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Thread: For when people ask to borrow something?

  1. #26
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    I go with the old adage Never a borrower nor a lender be. But I do get a kick out of the things people want to borrow.My new neighbor lost her drivers license -to many points for moving violations.-Well the locals know her car and her so she wanted to borrow my car for a few days and could not understand why I said NO. My '99 looks show room new -her 2011 looks like it has seen every crash up derby this side of the Mississippi. Now I'm the bad guy

  2. #27
    Power Poster mighty's Avatar
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    I do not loan many thngs, I find that I usually do not get them back!!!!

  3. #28
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    Wow this sounds familiar. Same thing here. Live and learn. And same thing with my kids!

  4. #29
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    my mom always kept a little notebook on the bulletin board in her kitchen. both she and dad would write down what was loaned, the date it went out, and if it was not returned soon, had no compunction about calling about it. they were very careful about lending anything in the first place--and were meticulous about keeping track. i can't remember what day it is, let alone what went to whom--so i don't loan anything to anybody unless i can afford to lose it, and i try to stick to immediate family. i know where they live! (they tend to be more careful, too!)
    "life is a banquet, and most poor fools are out there, starving to death!"--"auntie mame"

  5. #30
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    I have learned my lesson in lending. I now carry address labels with me and point out that "I'll just put this on the item so you remember who it belongs to." Works so far.
    "Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver." Barbara De Angelis

  6. #31
    Super Member ptquilts's Avatar
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    With me people get one chance to borrow and return. After that , FUHGEDDABOUTIT!!

    I had one friend who borrowed a book, asked if she could loan it to her brother in Alaska (it was about Alaska), I said OK, and I DID get it back. So it can be done!


    I find when you don't want to do something, like loan things out, pretend (if you have to) that you have had so many bad experiences in the past that you just never do it anymore. People can try to argue with you but they can't tell you you did not have bad experiences. Or if they say, "Well, I won't be like that..." answer, that is what they ALL said.

  7. #32
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    We had a new neighbor who asked to borrow our brand new shiny red wheelbarrow. I had been putting an old blanket in the bottom to keep it nice, but DH loaned it out. The neighbor used it to clear concrete and other junk from his yard and dump it illegally in the conservation area across the street, thus making us accessories to a misdemeanor. He also dumped his wasted food there, in that lovely previously pristine spot. Plus, the wheelbarrow was returned all dented and with the paint scratched off. It just wasn't worth it to me to do a favor for this neighbor again. He kept asking, though, and got quite insistent.

  8. #33
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    My best friend's husband had a neighbor ask him one time if he could borrow his garden tiller. He didn't even have it out of the box yet! His reply? "Don't ask to borrow my tiller and I won't ask to borrow your wife." The look on the other guys face was priceless! And he never asked to borrow anything again.

  9. #34
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    cookie68 now that is priceless...your husband is one sharp guy...

  10. #35
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    I learned the hard way, if you don't lend something you want or want back, you don't have hard feelings when you tell borrower I LOANED it to you and need it back now. I too was raised if you borrow something, give it back same condition it was in, and today most people seem clueless to that fact.

  11. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pam B View Post
    In Nov I bought a really neat book at the LQS full of great quick little projects. I also had a few pages of holiday recipes and decorating ideas in it that I had picked up at the LQS, as well. Took it to school to show to a friend at lunch. (Yes...my name was on the front). It traveled among several teachers. Finally, two or three weeks later I tracked it to a teacher who said she took it home to show her mother. I never did get it back. Saddest part...I took it in the day after I had purchased it. Grrrrr
    I would have told her to bring it back or I wanted XX amount of money, large amount to replace it, and would go to her boss (she stole it after all) if it was not done. People really need to be educated, and sometimes we have to be a little pushy/rude to do it, but them keeping your things is very RUDE. I am to old to beleive in the political correctness where people cannot have freedom to express themselves like we used to because some overly sensitive ignorant person won't like it.

  12. #37
    Super Member noveltyjunkie's Avatar
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    Put your name on what you loan. People forget.
    Fortune favours the prepared mind
    "Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler." Albert Einstein

  13. #38
    Super Member Rose_P's Avatar
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    Since there are so many unpleasant experiences listed, I thought I'd add that I have a close friend with whom I cheerfully exchange books several times a year, and we both return them faithfully. I have known her since 1970, longer than I've known my husband.

    It's apparently just too easy for some people to ignore property rights. I wouldn't even consider borrowing something that I wouldn't be able to replace if it gets damaged or lost.

    We all need to be braver about the business of not wanting to offend people who have clearly not been too worried about offending us. It should not be that difficult to say, "Sorry, no." You don't owe anyone a loan or an explanation. In fact, if it's a previous offender, you owe it to yourself to mention that they didn't return or damaged the last thing they borrowed. Maybe they'll suddenly remember where it is.
    "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." - Voltaire

  14. #39
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    Now that's a nervy neighbor! She completely disregards the fact that you will be liable for damage or injuries she causes if you were dumb enough to loan your car to her.

  15. #40
    Super Member CraftsByRobin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AlienQuilter View Post

    A special Aunt of mine used to say "Don't ever loan something you can't do without and be grateful when it's returned." I have never sued anyone. But it is weird, whenever my kids damaged anything at someones house, we always paid for repairs or replacement. But, it seems whenever anyone kids did something at our house we would be lucky to get an apology. Go figure.
    I never loan or give out anything I can't afford to lose. Your Aunt was very smart!
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    Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!

  16. #41
    Super Member CraftsByRobin's Avatar
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    I wouldn't say you are old, but polite and wise. You treat others as you wish to be treated ... and often folks forget these things.
    http://craftsbyrobin.blogspot.com/
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    If your mind can conceive it, and your heart can believe it, then you can achieve it.

    Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!

  17. #42
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    I would rather say 'no' than ask for collateral! I also don't think much of friends who ask to borrow your stuff. I wouldn't ask to borrow anything from anyone.... Borrowing puts too much strain on relationships. It's a disaster just waiting to happen.
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  18. #43
    Senior Member diamondee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quilt-Till-U-Wilt View Post
    Kind of embarressing to ask a friend for collaterol.
    They are NOT embarrassed to ask for a loan. consider it a business transaction.
    ​We can't help everyone, But everyone can help someone.

  19. #44
    Super Member IBQUILTIN's Avatar
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    I have a friend that borrows books, mags, fabric, whatever, and I do the same with her. Our pieces are not marked, so we are never sure who has what, but it works out well in the end

  20. #45
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    I am amazed at the number of people who "borrow" and do not return things or return them only when asked for and damaged. I have to replace my Gingher scissors because someone use them to cut something other than cloth. I got them back and I think it was because I had engraved my initial on the handle. Didn't find out until later that they won't even cut through cotton now. Best not to ever loan anything you cannot replace or live without. That is the only way it doesn't bother me. Just expecting "adults" to return something is asking for hurt feelings.

  21. #46
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    I don't borrow and am not hesitant about saying "no" when asked to loan something. (Now, EVERYBODY knows not to ask me to loan them something, they know it isn't going to happen!) I have always managed, on a very tight budget, to get the things I need and want; I think everybody else can do the same.

  22. #47
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    I borrowed a tiller from a co-worker, but ended up having to replace a part because it broke; that would be the "return it the same or better than before" item. And then, I loaned a series of books, and one of the books was returned damaged (looked like water was spilled all over it). I was so upset that I ended up giving the whole series to Goodwill. This would be the "don't expect to get it back in the same shape as you loaned it" item. Needless to say, I learned a lesson on loaning, but I will ALWAYS fix it if I broke it.

  23. #48
    Senior Member captlynhall's Avatar
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    I think you might say, "If I loaned you this, can you afford to replace it with new if you damage or break it?" If they say "No", then you can say, "Well neither can I. I have already purchased it once. Can't afford to do it again".
    If they say "Yes, then you could say, "Since you can afford it, it would be best for you to go buy one for your own use. That way, mine is here for me to use when I need it."
    When a dying man asked his pastor "How long does it take to die?" his pastor's heartfelt reply was "A lifetime." Live life to the fullest, but stop now and then to enjoy the sunset.
    Lynda

  24. #49
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    it was great fun to read m.elizabeth's comment! i taught middle school, also. i never let a pen, pencil or dictionary go to a student's desk without some meaningful collateral! pencils were 35cents down. if they weren't returned i had the money to buy new ones. same with pens. 8th grade brings out the creativity in teachers!! lol
    The only bad days are the ones you don't get.

  25. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by coopah View Post
    I was taught to return things in the same condition, or better, than when I borrowed them. Remember the old saying, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be?" That's my motto. If someone gets pushy about borrowing, I tell them I have plans to use it soon. It's mine. They can get their own.
    that is the way I was brought up too. I loaned my son my relatively new carpet cleaner. It didn't come home until I told him I needed it. Well, it looked really bad he'd been cleaning his rent houses. It was filthy and stunk. I gifted it to him and bought myself a new one, never to be loaned out, ever.

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