My husband, son and I got a package in the mail last night. We opened it to find a bunch of odds and ends and knick knacks and such. Then with a card. The box was from my husband's aunt. She lives in Michigan and we live in Washington.

In the card she states that she has stage 4 cancer (yes we did know) and that she doesn't know how long she has and wants everyone to have a piece of her. So she picked out some of her things for us to have.

She was only diagnosed a few months ago. From what I have heard the doctors told her that she could still potentially live a very long life. But she is taking it like her life is over. The gesture of giving us some of her things is sweet and will be treasured. But how do I go about thanking her? Sending her a thank you card that says thanks for giving us your stuff because you think you are dying just seems wrong (lol no I wouldn't really word it like that but that's what I feel like a thank you note would come across as) I feel like I should say something or acknowledge this somehow but am at a loss as to what I should do.

Could you send a holiday card and just mention that you received the package and it was very thoughtful of her?

Question:

Are these non-essential things (dust collectors) that she sent to you?

If so, I would just send a note saying something like - Thank you so much of thinking of us and letting us know you are ill. We will be thinking of you, too. Love, ____

If praying is what you do, you can add that to - I never know what to ask for - complete cure, to be pain free, for serenity, for enough energy to get things straightened out, acceptance - My "fall back" prayer is to ask that things work out the best for all concerned - because God knows (and I am not being facetious here) that I don't know what the best is.

Just send a note saying that you'll be praying for her recovery, thank her for being so thoughtful and tell her that you'll treasure your gifts for years to come.

If you can afford it, send flowers and say something like "Thank you, thoughts of you always brighten my day"

No need to dwell on the negative aspects ... take pictures of them all and then Goodwill the ones you really don't want.

Speaking from your aunt's point of view (as I have had stage 4 cancer before; now in remission)... she opened this pandora's box herself with her gift, so it would not be offensive to thank her for the gifts and assure her they will always be treasured as will your memories of her. I am guessing that this gesture could indicate that she needs to talk about her possible impending death. If that is the case and you are willing, maybe you could carve out some time to pick up the phone to thank her and "let her talk." It may seem to you that she is looking on the negative side of things, but that negativity may be born of fear and uncertainty.

I think that this is the kind of note I would like if I had sent a package to somebody.

I would send a thank you with words of encouragment for a healthy recovery. These may be items she wasn't useing and sometimes its times like this that make us think about cleaning out the unnecessary items instead of leaving them for someone else to do if the worst does happen.

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Awww that poor lady. It is a very nice gesture on her part but I can see how awkward it would be for you!
I can't imagine how it feels to be in her shoes. You may want to say something to the effect that you will treasure her gifts and that you fully expect her to be around for a long time ahead. (maybe in a light-hearted but meaningful tone)
EDIT- I love the post about calling her, if you are able. She may be very scared and depressed.

I think a lot of times when people pass away family or friends that are not in the area often don't get the chance to have some momentos of their loved ones, especially if no family live close. But even when family are close they aren't able to get things to others or it isn't important to them so they don't bother. Perhaps her diagnosis was a reminder of some similar situation and she wanted you to at least have something of hers. Perhaps they are favorites of hers. I think thanking her for being so considerate, with an added "hope we have you for a long time yet" will seem less -should I say morbid.

Send her a Thank You note telling her you will treasure them.

Maybe she wants to get her things in order while she is still able and not wait until she either needs help doing it or burdening someone else with it. And for some reason she picked these items for you and right now she really doesn't have to explain her decisions- maybe later if someone else was there they might "question " her decisions or not follow thru.

That's a hard one. Maybe she just needs to talk with someone. Pick up the phone and let her talk to you.

It was very sweet of her to think and remember you. Regardless of what the final outcome will be, it's probably her way of getting her affairs in order while she's able. Maybe part of it is that she prefers the "immediate family" not to fight over her possessions when she's gone later, too. Say "thank you" for remembering you. No need to get all gushy or weepy or feel guilty about it.

When I remarked that I admired a old metal cannister set that hubby's aunt had displayed and even more so when she said that it was a wedding gift to her from my hubby's parents, she sent it along to us. I was quite sad that she sent it along so quickly but she said she wanted us to derive pleasure from it while she is still alive and who would treasure it more than us knowing it's history. How sweet is that???

I like this idea. If flowers are out then how about a nice letter with thank you written in.

Thank you everyone. I think I will include a little note with our holiday cards that I am sending out this weekend. I like the idea of letting her know that we will appreciate the items and are praying for her. We would love to call and talk to her but we have been told that she has requested that everyone stops calling. She does not want any phone calls :( If she wants to talk she will call you :( Makes us a little sad but she does live with her sister and brother inlaw. So she does have someone to make sure she is ok. It's a huge family. She is one of 10 kids. And all of them have had families of their own and so on and so on. So I can understand it. She is still working. So it is ok that she wants her time and to rest. I just wish she had a better outlook instead of the doom and gloom.

I like that she is doing this now instead of letting someone do it later. My father had stage 4 lung cancer and they said he had about 6 months and that was about what he had even with treatments. My parents were in deep denial since he was the caretaker of my mother at the time. So saying goodbye was nearly impossible until he was in the hospital, but by then he had a stoke and couldn't talk. I wish he would have been able to give away something or mostly been able to share is memories.

I would thank her offer any support you think you can genuinely do and maybe share with her what she meant to you as an Aunt. She is grieving now I would guess.

And I thought about flowers but not sure how she would take it. I know some people don't like flowers because they die :( And death is already on her mind. I don't want to make anything worse.

Fruit basket?

My Huz & I are both cancer survivors. Doom & gloom come along with cancer diagnosis. Fear sets in instantly as soon as the doc says you have the big C. Not all will survive the treatments & those who do have ongoing thoughts of cancer returning, especially with those darn yearly tests.

I'd suggest sending a nice note thanking her for the treasured items. Tell her you will pray for her recovery & let her know if there's anything you can do to please contact you. Let her know you're willing to talk/listen if she's willing. If possible send her a nice lap quilt or fleece blanket. She'll be glad to have it during treatment.

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And I would also mention some of the things by name, remark on how thrilled you were to get something that matched ..........and how nice it will look sitting right near it so you can admire it. If she THINKS she will die soon maybe there's something that she isn't telling anyone.
Thank her again and tell her how much you love her. You don't have to mention the cancer, just tell her something that she did for you many years ago and you still love her for it.
AND, then write all this in your own handwriting. Us old folks are thrilled when someone goes to all that much trouble, just for us.
At the age of 77 I go through my old letters yearly, and sadly they grew fewer and fewer as the Internet grew and grew. I treasure the childish scribblings when a small one loved a gift, and hurried writing of kids when they were first out on their own..so give Auntie something to really and truly remember.

Listen to this one, it's the best response you've gotten.

Jan in VA

Jan, I agree with you.

Definately a Thanks You, a note, letting her know you are glad she thought of you, and that she's in your thoughts and prayers, even so far a way, with the offer for her to call you, or you call her and that it would be no bother, she may not want to burden any one. If you loose her or not, hopefully not. She will know you are sending positive thoughts her way.
Good Luck {{{ Hugs to all }}}

I would send her a thank you note and tell her it was so thoughtful of her to share part of herself with you, and every time you look at them you will think of her. Make it simple and thoughtful.

Maybe she wants to get her things in order while she is still able and not wait until she either needs help doing it or burdening someone else with it. And for some reason she picked these items for you and right now she really doesn't have to explain her decisions- maybe later if someone else was there they might "question " her decisions or not follow thru.[/quote]

My mother is doing that right now. She has some minor health issues but nothing too serious (she is 81) and she is starting to give aways things to her grandchildren and says she doesn't want any fighting over them when she is gone. She would rather give them now and then it is taken care of. I think it has a lot to do with certain family members letting her know what they want. This way it is her choice as to who gets what!

How old is the Aunt? Stage 4 is pretty advanced isn't it?

The Aunt said she wanted people to stop calling her - I'm taking that as she didn't want people calling her about her illness. Why not a call about thanking her for the items.

I also think a followup separate Thank You handwritten note is a good idea - separate of the Christmas card mailing. I agree with elaborating a bit on the items. They were important to her and she wanted to give them to someone who SHE thought would appreciate them.

If you think there's any time she (or a relative) may drop by - have the items out where they can be seen.

I agree with Diane ("dforesee") wholeheartedly. This gifts are much more about HER than the items themselves. I'd sit down with her (phone, SKYPE, in person) and ask about each item and why she thought to send it - you can learn a lot about a person, and perhaps family heritage that way. When my mother-in-law passed away, my daughters chose some "Least Likely to Be Passed On" items to take from her estate ... ALL of which held memories of when they were young or private moments they had with her at any age prior to her death.

i have started to give my jewlry to the kids and grandkids the kids got mostly things from my DH and GK are getting something of mine that way there will be no fighting over it. i am in end stage copd per dr i don't feel like it though.

I guess I don't hear doom and gloom. I hear someone taking charge of what they feel they need to do. A thank you for the package is appropriate without a lot of additional sadness attached to it. It sounds as if she is being pragmatic not gloomy. Thank you is enough :thumbup: . She will appreciate that I am sure.

I would also ask if there is any history about any of those things. It would be a great trip down memory lane and something more to pass along. So much is lost when it is not passed down. Then write it down so you will always remember. Mine are in the vases of each object like a miny treasure hunt to be opened and treasured by future generatioons.

Nicely put. My DH's granny kept giving us stuff every time we would visit - she was thinning down her crap (as she called it). She has since passed and I love the trinkets she gave us.

Thank you so much for thinking of me. I so appreciate your thoughtfulness and will cherish your gifts always. Love, xxxxx

I think she is scared and I don't know what kind of outlook the Doctors gave her for the news, when she was diagnosed. If she is alone with no one really close by, she is reaching out. Don't be afraid to call her.Just knowing some one cares enough to give her some time on the phone, from time to time, will reassure her some cares. To not acknowledge her at all, would leavings no one cared at all! When you get older and then have illnesses and diseases , that are life threatening, its not I will just go to sleep and old age will take me, is scary to any one of any age!And loneliness and depression sets in making things worse. Keeping in touch and letting her talk or express and maybe giving words of encouragement is treatments out there will lift her spirits. Try to get her to talk about happy times. It can make a world of difference to her, and ease her fears, to know some one is there , even if it on the phone, giving them some time because they care!

I just lost my Mom in May. She was depressed and tho she had a great gift of beleiving in THE LORD, as the time grew closer her fear,became more pronounced she would die , and no one cared. I took care of her 24/7. So I know the thoughts they have, I also lost my Dad in 1992 my 4 brthers and 2 of my own children. Depression and lonliness itself will shorten a life span without any other underlying cause!!

speaking as one who has lived quite a long time on this earth, and well aware of the fact that my days are finite:
There comes a time in life when we decide what we will and may not be able to accomplish between now and the "going home" day.
Which would be more beneficial to me and my family -- to burden them with all of my stuff (and, maybe foment argument) or start presenting my possessions to others who might get better use out of them.
As the child of a parent who at one point wanted us to go through her house and tell her what we wanted (man! do NOT fall for that garbage!) I would rather have my mother give me what she wants me to have than to have to go through that (Yes, as I do, she has her own control issues! LOL)
If one of my aunts sent me something she thought I would like, I would probably thank her for it and tell her why it was so special to me ... I wouldn't necessarily think she was giving up. She is simply taking care of what is hers to take care of while it is in her power to handle it. <wave>

I would send two cards. One re: her sickness (in your words) then a few days later one re: your joy over her sharing such wonderful treasures that will always be treasured ? Just an idea.

Thank her for the items and that they will be displayed in a proper place. Tell her she is welcome to visit them anytime!!! Try to add to your note that you have said prayers for her and encourage her to "beat" this thing and let her know you are there for her and that her items are waiting too!!!

Ditto. Well said.

I am sure that she is not 'writing herself off'; but is taking the time to make some choices. When a crisis happens,(heart attack, stroke, cancer etc.) life as you know it is over. It is totally different. That is not to say that she is giving up, but that her whole perspective on what's important has changed.

I used to always say that I needed to get my priorities in order, but never could. When my husband had his stroke; all my little ducks lined up in a row and I never had to question which was the most important thing. That was 12 1/2 yrs. ago, and I still hold this as true.

I'm sure that she just realizes that the 'things' in her life just aren't as important as what she once thought they were. Therefore, she is able to part with them. I also am sure she is looking for a 'thank-you' and maybe even a note that would include a memory of what she sent you!