Welcome to the Quilting Board!

Already a member? Login above
loginabove
OR
To post questions, help other quilters and reduce advertising (like the one on your left), join our quilting community. It's free!

Results 1 to 20 of 20

Thread: Women's Restrooms...Mondays funny

  1. #1
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Crystal River Florida
    Posts
    9,770
    When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

    Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

    You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
    The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'

    In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'

    To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.

    You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail ..

    Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT . It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

    By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The fl ush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

    At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

    You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

    You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

    As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

    This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

  2. #2
    bkb
    bkb is offline
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    illinois
    Posts
    1,278
    So true!!!!!

  3. #3
    Senior Member stitchingmemories's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Chattanooga, TN
    Posts
    472
    Oh my! Been there, done that! haha Thanks for the giggle!

  4. #4
    Super Member Colbaltjars62's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Gladstone, Oregon by way of Washington(the state)
    Posts
    1,034
    OMG hubby is about to wet HIS pants he's laughing so hard...Good one Ditter. Have a good week. :wink:

  5. #5
    Super Member trisha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Northwest Ohio
    Posts
    1,874
    I was laughing so hard my DH came upstairs because he thought I was having seizure!!!

  6. #6
    Power Poster CarrieAnne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Whitewater, WI
    Posts
    26,044
    lol!

  7. #7
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Myrtle Beach, SC
    Posts
    6,436
    Love it! You seem like a lot of fun!

    "In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'"

    IF you do line the toilet seat with toilet paper, PLEASE feed it into the toilet bowl when you are done! That is the only thing you left out - whoever did their business before you did line the toilet seat, overstuffed the toilet with TP, didn't flush and you are doing the pee-pee dance while wondering if the toilet will ever flush...and if it does will it flood the room...and thinking that maybe you should invest in adult pull ups....

  8. #8
    Super Member MaryStoaks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    La Quinta, CA
    Posts
    3,925
    Absolutely true! A good one as usual! :thumbup:

  9. #9
    Senior Member theoldgraymare's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Beaumont, Texas
    Posts
    733
    Blog Entries
    3
    Thanks, Ditter! I've had my laugh for the nite, so now I can go to bed.

  10. #10
    Super Member grammiepamie's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Orange Park, Florida
    Posts
    1,016
    Yea Ditter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

  11. #11
    Super Member C.Cal Quilt Girl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Central Ca
    Posts
    2,619
    ROFLOL.... :) Thanks !!

  12. #12
    Power Poster Sadiemae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Idaho
    Posts
    11,450
    Blog Entries
    20
    This was so true, it was funny!!!

  13. #13
    a regular here MegsAnn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    California
    Posts
    1,341
    Yup. Been there, done that. Ew.

  14. #14
    Super Member leatheflea's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    martinsville Indiana
    Posts
    4,476
    My answer to that is ...knock on the mens door, if no answer, go in lock the door, carefully do your business, men are pigs but they always have paper, no sitting in here. I've done this countless times there's never a line and most men are more than happy to let you go in ahead of them and watch the door for unexpected visitors. Believe it or not even in todays world men still have manners.

  15. #15
    Super Member Qbee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    4,155
    OMGosh that is too funny! It reminds me of a HORRIBLE incident I experienced years ago. Long story short, I worked as a Social Worker in Texas. Since we were state funded, we would be audited every year which basically involved a not so pleasant person following us around to all of our client's homes to sit and take notes as we spoke to our clients! Fun huh! Well anyway....I was VERY young and had just had my first child at audit time. I had only been back to work about a week and I was still breast feeding and so I had to go by and feed the baby or pump during lunch each day. At the beginning of the day the auditor told me that he would like to get all the visits done early and asked if I would mind eating in the car rather than stopping for lunch...sure...OK. I had planned to sneak to the office to pump during lunch! So....as you can imagine...we are driving around and my chest is getting closer and closer to exploding! Finally, I say I need a bathroom break. Without thinking, I run into a stall and crank up the 'ole pump. Now...if you have not heard a pump, let's just say it makes a "vibrating" noise. Needless to say the local small town folk were NOT pleased, reported me to the manager and the next thing I know, I have someone knocking on my stall door. All the while the auditor is sitting in a booth happily drinking his little coke!!!

  16. #16
    Power Poster
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    North Texas
    Posts
    10,707
    Blog Entries
    36
    Ditter this was great and all the other comments too. I can add a funny I think. At least to me. I have this thing about going into a public restroom when someone else is there. SO I wait patiently for them to leave and then go about my business, when someone comes in I stop. SOmetimes it takes me a long time. My DH still laughs at me. When I hear noises from the other booths, I feel so sorry for them. Well, now that I am older, I don't care and I am in and out lickity split. ROFL.

  17. #17
    twistedsheets's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    356
    This happens too many times. I will add to this tho. Went to a bathroom in a truck stop down by the Mexican border. We had just picked up a load and was the closet place we could weigh the truck. Well I always have to go, know what I mean.? And of course get more coffee and soda for later! I checked and saw no feet when I went in ! While I was sitting doing my thing, I noticed I was out of paper. Seat paper was there. I heard some one cough in stall next to me. I asked is some one there and could you please give me some toilet paper if you are under the stall wall. I was handed some. Finished my business and flushed and went to sink to wash hands. Well I hear shoes hit the florr and stall swings open. Out walks this guy with the white turbin and long beard. I nealry pooped myself. He walks out of the bathroom never even flushed or washed hands. I never stopped there again!

  18. #18
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Crystal River Florida
    Posts
    9,770
    Oh this is too funny!! I'll tell you one on me.
    Many years ago my Dh , our DS and his girlfriend went to our favorite little pizza place. When the pizza was server, piping hot,my DH tried to serve me the first piece at the same moment I reached to get a piece. The result was hot cheese on the back of my hand.
    I jumped up and ran into the restroom to run cold water over my hand. After a minute or so, I looked up in the mirror and to my surprise saw urinals behind me! I realized I had ran into the men's room by mistake! Gratefully there was no one in there but me.
    I quickly exited, hoping no one had noticed. My DH and DS still tease me about it!

  19. #19
    Super Member ptquilts's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    6,026
    was in a truck stop in MN one time, early morning, just going in the stall in the ladies room, I got a quick glimpse in the mirror of a guy in another stall, closing the door.
    I said, I think you are in the wrong restroom, and he said, Oh, I didn't know or something like that.
    But he didn't leave!! SO I did. About 5 minutes later he came out. Weird.

  20. #20
    a regular here MegsAnn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    California
    Posts
    1,341
    Quote Originally Posted by Qbee
    Now...if you have not heard a pump, let's just say it makes a "vibrating" noise. Needless to say the local small town folk were NOT pleased, reported me to the manager and the next thing I know, I have someone knocking on my stall door. All the while the auditor is sitting in a booth happily drinking his little coke!!!
    LOL Qbee!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.