Going through this at the moment with my dad. Had mouth and throat cancer 15 years ago and after a couple of major operations and radiotherapy appeared to beat it. Then my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer - lung removed - but unfortunatley - and lost her battle 12 years ago. Earlier this year my dad was again diagnosed with cancer - lung - not related to his previous cancer. He has been in hospital and pallative care for the last 6 weeks - close to my home - but wanted to go his home which is about 250km from mine.
What I have done for him is give him his wish - he went home last Friday - I would have preferred him to be where I could go and visit daily - now I can only do it on weekends - I have put into place all the help I can get him to make his last weeks comfortable.
How do you cope - stay strong, look after yourself (it can be not only physically exhausting but also mentally), remain hopefull and give whatever support you can to your mum. My thoughts are with you, I know what you're going through.

I was just diagnosed with breast cancer and had my first consult with a battery of people..ugh. I also have stage 4 kidney disease, so I am very worried about going into complete kidney failure, as they say that I will need chemo and radiation due to tumor size. I am a little numb, very scared, and overwhelmed with information overload! For me, being told your fate and having to make a decision right then, is too much. I was there 4 hours and spoke with 8 people. I have no clue what anyone said, except surgery April 6, radiation, and chemo.

So, I have 6 days to make myself a comfy rag quilt and maybe a cancer hat, before I am too sore and tired to accomplish it. Due to all of my other serious medical problems, I will feel very lucky if I can just survive the treatments. I would really love a stiff drink right now....if I drank! lol

Oh well, such is life! There is always someone worse off in the world :)

I cried...{{{{HUGS}}}}}

The good news is-they've made so many strides in curing breast cancer. Hopefully they found it early. Do spend time with her and let her know you care. My sister died of brain cancer after suffering through it for 13 years. I was in denial most of that time-couldn't believe anything could happen to her. Never had any cancer in our family before or since. I still miss her and she's been gone 14 years.

Me too...thanks. I don't really worry about myself, but the pain and agony it's causing my WONDERFUL husband is really more than I can take :cry:

My dear quilting friend - There isn't anything I can say to make you feel better. Being through breast cancer (two types) 3 years ago, I can tell you, there are some wonderful medications out there that will help you get through all this. Having your dear husband there by your side and to lean on is a blessing. To this day I give my DH so much credit for being the best nurse in the world and being there for me. (He lost his former wife to cancer so hated the thought of his having to go through it all again.)

My prayers are with you. Please let us know how you are doing. I'll gladly respond to a PM anytime.

I'm sorry to hear this about your mother. We all wish her and you the very best.

As a breast cancer surviver myself, I'd suggest that you make her something that looks and feels like a soft baby pillow. This will keep her arms from bruising her freshly sutured skin under her arms. Trust me, this area is tender...

And like the others say, remember to always tell her how much you love her. Remember to mention little things she did for you as a child, this will thrill her that you did remember all she did for her kids.

First you pray a lot. In 1979 I had my first mastectomy and a year of chemo, 1984 the second one, no chemo. I was raising 3 small children alone at the time. I worked every day and took treatments on my lunch hour (I had a wonderful boss) and went back to work each time. It was very hard, but I made it. I prayed to the Lord to let me live long enough for my kids to be grown and on their own. He answered my prayers. That was 32 and 27 years ago. In 2000 (age 27) my baby girl had her first mastectomy and in 2008 the other one. She got through all the chem and radiation just fine. She can't have children, so she and hubby want to adopt a child. Hang in there, you will do fine. My prayers are with you. Take care...Mary

I had breast cancer in 1993. Elected the lumpectomy, chemo & radiation as it was in some lymph nodes. Still in remission, but dealing with effects of radiation. They can do so much now.
Ask her what she wants. Everyone has different needs. I needed one person to call per day & they could communicate with others, but I did want that one call a day. Visits, foods I could eat while on chemo, phone calls, cards in the mail, hats. All those helped. I never worried if folks "said the wrong thing". Who knows the right thing every time. Of course, you go through the stages of loss as there is a loss of health for now. Laughter is the best medicine they say. Going to the Lord in prayer was so helpful for me. That's why I say ask what she needs. We are all different in our needs. Peace, comfort & strength for all.

*hugs* to you!!!! I remember the horrible sick feeling when I heard that word "cancer" over the phone.... my dad had prostate cancer. Thankfully he was able to take care of it successfully, but I know that once I was over the initial shock, I started doing all the research I could so I could understand and support him. It's a scary thing to hear! She should be glad to have you - even though you're not close by her, your support will be so appreciated!

My husband & I are both cancer survivors. Him Malenoma (23 yras ago) Prostate (10 years ago) , me Ovarian (almost 2 years ago). It's tought getting thru the treatment. Ask family & friends for help with meals, cleaning, errands, etc. If possible have someone go with you to each treatment. The thing you need to do is concentrate on you & nothing else.

Best wishes for a full recovery.

I cried also. Two years later I just had a clear Mamo. Now down to one a year. I had two lumpectomys for two different spots. Got a clear field, no lympnodes involved, and had 6 weeks of radiation. Try to keep the faith. Listen to your Doctors and what your body tells you. Think positive thoughts, they seem to help. The big elephant sitting in the room will eventually get smaller but never seems to go completely away. Thinking of you.

I thought I ought to follow up with this and let you know what happened.

The last time I talked to my mom we had that fight. We emailed back and forth and things seemed to be going all right with her treatment. The tumor was gone but they were continuing the chemo.

Then she started to get blood clots and developed pneumonia. She went into the hospital at the beginning of May. On Mother's Day my brother emailed me that she wasn't doing well and was in the hospital, he wasn't sure that she'd be able to leave. My aunt decided to fly down to see her and got there last Friday. Mom was doing better and they made the hospice arrangements. Monday night she deteriorated and then Tuesday she passed away.

It was so sudden there wasn't time for me to get there, and my brother said they hadn't expected for her to go so quickly. I guess I should be grateful that for a death from cancer there wasn't a great deal of time spent in pain or in the hospital.

My mother didn't want a religious service so there won't be anything until we do the interment at some future date. I don't have much sense of closure about this.

I know it's early yet so my crying jags aren't unusual. I'm thinking about asking my brother whether I can move in with him. I do miss having some family around and I feel a little lost right now.

Am so sorry to know about your loss. You are so right - she didn't suffer with the cancer and this is truly a blessing. My Mom passed away at Easter 20 years ago and Easter has never been the same. You'll probably have the same feelings about Mother's Day. I truly hope your brother is open to the idea of you moving in with him. Please let us know how you are doing. We care.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I was at the hospital with my daughter the day they told her there was a spot on her lungs, and she turned and looked at me and said "Am I dying?". I couldn't answer her. Two weeks later we found out she was at stage IV Melonomia. They never found the cancer on her skin. (2% don't). In private I cried, she knew how much she was loved, we cried together because she didn't want to leave the adorable daughter, it took her so long to have. I went with her to the interferon treatments and the gamma knife for her brain tumors. We were there to cook meals, help with the daughter who was only 3 and give her as much support as we could. I marveled that she would take the stance "It is what it is" We lost her within the year, but she knew her daughter would have a Nana that would be there no matter what, which gave her peace. It has been just a little over three years and I still miss her but I no longer cry daily.

I'm sorry you didn't get the chance to visit and get that sense of closure. Unfortunately death waits for noone and it is up to each of us to deal with loss in our own way. I am sure that you can find a way to commemorate your mother's passing and you will have many opportunities to remember her.

As for "no family" - sweets, just lean on your QB family. We're here.

my mom had cancer three times, the first time it was hodgkins stage 2 the second time it was hodgkins stage four in every bone in her body, the third time it was basil cell carsinoma(sorry if spelled wrong) this cancer was caused by the radiation that she had from the first time she had cancer. It is very hard when someone you love gets cancer, you never know when it will hit or how many times in their lifetime, all you can do is try to stay positive for them and be there when they need you. Lots of praying and hoping....

I agree. I think it's harder for the family to watch me go through treatments than for me. I may be having to go through this again and I'm arranging supportive friends for my husband ahead of time.