When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to pee your pants !!


The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty !!
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR !!), yank down your panties, and assume "The Stance" !!

In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake.


You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance" !!

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be an empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"

Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday -the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.
The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied !!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, loseyour footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT !!


It is wet of course.


You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your barebottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and lifeform on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.


You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.


The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.
You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them.


A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.


Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs.

It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!

I love this and it is sooooo trueeeeeeeeeeee

that is so funny but very true, the last time this happened I talked to the other pair of feet in the next stall and asked the lady if she could pass the tolite paper.

I was at LaGuardia recently, too.

LMBO!!! That is soooo true!! :lol::lol:
If nobody else is in the bathroom, I go to another one.

Not a pleasant experience, the but relief is WONDERFUL!

This is why everybody should SIT ON THE TOILET SEAT! If everyone would sit on it, no one could pee on it (or leave other things on it), and it would be fine.

I should add this one to the pet peeves thread. It's fine if you don't sit - but clean up after yourself.

that is great!!!
At least you made it before you had an accident!!!

Too, too funny and so true. I think we should convert to japanese style bathrooms. Don't have to worry about sitting on a wet seat. LOL

I just loved it! It is so trueeeee!

laughing my slightly damp butt off :D:D:D:D:D

Very funny and so true.

:lol: :lol: :oops:

i was next door and i almost asked you to pass the toilet paper under the wall, but i heard you yell 'occupied' and then the flusher went off. i was afraid to talk to you. :lol: :mrgreen:

I'm not throwing away my gum wrappers any more.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

It's so sad that we've all been through this sooooo many times!

I don't know about switching to Japanese-style toilets! You have to squat down with your legs separated, support your weight in this position, and avoid your slacks (which are crumpled between your legs. If you are in a skirt, you have to make sure it doesn't trail into the toilet. These toilets smell to high-heaven because most people miss and pee all over them, so the odor adds to your discomfort. Some types of squat toilets in older buildings have the toilet up on a high platform with a tank. Since you face the tank, if you are taller than five feet, your knees won't fit between you and the tank.
One of my extremely tall friends couldn't even close the door! Also add the frustration of Japanese people knocking on the door (even if they know you are in there) and you having to knock back each time.

It is an experience that I think everyone should experience at least once in their life time. Even funnier (right) are the ones in the parks, what we call an outhouse. :lol: :lol: :lol: I have to been to Japan on 3 different occasions and it sure did build up my leg muscles. Some days I just had to look for the handicapped ones.

It was funny one time, we went to a big fish market (I think in Hachinohe in the Aomori Prefecture) and my DH had to use the facilities. It was the first time for him. :lol: :lol: :lol: He went in and didn't know which way to face. Of course, he faced the wrong way. We had a good laugh. Here is a picture of one we visited. I thought they looked like upside down urinals set in the floor.

this has been a most enlightening thread.


45 years ago on a trip to italy we used the 'facilities' in the coliseum. i used that term loosely. in the ladies place, not a room, there was a row of exposed holes in the floor. on either side of each hole there was a foot-shaped place to set your foot. the rest was up to you.

We once went to a national park in Japan and visited the facilities. There were two blocks to put your feet on and when you flushed, the whole floor opened like an accordion and water came out from every direction. My daughter was small and stood there completely fascinated and maybe a bit afraid she might fall in at the wrong time!

This has been a learning experience for me, I haven't experienced all of the first and none of the others. Thank God for the good ol U.S. of A. I have never wanted to visit another country and now I know why.

Oh come on! It makes life more interesting! I even left the bus in Bulgaria once and used an underground Turkish-style toilet because I really had to go. Everyone on the bus looked horrified and declined to join me. Without going into detail, that facility made the worst one in Japan seem like a luxury.

and THATS THE TRUTH, RUTH!!!!! :lol: