ckcowl

going through it right now concerning my younger brother...and for the past 5 months...boy i've gone through ...
profound saddness, RAGING ANGER, frustration, compassion, worry...the list just goes on and on...every day...every night, it is on the mind....i do not go see him as often (as i should) but when ever i get a call i am there. sometimes its hard to talk to him...sometimes i'm ok...(dont' want to say the wrong thing)
i seem to be going through all of the stages of mourning...ahead of time...does that mean when the time is actually here i will be (over-it) and be the one holding up when everyone else is ...going through it? i don't know- i just know it's never easy no matter who it is ...
sometimes you don't have enough time...sometimes it's too much time....
it's always horrible/hard/stressful/overwhelming
thank goodness i have a full time job and quilting to give me an outlet to focus on.

mic-pa

A year ago in Aug I was dx with cancer of the breast in the early stages. I opted for a total mastectomy,No involvement with lymph nodes. Surgery went well and no further treatment and thought WHEW all is well. Then in Dec. (same year) My son 45 yrs old was dx with lung cancer, no cure, to far gone. He had chemo and radiation and lived until Oct 8th, 2010. I went with him and his wife to every treatment, spent every day taking care of him as his wife worked, cried, was in rage, hated what was happening and I still am a mess. Why wasn't it me instead of him. We have other children, but he was the youngest and the only boy. there is a hole in my heart that can never be fixed.

donnajean

My mother was in her early 60's when 1st diagnosed with breast cancer. It was very hard as this was back in the early 80's & we did not have the phone services that we do today. I was 300 miles away and a full time teacher & in the midst of having a house built. I regret not having spent more time with her before she lost her battle.

If you don't have Skype on your computer, I suggest you do it. It's totally free & the best thing you can do for your mom in let her talk & know that she is not alone in her battle.

stitchinwitch

Parents, grandparents all died of cancer. My Mom had breast cancer when she was 54. 'had the surgery, came out fine - no chemo, no radiation. She passed on Mothers Day - 2002 of ovarian cancer but lived until 89 years old. Those Cancer Reasearch Centers that are in Tulsa, among about 3 other places sound real promissing - has anyone had any experience with those? It seems like isn't cancer, its heart problems. The best of luck to everyone - our prayers are with you and yours.

raptureready

Whether a parent is ill or not, never leave one "I love you" unsaid or one hug unhugged. When my parents died all the "I love you's" had been said, all the hugs hugged, and anything else that could have been done for them had been. They knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were loved beyond reason. If you do that for your mother, there's no greater gift for either of you. It will help in her recovery too. Love and laughter are some of the best cancer fighters. A few hundred miles isn't a bad trip to make once a month or so. Call her often and laugh. Read Ditter's jokes to her, let her know you care, send her a new nightie, or make her a tote bag to take to the chemo sessions. I've gone through these with two of my friends and they need a tote to take a small snack, book, magazine, blanket or other such things in. If she looses her hair make her some chemo caps. Not all chemo causes hair loss.

harvsstuff

Be as supportive as you can. I recently found out that 4 people I know have cancer. One as of this writing has about 2 months to live. Prayer helps but that too can be frustrating. Enjoy the time you have with your relatives and friends NOW not later.

Jill

I don't think I can add anything to what has been said. I had a deep faith and that is what got me through several deaths in my family. The one thing I will stress is to make sure you have no regrets so that when you are faced with their death(s) you know your conscience is clear. The first close death I experienced was with my father who had had cancer and I knew I had been a good daughter to him. After my father died a co-worker called to express her condolences and said words I'll never forget "you have just lost one of your two best friends." Being positive is very important. I tell everyone who will listen to love your parents and talk to them while they are alive because you have no idea how terrible it will be when they are gone. You never have your parents long enough.

mamaw

Learn to enjoy every moment...be it yourself or with a loved one. I was diagnosed with an incurable form of leukemia back in 2002 and it was very emotional. I even had a break down one day while outside working in the flower garden....was crying and stabbing my trowel into the ground over and over again, neighbors going by must have thought I was one foolish person. I can laugh at it now; but back then I was that angry. Needless to say, I am still here to enjoy every day; but have seen other family members and friends lose their battles with cancer. You must be strong because we (the cancer victims) don't want to be pitied. Just want to know that we are loved and you are there for us, whatever we need to go through. Don't be too afraid of chemotherapy because it can do some wonderful things and I can attest to a cousin with stage 4 colon cancer who is still in remission and an aunt who has been kept alive for over 13 years because of going through her chemo whenever necessary. The battle is long and hard, not everyone makes it; but just be there with love, support, and laughter to make the days more pleasant. If the person is a female and loses her hair, tell her how beautiful she looks with her smile and how happy you are to still be able to look at her face and give her a hug. When the final days come, just be there ....cannot stress the words "be there" enough. Make the most of every moment. HUGS

gypsyquilter

the only think you'd regret it not spending as much time with your mom as possible. My dad was diagnosed in January 09, he passed January, 10. Don't regret for a minute the time I spent with him prior to and and during his last days. I was by his side when he passed, While I knew it was coming, he went from bad to worse practically overnight and I am forever thankful I had a few last days with him.

yes, you need t be with your mom as much as you can. you also need to take care of yourself, you are going to go through an incredible amount of stress and emotion and it can and will take its toll on you.

grann of 6

Well, I lost my dad to heart attack when I was 18, so no planning there. My mother had breast cancer and survived over 5 years before she died. I lived in PA & she was in Michigan. Her death was sudden and no planning there. I lost a brother to a 5 year battle with brain cancer, he was in Chicago and me in PA. Got to see him once during that time, a very difficult visit. Watched my husband waste away from lung cancer after not smoking for 15 years and part of his lung removed. The last 18 months was one of preparation and getting realistic with my situation. No time for sentimentality here. People asked and still ask how I dealt with it. My answer was, "what are you going to do? Get up in the morning and say I can't deal with this and go back to bed?" You deal with it as best you know how. One day at a time.....