kwhite

I cannot add any advice to all of the wonderful advice you have already been given, so I will simply tell you a short story. I am your child in 48 years. I am the product of unwed parents who smoked. I had a good home for the most part. Going to school smelling like smoke though was a source of embarrasment for me my whole life. When I was 8 we learned of the dangers of smoking in school and I came home crying begging my mom to stop smoking. She did.......... 30 years later right before they removed her lung from lung cancer. My 13 year old had to be a caregiver for my mom for the last 10 months of her life as she layed dieing of the cancer in my home. She told me over and over in those last months that she wishes that she would have listened to me when I was 8. You may think it does not effect your daughter since it is your habit. It does!!! and will for the rest of her life. You sound like you love your daughter. Love her enought to quit smoking for her. You gave birth, you can quit. Us women are the strongest people on earth. You can do this. Good luck.

barnbum

I teach 5th grade--where DARE is taught. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) When the officer shows the photos--very very graphic photos--of what happens to those who smoke, the kids are stunned. Some can't look. Other cry for the ones they love who do smoke, mostly parents and grandparents. A few cry in class. It's a hard hour for them.

As a teacher--I can even smell the smoke on the homework papers.

Please quit. Just do it.

Jim's Gem

I was married at 19 and had my first at 21 as well. You are not too young!!! Smoking is not good for either of you, but you have heard that enough. Just love your daughter and spend time with her, play with her, and discipline and teach her as needed. They grow up way, way too fast!!!

signitwright

Honey, some people have no life of their own, and /or way too much extra time . Like at least one of the other ladies said, that woman probably has no kids of her own. Or maybe she has some miserable kids :twisted: :twisted: . I am sure you are a wonderful, loving mom. Weather or not you are married is nobody's business, but yours. Please give that little cutie a big hug from me :D :D

Pam W.

QuiltMania

You did absolutely nothing wrong in the store. I would advise you to bring along a small quilt for next time to put in the cart with your daughter because shopping carts can be very germy and disgusting. (Think of all those strange hands touching the cart before you got it.) Regarding the marriage -- yes, you and Justin should go down to city hall and get married. It only takes a little while and it offers you a lot of legal protection in the future if things should not work out between you two. A lot of people believe that you need to have some huge elaborate wedding ceremony but that isn't the case. Regarding the smoking -- making sure that your baby was in the air conditioning was a good move. However, you and Justin both should try to quit smoking for your daughter's sake as well as for your own. Even if you don't smoke around her and change your clothes, those toxins are still on your person. Additionally, children of smokers are at greater risk for developing childhood asthma.

Just my two cents worth of advice since you asked.

Finally, don't let people like that woman at the store get you down. There will always be people who gain pleasure from sticking their noses into the business of other people.

littlehud

In regard to the marriage issue. Please make sure you protect yourself by either getting married or having legal papers to protect you. I worked with a young lady what had a wonderful 10 year relationship with a great guy. They saw no reason to get married and in reality were just as committed as any married couple. They bought a house, but the loan was in his name. Both made the payments and together did many home improvements. He passed away unexpectedly at 36. No will. His dad stepped in and took the house. She lost the man she loved and her home in a matter of a few weeks. Protect yourself. A will would have made all the difference here.

kluedesigns

what a tragic story - i'm sure the son never expected his family to treat his love that way.

a will is very sound advice.

mireelmar

Thank you everyone for all of your advice. In regards to what eveyone has said about smoking, I just want to clear up that I don't smoke around her, ever. Not in the house, not in the car, not even when we are outside where the wind is blowing. I smelled like smoke too when I was in school and my parents stopped smoking in the house. I remember telling my parents the same thing when I was 7 or 8 and showing them pictures and trying to get them to quit. I understand all the risks. I am trying to quit, it's just very difficult. People without the addiction don't understand. People that used to, don't get it anymore either.

Also, I do use a shopping cart cover that they make specifically for babies in shopping carts :).

Thank you all again for your advice. Next time, I will tell whoever it is that they can go fly a kite for all I care. :)

studio-christine

from your post's title, I thought you were going to say that you were 14 or 15......

I'm 43, and waiting to be asked if I am Bobbi's nanna (my youngest, a girl is 2)

and I have a 4 year old curled up asleep on the hallway floor.......

there is a strap thing (fabric) that you can buy in Australia, it velcroes around the baby's waist and holds them up if they fall asleep in the shopping trolley

and congratulations for not smoking in the car :D

I didn't quit smoking until I was 5 months pregnant with #4

.......and my 20 year old daughter had to cnvince people she worked with that the kids I took to her work were siblings, not HER children

nosey women should keep their opinions to themselves........

elliemay

Just to add to all the great advice you have already had.

It is quite rare in this part of the world to see married parents.. very rare.. personaly I think marriage is probably ' out of date' !! but each to their own.. one of my daughters age 40 has never married. she has had 2 partners and had her daughter with the present one.. I have often expressed my fears about making it ' legal' for her and Holly's sake. should anything happen to Tony.. but I think a lot of the reason for not being married is the expense... I feel for any couple right now trying to get a place to live.. and save to get married.. its not easy these days.

I do Volunteer work for an organisation.. we help young parents trying to bring up children..on benefits.. poor housing conditions , child abuse.. partner abuse.. we offer practical support to these families.... without judgment....totally confidentail at all times...

All of us, when out, see parents with children.... and, at times see behaviour that we ourselves would consider wrong... I know myself I have been in the supermarket and seen mothers getting really angry with out of control kids, that are screaming and throwing tantrums to get their own way, and it does go through my mind... ' my kids were never like that '

We all bring up our children to the best of our ability and hope we get it right...there always someone who will disagree with how we do it... and I am sure we could have a great post on here about that!!!

My kids tell me they all had a wonderful childhood, and many of the things we did when they were small have been adopted by my daughters,, they have always come to me for advice when the babies arrived ( even at the small hours, phoning me ask ' why is he/she still crying mum?')

Do what you think is right with your daughter.... make the decisions you feel are right... but at the same time enjoy her.. time passes so quickly and before you know it.. she will be at school and making her own decisions.. with your guidance and protection to take her into adulthood.

You have read all the advice regarding your smoking. I am a smoker but... having 5 grandchildren.. who have never yet seen me smoke....I am very concientous around others and their opinions...we live in a Bungalow and only have 5 rooms.. I only smoke in the kitchen.. the back door is always open.. even in Winter

Dont let the opinions of others get you down. forget it and move forward, there will always be someone that tells you your doing it wrong!!!! most likely one who has not had children!!!!