My daughter just got engaged. I would love to hear from any of you who have recently planned a wedding.

Janie

Congratulations. My daughter got married 3 years ago. I was the Matron of Honor. Weddings can be very expensive, if she wants all the trimmings that go along with it.

Congrats! All I know is my neices wedding stressed my sister out something terrible :)

Kay

Set a budget!
Make it a realistic budget!
Look thru wedding books/magazines and have your daughter pick out what she is liking. Get quotes from different places. My oldest had her first wedding in CT, back in 2001. That cost us $9000. That was with the "princess" dress with the EXPENSIVE crystals on it. We just happened to get it for 1/3 of the price. We were at the right place at the right time. For her dinner, she wanted roast beef, but the chicken tasted just as good and since WE paid for it,,,,the guests were getting what WE wanted. If they wanted beef, there are restaurants down the street. lol
When you find the place you want for your reception, if it's a hall/hotel/restaurant....ask if you can do some of the decorations instead of them using theirs. Some places CHARGE for the decorations.

We did marry my oldest off AGAIN just 2 years ago. This time in Hawaii. MUCH more expensive. Well, they paid for the church. They got married at Hilton Hawaiian Village's chapel, which was almost $5000 for th 90 minutes you get to spend there. We paid for the rest. Total bill for that was just under $4000 and that included sit down dinner (fish & chicken) for 100. We did our own centerpieces too.

My best suggestion would be to go to Knot.com and check out what they offer for suggestions. There is tons of great advice there.

One thing to remember....it's HER day, not yours. She may become a Bridezilla, but if she does, just walk away for a bit. She'll calm down when she realizes what she's doing.
And most of all........HAVE FUN!

Congrats!!!!

No advice, but the warmest of wishes :lol: CONGRATS !
Sharon

Set a budget. Altogether, around around $3,500 was spent for our wedding. We paid for everything except the reception, my parents covered that. I can't remember price of dinners but I think reception was around $2,500. We paid for the alcohol which was two half kegs and 15 bottles of champage came to almost $500.oo. I bought a sale gown which was almost $400.00 after alterations. We also got invitation that could be hand written to save money.

Good luck. I had fun planning mine and didn't get too stressed.

Kyia

Ooohhhh, congrats!!!! We ran off after the wedding planning got taken over by my Mother/family....so had enough of that. They got really carried away, guest list kept growing with people we didn't know or like. Everything got waaaayyyyy to big for us! We ended up getting married in a tiny chapel with just us and the pastor and his wife. Parents weren't happy for a while, but got over it. So...let her have her day is what I'd advise.. :lol:

Terri has good advice, I agree completely with her suggestions. It is most important to establish a budget from the beginning. This is a one day event and you don't want to take out a loan or "borrow" from your retirement money to fund it. There are all kinds of weddings and they don't have to cost $20,000 to be lovely.

Regardless, congratulations!

p.s.---My DH didn't like our "philosophy" about spending on her wedding so she and her new hubby paid for a lot of it (used plastic, I might add). I think they're still paying for the wedding.........(got married on Catalina Island....)

DD is getting married in 2 weeks- cost- about $6K. Other DD got married 3 years ago- cost- $14K. Difference- this one wants it low key- no frills. Has allergies so silk flowers.

She really shopped around for prices on everything. Ceremony and reception are at the same place- no limos. Her gown was bought on sale, it's all the things that go with the gown that add up- tiara, veil, slip, bra, shoes. Photographer does everything digital. He is a part timer, young and ready to make a name for himself. His website shows he has talent. But she didn't want a zillion pics. DJ- from another wedding she went to- he's not as expensive as some, but he provides what they listen to.

I splurged and got her a nice earring and necklace set- cost as much as her gown, etc. But it will be a forever gift from me to her.

Trying to think of the ways she saved- oh- she made the centerpieces, invitations, the flowers for the reception are silks too. We have a book I bought for 1st daughter's wedding- how to have a wedding for $5K. We took many ideas from this.

Enjoy planning!

oh- and lots of research online- you can get sooo many ideas. Hope picked a theme- Victorian, since the ceremony will take place at a Mansion (summer home for a local coal baron) and the reception is on the wrap around porch. There are about 90 people attending.

His Mom became Momzilla early on- refused to help or do anything. I had heard stories but got the shock of my life when I asked her to make cookies for the shower and she flat out said no. I asked again (not believing what I heard- thought she was joking) and she said she wasn't doing anything. I didn't know what to say- I look around the table and all the girls were looking at me with their teeth in their face (expression meaning- we knew but we never told you what she's like). And she has not done anything to help. I found out she's not happy with my daughter- she's taking away her son. She gave a token monetary gift- never made an effort to shop for something with meaning. Came right before the shower and left right after- didn't move from her seat- nothing. She had refused to do the rehearsal dinner until I told Hope to choose where she wanted it and I'd pay for that too.

Can't wait for this to be over. I'm the opposite momzilla- I want to help and she keeps saying she doesn't want money- they want to contribute too. I just don't want them to have debt after the wedding. It's the only wedding she will have and I don't want her to have regrets.

Congratulations! No experience with weddings in THIS century! :lol:

Congratulations!!

Now give her a bunch of money to elope and say a prayer of thanks... :roll: :roll:

Congratulations (soon-to-be MIL). Sorry - no advice just good wishes.

I would agree with the set a budget advice. My entire wedding cost 3000. You can have a beautiful wedding without breaking the bank. Too many people today think they need some elaborate overpriced production. We saved money in the following ways: I made my own dress (just as nice as my cousin's which cost 1200 for a fraction of the cost), got flowers from a florist who was just starting into business, reception at the Elks Hall because neighbors were members.

We were engaged for two months--(no, I was pregnant. :wink: ) We picked the date and the church before we told our parents. We bought the flowers ourselves. Mostly used the poinsettias on the alter for Christmas. We gave my MIL control over the cake and my mom control over most the reception food. We invited 50 people--had the reception at my parent's house--we made all the food--just sandwiches and stuff... and off to Niagara Falls for two nights. Simple--no billis--no frills. Married 25 years this December.... so simple works. :wink:

There's a historical "Little Church" right down the road form us--and I'm hoping both kids will get married in there. They can come here for a reception if it's not many people and in the summer...

When looking for a wedding dress, don't forget ebay. When I remarried in 2004, we wanted to be married in Church but nothing elaborate. I found a full length off-white new dress for $60 (which included shipping) which fit like it was just made for me. (The lady who sold it to me said that if the dress didn't fit, I could send it back with it only costing me postage to return.)

I made our invitations on the computer. We rented the gun club's party room ($50), had keg beer, soft drinks and byob and about 100 people showed up. A friend did our cake for $100. Another friend catered the sandwiches/snacks for $125. The DJ cost $125 (brother of another friend.) One of the guys I worked with took pictures (which he did as a 2nd job) -- I can't remember for sure but I'm thinking $200 which included an album and then he gave me all the proofs for nothing. A friend did my hair, nails and makeup as my wedding gift (She also sang before the wedding.) I went to a "party" store and bought plastic everything for the tables at the reception including disposable cameras (now some of those were fun pictures). A friend of my daughter's made my bouquet for what it cost her.

And the most expensive thing? My husband had to have a new suit, shirt, tie, socks and shoes -- set him back over $500 :shock: (And now he can't get the suit on -- we would have been better off renting him a tux!) But the wedding was very beautiful and the reception was fun and we still had money left to go to Gatlinburg, TN for a week!

Haven't planned a wedding for the DDs (yet). But congratulations to her.

Our daughter also got engaged this year.Her wedding is scheduled for Oct 2010.They are having about 180 people and they have set a budget of 15.000 no more she bought her wedding dress already got it on sale for 600 reg 1500.She is getting married in the same church her dad and I did and having her reception at the same place.

I haven't married yet, but a sister has and she was given a budget. She and now hubby were in school so everyone was poor and since that area seems to have a lot of marriages (no, not Nevada!), they had a place where she could rent a GORGEOUS gown and have it fitted too. Don't know how much that was, but I believe it was less expensive than buying all the stuff...

They did not have a sit down meal. Just a reception and favors. When they came out here it was the same. There was some place that rented plants and a nice lattice arch. It was really pretty.

Congrats! I'm still waiting for my son to get married. BUT he needs to get back to work first.

Reading all of these posts make me so glad I have a son!
My wedding was pretty inexepensive, made my dress and clothes for the wedding party, had an appetizer and fresh fruit buffet, outdoor wedding at a friends condo party house.
All was complicated by the fact that three days before the wedding the caterer left town with half of our money, found out when my husband went to make final payment and restaraunt that was catering was closed. Had been in town for 20 years and well known.
But we have been married 29 years, so an inauspicious beginning doesn't mean much I guess.

Congratulations! now as Terri said the Big key words are "Realistic Budget".
Friends of ours got married 3 years ago and their wedding was 38 thousand dollars. they just filed for divorce. And I think they are still paying off the wedding!

I think young people watch too much TV these days and all think they must spend a fortune and have all this fancy stuff to have a nice wedding. My feeling is that what you really need to share with your guests is a celebration of love. Thank goodness my daughter thinks a small gathering of truely close friends and family in any setting with as little as cake and coffee is enough. This single mom can feed the masses...but not catered, not in a fancy hall, so we'll see what happens when (if) that time comes.!!! I will say, at my own wedding many many moons ago, we cut our guest list in half by excluding kids under 15. We had drinking and dancing and I did not want to deal with crabby kids hanging on me (I have many relatives and we're close). I still don't regret it, and only one person was ticked they had to get a sitter. They got over it!!

Best of luck. Remember to count to 10!!

Sewjoyce - I went to Gatlinburg, TN too, when I remarried in 2005! Rented a cabin for a week..... was Heaven!!! I really envy all of you who get to live in TN!

We got married in my church, which is now our church, with communion. All six of our kids participated in the wedding. It was such a beautiful wedding, I cried all the way through it! lol!!
My stepson did our invitations on a computer, my DH's brother did all our photos/video, our reception was in the large private lounge of our bowling alley ($150 rental, I think), with a buffet - sandwhiches, salads, etc. Beautiful 3 tiered cake from Walmart! We had an open bar, which ended up being only about $150, not many drink. We also had one of those bouncy things for all the kids to get into and bounce, set up in a corner, as we wanted them all to have a really good time too!

I also had my bff take photos of each person/couple as they came in the door for our wedding. I had blank pages for each to sign, or write a little something, instead of a guest book. I then put these into a scrapbook I made. I still take that out often, to look at it!
I had wanted to have signature squares to have quests sign, when my youngest DS got married last June, to make into a quilt for them, and then went ditz and didn't do it. That might be something you'd want to do.

We had about 80 people, as I wanted only people of the heart there, and it was about $2000 - not including Gatlinburg! :wink:

My suggestion would be to focus on the love, the spirituality, the joy, of it all. To me, that's what's most important, that which will be most remembered.

And ooops - Congratulations!!!! :D :D Forgot that part, was off tripping down Memory Lane.... lol!!!! :-)

We married off our oldest daughter one year ago on the 7th of June and the second oldest was married the August before that (coming up on two years)
We set the budget between $10,000 & $13,000. Trying to keep it lower but giving myself a little room to change what I thought needed some help. They both stayed within budget with the first wedding being closer to 13,000 (cause I called in a Caterer when I felt their plans would not work out 5 weeks ahead of time) I have a great friend (mother in law of my oldest) who has a printing business so they did all invites and programs and save the dates and anything else that needed printing for both weddings. We had tons of friends that helped out and we hired about 5-7 High school kids from church to help with serving etc (they were raising money for camp) Both weddings turned out beautiful and everyone had a great time. There were probably 180 at the first wedding in 07 and about 230 last June. They had friends with sound equipment and my 3rd daughter arranged all the music for the reception, and a friend MC'd for each one. We had to use the equity line on the house to pay for them, so we are still paying. DD #3 has been told she has to wait a while before she can have a wedding!!!

All this info is great as my honey took me ring window shopping recently. I've always wanted something small and we agree we'd rather have a bbq with the ability to invite all those we really love over expensive plates for those we have obligations too. Terri that knot site is a gold mine of information! I also like checking out the diy wedding thread over at craftster.org great ideas there too!! Good luck and congrats!!

Congratulations and best wishes to everyone.

While neither of my sons is married, I've been a participant / observor at several weddings over the years. The last few, it seems, devolved into fertile ground for Bridezillas to work their chaos and escalating expense in direct porportion to the Bridezilla-ness.

My husband, a generous, loving, and kind man who still gets teary-eyed when speaking about our wedding 40 years ago always asks, "Why can't they get married in the church and have a small reception with cake and punch in the Fellowship Hall? People today focus so much and spend too much on one day. No one considers the marriage." Disclaimer: we were married in a church, but the concept of a simple reception following the ceremony applies wherever a couple gets married.

Being an executive assistant, I'm big on lists, check-lists, files, processes, and contact information. Thus, my advice leans more toward the organization of the event / project and how it unfolds on the appointed day. It's an event that needs planning at the micro and macro level. No detail is unimportant.

I think BUDGET is the foundation component of how the project gets organized and the level of success on the day of the event. All the stake holders need to be open with what they are willing to spend. Note, I didn't say "able". Willing and able are two different sides of the coin.

This is the first one of many (probably) discussions of what I call boundaries in planning. "This is possible, this is risky, this is probable, and if you want this, then you've just taken on the job of figuring out how to make it happen within the boundaries of the project. If you want to enlarge the scope of the project and fund the additional costs, you're welcome to do so, but this is where we are and this is where we're willing to go." The goal is to set expectations early in the planning process.

I went to family wedding that occurred a few years ago. I knew from the beginning that the "day of" would be chaotic as the bride is an only child to whom her parents didn't like to say "no" or "wait".

When I asked the Mother of the Bride if she was engaging a wedding planner to help administer and co-ordinate events the day of the wedding, as well as to help with the planning of same, her response was, "No. I'm not spending that kind of money. We can handle it."

Well, I knew how well that would work so I suggested she give me a binder with all the contracts / contacts / and other notes for the day so that I could be the one person not in the wedding party who could answer questions and be the "go to person". "Nope. We can handle it."

It was a moderately-sized wedding (125 people) and my 33-yr. old and 28-yr. old sons were ushers. At the rehearsal, no on bothered to instruct them on who was to be seated where before the ceremony and how the congregation was to be led out of the sanctuary. They looked at me and I became a sideline coach.

The wedding guests collected in the narthex...but no wedding party to be seen. I went to a different part of the church. There was the wedding party having a great time fawing all over themselves as the photographer tried to get the "wedding pictures". "How long is this going to take? You have guests waiting in the narthex." " It's going to be awhile."

I waited a few minutes, visiting with the guests. Ultimately, I just told them they may as well leave, finding something to do until the reception 2 hours hence. They all left after awhile. (And yes, they did go to the reception / buffet)

Do NOT get me going on the condition of the room where the bride and her attendants dressed for the wedding. A part of me wanted to gather up everything and toss it into the street.

When the wedding party finally decided it was time to leave the church, they gathered up their stuff, tromped down the hall to waitng limo and made no bones about how rude it was for all the guests to leave and that no one was there to "see them off". (You expected them to cool their heels while you primped and preened?!)

What I'm leading up to here is that no matter how small or how large the wedding, all of those people who come to the wedding are the guests of the bride, groom, and the couple's parents. You invited these folks. Act as if you care about them and take the time to greet and thank them in a receiving line immediately following the ceremony.

Hint: saying "hi" to folks as the DJ blasts music at the reception doesn't qualify as a greeting and "thanks for coming/ it wouldn't have been the same without you".

It may be "your" wedding, but those people you invited need to be treated as something other than an ATM or gift machine or part of the group picture so that you can be at the center of it.

This is a great story from my nephew's wedding last year.

We made the trip from CA to St. Louis...my husband, our sons, one son's girlfriend, and myself. We had a great time. As we were waiting to exit the sanctuary while the bride and groom greeted their guests in the receiving line on the steps, my sons began chatting with the elderly couple sitting in the pew in front of them. The couple had been neighbors of my SIL when she was growing up and had known my nephew since he was born. The couple had been at my brother and SIL's wedding in the late 70's.

"We were there too," my older son told them.
"Really?"
"Yes. He was the ring bearer (that was his then-5-yr.old brother) and I was an usher (he was 9 years old at the time of his aunt and uncle's wedding). The "boys" are now 35 and 40.
"No! We remember both of you! You were so cute. You've both gotten so tall! (Both are over 6')

This would not have happened if there had not been a receiving line...and you wouldn't believe the smiles, laughter, hugs, and absolutely wonderful time everyone had meeting and greeting in that receiving line.

As I approached my "new" niece, I called out to her, calling her her "Mrs. ____! She was caught just a bit off-guard and then threw her arms around me, giving me a huge hug. "That's the first time anyone has called me that, Aunt Madolyn.! I LOVE it!"

So, enjoy the day, take time to consider the comfort and consideration of the guests, and remember... this may be a special day, but it's all those upcoming days, weeks, months, and years that will be your marriage. Isn't that whay all this is happening "today"?

Thank you for all your good wishes and advise. I am really enjoying reading them.

Janie

I have three daughters, one got married in another state, so, we didn't help with that one, as I was unable to go anywhere at the time.
When they moved back to here, to Florida, I wanted to "re-do" their wedding, but hubby wouldn't play along.
Other two daughters, wanted something simple, but nice. We cut corners everywhere we could without losing the quality and ambience of the occasion. Cost was 3,000 a piece.
How can you have a wedding for that?
They bought their dresses, etc. long to short,...maybe it actually cost, 4.000 apiece, but me and hubby pd, the 3th.
One got married in her church, and we rented a hall for the reception. I made about 95% of the food, and we did all the cleaning, decorating, middle daughter made all flowers and arrangements, my brother took the pictures...really NICE pictures!...you name it, we did it, ourselves...me and hubby did most of that clean up! nearly killed myself.
Ok, middle daughter...same cost, different hall, more ppl, more food, more work, simpler decorating, but even more beautiful. Lots of white with splashes of color...gorgeous.
Ceremony was outside in a garden, co-worker did her pics...I made a gutload of food...crazy amount...borrowed dishes...she made all the flowers etc. we did all the set up, decorating, and this daughter and her new hubby, refused to leave mess with us, so helped us clean up. We had a time limit or would have to pay more money. I almost fell on my face, anyway!
My bottom line: TRY not to be sentimental over every little thing...it adds up. Price everything ahead, and draw up a budget!!!
Decide on a sensible amount of stuff you can do yourself, and accept all the dependable help you can get.
Confer, confer, confer, with your daughter, or someday in the future, she will say, her whole wedding was planned etc. by mother or others. One of mine did that one time too many, and I gave her the lowdown, on my take of it. Now she just says her sister took over. yes, she was bridezilla, and i asked her about everything, down to size of cheese cubes!
The week of both of these weddings...a year apart....i got so busy, and so wired...I wasn't eating properly, could only sleep 4 hours a night, and my thyroid went out of range, both times.
Don't kill yourself. I didn't have dependable help, so I did tons of it, myself. One daughter is grateful, one is full..... :mrgreen:
The more ppl involved in helping, if they are team players...all the better.
If they are strong personalities, that like to take charge, you'll have arguments, procrastinating, fights, crying, and insanity! Be careful who you let help!
Make sure they won't clash with bride, it will all come back on you, bc your the mother.
You could always run away. I was too naive and chicken.
Joking a little, but planning pares down the possible problems that could come up.
Take extra deodorant, tissues and panty hose to the church. ppl forget, and get runs, or they don't fit, and tension is high, when everyone wants it perfect and going to be on film.
Plan, plan, plan, and remember, that many have lived through it! :D