your sign!". I once went to a fall street fest and was standing in line in front of the port-a-johns and a lady came up and asked if this was the line for the potties! No we just were standing there passing the time!

LOL..Oh my I needed that this morning! Thanks!

That is so funny.

Good for you.

Well, you had more fun yesterday than I did, that's for sure! Can I go shopping with you?

I loved that one!

Oh that's totally funny! What a quick mind you have! ROFLMAO

Now to clean up the coffee I spit out while laughing!

:) :)

Funny! Good way to start the day!

that was so funny.liked it a lot.

Well,You just made my day with a big belly laugh,thanks pab

Is this a joke or a true story

OMG !!! That is perfect. Some days you just have to spin one. It's like that one time......! Thank you for the laugh. :lol:

I remember when there was a Woolworth's here in Corpus Christi, Texas but that was more than 40 years ago. My grandmother used to shop there all the time and she'd take me with her. Good memories coming back to me!

I am definitely going to remember that one!!!

This is hilarious...thanks for making my day!

Of course it's a joke!!!!

:-D :lol:

I think my brain wouldn't be smart enough to find such silly answers, although I can go quite "stupid" at times and have great fun with my friends and family :thumbup:

Hi Sheila, just realized you're in the land of OZ too!!!!

:P

Cheers!!!! 8-)

That is so funny Elfi, thanks, Hi from freezing Melbourne, and welcome to the QB.
Rain

Yes, I wish it was cooler here too, no need to rain, we had quite a bit and they say we'll have some more. Some road around here were closed, flooded..... It's still about 30 and 7 PM. the weather seems to be going crazy everywhere.
Have a nice evening!!!

:P

That is soo cool!! I wish I could think of things to say that quick - I always think of great comebacks when its too late!!! Way to go - now you have to find another place to buy your "special" diet food!!

Oh my goodness, that's funny. I have tears rolling down my cheeks from laughing! Now what the heck were you banned for...being funny?! Some people need to get over themselves and take a joke!

thanks for the laugh. this helps make up for my dog waking me just so he could get outside to chase cats. now i can't get back to sleep.

My dog has tried that too but it's to chase rabbits or kangaroos... Got smarter, I just won't respond anymore.... :?