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Thread: When do you quit giving gifts to "kids"

  1. #1
    Super Member Sandygirl's Avatar
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    When do you quit giving gifts to "kids"

    My niece and nephew never acknowledge the gift cards or checks I send them. With Facebook and email and texting...you would think they would. One is out of the country at school (college) and the other has been kicked out of high school. (I wont divulge why...I am not happy about it either)

    I frankly feel that I work hard for my $$$ and I would expect a meager thank you at the least! Disappointing. I guess my heart s not into gift giving considering the circumstances and their lifestyle choices and behavior.

    Thought?

    Sandy
    Sandygirl

    Janome 9900 / Janome 9700 / Janome Decor 3050 / Janome 1100D serger
    Singer Centennial model (inherited from my late, fav aunt!)

  2. #2
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    We quit giving to the nieces and nephews when they turned 18.

  3. #3
    Power Poster alikat110's Avatar
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    18 yrs old or parenthood. That is how we've always done it. I have a huge family. Cost a fortune to continue. We do give to the "greats" as they enter the family.

  4. #4
    Super Member ptquilts's Avatar
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    18. Although if I received no TY notes for several years, their next gift would be a box of TY notes.

  5. #5
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    Extended family until they are 18. We start getting gifts for their little ones when they appear. For my siblings we agreed that we sure didn't need more stuff and we pool our money for a donation to the Salvation Army.

  6. #6
    Super Member nygal's Avatar
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    If they don't even acknowledge your gifts...I would have stopped giving to them LONG ago when they stopped thanking you. In this modern day with all the ways of communicating...there is no excuse for them not thanking you.
    When it seems like the world is falling to pieces remember that the pieces are falling into place. We are nearing closer to the End Times.

  7. #7
    Super Member LindaR's Avatar
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    this really bugs me....whats so hard about saying thanks!....I never really know if they get them LOL
    Retired and living in NE Michigan

  8. #8
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    I have been giving to my grand kids for every thing . Weddings, babies , Christmas. an never a thank you , except from the 2 oldest. I have decided that next year they get nothing from me. I dont even get a Christmas card from any of them .Except like I said ,the 2 oldest. I have 9 grand and 5 going on 6 great grand. So this is my thoughts on the deal.

  9. #9
    Senior Member MissSongbird's Avatar
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    It's hard for me to really answer this being that I'm 20, but my aunts still give me gifts. Well, only one of my aunts gives me a Christmas present and sent birthday cards religiously. My other aunts will get me something if they see something I like or the "fits" me. I'm very appreciative of the gifts I recieve because for some of my family it's hard going. So when they give me something I'm very grateful. Also I love to know that they think of me in these times. I'm very thankful for my family.

  10. #10
    Power Poster ckcowl's Avatar
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    can't really blame the children if their parents never taught them to always send a 'thank-you'...
    my neices (in their 20's now) have ALWAYS sent a brief message-some sort of note to let me know they received a gift- regardless of circumstances- they were taught as very young girls to sit down & write thank you's -- my own kids (now in their 30's- and their children---teens) always sit down & write notes of thanks-- during the quiet time after birthday parties- in the afternoon on Christmas---when ever they have a few quiet moments-
    i still always set down & write a note letting people know i am thinking of them---it's all in the way a person is raised.
    as for 'age to quite giving'.... i don't really think an age should have much to do with it- gifts are supposed to come from the heart- not be a commitment-unless your family draws names or has some (tradition) way to handle the adults-
    in our family when the kids started having kids- the (kids) always receive a gift from anyone who can afford-wants to give one- no one is expected-forced to give gifts-
    as for the adults- sometimes some of us give gifts to adults in the family- again- they are not expected- no one feels slighted if they do not get one- and someone else does- we have a large family- sometimes we get lots done & many people get gifts, sometimes time/finances restrict that- everyone works, has lives- know how things are- its a gift- not an expectation- and everyone says thank you- all that being said- my youngest son (in the navy- busy) is the worst about the thank-you's...he just seems to have other things on his mind- it does not mean we stop loving him,,or refuse to give to him...when we have sent him something & weeks go by without hearing from him we generally give him a call- & ask---did your package arrive ok---then he always says---yes- i loved it! thank you!...
    giving should come from the heart- if your heart is not in it-it's meaningless- so don't bother-
    we were taught to not give with expectations attached; just like giving to charity---give because the act of giving is reward enough---not the 'pat on the back from others'
    hiding away in my stash where i'm warm, safe and happy

  11. #11
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    I stop giving to the neices and nephews at 6th grade. Times are very tough.

  12. #12
    Super Member Sunnie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ptquilts View Post
    18. Although if I received no TY notes for several years, their next gift would be a box of TY notes.
    What a great idea.
    Sunnie
    a dog show & quilt addict
    www.buckhollow.net

  13. #13
    Super Member Lori S's Avatar
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    The general "rule" in our family is once a kid has gone off to college ( or finished high school) they can participate in the adult exchange ( we draw names) or opt out , but the getting gifts from all the adults is over once in college.
    I have one nephew who is always so appreciative and sends me e- mails often , and I send him a "just because" gift .. but never in the month of December.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by alikat110 View Post
    18 yrs old or parenthood. That is how we've always done it. I have a huge family. Cost a fortune to continue. We do give to the "greats" as they enter the family.
    This is how we have handled the gift situation all my life. For those that do not respond to a gift I just say well I did my part.
    A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway.

  15. #15
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    There are a lot of things that parents did not teach kids. In fact, just ask any kid or adult: if they want to do something and they don't know how to do it, the fact that their parents did not teach them will not stop them from learning how to do it. So, it is no excuse if parents did not teach them to write thank you notes. If they wanted to say thank you, they could find the technology to do it. They certainly find the technology to write everything else. If someone if ungrateful, then that is just an ungrateful person regardless of however they excuse it as being forgetful or too busy, etc. We only have 1 GD out of 7 who has said thank you and we had to pay for part of her college to get that!

  16. #16
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    We never stop giving gifts to our children and grandchildren

  17. #17
    Super Member mhansen6's Avatar
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    I have struggled with this question for a long time. My nephew just turned 30 and the only reason that I know he got my gift was that he cashed the check. I feel that it is time for me to stop. He has an iphone so he can text, leave me a voice message or he can email me from his ipad. But on the other hand he is my only nephew. I probably will continue to send him gifts, but if my daughter ever treated her aunts or grandfather this way I would shoot her. But she is very good about saying "Thanks".
    Marie

  18. #18
    Senior Member Michellesews's Avatar
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    No "thank you", no gift the following year. Simple. When I was growing up, my mother sat us all down at the table and we wrote hand-written thank you notes to each giver. I don't expect that...but I will tell you I have a brother who is 60 years old, married, and I have sent them very nice, hand made gifts for the past two years and not even a Christmas Card!!! Guess what I sent this year? Yep...nothing. But in the spirit of Christmas, I did send them a card. I have 3 grandchildren who have not received anything from me for several years for the same reason. It is hard to do and you usually want to cave at the last minute, but come on! Just a thank you is too much? Please! I figure, they either don't like me, don't like what I send or are just very ill mannered. In my brother's case, I KNOW he was taught better, he was at the kitchen table writting notes just like I was. So...that is it for me. I hope all the ill mannered, thoughtless people read this, but they will think it is not about them...lol.
    Michelle Guadarrama

  19. #19
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    Well said ckcowl. I feel that way. We have a small family. If I know my little grandson eats his breakfast wrapped in a full quilt that I made, that's thanks enough. And they do always thank me. We are all pretty close.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Radiana's Avatar
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    I have several nieces and nephews in my family, all grown up now. I stopped the Christmas gifts when they were 16.
    The grandchildren will always get gifts no matter how old, I only have four.

  21. #21
    Senior Member Barbshobbies's Avatar
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    We came from poor families, with 5 kids of our own, and 8 we were God parents for, we had some very lean Christmases. Now how ever, with taking care of our money, to get the most out of every penny, we give money to our children, grand children & Great grand children. The reason is for their college funds. The parents are all doing much better at a younger age than we did, but they also learned how money served them best, and all are doing well. So we all get a present on Christmas day, any one l4 yrs or older, that wants a gift, puts a list of 3 things that they would like and their name in a hat at Thanksgiving, and gets to take one out. We are all happy with our gifts, the little kids have so many toys already, the parents have to worry what to get them. Each of our Kids, grand kids & great grand kids, has a nice nest egg saved. We also give gifts of money to several charities,

  22. #22
    Super Member luvstoquilt's Avatar
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    I stopped when I never heard from them.
    "You must do the thing you think you cannot do"....E. Roosevelt

    Sharon
    Yorkville, IL

  23. #23
    Super Member carolaug's Avatar
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    I only give to the ones that I see on Christmas Eve, which has only been two for years....one is ia now 18 and we thought about it and still are going to give it to her if she comes by again this Christmas Eve.
    and of course always my kids and my parents

  24. #24
    Junior Member Liz92B's Avatar
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    I used to send presents to my niece and nephew and never heard a word; until the year I called and asked if the parcel arrived (other side of the country) ... their mother (my SiL) made some comment about the 'garbage' I sent. Hung up on her and scratched their names off my gift-giving list. I *still* send presents to my two sisters, and we're all in our 60s now.
    Liz / Calgary

  25. #25
    Member Stichin's Avatar
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    and yet you keep sending them?

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