Visit and/or Decorate Grave Sites of Loved Ones
 

Is this a family custom for you?

No. I did visit my mother's grave on Mother's Day when we lived in the area, but I haven't traveled to do so. My father was military so Memorial Day would be the time to visit his grave, but I haven't done so. My husband was cremated so there is no grave.

This was actually something I was thinking about recently, after a friend of mine was telling me how upset she was to discover that the cemetery where her family's graves are had become neglected and quite overgrown over the past year. I realized that most of my family members who are deceased are either buried out of state, or they requested cremation and their ashes scattered. So no, we don't do this as a family custom.

However, I take comfort in the thought that through the Boy Scouts, I had the opportunity to teach my children respect and reverence. Every year for Memorial Day, our troop held a ceremony and placed American flags at every military grave in one of our local cemeteries, and at Christmas time we do the same with wreaths.

We used to do that when I was a child. My mom's parents' grave, and my great aunt on my mom's side. Now I live far away, I wish I could visit.

Yes, I do visit the graves sites of my grandmother, her daughter, who is a namesake for one of my daughters and my parents. I seldom make it to the cemeteries on Memorial Day. This has been my time to pass on family history to my children and now my grandchildren.

Yes. My husband and myself put geraniums in urns in front of three of the grave sites at the cemetery just before Memorial Day every year and pick the urns up and bring them back to the house for the winter, every fall.

The graves are, buried on one side of a stone, my husbands grandparents on his mother's side where one urn goes, the other side of the stone, my husbands parents, where the second urn goes, and we'll also have our ashes interred there. Our names and birth years are already on the stone- strange seeing them there but, when we had his parents names engraved on the stone when we interred his parents ashes, we had our names added as well so they would be the same script etc.)

And, then on the third grave site, on the other side of the cemetery, it is for my husband's relatives on his father's side. His father's side are buried (in two locations) in one large plot that has 18 graves around one huge stone in the center, the first burial was in 1775's and the last burial that filled the plot was just after the 2nd World War. There is another large family plot from his father's side in the older part of the cemetery, where the stones are all so weathered they are all but unreadable. The records for the cemetery at that time just list burials not plot locations, that was started in the 1600's (his family was one of the first settlers to arrive in the 1600's) My husband is the last of his family's line on both his mother's side and father's side.

I'm originally from a different state, and the family graves on my side are basically scattered in numerous cemeteries throughout that state. I was only at one site as a child once when there was a burial, graveside funeral at that cemetery. My side of the family wasn't the type to visit gravesites or keep up with family history.

we have a family plot about 2 hours north of us. Our stones are already there. I take great comfort in the upkeep and visits. This last visit 3 weeks ago I laid tiles on either side of my folks stone for their parents.
On memorial day Rob and I went to a military ceremony at the local cemetery and I took flowers for my good friends laid there.

we didn't have children, so perhaps that is the appeal of looking back.

No. not part of our family tradition.

We live in a house that is 145 years old. I found where the previous owners from the 1920's are and I went to their graves and removed the moss and lichen and cleaned them up as there is nobody left to do it.

I promised my mother I would tend to her and my dad's grave and to her parents grave. And I do. I include my paternal grandparents grave. Since my husband and I will be cremated and our ashes scattered on the grounds of our college alma mater, our children won’t have to do that.

Yes, I do. I'm the only keeper in my family. The cemetery my parents are buried in has some pretty strict rules, but I actually like that. Twice a year I do a big trim, cleaning and cutting back around the stones. In between, I'll stop by often, with flowers, or just to say hi. Christmas I provide my own wreath. The cemetery is close by, and their graves are easily accessible. For my grand/great-grand parents, those cemeteries are a bit farther, so once a summer they get a good sprucing/trimming. I find the process very soothing and peaceful. My folks cemetery chimes the bells on the hour, and it is such a lovely sound.

I'm originally from Louisiana and that's where all my relatives are buried. When I went back this spring after 15 years, I visited all the graves and put flowers on them. My mother always took flowers to all the graves and made sure they were clean and tidy. I'm really sorry I can't do that. My husband was cremated and I will be too.

My sil, daughter and I planted some flowers at my husband’s site recently. I don’t visit often and only to tidy up. Like Tartan, his important part is not there, only his earthly part is. And I will see him again.

Not a part of family tradition, but once in a while I like to visit my grandparent's graves, when I'm nearby. I live too far from my mother's grave to visit, and I have no idea where my Dad's ashes ended up (long story).

We used to put a grave blanket on my in laws graves for a couple of years. We even sent pictures of how they looked to my husband's siblings. Then one year we went and there was already blankets on there without letting usk know. We have never done it again

I haven't been back to the cemeteries where family has been buried since their funerals. I remember going with my grandmother to clean up around the gravestones of relatives.

I live too far from grandparents graves to go. My dad has donated his body for science. Once they are done his ashes will be returned. When my mom goes, she will also be cremated. They will be buried together at a national cemetery. That will be at a distance from me. My DH was cremated as will I be. He sits on the cedar chest where I can talk to him. No need to decorate as he sits among plants and pictures

This is not a family custom in our home.

One of my brother lives across from the cemetery where my parents are buried. He visits regularly. My sister does as well.

I don't visit the cemetery. My folks are with me all the time. "Every step I take, Every move I make..." is influenced by their love and how they brought me up.

Yes but I don't participate. One of my brothers does. One reason I don't is because I live too far and the other is I just don't like going. My parents are with me always so I don't feel the need to go. I know they wouldn't care either.

As children, my grandfather took us to the cemetery quit regularly, we brought stale bread for the geese (no longer encouraged to feed). He would care for the graves and showed us where are great grandparents and other relatives were buried. After he passed, I would regularly take my mother and her dog up to visit the cemetery and to care for the flower baskets. Now my sister and her husband are the main caretakers of the grave sites, but I help plant the baskets and tend them during the summer. I will be cremated but my ashes will be put in my spot next to my grandparents. I am trying to pre-order my stone, but because of covid there is a big backlog, and I haven't been able to although I am on the list for the proof. They say granite is in short supply and the stone maker is backed up even with more people being cremated and ashes scattered in other places.

My family cemeteries are 40 miles away. I leave flowers early in the week of Memorial Day & pick them up before June 15. The man who mows one cemetery told me the cemetery doesn’t get flowers compared to when he started 18 years ago. I make my own pots with plastic flowers & a few inches of cement in the bottom. In 4-5 years they get replaced with new as they don’t look so good anymore. We also “tidy up” a few extended family graves with a weed whip & spray but don’t decorate. Anytime I’m in the area, I stop at my parents grave. Their graves are just inside the fence so it’s easy to do.

I guess you could say I do my part for other people by cleaning stones in the cemeteries in town (with the blessing of the cemetery commission). Even just scraping loose lichen off the stones makes a big difference.
I take photos for the FIndAGrave website and quite often I need to clean the stone just to be able to read the names and dates.

I agree. I once asked my Aunt ( very active in her faith) if she visited her late husbands’ grave. She had the same response as yours. I was surprised, at first, but I loved her response too. No “guilt”, no regret. I love the photos and memories of them both.

I do when I can. My parents and older siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents are 3 hrs away. My sister looks after them along with some of my cousins. All of our cremated are in what we call "a hole in the wall" at the cemetery ( a marble wall with sealed alcoves for urns). I can remember going to the cemetery as a young child with my mom and her sisters. I learned a lot of family history there and it helped me understand dying and death. My adult kids go to their Dad's grave and take their kids with them. The grandkids ask a lot of questions about Grandpa when we're there. They also help me with upkeep. I do feel like my deceased family members appreciate our respect for their physical burial spot. I hope I mean enough to my family that they will want to honor me in that way after I'm gone.

My mom was adamant about cleaning / decorating graves every year. My dad went along with it but didn't care for it . I'm like my dad- I don't visit, I don't decoate.

This was something that was very big in my father's family, but now we live too far away to do it. My mother's grave is a long distance from us, also. But our daughter's grave is just 4 miles from our house, so we go there regularly and put out flowers every year and change out the decorations as the seasons change. We put out a concrete dog on her stone (she loved dogs) during the spring/summer time, a ceramic pumpkin in the fall, a wreath at Christmas, and smaller outdoor decorations as we com across them. She dropped dead at age 23, so it's been difficult to let go.

Leslie

not something we do, but it's a good idea. I'd certainly like to visit more often.

I just went yesterday and put flowers on my mothers grave and some on her sisters and mom and dads..it has been awhile since I had been, cause it's about an hour and half from where I live...don't get to the country often...my Dh and I have our marker, he's been gone almost 4 years now,,but I didn't put vases cause I knew I wouldn't get up there very often..he's not there anyway...the cemetery is well kept and quiet there in the country..we were married 56 wonderful years and I miss him everyday..I live with my youngest daughter and husband..I sold our home and moved with her in their new home...I have my room, bath and my sewing room...which I love..it's all I need at my age...I will be 80 in August...still healthy and able to make my quilts and enjoy life..

we always called it decoratiom day instead of memorial day, we would all go to the cemetary with tools to clean and trim the graves of fam, and then have a pinic lunch .the women would bring wax flowers and paper crepe flowers that were waxed.and put them on all the graves. us children would pick wild flowers and do the same like black eyed susans .wild daisy, and clover and sunflowers. also pine cones . and violets . sun flowers also.dandelions and puff balls. It was an all day affair.GOOD FAM TIMES