RETIRED/BORED HUSBAND - funny!
 

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -
she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in
our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to
ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband,
Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video
surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from
her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs
were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as
a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a
fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN! '



15. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where the
fitting room was?


And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.'

One of the clerks passed out.

If you don't send this to 12 of your dearest friends, you will be
depriving them of some good humor.

So Funny. I am now afraid to open the mail sounds like my hubby.

Had to send this out! Love it.

Too funny!!!!

Love it. that kinda sounds like me bored shopper.
my husband is the shopper in this house. he can look
every thing.

That is hilarious!!!

Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My husband retired yesterday. Please do not let this happen to me. LOL

Thanks for the giggle!!!!

My husband is retiring in August, I just know that I will end up barred from every quilt shop, WM, Target, etc. Very funny, thanks for the laugh!

PLEASE...don't give my husband any ideas...he hates shopping!~

Too Funny!

Very funny. I can relate to this story. When my daughter was young she used to pull pranks similar to this to make me hurry up and finish shopping. Unfortunately, she has changed a lot. Now she is shopaholic!

I have seen this a couple of time before and it always makes me laugh.
Maybe because I have a granddaughter who use to stand in an elevator and for entertainment talk with the voices in her head. She and her mom got a big kick out of peoples reaction.

I love this one, gives new meaning to shopping

Put a BIG smile on my face! Thanks

I sent it to my husband to tell him if he gets bored, there are a number of things he can do. -- J

So funny! I could see my hubby doing that! Once while at Vicotria Secret. He hollered "come out ot the dressing room, I want to see you in that bra!". Everyone in the store started laughing!

This is great. Thanks!

that was GREAT...My hubby enjoyed it too.

Hilarious!

How funny.Will let DH read this one. He is 1 year 3 months away from retiring.God help me. :-)

It's Sunday evening, way past my bedtime and I am sitting here laughing to nearly a tear state at these antics. Thanks so much to who ever posted this. Laughter is the best medicine.

how do i email this. hubby retired 2 1/2 years ago. got to send it to buddies. thx

Definitely needed this laughter. Couldn't help but relate to this. Hubby is a couple of years away from retirement but he hates to wait on me to shop now, so what will happen when he does retire? Actually youngest daughter is more apt to pull these stunts than hubby. Oh what a family.

I'm glad my husband isn't "bored" in his retirement. He volunteers daily at our local Christian school. As far as I know our Target will still let us in.

Thanks for the morning laugh

so, so funny.

My DH is asleep in the recliner, but I'm having a hard time keeping my laughter quiet! Thanks for the great chuckle!

Heee Heee Heee !!! Have sent this to more than 12 friends this morning. Thank you for sharing this.

Remind me not to invite Jack to go with me to the grocery store ... or any store from now on!