The Platinum Rule
 

The Platinum Rule - when it comes to giving gifts -

Do unto others as they want to be done unto.

In other words, choose a gift that the RECIPIENT might want - not what you might want to receive.


Examples of what NOT to do:

If my husband gave me a top of the line set of golf clubs and all the gear that went with it - he would be thrilled to get it from me (assuming I picked out the right stuff) - but I would NOT be thrilled to get it from him.

If I gave my husband a gift certificate to Jo-Ann's - he would not be ecstatic.

If I give a gift of the very best chocolates in the world to someone that is allergic to chocolate - is that a thoughtful gift?

The point of this post - hard as it may be to believe - there are some people that do not want a guilt or handmade item. They do not appreciate it. It's not their thing. (I still think a polite thank you is still a requisite for a gift - however one actually feels about it)

I believe in avoiding the grief and disappointment of a giftee's apparent ingratitude for some gifts.

Actually, it's somewhat thoughtless of the giver to be unaware of what the giftee actually wants or needs.


Lessons learned the hard way. (From both sides of the equation)

well said, Bear. I think as quilters we tend to automatically think "Quilt" when a gift is needed. It doesn't always fit. I visited a friend and two family members on a trip recently and was struck by how each had their own decorating style. One had fine antiques, Oriental rugs, Rose Medallion vases, etc. One was very modern, neutral colors, clean, uncluttered style, and one was country casual/English antiques.
As opposed to my style which is Early Thrift Shop/Shabby Chic. Anything fits in if I like it!!

Excellent post. Thank you.

It's easy to know what someone wants but difficult to know what they don't want.

Thanks for the reminder. It's not what we want sometimes, but what is right for the person we want to give something to.

So true- Thanks for reminding us :) May save some hurt feelings later if we can remember this

Don't assume that because a person is diabetic that they would like a bunch of non sugar "sweets". Most of that stuff taste like some one added chocolate to a dog food recipe.

Okay, I have a conundrum that hopefully everyone here might have a suggestion for. I have a dear family member who regularly swaps her decor every 2-3 years, and either donates or sells all of her previous decor. It is a well-known but unspoken rule in the family to not give or loan this family member anything of value, because it will go out the door in a garage sale. She does not seem to have sentimental attachments to things and is more interested in keeping her house sparse and clutter-free (which I rather admire, quite honestly!) Lately, she's been hinting very strongly that she would like a quilt made by me, and my heart would love to give her one, but my head says it will be gone, sold at a garage sale in a couple of years.

What should I do? I believe once I give it to her, it's hers to do as she wishes, but I cringe at the thought that she would discard something that I created with love for her.

Have you explained all that goes into making a quilt? Maybe have her pay for the cost of the materials, at least?
Or have you considered having her help with the making of a quilt? Perhaps, if she sees how much money, effort, and time is involved in the making of one, she might consider keeping the item longer.

As long as she is "just hinting" - you could play dense and act like you "never got the message"

Or - you could just explain that you've observed over the years that she doesn't keep anything for very long - which is fine - but that when you give some items away, it's almost like giving up a child for adoption - and you want it kept and cherished for a long time.

When people see quilts advertised for $99 or $39 for "any size" - they probably think a person can make one for $15 and 2 hours of work.

Hmmm, that's a tough one! I would probably just play dumb, and not get the hint!