Quiltingboard Forums - A new batch of blonde jokes!!!...funny!!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A friend told the blonde: "Christmas is on a Friday this year"
The blonde then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two blondes find three grenades, and they decide to take them to
a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blond is in the bathroom and her husband shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" She says,
"Yes, but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy,"
she tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
The blonde says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the
envelope "DO NOT BEND ". He spends the next 2 hours trying to
figure out how to pick it up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", he shouts, "This is her husband!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly she has to swerve to avoid a tree,
then another, then another.
A cop car pulls her over, so she tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The Cop says "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde's dog goes missing and she is frantic. Her husband
says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks.
"Here boy!" she replies.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging
by his feet. "What the hell you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the
blond replies. "It should be around your neck" says the Guard.
"I know," he replies, "but I couldn't breathe".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(now this one actually makes sense...lol)
An Italian tourist asks a blonde: "Why do Scuba divers always fall
backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be
in the boat."