When People Ask For Hand Outs and Donations
06-08-2010, 08:34 AM
#21
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,388
It is hard not to let one or two bad experiences burn you.
A few years ago I belonged to an MSN quilt group and one of the members asked if I could help her out learning how to quilt. I agreed. She actually got upset with me that I wasn't sending her enough (after I cut all the pieces for her and sent her the instructions on how to piece a simple quilt for her son) but since it was going up to Canada, I said I wasn't going to pay for shipping for the batting and that she would have to go buy some. Anyway, about a month later, she e-mailed me asking for $100 to help them get school supplies for their kids to go to school. I told her I couldn't send her the money (and at the time, I really couldn't!). She got angry and said she knew I could afford to, I just was being selfish. I was appalled. Needless to say, I didn't send her the money and ended up having to block her from my e-mail. The moderator of the MSN group removed her from membership as well because she was soliciting other members for money and fabric.
On the flip side, I have sent out fabric and supplies when I KNOW it will find a grateful recipient who genuinely wants and needs the fabric. I totally believe that when we bless others, we are blessed ourselves.
A few years ago I belonged to an MSN quilt group and one of the members asked if I could help her out learning how to quilt. I agreed. She actually got upset with me that I wasn't sending her enough (after I cut all the pieces for her and sent her the instructions on how to piece a simple quilt for her son) but since it was going up to Canada, I said I wasn't going to pay for shipping for the batting and that she would have to go buy some. Anyway, about a month later, she e-mailed me asking for $100 to help them get school supplies for their kids to go to school. I told her I couldn't send her the money (and at the time, I really couldn't!). She got angry and said she knew I could afford to, I just was being selfish. I was appalled. Needless to say, I didn't send her the money and ended up having to block her from my e-mail. The moderator of the MSN group removed her from membership as well because she was soliciting other members for money and fabric.
On the flip side, I have sent out fabric and supplies when I KNOW it will find a grateful recipient who genuinely wants and needs the fabric. I totally believe that when we bless others, we are blessed ourselves.
06-08-2010, 09:02 AM
#22
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Tulsa, OK
Posts: 799
Originally Posted by Bevanger
I guess maybe I ask to much for fabrics, but being on ssi , i am financially limited. so when i get fabs i appreciate it cuz i get to sew. i show pics constantly to show everyone that i am using their fabrics and i'm quick to say thank you. I've been here a couple years and if i ask for alot, please pm me and tell me. Sometimes I get so excited when sewing with these fabs, I don't think .... So PLEASE tell me if I'm overdoing it. :oops:
I don't think putting out a broadcast that you could use something in particular is the same thing at all. You are a regular, and we can all see that you use it. If you put it out in the forums, you give people a choice, in my opinion. If I read your post and have what you need, I can choose to send it, and if I don't have it, maybe someone else will.
It's different if you are pm'ing specific people you don't know and asking them for something. I don't think this thread is at all aimed at folks like you. For me, sending stuff feels so good. I have too much and it's only pleasure for me to share pieces I know will go to good use.
This is a huge group, from all different circumstances. ( It was not that long ago that my circumstances financially were on the scary side.) One of the things I love here is the willingness to sponsor, mentor, help out, pass along. I don't want to see that go away, or to see people self-conscious. So please don't worry about that.
06-08-2010, 09:04 AM
#23
Junior Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Georgia/Alabama
Posts: 235
Originally Posted by marsye
I don't want to sound like a witch here but how do you know people are being honest when they ask for hand outs or donations because they can't afford it, etc? I have always wondered about this when you can't actually see them and their situation. I'm always willing to help someone in need when I can see whats going on with my own eyes but online how can you be sure your not being snookered? I'm not pointing my finger at anybody on here. We also have a local forum in our town and people ask for hand outs on there too. Please don't hit me! I'll cry. :lol:
06-08-2010, 09:10 AM
#24
Power Poster
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Murray, Ky. Looking for a nice cushy pillow to rest my head on!
Posts: 14,022
Bev I agree it's not about ppl like you or penny (I know a few others but names slip my mind) who really need help and use what you get and are so appreciative of what you get. By all means don't be afraid to ask for help. I am always willing to share what I got. I might have to ask for help with shipping but I like to share. It is those strangers begging with PMs that I think is getting to everyone. Ppl just trying to take advantage of our kindness.
06-08-2010, 09:11 AM
#25
Power Poster
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 17,068
Originally Posted by MistyMarie
It is hard not to let one or two bad experiences burn you.
A few years ago I belonged to an MSN quilt group and one of the members asked if I could help her out learning how to quilt. I agreed. She actually got upset with me that I wasn't sending her enough (after I cut all the pieces for her and sent her the instructions on how to piece a simple quilt for her son) but since it was going up to Canada, I said I wasn't going to pay for shipping for the batting and that she would have to go buy some. Anyway, about a month later, she e-mailed me asking for $100 to help them get school supplies for their kids to go to school. I told her I couldn't send her the money (and at the time, I really couldn't!). She got angry and said she knew I could afford to, I just was being selfish. I was appalled. Needless to say, I didn't send her the money and ended up having to block her from my e-mail. The moderator of the MSN group removed her from membership as well because she was soliciting other members for money and fabric.
On the flip side, I have sent out fabric and supplies when I KNOW it will find a grateful recipient who genuinely wants and needs the fabric. I totally believe that when we bless others, we are blessed ourselves.
A few years ago I belonged to an MSN quilt group and one of the members asked if I could help her out learning how to quilt. I agreed. She actually got upset with me that I wasn't sending her enough (after I cut all the pieces for her and sent her the instructions on how to piece a simple quilt for her son) but since it was going up to Canada, I said I wasn't going to pay for shipping for the batting and that she would have to go buy some. Anyway, about a month later, she e-mailed me asking for $100 to help them get school supplies for their kids to go to school. I told her I couldn't send her the money (and at the time, I really couldn't!). She got angry and said she knew I could afford to, I just was being selfish. I was appalled. Needless to say, I didn't send her the money and ended up having to block her from my e-mail. The moderator of the MSN group removed her from membership as well because she was soliciting other members for money and fabric.
On the flip side, I have sent out fabric and supplies when I KNOW it will find a grateful recipient who genuinely wants and needs the fabric. I totally believe that when we bless others, we are blessed ourselves.
06-08-2010, 09:11 AM
#26
Power Poster
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 17,068
Originally Posted by cjomomma
Bev I agree it's not about ppl like you or penny (I know a few others but names slip my mind) who really need help and use what you get and are so appreciative of what you get. By all means don't be afraid to ask for help. I am always willing to share what I got. I might have to ask for help with shipping but I like to share. It is those strangers begging with PMs that I think is getting to everyone. Ppl just trying to take advantage of our kindness.
06-08-2010, 09:12 AM
#27
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: maine
Posts: 1,574
i have had a few expierences like most , but have found i like to pay it forward as i have seen bad times myself, and if i can helpp any body then thats what i do, ilike giving with no return just me not only if i can help somebody out then they are helping me lower my stash(lol) and makes me feel good.
ive never been good with words but hope i said it right,
this board has given me so much, helped with all there information, smiles and solice and my sanity,
ive never been good with words but hope i said it right,
this board has given me so much, helped with all there information, smiles and solice and my sanity,
06-08-2010, 09:13 AM
#28
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: MS
Posts: 3,434
Originally Posted by cjomomma
I love to help others all that I can, I figure if they are being dishonest then that is on them. I had asked for help with sports fabric once and I received so much I had to start turning ppl down cause I didn't want to seem greedy. What ever I had left over I sent to another quilter that was in need of the same thing. That being said I prefer to come across the person and not receive a PM asking for help especially when they are brand new to the QB and know they can't post in the classifieds until they are regular members. I always try to let ppl know where my fabric comes from so that I don't waste my time. I could go on forever but I will stop.
06-08-2010, 09:26 AM
#29
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Buffalo, N.Y.
Posts: 383
Makes me feel good inside when I help someone. I firmly believe in what goes around - comes around, so some day if I'm in need I'll be helped, too.
I once saw a homeless man begging for food in McD's - and one table full of men started complaining to the manager. I invited the old guy to sit and join us, and as we were leaving I went up to the table full of men and told them to look up the meaning of the word compassion. They didn't have a single word to say to me.
I once saw a homeless man begging for food in McD's - and one table full of men started complaining to the manager. I invited the old guy to sit and join us, and as we were leaving I went up to the table full of men and told them to look up the meaning of the word compassion. They didn't have a single word to say to me.
06-08-2010, 09:35 AM
#30
Super Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 8,807
(quote) "I got a pm too asking for selvedges. The person joined April 23, 2010. Sent me the pm May 8, 2010. I just checked and the person has created 0 topics and made 0 responses to post. I have read post that 'gave me a funny feeling' but how would we ever know? We just have to make the best decisions we can, bless it and go on".[/quote]
Hmmm - that same person PM'd me and I also checked and came up with the same results you did. She's not getting any of my selvedges, that's for sure.
This is what I don't like.
Bev - no one here is referring to you. We know your circumstances and you do email to let us know the envelope arrived and you do thank us and you do post pictures so we know you are using the fabric. Not to worry!
Hmmm - that same person PM'd me and I also checked and came up with the same results you did. She's not getting any of my selvedges, that's for sure.
This is what I don't like.
Bev - no one here is referring to you. We know your circumstances and you do email to let us know the envelope arrived and you do thank us and you do post pictures so we know you are using the fabric. Not to worry!
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