! 'nough said! ;-D

A Dad's "Application To Date My Daughter"

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, driving
record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including drug
tests) from your doctor.

1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH________________

2. HEIGHT ______________
WEIGHT __________
I.Q _______
G.P.A.____________

3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________
DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK____________________________________

5. HOME ADDRESS _________________
CITY/STATE___________ ZIP __________

6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?
___yes
___no

If No, EXPLAIN
_________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married ____

8. Do you own a van? ______
A truck with oversized tires? ______
A waterbed? _________
Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo?
__________

(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)

9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
__________________________________________________



10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to
you?
________________________________________________

11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
________________________________________________

12. Church/synagogue you attend _____________ How often do you attend
_____________

13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and
priest/rabbi/minister? _________________________________

14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers
are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone -ever- I
promise.)

a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is
______________________________________

b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my
______________________________________

c) A woman's place is in the
______________________________________

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is
______________________________________

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is
______________________________________
(NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave
premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is
advised.)

15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
____________________________________



Please Review the Following Ten Simple Rules for Dating My
Daughter/Granddaughter


Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her,
so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot
keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to
wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off
their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of
your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open
minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to
the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too
big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your
clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with
my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your
trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me
elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each
other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.
Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an
indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my
house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to
date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you
will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.
If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to
be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is
putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting
the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you
do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden
stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within
eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is
dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient
temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank
tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater,
and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a
strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which
features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,
middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my
daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I
ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to
tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have
a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the
sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice
paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices
in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to
bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you
should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the
perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my
daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no
need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

I SWEAR THAT I HAVE READ ALL THE RULES AND THAT ALL INFORMATION
SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER
PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE,
ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.

________________________________

Signature (That means sign your name)


Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for
processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved.
Please do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any
communication before your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result.

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two
gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want
to watch your back).

This is your "last chance" to check your answers. Perhaps you should
check your response to question #10. This guy didn't get it!

Do you still want to date my daughter?


_____ Yes, please accept my application

_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house.

my dad was going to try something like that with me but well i wasn't going to let him do that! lol

My DH will love this.

Good one. Poor girl. :)

Great one; lucky daughter.

And that would be my husband...although he might not give them that much of a chance.

This is the man that saw his little sister sneaking into a boy's window when he was 18, went and banged on the front door of the house, and demanded of the parents that they get his little sister out of their house. After which he threatened the boy within an inch of his life.

'Nuff said.

My son has two beautiful daughters, and He's already started talking like this and the girls are only 7 and 10. And he does have a gun, he's a cop, so I pitty the fool!!!!

But it is so true! You wouldn't had the keys to your car to some teenage boy you just met, would you? Your child is more important and impossible to replace. My dates always had to come into the house to get me, even after we had been dating for a while!

My father told a guy if I was to end up pregnant, he was gonna die.

I never dated that guy again.

I recall having alot of "one time only" dates........LOL thanks Dad

That "Ten Rules For Dating My Daughter" was on the internet many years ago and found instant acceptance. As a gag I sent it to my nice Army Master Sgt. SIL who thought it was a real nice guide. He had my DD print it out and frame it and hung it by the front door, and frequently called young male visitors' attention to it. DGD did not think it was funny, especially when the door was answered by a 6 foot 5 tough looking Dad. She won't even go to a near by University!! Says he frightens most of her dates!!

On the other hand, it's too bad parents don't do more checking up on their underage daughters' male contacts....

Underage my foot. Any age. I get that there comes a time when you have to let go and let her live her own life, but just because you cut the strings doesn't mean you shouldn't look after her anyway. Granted, perhaps the whole cleaning the shotgun on the porch thing is a bit much when she's 30, but still...

nowadays you might have to protect your sons from some aggressive girls!!

lol

ROFL Something I must show to the two guys snooping around for my two oldest DDs. LOL They are great guys though. I take tae kwon do, martial arts, with 7 of my children and we are 3 months away from becoming black belts. I made sure to let the guys know it is not the papa they have to worry about in this house. Hehehehe I noticed the brothers are the ones that are very protective of the sisters. It doesn't matter if the brother is 8 or 24.

Always...that's how brothers are supposed to be. We're still currently trying to instill the "no one picks on my little brother but me" dogma into our oldest. Figure its waaaay too much to hope that he won't pick on his brother, but maybe we can do something about the other kids at school.

THANK YOU!!! I am going to print this up and make sure I have some on hand!! Seriously I will use this!

funny, but offensive

Isn't that the truth? We are dealing with a bipolar girl who won't take her meds (and lies about anything and everything to get her way) screwing up our son's head. Her parents have no control over her.

Loved it! I will print it off and share it with my family!
When my DD brought her fiance(now her DH of 15 yrs) to my inlaws house 2 of my DHs brothers knew he was coming and they were sitting at the table cleaning their guns! Ben got the message and was too scared to go back any time after that! LOL

LOL! Well, at least he had the guts to marry her anyway. If he was spineless enough to let that make him change his mind, he didn't deserve her anyway.

Hilarious, if the guy doesn't have a sense of humor, do you really want him dating your daughter? grin

I luv this....I know we all feel that no man is good enough for our daughters

This will go in the Christmas gift to my DS who has two gorgeous daughters, only ages 6 and 10 at this time, along with the T-shirt that says, D.A.D.D... Dads Against Daughters Dating. LOL.

I have three boys, I need a resume they can hand to the Dad's of the girls they want to date!

I think it's great!

HI all, I copied this and am sending it to my son along with a t-shirt I have already that has DADD(Dads Against Daughters Dating) on it. He is a part-time comic and will probably us it in a skit. He has three, one will turn 18 in January, and has just started dating last year. Her big brother is very protective of her and tells her if he likes the boy or not... like it matters to her...LOL Thanks for the "Application".

Hey birdthaing....great minds think alike lol

Think I'll give this to DS and help him enforce it when Olivia is old enough, she has a while to go bc she is only 18mo :lol:

Thats to cute! I don't have to worry about an application to date my daughter since I don't have one. I have three boys. I think my own dad must have had something like that in his mind when I started dating. Haha My mom had 1 girl (me), and 1 boy. She says that "little" boys are so much harder than "little" girls, but when the teenage years come, I'll be glad I have all boys. I guess that says alot about my teenage years. LOL

An even shorter one is: If you get past me and my shotgun then you have my dad and his shotgun. I didn't date through high school!!

I know someone like that.Good one!

Isn't that the truth!!! I have had 13 yr old girls call at 2:30 am to see if my son could sneak over to her house to !!!!!!
I dialed the house back and asked for her father. She didn't call again. DS was so embarrassed.

I totally agree & love the application.

Love it! Will pass it on to my friends with granddaughters.

We handed this to my now SIL when he came to ask for our DD's hand in marriage. Almost freaked him.

Good one!! :thumbup: :lol:

My husband pulled this one out several years ago and actually had a couple of our daughters boyfriends fill them out. Boy, was she embarrassed!!!! But they were good sports about it!