Lending and Borrowing Books
 

Other than from the library, I have learned it is better to neither lend nor borrow a book from a friend or acquaintance.

I have often been tempted to have the borrower leave "a deposit" to cover the cost of the book, to be returned to the borrower when the book is returned in the same condition that it was lent out in.

How do you feel about borrowing and lending books?

Or about lending/borrowing in general?

I also can't "borrow" a cup of sugar. I can "replace" a cup of sugar - but I cannot "return" the same cup of sugar. So why do we say "May/Can I borrow a cup of sugar?"

My own mom cured me of ( lending) books….she would borrow a couple books from me then sometime later we would be at her house for a family gathering and she would say- there’s a box of books downstairs im taking to Goodwill- everybody look through the box- see if there are any you want…
i would go flying down the stairs to rescue half a dozen of My books. And, be pretty put out with her- she never remembered where books came from- even if our name was in them. I give books away - but seldom lend them.

I agree so much with not loaning out my books or anything really. I have lost so many things that way.

Everyone knows what is meant by May I borrow a cup of sugar. Nitpicking the details is too boring for everyday life. LOL

The person who asks to borrow anything of mine goes down a few notches. I won't lend my books especially my old cookbooks. I say matter of factly, I don't loan my books. Anyone that has the gall to ask to borrow doesn't require a sugar coated response.

I don't lend anything (books, tools, money) because I do not expect to see again. :) So they stay safely here at home.

I don't lend books or patterns. My problem is that I never remember who I loaned it too. I have have had to repurchase books. I just tell people where I got the book and they can find it for themselves. I do however give away books I don't want.

Me, too. I loaned a book to a good friend and, when I asked for it back, she was adamant that she'd returned it. I know she didn't, but I had to let it go. Now I am really careful and usually don't loan.

I had a the whole set of a series of books from an author I liked and I loaned them to an older lady at guild who loved the author and asked to read them. After a few months I asked her about the books and she said Oh I loaned them to my friend who wanted to read them, also a guild member. I asked this person about the books and she said never got the books. The original one who I loaned them to said I'm sure it was her. They both simply dropped the subject like no big deal. I never got the books back and of course out of print. Being nice is not all it's cracked up to be in some situations. LOL

I don't like to loan out anything. I don't keep things that are "not valuable" to me, not monetarily, just sentimentally, and would hate not getting them back, or back in bad condition. A long time ago Mr Stitchnripper lent out our big Bissell carpet cleaner against my better judgement. We had to ask for it back, and then it was missing a part, that the person found, but, I said to him, No More. And that's how it has been. I did give a book to a friend who said she wanted to read it, and I didn't want it anymore, and then later I asked how she liked the book and she said "what book?" and I told her the title and she said she never read it. But, in that case I didn't care about the book.

Sticky situation... I only lend books to very good friends that I see often. That way I can bug them to get the book back to me when I see them. But I'd rather not lend. There's always the chance you will never see it again.

My card table & baby stroller were loaned & never returned. I would’ve asked for them but I honestly didn’t remember they were loaned out for a very long time. Card table had my name clearly underneath & the person who borrowed it owns 2 vacation homes in addition to their main home (next to me). Really, people !

You need to know who you are lending to and borrowing from. I mean know them well. I have a husband wife pair that I lend and borrow from regularly. But the three of us respect books and respect each other's investment. I may have a book for a year but it is ALWAYS returned in the same condition as when it was received. For us it works well.

In reverse, I loaned one of my favorites to a gal who had moved to assisted living and was bored. It was not returned in a timely way and she passed away. Who knows where my book went. So, I just count it as a small investment in enriching her final days with a book that brought pleasure to us both. That same book had traveled around my office for about two months with at least four of us reading, returning, loaning and returning. The hardest part was not talking about the book until everyone had read it. https://cdn.quiltingboard.com/images...es/biggrin.png No one wanted to spoil the story for others.

I don't like borrowing from people. I always worry if something should happen. My sister and I loan a lot but she's my sis and very reliable. We have cats and when I loan her a book she hides it from her cat, who loves paper.
I don't mind loaning to anyone who is reliable and I know who those people are. As WMU said you have to know the other person very, very well.
I would loan my friend and neighbor anything. She takes meticulous care of everything. She's an example of someone I trust.
Same with another neighbor, who uses our tools once in awhile. He's a great guy and everything comes back pristine.

If I lend anything I do it with the thought in mind that I may not get it back. I don’t lend anything that really matters to me. I give a lot of items away. I don’t borrow .

The’ borrow a cup of sugar’ phrase made me really think, bearisgray. I always taught my kids that words matter so choose them carefully. I’ve been accused of being pedantic and elitist because I used to comment on poor grammar/spelling. The number of adults who don’t know the difference between then and than is boggling. However I rarely comment on that anymore. Thanks for an interesting topic.

Nope I will not lend anything out, I would never see it again, I had an ex-daughter in law, she would borrow, folding tables for parties and coolers, when I ask her about them, she would never answer or find them for me, turns out my son said she would sell them on craigs list, cause she couldn't remember who loaned them to her. Told her to never ask again.

You also have to remember not to praise books in front of others. If you say "oh, I read the best book the other day." then someone will want to borrow it. Gotta keep your mouth sealed up!

I did loan a book to a friend, and with my permission, she sent it to her brother in Alaska (it was about Alaska). I did get it back. She was a teacher, I think they have more respect for books.

After learning the hard way I loan to only one person.

I totally agree with "neither a borrower or a lender be". I don't like to do either.

I've learned the loaning lesson the hard way. Years ago, I had a roommate that I was super close to. We often shared clothes, but also had things that were off limits, unless we asked. I had two special pairs of earrings, and she asked to borrow them. They were in my jewelry box. Several week later I went to wear a pair, and neither were there. She said she returned them. We moved out/on. Several months later I ran into her...yup she was wearing one of the pairs....she claimed she liked them so much she bought her own! Except, they were a pair, specially designed for me by a designer friend!!

I don’t anything - especially books. I learned my lesson many years ago when I lended a book and never saw it again. I can’t remember most anything but. I remember this ,book - named “Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee”.

Sandy in Mooresville, NC

I've always wondered why people that ask to borrow a book can't buy one for themselves. Books are not that expensive. The last time I was asked to borrow a book I could say it's on my Kindle. Amazon lets you share a book for 14 days then poof it's taken away and back to you. But I don't volunteer that info if not known.

I use the same policy when lending out books I do with lending money. I never lend anything that I really need back. However, If a person I borrow money or belonging too, brings them back....I will lend things to them again but still be cautious until I repeatedly get things back, then I MAY lend them something I really want back. I also keep a list of things borrowed and to who on my refrigerator and let them know, I have a list and I also mark my name on things lent.

Someone once advised me to keep the dust cover from a book if I lend it. So, I did just that and for years following, waved the dust cover in front of the person who had borrowed the book to no avail.

I once lent a set of CDs that had cost me $600 and they were never returned, although six years later the woman who had them acknowledged that she was still looking for them.

Now, if I put a book of mine into the hands of another person, I consider it given, not lent. I've bought several copies of the same book in order to do this with some of my favourites.

Wow what's wrong with people not paying for the borrowed books and items that they acknowledge but lost, ruinned, or gave away? Yep I'll stick to my fast and immediate response of I don't loan my books. . They have no response to that.

I did mention that a borrower make a "deposit" for the cost of a borrowed book. The book comes back in the same condition it was borrowed - the borrower gets the money back. I think it would definitely enhance a borrower's memory.

The lender would give the borrower some sort of receipt acknowledging that the borrower has this money on deposit until the book/item is returned.

It might be tacky, but "forgetting" to return an item is tacky, also.

Wow, i read that book back in the day. Just don't ask me anything about it.

Interesting take on everyone’s thoughts and practices. I do loan a book from time to time to one of my best quilting friends. She has always given them back (2 so far) in a timely fashion and in the same great shape she received them.

That being said, if I ever feel the need to borrow something more than once or for more than just a couple of days, I will just go ahead and purchase one for myself…whether it be a book or a sander or a ladder, etc. (yes, I have my own tools for working on my old house)

I keep a spread sheet of who got what. So if I need it back for something I know where it has gone. I do loan out some of my dies for my Accuquilt but they are loaned out for only a couple weeks at a time and to people I trust. I have not had any problem getting books or dies back.

Good idea to keep a written/computerized record of where things are.

I have learned that people's memories - including my own - are faulty.

I lost 2 books due to “lending them.” I don’t know if the people thought I said ‘hey keep this’ or what. Very rude. For some dumb reason, I never had the nerve to ask about getting them back. They were people I worked with and didn’t know them very well. Lesson learned: only lend out things you don’t care if they are returned or not.

I never had the nerve to ask about getting them back.

That is what most takers count on, people being too nice to make a scene. Learn to make the whole play and give encores. It works.

My Mom used to say this all the time! And I agree, it's the best policy.

Here's another angle: One friend will sometimes foist a book on me that I didn't ask for or want to read! She insists I take it and read it (she has already read it). She doesn't take 'no' for an answer, so the last time I just took the book and disposed of it.

After losing several key pieces of homeschool curriculum, I learned a trick to get my stuff back.

When I loan something out, I take the borrower's picture with the book. Then months later when I'm scrolling my phone and find the picture, I ask them about it. When I get it back, I delete the picture.

I haven't lost an item since I started having photographic evidence. :D

How annoying! I like to read Amazon reviews of books and your post reminded me of an opposite scenario. Sometimes a person will write "don't read it". Umm...... we are all so different. People like all kinds of books. To tell a public audience what you think they should or shouldn't read is utterly ridiculous!!

I still have my copy of bury my heart, but I don't have Lame Deer seeker of visions , it was a book i loaned my DH just before our first date, i did get it back from him but some where along the way over 40 years ago and several moves around the country, Ak. Or, twice, wa. Maine twice, ND. Ca. Tx. and Ky. lost lamw deer.


What I do not understand is why don't some people understand the difference between given something and loaned some thing. I don't borrow things if I need it I buy iy it,

Fantastic idea!

I use to record me telling my girls what I said. There was no tears of no you didn't say that. It stopped most drama in a heartbeat. I like the photo idea a lot!