I'd rather go to jail cause I spanked my kids, than they go cause I did not spank them.
Whoa, deep.

I don't think you need to hit children to keep them out of jail.

I couldn't agree more.

Sometime you need to get the child's attention so if a spanking is in order than so be it..

I volunteer at an elementary school and I can honestly tell you some parents really to spank their kids.. They are sooooo way out of control- OMG ! and its only ELEMENTARY school..

I assume you are being sarcastic?

I had the meanest mother in the whole world. While other kids ate candy for breakfast, I had to have cereal, eggs or toast. When others had cokes and candy for lunch, I had to eat a sandwich. As you can guess, my supper was different than the other kids' also.

But at least, I wasn't alone in my sufferings. My sister and two brothers had the same mean mother as I did.

My mother insisted upon knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were on a chain gang. She had to know who our friends were and where we were going. She insisted if we said we'd be gone an hour, that we be gone one hour or less--not one hour and one minute. I am nearly ashamed to admit it, but she actually struck us. Not once, but each time we had a mind of our own and did as we pleased. That poor belt was used more on our seats than it was to hold up Daddy's pants. Can you imagine someone actually hitting a child just because he disobeyed? Now you can begin to see how mean she really was.

We had to wear clean clothes and take a bath. The other kids always wore their clothes for days. We reached the height of insults because she made our clothes herself, just to save money. Why, oh why, did we have to have a mother who made us feel different from our friends?

The worst is yet to come. We had to be in bed by nine each night and up at eight the next morning. We couldn't sleep till noon like our friends. So while they slept-my mother actually had the nerve to break the child-labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes, make beds, learn to cook and all sorts of cruel things. I believe she laid awake at night thinking up mean things to do to us.

She always insisted upon us telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, even if it killed us- and it nearly did.

By the time we were teen-agers, she was much wiser, and our life became even more unbearable. None of this tooting the horn of a car for us to come running. She embarrassed us to no end by making our dates and friends come to the door to get us. If I spent the night with a girlfriend, can you imagine she checked on me to see if I were really there. I never had the chance to elope to Mexico. That is if I'd had a boyfriend to elope with. I forgot to mention, while my friends were dating at the mature age of 12 and 13, my old fashioned mother refused to let me date until the age of 15 and 16. Fifteen, that is, if you dated only to go to a school function. And that was maybe twice a year.

Through the years, things didn't improve a bit. We could not lie in bed, "sick" like our friends did, and miss school. If our friends had a toe ache, a hang nail or serious ailment, they could stay home from school. Our marks in school had to be up to par. Our friends' report cards had beautiful colors on them, black for passing, red for failing. My mother being as different as she was, would settle for nothing less than ugly black marks.

As the years rolled by, first one and then the other of us was put to shame. We were graduated from high school. With our mother behind us, talking, hitting and demanding respect, none of us was allowed the pleasure of being a drop-out.

My mother was a complete failure as a mother. Out of four children, a couple of us attained some higher education. None of us have ever been arrested, divorced or beaten his mate. Each of my brothers served his time in the service of this country. And whom do we have to blame for the terrible way we turned out? You're right, our mean mother. Look at the things we missed. We never got to march in a protest parade, nor to take part in a riot, burn draft cards, and a million and one other things that our friends did. She forced us to grow up into God-fearing, educated, honest adults.

Using this as a background, I am trying to raise my three children. I stand a little taller and I am filled with pride when my children call me mean. Because, you see, I thank God, He gave me the meanest mother in the whole world.

Written by
Bobbie Pingaro ©1967

luvtoquilt: I wish MORE mother's were mean like that nowdays.
Instead we have these spoiled, rude, young adults,nowdays.
You know the one's I'm talking about??

I think my mother was related to yours!!

I think there is a huge difference between a swat on the butt and beating a child. I agree, sometimes you need to get the child's attention.

My kids all got spanked a few times in their life and they turned out just fine.

I am a mean parent. I learned from my parents, they in turn learned from theirs and so on. My sisters nor me have ever been to jail because we were taught to behave. We have passed these life lessons on to our children and grandkids.
There is a difference between spanking a beating.
Children need to be taught the difference between right and wrong. Off my soapbox for a while.

I'm right there with you. Mine know what a spanking is and they know the look that says you have crossed the line.

My mother was a horrible mother. She never told us she loved us, she never complimented us at all. She always criticized my sister and I. To say the least we were never close.
I swore that when I became a parent I would do everything opposite of my mother. My husband said I learned to be a good mother by horrible example. My daughters are the best daughters ever. They are my best friends. They are also productive adults. I am extremely proud of them. They did not grow up without rules and guidelines. But if they didn't like something to eat I didn't make them eat it. I told them daily that they were beautiful and I loved them. We did things together. I was always there for them.
My oldest daughter lives in Minneapolis and we talk daily. She is the district manager for a retail store and she is only 27. I am extremely proud of her.
My youngest daughter is in heaven with our Lord. She was the joy of my life and I miss her, but I know I will see her again someday. I also talk to her everyday.
I think love and involvement are what makes good kids. You have to be involved in your kids life. You have to show them love. Also there is no game plan to raise great kids. Every child and every parent is different. But love really does make a difference.

Yea I think majority of them go to the Elementary school I volunteer at!!!

Sometimes I wish someone would spank the parent for not correcting the bad behavior & enforcing respect!!!!

Sounds like my parents. There were 4 of us. All 3 of my brothers have their Master's Degrees, we are all still married to our first spouses. We all graduated from high school, no one has been to jail. We all love our children and use discipline, not terror or beatings. My kids were spanked, never beaten. They have all grown up to be responsible contributing members of society. We were mean parents too, but we loved our children, told them daily. My kids know they are loved and have all done well and each of them has thanked us for not spoiling them and for training them to be responsible adults.

I work in a prison, just ask what no properly disciplining your children causes, people don't understand discipline is not beating your kids half to death, its teaching them how to respond to a situation, consequences for their actions, be it good or not, and how you expect for them to behave. I too had a horrable mother, fortunitly I was taken into a loving Foster Family, My "Mom & Dad" are the parents God allowed me choose to be my parents, almost 20 years later and I still call them "Mom & Dad"

What a timely topic!!! DD#1 just two hours ago told me how MEAN I am. Her and her sister were FOOLS today. Tonight was the last straw and when she refused to listen, I took away our activities for tomorrow (we were going to go to the park, to a Cheese Festival, and to Lincoln Log Cabin). Ooooooooh was she mad. Hitting me, kicking me, screaming and yelling. I stayed calm and waited until she settled down to discuss her behavior and why she had the consequence (she is 6). She has hit the age where she is challenging our every move, but we hold firm on all consequences (she finally comes off her grounding from her bike on Monday night). It is the only thing that works and I refuse to have her be like some of the kids in my classroom. Hopefully one day she will see it!

Jacki

We were mean parents too, the kids swore that when they got married and had kids that they would not make their kids work like slaves, go to school all the time when they were sick (bad hair days?) and eat stuff that was horrible (once one of them refused to eat eggs because they came from a chicken's butt) so she had her french toast on the table when she came to breakfast..got even madder when she discovered what made them so good..

Then both of them called me when they were adults, said that when they opened their mouths to talk to THEIR kids, they were horrified to hear MY voice come out!! They and their kids turned out good...oh, the oldest ones DID go to jail. After becoming a Physican's Assistant, she went into the family job, she is a guard in a Texas jail!! Youngest son was a cop till injured, oldest son is a guard/corrections officer in a southern CA prison. Youngest daughter is a school teacher. They see all the time what is the result of not correcting children early. And now we're friends. I was not their special friend when they were young, I was the Mother and Daddy was the father and we had to be strong for them so THEY would grow up the same.

I use to be a yeller. I fought with my kids and somehow they won. One day, when they were about 15 & 16. i stopped yelling. I started reasoning with them. Suddenly they started using common sense. I since have chnaged how i am with little ones. I found at 2 if you tell them, example, if you thro a rock then we wont play outside. Now at 2 if they pick up the rock calmly ask do you remember what i said, and make them repeat. yes at 2....... then remind what will happen and let them make a choice....... watch what happens. I can take on 10 kids at the same age and all will listen to me with respect as i give them. LOL Parents always ask me ,, how do you do that. I say i dont!!!!! I gave them a choice and a concequence of their actions. Saying just dont cuz i said no isnt enuff. Its amazing how fights dissappear. When a 2 yr old wants to tho a fit teach them have it in your room. In your room you can beat the bed thro ur toys and scream BUT when u come out you will be done. Soon enuff the run to their bedroom close the door then have a fit. If your at the store have a choice for a fit in the store,,,,, stand to the side and tell them i will leave you in the cart ( like a foot from you) and go ahead and scream and just ask are ya done yet? When they dont get a reaction they stop. I hold up my hand when my grandbaby used to like to spit... i gave her a rag and u can spit all you want but i dont like it so until your done im not looking at you , Man they hate that, So anyway, i never yell or fight and i always win even tho they think they made the choice. Hope this helps some Moms make it thru the day.

lots of kids of today are floundering not knowing right from wrong because the parents are to afraid to disipline the children incase they get arrested,
you do not nead violence to keep kids at bay but you do nead disipline, and if that come in the form of a spnk on the bottom or taking there favourite toy away for a while so be it.
as cjomomma said they know the look when they have crossed the line and that is how it should be

I raised my daughter till she was 16. She was an honor role student, with a mean child spanking mom that had a leash wrapped around her. At the age of 16 she moved to her fathers. He didnt have rules, her grades dropped, she blew her college fund on nothing, and just got out of jail for helping run a meth lab. She called me on the phone when she was caught, again I was mean. I let her know how dissapointed I was and how she put my grandbaby in great danger, she cried and told me I was mean. To bad. Now that shes out of jail and trying to fix her life shes told me how she should've listen to me years ago and stayed at the old meanies house. Her father didn't care enough to make her mind, and he doesnt care enough now to call her and inspire her to stay on the right track. Not all kids need to be spanked, but if its needed its worth it.

I was a mean mom,Now I am a mean grandma

There were 6 of us so mom ruled with a belt or fly watter. We all are hard working adults and have good homes for our children. If you can reason with a 2 year old you are one special indivual because I haven't found one yet that you can reason with when you come to the cash register and all the candy is surrounding them. The only thing my kids understood was NO and if you keep throwing a fit you will get a spenking when you get home. I had to be consistant and always do as I told them I would, and now I am very pround of my 2 kids and the way they are bringing up there kids.
To each his own but "spare the rod spoil the kid" Just my humble opinion.

Me to! My youngest DGS (my avatar) calls me Meanie most of the time instead of Mimi. No means No -not lets compromise.

Sometimes despite our best efforts to teach our children right from wrong they do stupid stuff that we have no control over. We just have to hope and pray that they learn the lesson the first time they mess up. I agree that love and support goes a long way but some kids learn to "work the system" and end up causing themselves and their families a whole lot of un-necessary grief.

I agree there is a differance in a swat is not beating a child. I did read that statement on a web ring for new moms. These women are young (well educated) professionals. I presonally know two of them, they have never been spanked in their life. One of them wrote this. Do you think we have come full circle.

I didn't spank my kids, but that doesn't mean they weren't disciplined. They knew the "look" and when Mom was pushed a little to far. The "look" does wonders in snapping them back into reality.

Last year my oldest son who is now 31, decided to pitch a fit and scream at me over the phone. I yelled back......"Excuse me, who in "bleep" do you think your talking to?" He calmed down and we continued our discussion.

I never seen a reason to spank or call a child names. It turns my stomach to hear the names some parents call their kids in anger.
I used to get onto my now ex DIL for calling my grandson a demon spawn. I said, "what a vulgar thing to call him" and "Don't ever call him that around his Great Grandmother.

I read your post to my husband and he said, "what a good post."

My DD gave this to me on a plaque a couple years ago for Mothers Day. Along with lots of hugs and thanks you's. I seldom had to "spank" my kids but they did know I was the boss in our home. My spankings were a light swat to the bottom. And my kids can count on one hand how many times it happened. They still back off if they get the look. DGD lives with me (with mommy) and if she gets the look she heads to the time out chair on her own. She loves me lots, but respects me too.

LOL....I know exactly. :oops: My Mother was a "meanie" too....but when we were teens, the 4 of us laughed at her. She had told us "wait till your Dad gets home...there will be dead kids all over this farm." Immediately we pictured 200 acres of farm ground covered with dead kids...LOL. Gave Mom a different perspective at the time too....after all we were playing when this was said and didn't stop when she wanted us to. We had to work on the farm and didn't miss school either. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, chores of livestock and field work. We are now responsible adults with grown kids of our own...and grandkids of our own. Did we do the same with our kids? Yes....but sometimes differently too.

I just wish that people would teach their small children that it ISN'T ok to scream unless they are hurt. I live next to a school and a day care and they constantly scream bloody murder when outside!!! In my opinion, the parents need taught before the children can be taught!!

THere was a teacher here that taught the kids this...he was say in a really soft voice.....when you hear my voice clap your hands. He would repeat this until all kids in the class were clapping their hands. Great way to get the attention of the kids. And this was a 2nd grade teacher.

I was never spanked, my Father died when I was very young, my Mum worked so I lived a free life playing in parks and on the beach with friends,when not at school. I never knew any friends spanked either. My three daughters were never spanked neither were my four grandchildren and non of us have any been in trouble of any sort, we are all caring loving people. We did learn how to behave by example and being talked to and explained what was right and wrong and why. I most certainly do not believe in spanking ever. My husband was a prison officer in one of the hardest prisons in London, and he used to say it was the children who had been spanked were the ones ended up in prison as men, as they learnt violence very young. There will probably never be agreement over this, we all do what we think is right at the time.

Many years ago - after I was out of school, the powers that be decided kids should not be spanked (I'm not talking beating here). Since then the children have become unruly, out of hand. My SIL just retired from teaching SECOND graders. The stories she tells are unbelievable. The one I can mention here is -- she had to remove a gun from a FIRST grader!!!! She asked him WHY did he bring it to school. I know - you're thinking "show and tell"...nope...he said he was mad at another kid and was going to kill him. Our children NEED to know their limits. I'd rather spank my kids and grandkids than to have them have that attitude! For crying out loud...can't people see that these kids are totally undisciplined??? Can't people see that kids are much meaner, nastier and out of hand than any kids in the last 60 yrs (at least)????

I agree, spanking does not mean abusing. With some children, a look or tone of voice will work, with other, you have to get their attention first. I had both kinds. With kids, there are no guarantees, but I believe you are going to have more success with discipline than without. Besides, with 4 kids, if I hadn't had discipline and a routine, I would have had utter chaos!!

I agree, parenting skills are sorely lacking in this day and age. Parents are too busy to raise their children. They don't want to be bothered with no ones problems but their own. Rampant drug use has a whole hell of a lot to do with the lack of discipline and the lack of social skills children need. We went to Redmond today, I must have seen 30 kids in Wally World, walking behind their parents texting away. And the clothes these kids were wearing...omg, some of those girls looked like little hookers, all made up skimpy clothes. When I see kids like that I think the parents need to be slapped back in to reality and do their job.

Oh man...my Mom didn't have to spank...only give me that evil eye...stopped me in my tracks!!!!

Are we related!!!??.....My mom had an evil eye too.

LOL

Exactly.... I so agree with you...

My parents had eyes in the back of their heads, and we were taught to behave, pretty sure they pulled every trick out of the bag to keep us in line there are 5 of us. Funny thing was all the neighbor kids liked hanging around and the parents were good with their kids coming over, knew they'd be watched and safe, wouldn't be allowed to get too far out of line and still have fun. Have all turned into responsible adults. Just never know, have seen too tough or too soft not work.
Most of the kids that have seen at the local school have volunteered at, are fairly well behaved, and some come from tough situations, know what is and is not acceptable.

I'm guessing he meant they were hit by their parents. There is a huge difference between being hit and being spanked. We got spankings on our bottoms only, never hit in the face, stomach or anywhere else. And my dad always used his hand. I used to feel so sorry for my friend who got her spankings with a belt. And on the back is abuse. There are only a couple of reasons for a spanking. One is willful disobedience (doing something right after being told not to) and backtalk. There is a cooling off period for the child to think about why they are getting a spanking and for the parent so it isn't more than just a swat. My mom never did the spanking because she was beaten by her mom and wasn't sure she could spank without getting carried away into abuse. Not everyone shoud spank.

Amen!

In fact, my two daughters have both thanked me for being a strict parent, giving them good values, and caring about the persons they were growing up to be.

This thread got me thinking about what has happened with my stepchildren. The oldest was born when my hubby was 20, her mother didn't want her and gave her to him when she was only 2 weeks old. He was living about 1500 miles from his family and just didn't know what to do. So, he moved back home with his parents. Lucky for her, Grandma has been the only mother she has had. Then a few years later hubby met someone else. Again, the grandparents could see what kind of person she was and insisted the child stayed with them. His oldest just finished college and is dating a wonderful guy, has a great job. Hubby married and had 2 other children with the new girlfriend. She was lazy, wouldn't even get a part-time job to help, hubby had to work 2 jobs to make ends meet and didn't spend much time with the kids, as he was always working. Thir mother lied to the kids about everything, told them she never wanted them. This wasn't just hear say, but told to me by the kids. Of couse, they divorced, hubby tried to get the kids, but that was 17 years ago. Their mother re-married and had another child. The new baby was the favorite. I came into their lives when his son was 18 and daughter 15. The son had already been in alot of trouble and dropped out of school. He came to live with us. The daughter stayed with Mom, a state away. She wouldn't come to visit because I knew she was boy-crazy and wouldn't let her run the roads, like she did at home. By the time she was 16, she was pregant. Her mother, not wanting to deal with this, signed the papers, so she could marry the baby's father and then moved 1500 miles away before her grandson was born and has only seen him once. My poor stepdaughter is in a bad abusive marrage, works 2 jobs. We have begged her to leave and offered help. My husband goes and see's her and the baby, now almost 2, when her husband allows it. Since my stepson has been with us, he has gotten his GED, a job and just moved into his own appartment. I never had children of my own and I never tired to take the place of their mother, I demanded respect for my stepson while he was under my roof and expected him to get his GED, a job, and stay out of any kind of trouble. Sorry this got so long, my point is kids need love, stucture, and activies to keep busy. Parents are just that, not the kids best friend. Being a step-parent to these troubled kids has been hard work, but very rewarding, when I have become very close with my stepson and I'm proud of the things he has done.