I agree with you, sort of. I am not a stuffie lover, although I know many are and kids do love something soft to hang onto. I think all the candles, flowers, and stuffies at a site of tragedy goes back to our need to do something tangible
to express our grief. If a someone dies on the street in a particularly sad way we want to be able to express to the survivors that we are touched by their pain. Since we would not ordinarily ever meet or speak to them we leave something concrete to symbolize our sympathy. Hence, cards, flowers, candles, stuffies. We hope if the family sees a large display they will be comforted to know that their community shares the sadness of loss, or a survivor will see a common outreach for their recovery. It also I believe comforts the community members to come together in some sort of way to share the bewilderment and dismay that such a thing could happen. Like when there was the shooting in Arizona and the little girl and others died and so many were wounded. I felt a deep grief that we had such a world where things like that happen over and over, again it happened in Norway just a few weeks ago.
I guess it is the same rational that we use to leave flowers at a loved ones grave....we are hoping somehow our grief will be comforted at the thought that on some level somewhere the lost one will know and understand. I am not trying to belittle anyones need to reach out or their belief system just trying to understand the impulse. I guess giving a donation to the food bank in their name would not have the same communal healing effect.

Thank you for that website! I'm forwarding THAT to my friends.

I agree with you, sort of. I am not a stuffie lover, although I know many are and kids do love something soft to hang onto. I think all the candles, flowers, and stuffies at a site of tragedy goes back to our need to do something tangible
to express our grief. If a someone dies on the street in a particularly sad way we want to be able to express to the survivors that we are touched by their pain. Since we would not ordinarily ever meet or speak to them we leave something concrete to symbolize our sympathy. Hence, cards, flowers, candles, stuffies. We hope if the family sees a large display they will be comforted to know that their community shares the sadness of loss, or a survivor will see a common outreach for their recovery. It also I believe comforts the community members to come together in some sort of way to share the bewilderment and dismay that such a thing could happen. Like when there was the shooting in Arizona and the little girl and others died and so many were wounded. I felt a deep grief that we had such a world where things like that happen over and over, again it happened in Norway just a few weeks ago.
I guess it is the same rational that we use to leave flowers at a loved ones grave....we are hoping somehow our grief will be comforted at the thought that on some level somewhere the lost one will know and understand. I am not trying to belittle anyones need to reach out or their belief system just trying to understand the impulse. I guess giving a donation to the food bank in their name would not have the same communal healing effect.[/quote]


What a BEAUTIFUL way of expressing this! THANK YOU!

I would rather buy the items needed and give them. Rather than handing someone a 20 dollar bill. Because usually it will go for booze, smokes or drugs rather than food or necessary things.

I give $$ to my local pregnancy crisis center and a few other Christian organizations where I know the money is used wisely but most $$ go thru my church. Our church is really good at helping members in need as well as those in our immediate community.

a few years ago, my mom & I stopped at LONG JOHN SILVERS for lunch. There was a woman begging-"starving to death" MOM offered to go back in & buy her a whole meal. She refused, BUT asked what it would cost. We could JUST GIVE HER THE $$$$.I think not!Several weeks later same woman, same story, same general location. I told her how, IF you was hungry, she would've taken the food. That it was apparent what she really wanted was $$$$ for booze or alchol. Not giving up my $$$ for someone else's bad habit. When you give a quilt or a bag of food, at least you know where your $$$ went.Many fund raisers, only a portion actually goes where you thought! The local FOP, calls & raises$$$- didn't know until my husband was laidoff, that the calls were made by a HIRED bank of telephone solicitors& they hired ANYONE to be runners to go p/u the donations(husband got hired as a runner) Thought we were dealing w/cops--but -no - just anyone off the street, no background check. Its things like these make people leary of just handing out money!--There are ALOT OF LIGIT CHARTIES out there, that most of the $$$ does go where you intended!

Do we have time and the resources, but not necessarily the $$?
While $$ is necessary, when i see a handmade item, I know someone thought about it, put their resources into it, and gave of themselves. that is my preference.

Well, I think it must make someone feel closure to do it. How about thousands of dollars for a casket that will rot underground or a huge marble statue to mark that grave. We don't begrudge people that. How about hundreds (if not thousands) girls spend for wedding dresses that will be worn once? We help celebrate their joy. So ease up on the teddy bears. You have no idea whether those same people gave a chunk of change to anyone else, nor is it any of our beeswax.

ditto..

I have donated a lot of things and money in my life and always wondered if the money really made it to the cause I supported. Oh well, I just leave it in Gods hands.