it used to be that I only freaked out over me going to the doctor/dentist. Now its to the point that by the time I work up the courage and make the call to get one of the kids an appt I'm a nervous wreck. Ds has a tooth that is bothering him. He's way overdue for a checkup but we were without insurance and barely getting by. The choice was dentist or food. I just called to get him in though...new insurance means new dentist. I am shaking like a leaf. My chest is tight. I can barely breathe. I know they'll think I'm a terrible mother ....he's going to loose this tooth I'm afraid. Older ds has terrible teeth...he was 5 before we could get toothpaste in his mouth or he would throw up...same thing with any medicine. When I took him the dentist actually yelled at me. Anyway ds is set to go in Thursday...please pray for him and me that I don't have a nervous breakdown.

ginnie6: I believe I am your sister! I put off calling for my yearly check-up with the ob/gyn till yesterday, and I only did it then because I'm going to my regular doctor today and I know she'll ask if I had my check-up there yet. And I hate going to my doctor! I can go in there feeling pretty durn good and come out of there with a couple prescriptions. And my BP isn't high for anyone else but her!
And when my dentist retired! Oh my! To find another dentist and actually go. I was a nervous wreck, thinking the new one would find something hugely wrong with my teeth that would cost me an arm and a leg! (I didn't realize how inexpensive my old dentist was - he was practicing by himself with his daughter as secretary/receptionist.) But the new dentist said I had excellent teeth! Relief!
Good luck - I feel for you - J

Oh my gosh!!!! I'm so not alone and you aren't either. I hate to make phone calls especially to make appointments. My hands go to shaking, a pounding in my chest starts and I can't speak right when they answer. I try to make DH make all the calls for me. I don't mind going to the appt. I just hate making the call. I haven't seen a dentist sense I was 16, I'm now 42. My teeth are a mess, I just do not like the dentists. Hang in there this too will pass.

One sentence jumped out at me "They'll think I'm a terrible mother." I think this is what made me the most scared when I had to take my kids to doctors or dentists. We know that we aren't bad mothers, but some doctors or dentists seem to have the ability to point out our shortcomings. And if they don't, some of us wonder why not. Which takes me back to growing up and hearing my mother repeat over and over "What will people think if you (fill in the blank)?" I feel your pain.

Don't let anyone yell at you or try to put you down. You fed him and that was the better choice at the time. Now is time to take care of his teeth, and that is what you expect from him. Keep your chin up. You have been a good mother and now is his turn to be a good dentist and do his job.

When DS was 9 we spent a week in NYC. he packed his toothbrush in my suitcase. Before we left I noticed that it was still there. As it turned out, he never brushed his teeth all the time we were there. I assumed he knew he had to do it, and he just forgot. The day after we came home he had a dentist appointment and I asked the Dr to yell at him for not brushing. He took a look and came back to me. I asked if he said something to him and he said: "I can't do that. His teeth are perfect. I have nothing to use against him". I had a good laugh at this one. Here I was so upset at him. Poor kid.

dh has terrible teeth through no fault of his own. The man can eat ice cream and break a tooth. Seriously. Ds age 8 is the same way. Growing up we didn't go to the dentist till about 4 or 5. I took ds in then and was yelled at. He had some issues with toothpaste...and swallowing medicine. As in he would throw up anytime we put toothpaste or medicine in his mouth. His teeth looked fine but weren't. We brushed just didn't use toothpaste. the dentist told me we obviously had never brushed his teeth. :-( he had to have several pulled. I am meticulous about them brushing....some days I send them back 3x to brush and other days i just do it myself. I think oldest ds has dh's teeth and I hate that. At this point I'm too afraid to go! I haven't been to the doc in 5 years and then only because dh took off work to make me have that 6 week checkup after ds was born. Heck I had my kids at home because i dislike going to the doc so much. Last ds ended up being an emergency cs and then an emergency hysterectomy. Dh says something about going for those checkups and I say why? Nothing down there they need to mess with anymore!

Maybe you could ask the dentist/doctor if they would please remove their white coat before they come in to see you/family, and explain why. If you now have health insurance, see if they cover some pyschological (sp) check up. Please try to "cool it" with your kids around, they can sense your distress so that makes them distressed which makes you more distressed, etc. Were/is your mother distressed by the same white coat syndrome? If so, maybe that's where you got it from.

Mommas, I feel for you, but worry about your children more. I ,too, am terrified of a dentist, but I made darn sure that my children had check-ups twice a year. We started at the age of three, just letting them squirt water and have visual checks. None of them are scared to go , just have always understood a dental check-up was something to be done. They do the same with their kids. By not wanting my kids to go through what I did, I covered my fear, and gradually, I got a lot better myself. Please, don"t let your children grow up terrified to see a dentist! It doesn't hurt like it did years ago, new methods and instruments make it a lot easier on the patient.

the kids are fine with the dentist....I hide it very well. My mother has no issues with going to the doctor....she likes them.

oh Jinnie, I, too, have had horrible experiences. I do not know how to overcome them. I found out so late that if I gave them the tweezers they could extract it......so I took my daughter (10 yrs old) to dentist office and told her to go in and make herself an appointment. She now works for a dentistry! I guess they aren't too young for learning to handle things...SOMEWHAT! Isolated, I'm sure, but it was my answer. I'm praying for all your good intentions.

Blessings,
Ruth

I never go to the doctor. If I do make an appointment my kids freak out because they think I must be horribly sick. I get sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

Do NOT allow a dentist to yell at you. At the beginning of the appointment, tell the dentist that you have not had insurance and barely enough money to feed the kids. If he's a compassionate dentist, he'll understand. If he isn't compassionate, you do NOT want your child under his care. I've never seen a poor dentist...so some of them do NOT understand.

BTW - I used to work in the medical field. Doctors/dentists are NOT God, they do NOT always find something terribly wrong with patients, they ARE generally caring and compassionate. Don't be afraid of them......

Maybe call ahead of time and ask the receptionist to put a note in your kids file stating what you just wrote. The dentist will read it and that way you don't have to discuss it in front of your son :wink:

I understand the fear of the white coat (((HUGS))) I have family and friends who feel the same way. I have taken many kids to the dentist and doctor for them, as shots and such don't bother me. Maybe a family member or friend could go with you?

As I read all of your comments it's like I'm thinking out loud. I've been afraid of drs & dentists since I was 3. I cut my lip open real bad and Mom rushed me to the dr who didn't give me any pain killer first, just started stitching. So as I got older it got worse. I won't go into my own dental issues (story is too long) but I started a new dentist this last year and I let her know my fears right away. She goes out of her way to help me relax. Needles is my fear more than white coats. I'd rather have a catheter put in than a needle!

Been there done that did that. Not fun, even the soun drill gets me uptight and I want to leave

That too! So we've solved that -- although they have music there and headphones it's the soothing type so I bring in my own music and crank it up loud and also bring in one of those night masks to keep out the light. No sight, no sound while the tough stuff is going on. We have a signal if I need her to stop. I have also found that my woman dentist is more gentle than my previous male dentist. She gets my issues.

I hope he gets a good dentist report and hang in there

Hugs Hugs

I'm sorry this is so upsetting for you. Is there any way your husband can go with you to the appt?

GOod subject. MOnday I am going to have my last "bad tooth" fixed with a root canal and then a crown. I hate the dentist, I know in today's day and time they can come up with a less painful shot and way to numb us. But it passes quickly. I have even hinted for the gas everyone talks about but so far not gas.LOL. So monday and I am home safe for a few years, I hope. With all hte chemo I have had I am surprised I have teeth left. SO are the dentists. So good comes out of the bad. Hope your visits go well. Shame on the dentisst for yelling at you, I would be on to a new one, after I had him in the corner. All my kids had different teeth problems, one had none. Take a breath and relax. We are behind you.