We used to exchange gifts with extended family but the holidays just got to be too stressful, with all the shopping. Now what I do is instead of giving holiday gifts, I give a gift when the mood hits me, 'for no reason' other than that I feel like giving someone something. To me, this is much more meaningful than giving a gift because it's expected. At the same time, the receiver isn't put into the position of feeling as he/she should give a gift in return. I just tell folks that if/when they want to give me something, to do it whenever. No pressure, no expectations. Each gift given and received, is a surprise and is extra special!

We do exchange Christmas gifts with our grown kids but never feel the need to break the bank over it! No one keeps track of who spent what, for whom.

All the grand kids want is gift cards! What fun is that?

My take is they are busy and want to take time to enjoy family and friends. They don't want to reduce the time spend on finding/buying gifts and instead use this time on what really matters. (You did a great job in teaching them what is important in life.)

If it was me in this situation, I would agree with their plan AND if I felt I needed to shop for more gifts, I would be buying gifts for someone that truly needs my gifts. After all, isn't that what Christmas is about?

For the past two years, I have given my son and his family a yearly zoo membership and am planning to continue this year. I also give them each a couple of surprises to unwrap. We do our best to focus on "experiences", not "stuff".

My DDIL is the youngest of 4 sisters and there are 22 people in their giving group. There are 2 drawings for names - one for the adults and one for the children. This system has worked well for them for years.

My holiday traditions have gradually changed and simplified over the years. Thank goodness!!! Younger generations want to create their own traditions. Both of your daughters "want to draw names this year in an effort to simplify things." I think the core of the previous sentence is - "Both daughters want to simplify." Perhaps the best Christmas present you could give them this year is to go along with their request.

We used to exchange names for gifts but that was still not much fun. For the adults (anyone over 16!) we are now playing a 'CHRISTMAS' game - each year, everyone buys one gift, the gift starts with the current letter of the year (this year we're on 'T'). Limit for each gift is agreed upon prior - usually around $25. The gifts are wrapped as 'guy', 'gal' or 'anyone' gifts and placed in a pile. A deck of cards is shuffled and everyone gets a card - highest card picks first - gifts are opened as we go. Everyone, in turn, picks either from the pile or from someone who already has a gift (then that person gets a new gift). After everyone has something, another round of cards is passed out, and this time we either exchange or keep what we have (if exchange, the person you take the gift from can keep or exchange again - altho some years we skip that part). There are always interesting articles and lots of laughter. Makes it really easy - want to play, bring a gift!

Younger children provide a list to aunts/uncles and we pick something from their list. No grandkids to spoil yet.

At work, we eliminated 'Secret Santa' in favour of supporting families in need via the local social service agency - they provide us with age/sex of the child in need, and each child gets $100 in gifts. In the past, we've had some large families and have also gifted shopping/grocery cards to the parents. Some people just love shopping, and they volunteer to find the goodies for the kids. Some shop all year and find bargains throughout the year, keeping them for the next Christmas. Sure feels good to spread some Christmas cheer to local families we know appreciate it.

We do the exact same thing Tartan does.....gifts for the children and the adults give to a charity.

My husband has 5 sisters years ago when we all had small kids we each bought something for all of the kids. Then for the adults we agreed to give each other the same every year (1 gift for each set if parents) we gave a family picture, a favorite recipe and a Christmas ornament. I for one loved it and have all of the recipes in a book all the kids pictures and almost ll of the ornaments. (some have broken) it was a great way to share something and not burden others with the stress of shopping, or cost of a gift Then as some of the family's moved and we stopped sharing Christmas day that tradition died out and we started drawing names for the kids only , and only the ones that would be there on Christmas day. they got one gift from grandma and grampnda and one from the cousin that drew their name. That worked well for a few years till twice one of my daughter didn't get a gift...."oh we left it at home we'll send it". . Nope never happened so the following thanksgiving when we traditionally drew names I ended it.

A few of us still get together on or around Christmas day, we just eat hang out and remember when all the kids were young and how much fun it was to have them all together.

The only Christmas gifts we buy now is for our 2 daughters, their current boyfriend and my best friend and her husband and 2daughters. Easy peasy no fuss no muss and I never feel stressed or guilty over any of it.

When we were younger and first married my husband and i didn't really have much cash at Christmas...but it WAS Christmas....and i think we all carry that Norman Rockwell vision of the tree and presents and Christmas Day. We just want our family (and friends) to feel the magic. And it's SO HARD to get there....and it can make us sad in ways that really cut deep when we don't.

We created a tradition that we still do every year. We each get $55 (50 + 5 for tax) - in the afternoon after lunch on Christmas Eve we go to the mall. The rule is, no more than $10 can be spent on a gift...then we each go our separate ways in the mall.
You would be surprised what you can get at the mall on Christmas Eve for $10 or less. Not "junk" either (my hubby always hits the Victoria Secrets sale and i get some new undies) We have a ball !!! - spend a couple of hours scouring the stores - leave the mall with lots of bags - then go out to dinner at TGI Friday's - then go home and wrap the gifts.

When it comes to the kids and grand-kids --- they know what my budget is - everyone gets to ask for 1 gift that they would really like to have --- that one gift will be under the tree - that has been the "rule" since my kids first understood what Christmas was almost 40 years ago......and if there is money left over, there will be more under the tree or in their stocking.....and of course there are always things that i have made for them.

One of my favorite things tho is the baking day i have with my 3 DGD every December. We bake dozens of cookies - i make the dough and do the hot oven stuff -- they make the cookies and decorate them. Last year they each did a gingerbread house too. What a HOOT those turned out to be. I treasure those days - and hope they will be a happy memory for the girls too when i'm not here any more.

I have given my kids, grands and great grands the same thing each year: a Waterford ornament that they can use (I hope) forever. Started this when all the grands were first born and have continued it until now. Sometimes they fuss, but I really don't care....I will NOT give them junk gifts; clothes are out as I wouldn't know what to get! And I won't get candy for them, either unless it's just a small amount of a really good chocolate. They all seem to be happy with their ornaments, so as long s they are....

The daughter who thinks you are unreasonable is also telling you that the Christmas gifting is very stressful for her. Difficult as it may be, you might want to give her request more consideration.

A solution for you - give them small 'because I love you' gifts throughout the year instead of all at once on Christmas.

I come from a large family. We long ago decided that we, as siblings, would not give gifts to each other for Christmas or birthdays. Our nieces and nephews get small gifts, and now they like money so that is an easy wish to fill - Thank God! Once they were out on their own, we stopped gifting them at all, but we do gift their children. My own grandchildren get money, but I usually give them a small gift to open on Christmas day as well.