MIL's.......
 

I read the one post about the MIL leaving her empty water glass on the table and it got me to thinking about my MIL and my thinking. Since my husband and I married, I have sent my MIL flowers on my husbands birthday, thanking her for the life of her wonderful son. I send them to remind her of a job well done on raising such a wonderful man and how much I cherish her son. I have a wonderful MIL.. she is not the kind to put her nose into your business etc.. she understands her children's life are theirs.. she doesn't take sides just because it is her son/daughter... but who she feels is in the right. I never had the chance to meet my DH's father, as he passed away when my DH was 14. My DH mostly remembers his dads failing health his entire life. BUT he did end up with thee most wonderful step father any human could ever ask for... and oh I miss that man to this day. Life is so short.. lets enjoy their love daily..

So I guess my thoughts are... they raised your spouse... the love of your life... praise them for that. They would not be the man you married without her help.

I totally agree with you. I never met my DH's father. My MIL is very much like yours. She never delved into her children's business. When I was up north this past June there were some dishes on the table and in the sink. I learned a long time ago when the time came she would get to them. There was too much fun to be had. leaving a water glass on the table?! Too much fun to be had. Found out later my MIL decided they were so old and cracked, she just pitched them and invested in Dixie! LOL! LOVE THAT WOMAN TO PIECES!

I had a great MIL. I miss her. Unfortunately I think I am the kind of MIL that people talk about. I am nosy and ust share my opinion. lol

My husband is who he is in spite of his mother. Not all mothers are great people, but I definitely wouldn't care if she left a glass on my kitchen table ;-)

With all the problems in life a glass on a table is a small thing. Don't sweat the small stuff. Be thankful you're able to pick the glass up and take it to the sink.

...and some became the men they are in spite of their mother.

I really loved my mother-in-law and still miss her. She never voiced her opinion or was judgmental. I felt more accepted by her than my own mother.

I, too, loved my MIL and she's gone too. I also still sorely miss my mother. She was one of a kind and I'm thankful I seem to be turning into her somewhat. She had a wealth of humorous sayings to cover almost any situation and YES she taught me the love of sewing, quilting and embroidery from the age of 7. That was when it wasn't cool to be seen in homemade clotes. I would love to be able to see her again just to thank her for all her efforts.

My MIL at close to 88 has finally learned she doesn't need to tell everyone they are fat. We nicely explained to her that all overweight people already knew it. She adopted my DH to her Mother and neither one had a clue how to raise kids. At her age and not seeing her very often, I get along just fine with her.

I have to say that my mom is the best mother in law a daughter in law could ask for. Both my brothers had mother in laws that were horrible. One is still around, but lives half way across the US. My sister in laws appreciate my mom, and are always eager to do anything for her. One sister in law lives on the other side of our island, and she ran across the island to take my mom for a mammo on her side of the island, and brought her home. Mom felt that it was my sister in laws pleasure to do it.. I don't disagree.. The other sister in law makes sure mom is in the need of nothing. She calls before she goes to the super market, or anywhere to make sure my mom is not in the need of anything. I couldn't ask for nicer sister in laws. I love them like sisters. The best part is they are teaching their kids ( all in their 20's) that this is how you treat your mother in law.. Hopefully, they will have mother in laws like my mom!!!

My mother in law harbored many bad feelings about me. She was helping my husband raise his 3 year old daughter. Of course the daughter came to our house to live after we got married I disaplined with love like sitting on chair for 5 minutes or making our daughter go to her room when she was really unruley I also felt that a 2 year old should get potty trained and not have a bottle anymore, These things made me a mean step mom in her eyes and she told me many many times. She caused a lot of truble in our marriage. When our son was born she came to our house and I served her cake and coffee, she sat her and father inllaws dishes on the floor in the living room and left for me to clean up. In her later years she would still tell people I was a bad motherI mean she told everyone my nephews gf even asked me about it 30 years later. When she was sick on 2 diffrent occasions I went and took care of her so she wouldnt have to go to a rest hoom. Later when she got alz. she would refer to me as that women and woiuld say things like I was crazy if I thought that her son was going to marry me. When she had to go to a alz center I would take her out almost every week untill she was to ill. my husband was trucking at the time so I thought it was my duty. Funny thing for her 82 birthday I made her a memory quilt and she loved it so much it was burried with her

My MIL died in 1990 from breast cancer and I miss her still. If ever someone was expressed through the entrance to heaven, it was Mary. She loved me every bit as much as her other three daughters. She raised a son that really knew and practiced how to be a good husband. I loved my mother but I was equally at home at Mary's if not more so.
Since I am now widowed and remarried, I have an equally wonderful husband who had the opposite kind of mother. Apparently she was into mind games. He tells me that when his mother died, his amazing first wife told him that the only reason he was going to the service was to make certain she was really gone. He agreed. So I am really glad that I never met that MIL. DH's first wife surely did a good job on him because he's every bit as good to me as my beloved first husband.
How lucky can an old lady be? Two good men, good kids, grands, a dog and all the fabric I could sew up in two lifetimes!

mhollifiel, I would say you are one lucky old lady!!! I too had a wonderful MIL, treated me like a daughter, if fact some of the daughters said I was just like her, more so than them.. We had loads of fun and many laughs. I really miss her.

I had a great MIL. She lived with us after her husband pass away. She stayed out of our business and also did her best to help where we needed her. I have 4 children and she helped raise them while I worked. But when I came home it was my job not hers. My husband was their only child and when we got married both of his parents said I was the daughter they would of picked. I felt the same way too. I really try to be like my mother in law with my childrens spouses.

lol, the fat comments sound just like my MIL ;-)

I also have (had?) a wonderful MIL. She was a lovely lady with so many interests, traveled to so many fascinating places, was an accomplished knitter, needlepointer and artist. Sadly, she developed Alzhiemers and doesn't recognize anyone now. My children barely remember the vibrant person she was before and that makes me even sadder.

I agree on the raising of a good man, but I sure wish my MIL would cut the cord. We cannot do anything without DH consulting them and having their praise. He's a good man.. but sigh .. won't go any further on this subject as I may offend !
If you have a good MIL enjoy her to the fullest !

I too had great parents and great in-laws All are gone now as is my husband and both of his siblings. I have one sister-in-law, one sister and three children and many friends. Dated someone for 4 years. He died of a heart attack in January so I am again in charge of planning all my days again.

I have a great MIL, we go to lunch every Friday and she plays mahjongg with me and my friends. last sat night, my dh went to a hs reunion, I stayed home with mil and friend went to dinner and played rummy cube and trivial pursuit

Amen to that!

Some people are nice. Some aren't.

The older I get, the more respect I have for my MIL (and FIL, too). They did not have an easy life.
The same goes for my parents. They were honest, hard-working people.

I DID get my grundies into serious bunches at times when I was younger - the little pile of sugar on the table looked like a 5000 foot granite mountain at times then. And I did have hissy-fits now and then.

Age has given me a different perspective on a lot of things.

well said!

I am so glad for all of you that have and have had good MIL. Mine is not one of them and while I am grateful to her for giving birth to my husband, I wish her the best now that she does not speak to him for getting married. My hope is that she lives a long time to regret what she has tried to do to our marriage.

My MIL saved dishwater to soak dirty clothes, ironed socks and turned bed sheets over to the 'clean' side. God bless her, she had to work like a dog from her pre-teen years; caring for an ailing/dying mother and keeping house and cooking for father and brothers in a home without indoor plumbing. Although employed for all of her adult life, she also found a way to get her teaching certificate in her 30's and taught in rural one-room schools for many years. Which was she, a person with odd ways or a valiant woman?

I adore my MIL, she's an absolute hoot. She and I love to get together and swap insults and lies while we play games and drink wine until the wee hours. She's 76 and I hope she lives to be 106, because I missed out on knowing her for the first 25 years of my life and I need to make up for it. I told my husband once that if he ever leaves me, I get his mom in the divorce. :D

When people had to carry water in and out - I think it made them very much more aware of how much was being used - and for what!

What may be considered "odd" now may have been "standard operating procedure" in that time and that community.

I would consider her valiant.

Did she change her " ways" after she got indoor plumbing?

I wish I had in laws. DH's parents and my parents died when we were young. We have no older living relatives that we are close to.

I too read that post about the MIL, and left a message, after all the replies I now feel sympathy for the poor lass that posted it.I see that she has other issues with the lady.Well just bind your time my love, my MIl gave our marriage 6 months, after 25yrs I asked her was she of the same mind! We finished up very close.We all have problems in our lives and don't always share them. Always look for the rainbows and hope that the pot of gold will be where your heart is. Letty x

[QUOTE=MadQuilter;6194114]...and some became the men they are in spite of their mother.[/QUOTE

Oh I totally agree here for sure !

Sometimes to have a good mother in law, one must be a good daughter in law.

I'm happy for anyone who has a loving mother or MIL.

Mildred Hughes Griffin, my first MIL was like this too. When her son and I divorced, I kept her friendship and her love until the day she died. I really hope there is a heaven because I would like to see her again and let her know how knowing her made me a better person, wife and mother. A class act. My second MIL was very nice also and I loved her too but sometimes I think a man turns into a wonderful person despite his mother.

No, she didn't change and she would clean a floor with 1/2 gallon of water. She coped and survived.

My MIL was outrageous! She had very strong opinions...she was bossy, funny and I adored her. Once she gave me a lecture on the phone for about an hour...at the end of it she said, "Now you know what I think you should do so go do what you want!" She was full of wisdom and I miss her every day. My FIL was a delight as well. I was so lucky to have them and I can still hear her wonderful laughter. Now even my husband is gone and all that is left are precious memories.

Thankfully my late MIL lived on the east coast, so we didn't see her often. When we did I was a little afraid of her because she seemed like such a hard woman and said terrible things about friends and family. I always wondered what she said about me. After she passed her daughter, who is absolutely wonderful, told me how often her mother bragged on me and talked so fondly of me. Huh!!! Wish she had passed some of that along to me because I always wanted to know her better but never felt welcome to do that. Later when I heard of her upbringing by a very hard, angry mother, very young marriage (15) to get away from her own mother, raising of her brothers after her parents passed away and death of her husband at 40 yo and so on I could see how she got to where she was. Her story was incredible, and I would have loved to hear it and share her pain with her. I think we could have been good friends give the chance.

Thank you dear!! I could not have loved my dil more if she was my own after raising a house full of men. After my first grandchild was born, DH and I did everything for this girl, as she and her mother cannot boil water without getting hurt. And when he was 15 weeks old, she decided she wanted no part of our family. We have not been allowed to see him or our son since ( over a year). I cry every day for them, and for all we have missed. She is an only child, and my greatest fear is she will one day leave my son with a thousand regrets. No, it is not us. She isolated him from all of his friends too. He loves her enough to allow it. Any thoughts??

I was not my DH's first "fiancée". They got engaged before he left for the service (late 60's), and she "strayed" while he was gone. We started dating when he returned, and his mother wanted him to be with "her", and made my life miserable. She constantly called me by her name, and told endless him and her stories. After about a year of dating I'd had enough, and told her off. She was very cold and aloof for awhile, but eventually came around. We dated for 5 years, and have been married 38. She became the nicest, kindest, loving, giving MIL one could have asked for. We cared for her for over 3 years when she became ill, and now that she's passed, I miss her daily. My DH is one of 4 sons. Imagine our surprise when I was specifically singled out in the will! (It was all good!!)

I think she was a valiant woman. Hard times are something that most of us don't have a clue about. God bless her.

I know you are hurting, and I am sorry. But the fault here is not your daughter in laws but your son. He should have the kahunas enough to be a man and stand up to her bullying. He is acting a fool. It is sad that he has allowed her to isolate him from all those he cared about. He needs to wake up now.