Have 2 grand-daughter's,one is fighting with the other.Younger is being a total brat.I don't know how the older one takes it.The parents alway's takes the side of the younger one know mater what.I'm sitting here and i can't do a thing about it.I have to stay out of it.

Well --- I thought that at one time, too. Only it was my nephews......I finally spoke up one day when my older nephew was being punished....and I'd seen he had been NO where near his brother when his brother screamed and claimed the older one hurt him. I told mom what happened...she didn't believe me, or didn't care, and said the older one probably did something wrong and deserved the punishment anyway. The result -- they're in their 40s now, don't speak to each other and have built up a LOT of resentment to their mother. At least I know I tried.

Sometimes it's hard being a grandma. If you decide to speak up choose your words very carefully.

Connie as long as you are in contact with the grandchildren.
Forge a special bond with older child so she has a soft place to fall so as to say. Be her safe place no matter what. Let her let her feelings out to you but don't agree with them to her...move her forward in a more positive direction. There are plenty of things you should be able to bond over with her.
Hugs

Sorry... I can't sit back and see a child punished for something that they did not do... and not say anything.

It wouldn't mater what i said or did.Parents are for the younger one.The younger one just went into 7th grade.A complete turn around.God in heaven,what's she going to be like in another couple of years.

Are you there for a visit or do you live with them. I feel if you live with them you get a voice. If your visiting....it might be different. Like it was said before, choose your words wisely. Hang in there. Blessings

Here, when Nana speaks...everyone listens! I have to say I have 8 grandchildren from 5 to 19. They stick together pretty well, take up for the other, rarely an arguement thats gets out of hand. We have one, she's 16 and does get hyper like...she makes coffee nervous! We do have to calm her down and tell her to watch it! I have to speak up and my girls don't mind. One daughter has a good husband but is ill often with diabetis. The other daughter has 4 children and is a single mother. All kids have same dad, they tried but he decided to like little boys and spent 10 yrs in the pen. Now he's not allowed near the kids. So, I've been Mom, Dad, Nana and granpa. Their (my daughters) dad left the family when they were younger...I raised them alone. I have to say we come from a huge family and for the most part it runs pretty smooth. I'm truely blessed compared to many.

I had that same problem with 2 nephews. One day we were outside and the younger one was hitting the older one with a stick, the parents kept telling the younger one to stop but of course he kept doing it - I think the general opinion is the older one is more mature and therefore should be able to handle it???

Anyway, I finally took the stick away from the little monster and gave him my "look" and plenty of grief. He behaved around me from then on, of course he was still a brat but oddly enough, he turned out to be a super adult and he and his brother get along well. I think, at some point, the parents wised up.

remember that it is permissable, and sounds like recommended, for you to establish rules of behavior for people in your own home. while you may not be able to intercede in other areas/homes, you can establish expectations for behaviour in your territory and follow thru if those behaviors aren't met. Can you identify a time-out area of your house where you can send those who don't follow the 'rules'? Or have rewards available for good behavior? maybe by setting an example for what can be done you'll make a difference...good luck

My nephews were like that when they were little too. Now they are 19 and 17, and very nice guys...but thyestill bother eachother and fight, lol!

These are your grandchildren, Speak Up for their safety.
This is abuse. I would not stand for this in my family.

Looks like everything is fine for right now.When mother is at work she doesn't see what's going on in her own house only what's she's told.My husband and i are just visiting for ThanksGiving.I will be so glad to leave today.I live 3 hours away past Canon,City CO

Connie,
Try to speak to whichever parent of the grand-daughters is your child in private and at a time when emotions are not running high. Express your concern for the older child in a non-accusatory manner. Acknowledge that it is difficult to be a parent to teenage girls and that you know they are doing their best but that you wanted to make sure they realized what it looks like to an outsider.
Maybe they don't realize the dynamic that has take hold.

Do not say anything in front of your grand-daughters. That will cause far more problems.

And I agree with the poster that said you should offer a loving place for the older child to come to. She needs it.

My mother did the same with one of my brothers - always taking his side. That brother still doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of us as adults. She didn't do him any favors, but I'm sure she thought it was the right way to handle it at the time for some reason.

WOW! Brat and monster? Seems to me favoritism is shown here and maybe not by just the parents!

I re-read the posts from Connie and don't see the word monster anywhere.