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It's good to have choices; it means you have been fortunate.

But sometimes I think it would be easier to teach the life lessons, were there NOT so many choices available.

Sometimes scarcity highlights the difference between what's really important and what is "fluff".

SparkMonkey

I don't think every.single.thing has to be a lesson. Sometimes a teenage girl needs to be a teenage girl. The occasional selfish act does not mean she's a selfish person, and I'm afraid if you try to force a charitable attitude on her, she'll rebel--because that's how teenagers operate.

If it were me, I'd make a bargain with her--IF she does something nice next weekend (volunteer somewhere, donate some of her belongings, etc), she can go to the fancy cinema when the movie comes out. If it's that important to her, I bet she'll do it, and feeling as if she has a voice in the matter could make a huge difference in her attitude.

But take that all with a grain of salt. I don't have kids, and I am also planning a massive outing for HP7. ;) I mean, it really IS a big deal... that's it, the final installment, there's no more after this movie is released. I'd be heartbroken if I couldn't make an event of it.

eashka

I guess I am very old fashioned but I feel that if you are willing to take them out at midnight it should be up to you where they go. If they are showing the same movie then either theater is good enough. And forget the snacks at midnight!

javin22

I agree with bj. It is sounding like they are going to see cute boys.

BellaBoo

If the extra expense won't be a sacrifice for the family then I vote for the one she wants to go to. She'll remember it as special not always wondering how great it could have been if she had to go to the one she didn't really want to go to. She'll have other choices to have to do without her wishes so if this one can be granted then let her have it come true. It's really a small thing to us but major to a girl her age. I have raised four teen girls and now raising my 16 year old niece. Little things like this give them so much confidence in their social world.

Just want to add, forcing life lessons just for the cause of having them see the reasoning won't work. Most teens know the family situation and know what can or cannot be granted.

dakotamaid

quote "I don't think every.single.thing has to be a lesson. Sometimes a teenage girl needs to be a teenage girl. The occasional selfish act does not mean she's a selfish person, and I'm afraid if you try to force a charitable attitude on her, she'll rebel--because that's how teenagers operate.

If it were me, I'd make a bargain with her--IF she does something nice next weekend (volunteer somewhere, donate some of her belongings, etc), she can go to the fancy cinema when the movie comes out. If it's that important to her, I bet she'll do it, and feeling as if she has a voice in the matter could make a huge difference in her attitude."

I like this. I would try to teach a "lesson in life" all the time and many times it just didn't work. Sometimes kids have to be kids. :)

Ramona Byrd

I had two girls a little less than 11 months apart, so they were more or less in sync when they wanted anything.

A calm statement about what or what not was allowed is the thing to do. Don't argue, just tell it like it is, and if they miss the opening, they WILL survive to see it later.

The mere idea of missing it will most likely bring them into line.

Jennifer22206

I teach high schoolers, and sometimes you have to let kids be kids. Not everything has to be a teachable moment, and I'm sure that at some point she'll do something to "counteract" what you consider a waste.

Sometimes it really *is* about fitting in. In the scheme of things, Uggs and a $12 movie aren't a big deal. I'm sure that your kids got a great deal out of the mission trip you took them on to Nicaragua. She might not show it now, but she's learning. And she'll really blossom, especially in college. I've had a ton of students come back to me and let me know.

And, it could be "the" social event. Or a boy.

Honestly, my mom tried cramming down "everything's a teachable moment" and I really rebelled. Sometimes you have to trust your judgement in that you are raising a kid with good morals and values. I think I turned out ok.

Rose_P

I've found that kids of both sexes go through a phase when buying the more expensive of whatever is a way to establish social rank among the other empty-headed teens. I was not easily impressed or swayed. On the other hand, you are talking about driving 50 miles vs. 20, and at today's gas prices that might make a difference of $8-10 to you.

I think the biggest consideration is whether some of the other kid would be left out because of the greater cost. Also, it's a great opportunity for you as a parent to introduce interesting topics for discussion such as social pressure, economics and consumerism.

mltquilt

First things first, speak with the other parents. This may be something that the girls have cooked up among themselves. The other parents may not even be willing to have their 14 y/o daughters out at midnight. Also 6 girls at that age are a handful no matter how good they are and you will need help. I agree with others about something extra for her to do to make up the extra $6. I may be in the minority but everything in life is a lesson. The money may not be a big deal now but learning to make the decision might been when it comes to having money for a meal vs going to the latest and greatest of something IMOH. I have raised 2 girls and have 5 gds.

mltquilt