I was recently reading another post relating yet another instance of a quilter making something with love and affection and yes, gorgeous!, as a gift and having it treated as though it were just another "thing" and this got me to thinking about courtesy and good manners. I think it is the unintentional or thoughtless dismissal of someone's work, gift or time that is the worst offense of all.

When I was growing up, please and thank you were drilled into me. It didn't matter if I was handed a plate of abhorrent food at a friend's house. You said thank you, ate all of it and complimented the cook on the meal, if necessary with ambivalent words. What you didn't do, ever, was make anyone feel that whatever they had done for you was without interest or merit. If someone gave you a gift, you found something nice to say about it even if it would reside in the deepest recesses of the attic and only be brought out for visits from the donor.

There were times when I'm sure my friend's mother would recognize that I had trouble eating the dish set before me, or a friend realized that the gift was really inappropriate after all, but good manners and courtesy, were the grease that allowed us to get past that and save face all around without hurting each other's feelings and recognizing a spirit of generosity in each of us.

It seems that while society has become PC, all inclusive and non-discriminatory, it has lost the art of just getting along. It would be nice if parents and schools would start teaching manners along with everything else.

Sorry, were you talking to me? I didn't catch it because I was texting on my smartphone while simultaneously checking the browser for the weather in Phuket while changing lanes without a blinker while driving 80mph on the interstate. Why? Because I can.
:roll: :roll::roll::roll::roll::roll:

as we move from a "community" based society to an "individual" based society, this will become more common. It's all about ME ME ME and who cares if your feelings get hurt.

I don't know if it makes a difference because I live in rural Alabama and but I meet very few people, children included that do not use yes mame, no mame when speaking to you or please and thankyou. Adults even address people this way if they suspect you are even a day older than them. Everyone is very friendly and polite. They don't dare let their momma hear otherwise. Even friends will use a miss or mr in front of a person's first name, like Miss Julie, or Mr. Wayne.

Yes, I agree. And there exists somewhere in my same town a lovely, talented niece who probably is confused as to why she never gets any presents from me any more. She got some as a 9 year old..I still treasure her clumsily written hand made card of thanks for that first gift...then no other thanks for the next two, which were the last. Hints have gotten me no place, she did tell me thanks when she ran into me in town for one present....

And she isn't alone..unfortunately. But it does save a lot of money in gifts not bought.

"Because I can" is the mentality of many many people nowadays. However, just because you CAN doesn't mean you have the right - the right to endanger MY life while driving on the same freeway. Go ahead and endanger your own on an empty freeway somewhere. You're right Hen3rietta - what happen to common courtesy?

thank you... well said

I agree that courtesy and manners are becoming lost. But, I do not find this to be a factor of age or generation at all. Someone who is in my mother's generation (65+) is just as likely as someone in Generation Y to not acknowedge a gift that was given, for example. I find it a factor of the general state of the way things are.

The only thing i can do is to remember my manners, and hope someone will be motivated to do the same. My teenage son has excellent manners also.

well I'm from the South and manners and just plain being nice were normal things you did every day. This "new" world does take some getting used to. I don't try very hard though.

Because you can doesn't mean it is the right thing to do! Manners and courtesy go a long way towards keeping things civil in society, and as you may have noticed, society isn't all that civil any more. A tragic loss! All we can do is lead by example!

Please let me share a proud Nana's story. A few years ago I was visiting my daughter and her family in SC. While entering a restaurant there were several people behind us. My 8 year-old grandson, instead of rushing through the door ahead of everyone else, opened the door and held it until all the people had entered the restaurant. This was all umprompted by his parents. To my great delight, this was not a one-time event, but a way of life for him and his two younger brothers. My daughter and her husband have done and continue to do a wonderful job in raising three boys with unbelievable values and codes of conduct.

I think that parents need to be PARENTS - they are so busy trying to be best friends with their children that they fail to teach them right from wrong or good manners.

Have told my two that there will be plenty of time in their lives for us to become adult friends - but for now - I'm your MOTHER and it's my job to teach you what you need to know.

What a great post.
First of all I lived in Georgia after we got married for a few years while my husband attended UGA. I will NEVER forget the manners displayed by everyone! It was just awesome. I'm a native NYer but my parents raised us well. Still, we didn't say Ma'am and Sir and I found it to be so charming and nice!
I agree that manners and respect have to come from home.
Love the "proud Nana" story! :D

I don't think it matters where you are from- most people I deal with ARE polite. I do volunteer work and meet people from all walks of life. The rudeness i do encouter crosses generations, not just a youth thing.

Recently two of my younger DDs went with me to a quilt show. when we left their comment was"everyone complains about how rude kids are-The adults here are the rudest we've ever seen. They pushed us out of the way, ran into us with their scooters and didn't even say excuse me".

I agree that courtesy and good manners seem to be lost, but there are some people that have them. I was very, very impressed with the young man who asked my granddaughter out for a date, very respectful, yes ma'am, no sir, opens the door for a lady, etc. Doesn't dress in pants that practically fall off his butt, button up shirts, etc. Calls her every night to talk to her.

I enjoy being called Miss Ruth! It definately shows respect for others which is missing from everywhere but the south!!!

In spite of my criticisms of society in general, there are a core of us who are trying mightily to pass on these lessons to our children and grandchildren. Like Lynneander's grandson holding the door, I'm always surprised when people seek me out to tell me what a wonderful guy my son is, even at 18. We've always treated him with respect and expected the same of him.

I think we should start a movement for courtesy, civility and good manners. Do you think the president would decree a national "month" for such? I for one would be willing to write my congressman/woman.

I agree with everything you said.... until the end.

PARENTS need to teach manners. Unfortunately, from my little tiny part of the world, parents are not doing anything.

Before I get blasted.... I have 2 small boys. I am lucky enough to be a stay at home mom. We recently moved to a new neighborhood with tons of kids.

I have no fewer that 10 kids at my house everyday wanting to play with my kids toys, not my kids. I have yet to meet any of their parents.

Heck, when I was a kid, everyone parented. If I was acting up, I knew that Mrs JoAnne was going to spank my bum and send me home.

Here I asked a kid if he wanted a glass of water, as I was getting one for my boys. He said "What kinda juice you got?"
I told him that we drink water here. He walked in my house behind me and said "I wanna see what you got to drink"





:shock:

PARENTS need to be involved and teach manners, by the time they get to school it should already be something that is ingrained in to the child.

OK...Rant off sorry! ;)

Lol!!! Exactly

I am adamant about my 5 year old always using please and thank you and sir and ma'am, holding the door and such. She needs to have respect for others if she wants to have others respect her.....you get what you give
Hugs
April

Unfortunately, there are those who actually take offense at being called "Miss" or "Mister", and those who take offense at someone holding the door open for them. I taught my sons to be respectful of their elders, but what do you do when "Miss Betty" tells them to just call her "Betty"? I took her aside and told her that it was a sign of respect, and I'd like them to keep calling her that. She insisted that they NOT. So I told my boys they didn't need to show her respect. Grrr. And when my boys DO hold doors open for people and are ignored in response, I loudly praise them for their good manners.

My gsons call my friends Miss.... or Mr....first name, please and thank you are the norm here. No talking with food in your mouth, if you need to speak, it is excuse me please. Even at 7, if he can hold the door open (some are pretty heavy) he does....and toilet lids are all the way down.

My kids still call people they knew as little kids Mr. Ronnie and Ms. Debbie, etc. My best friend and I have taught VBS together for years and half the time I call her Ms. Bobbie out of habit, even among other adults.
As a young mom I was a teacher's aide at the elementary school. One of the teachers had been my 6th grade PE teacher and it took me nearly half the year to bring myself to call her Ina Mary instead of Mrs. Fossett. It just didn't feel right! But she said I made her feel old, so I tried really hard...

I think children emulate what they see and hear.

What are they seeing and hearing?

Exactly!

denise d just brought back a memory!!
When my boys were little there was one real bratty kid who was in the group. One day I told all the kids that they were all to go out now.
They all went out the door except for the brat. He looked me right in the eye and said " Well, you need to go out too". I said "Excuse me??" He replied " You said- everyone outside".
If my kids did that I would have clobbered them!!
I knew his parents and really liked them but let's just say our parenting methods were a bit different! :D

I agree courtesy and good manners have gotten lost somewhere. But you can't entirely blame the kids you have to blame the parents for bringing them up that way.

Thanks Denised for putting the responsibility where it belongs. I speak for all of us in education when I say it is our responsibility to educate children, it is the Parents responsibility to raise them. We come along side the parents, but children emulate and copy what is modeled for them at home. I am a teacher turned media specialist in a private school filled with children from economically blessed homes all the way to struggling scholarshipped homes. Our students are praised and welcomed wherever we go because they have no doubts about the manners and behavior we expect from them. The students that need the most "help" with their manners and behavior are the children of parents that are consistently rude and display poor manners to staff and other parents and students. You have to model the behavior you expect children to use. Off my soapbox now.

Am I the only one who doesn't care for the "Miss Julie" coming from children? I'm not a Miss and I did not give a child permission to use my first name - I should be Mrs. R* (or Ms, that works well, too) until or unless I invite a child to use my first name.

Sorry, pet peeve.

On the other hand, I'm a college-educated IT professional with four direct reports, three of whom are men. If I have to take "Miss Julie" in order to be a woman free to choose her own destiny and prosper in it, I will deal with that.

It's all in the way we live isn't it? Even if you don't want to refer to class?? But class does exists, doesn't it? You can belong to the class that is polite and thankful or you can belong to the class that runs and pushes over people while rudely fighting with someone on your cell phone lol....isn't it ironic how the rude and mannerless seem to be constantly in area of the polite and thankful? That is because if a bunch of them got in a group, they would seriously injure each other.....

And while we are on the subject..how about some table manners? hahahahah I won't even go there....

It is always a pleasure to meet a person with manners....

I agree - a little twit - but probably a very intelligent one!

Intelligent... probably, but not too bright.

Yep, that kid would not be coming back to my house. Something about sassing an adult really rubs me the wrong way.

I have seen a bit of that from my oldest in the past 2 weeks, and believe me... it will not be staying.

He was intelligent but no more so than the others. He was the kind of kid to push buttons and the other kids really didn't like him that much but he lived in the neighborhood............ The parents were lovely people but their kids were not- not sure what went on there!

**********************
3 am when DH and I were drinking coffee, we were talking about the exact same thing ...
All of this will only be getting worse ... and I doubt it will ever get better.
You see ... people used to teach their kids respect and kindness and manners ...
Then the kids grew up into hippies and decided they don't want to follow the rules ... and they went all out to break everyone of them.
Then these hippies had kids ... and they showed them how to be "free" ... NO rules ... NO etiquette ...
But the problem is these kids did not have any roots to hold onto .... so today with all the different cultures and TOLERANCE that is preached everywhere ... they are just swimming in a cesspool of filth ... they don't know any better ....
And you know about that one rotten apple?
Well, that is how the other kids that DID receive a fair to good upbringing, were infected ...
Add to that .... they know ALL about their RIGHTS ... but VERY LITTLE about their RESPONSIBILITY!
They were not taught that acts have consequenses ... and therefore they think they are not ACCOUNTABLE!
But when things get a bit tight around them, they definitely know how to BLAME everyone else!
Even when we try to lead by example, they just trample it beneath their dirty sneakers ....
Can you imagine what THEY will teach THEIR kids??????
:?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?:

I am disagreeing again. I meet plenty of polite people. (I do meet lots of rude people as well, but the modern world just means you meet more people....) Also, my kids, and their friends, are all pretty polite and I get sick listening to people saying that "kids these days" have no manners.

(Also, I don't like being called Ma'am- especially if it is "no ma'am"!!)

interesting subject I agree people have gotten very rude and not just the young ones but manners does have to be taught in the home and should be taught in the schools but is not when I went to school we even had to say excuse to walk in front of someone now walking by a play ground I was shocked by the language coming out of small kids mouths but look what they watch on tv

I SO AGREE w/ the ME, ME, ME & PC (grrrrrr) mentality - people believe they 'deserve' it, are 'owed' it, & the same for other comments on here about the 'because I can' - it is sad.

Yes, there are many, especially in southern states that 'thank you's are heard & much less than there should be. Many younger ones at my church call their elders "Mr" John, "Mrs" ... or "Miss", but unfortunately society has become too self-centered.

OK, off my soap-box for the day
:-o

I have been teaching for many years and ever year have to teach common courtesy to a large number of children. I know the teachers at my school teach manners. It doesn't mean they internalize them if they are not reinforced at home or in the general public. I remind kids what good manners they have when a child, either in my class or another class, does something like open the door for me or pick up something I dropped. It is the only way I know how to get them to do it again and again...praise and example!!

I have 3 adult children (one a step). It is a joy to be with two of the families...old fashioned courtesy with today's setting. One family thinks whatever comes out of their children's mouth is cute with no correction. UGH!

I'm a former principal, and we actually had to put in a social skills curriculum!