JoanneS

Oh Rhonda, I'm sorry that your daughter has all those things on her plate. My DDIL says that she know God wouldn't give her more than she can handle, but sometimes I'm not so sure. Mostly, though, she's my heroine, as Sara must be yours.

People with Asperger's often turn out to be high achievers. Have you heard of or read books by Temple Grandhin? I may have spelled her name wrong. She's an Asperger with a PhD. Absolutely. I recommend her books highly. She really gives you hope about autistic people in general, and Aspergers in particular.

Rhonda

Thanks for the kind words! Sara has been my best friend almost from the time she was born. My three are all a year apart and I relied on her alot. We are very close. So I admire her in alot of ways. She is a natural care giver and takes care of her in laws health as well as her own family and she is a care giver for her dad to give me a break. She is a busy busy lady!! She is usually on the road or in the store when I call her!
Thanks for the suggestion I will check it out. Sara does a lot of research and passes a lot of info on to me. We have learned alot in the last 7 years.
Always interested in learning more that will help me deal with my grandsons. They both also have ADHD so they are on meds but still get antzy at times
Sara worried what Zach's life will be like as an adult but he is growing developmentally so fast it amazes us what he has learned in the last year or so!! Joey10 has social problems at school. Someone started a nasty rumor about him at school and he got up in front of the class and told the class it was not true and that he considered them all his friends. He has a hard time making friends. It was his idea and we are very proud of him for choosing to confront the bully this way. He did not know who started the rumor. Joey has aspergers tho the doctors won't diagnose it it is obvious in the problems he has.

Mousie

I went to the site for Temple Grandin. I only got to read the article, but she seems to know her stuff. She was talking about the different kinds of thinkers.
She really nailed the visual thinkers, having to compute people's words into pictures, and then take their own pictures and compute them before they can spit out what they are trying to say back.
With adhd, the person has to do it, before they forget what the heck they were talking about. If they are talking to someone that is impatient or say, for example, a doctor, who is trained to anticipate what the patient "is going" to say...and interrupts...he will give that person new pictures, and the conversation is run off the track and neither knows it, at the moment.
That's why it is so important to listen to children, and let them get stuff out. Later, they may realize that what was said in the conversation wasn't what they meant at all :cry: They tend to be either very passive and let others lead them, too tired of their own minds, to fight to get it out right, or they get irritated with the whole process, and act out.
They seem normal on the outside, but their is a traffic jam going on inside their heads.
I don't know as much about autism, but I am intrigued. I don't think the two are all that far apart. There are a lot of children being needlessly medicated, but more often than not, they are being treated and overmedicated by family doctors, who don't have the knowledge and experience in that area.
So, the kids that really do need help, and who knows better than the parents and the grandparents...the ppl that are with them the most, in their own environments, where they can try to be as much of themselves as they can manage...these children, many of them, are going overlooked.
I have one daughter in the gifted range and i knew it. I also have a daughter who is at the high end of average and above in a few areas, and has adhd. Teachers of both of these kids, said they didn't see these things. The gifted daughter had sat scores that proved it, and she spent a year in a special class. She opted out, and I gave her my support all the way.
The other daughter was punished most of her third grade year by being isolated at the back of the room, with her desk turned backwards. Know when I found this out? About two years ago. She is 26 now. I would have made buzzard stew out of that teacher. I held my tongue for my daughters sake after she told me, but for closure, I went to that school. The principal used to be one of my teachers and was still there. She knows me well. My daughters third grade teacher is still there too.
I talked to the principal for an hour and a half, but never said a word to the other one. No point. She is one of those, can't be wrong, kind of ppl, and it wouldn't have done any good all those years later, but I got the whole thing out of my system, and shed some light on some of the things this teacher pulled over the years. She used to paddle one little boy, every single day!!! mind you, after lunch. Every day. Until his parents found out. I enjoyed hearing how they went to see this teacher and confronted her and the mother made it clear in no uncertain terms that she would be contacted if her son was disruptive etc. and there was to be no more daily spankings of any kind. I guess I am venting.
Probably help me to go look some stuff up. I always said, knowledge is the antidote to anxiety. So much of the time, it is for me. :wink:

Shadow Dancer

There is a plaque hanging on the wall of the cardiac unit of Sick Children's Hospital in Toronto that reads:

"You must be a very special person to be given such a special child!"

I read that plaque many times over the years as I walked the corridors of that unit while my youngest son was in for multiple surgeries... we often hear the words, "why me?" when parents have a child with special needs. I never asked why me, instead I said "why not me, and what lesson am I going to learn?"

We learn more from our children than we ever will teach them . :)

Rhonda

I have told Sara at her lowest point when Zach won't stop screaming for something he can't have that God chose her for her abilities with kids and her loving nature. We are aware a lot of these kids end up in institutions and I ask her just think what his life would be like without you!!. She responds with how much he enriches her life but sometimes she needs to vent to me who understands and she needs to be reminded of where she and Zach are going in life. It is hard for a lot of reasons to live with 3 children who all have various medical and emotional problems and she is quilte frequently downhearted. We are Christians and she has her faith as well which really helps.
That about the thought process is very interesting and is very true. If you take too long to deal with Zach he just tunes you out. It has to be short and sweet to get anywhere with him. He has adhd and it is hard to keep his attention.
I appreciate your interest and "venting" it is uplifting to know people care. I haven't checked this lady out yet but I will. Thanks!!

JoanneS

That friend doesn't realize she isn't doing her daughter a favor by catering to her. That kid will have trouble with other people for the rest of her life when they choose to NOT cater to her!

JoanneS

My son finallly got one of those keypad locks meant for the OUTSIDE lock and put them on the INSIDE of outside doors. Charlie still hasn't figured them out. And if he does, they can change the combination.

Rhonda

When I told my daughter about this little girl her comment was these children need to be challenged to be as normal as they are capable of. Letting her get away with bad behavior does her no good. We believe in consequences the child understands and is appropriate for their level of understnding like time out or losing an activity. I agree with you completely!

JoanneS

Another interesting thing about Charlie (the 9 year old) - he can't think of ways to play, so he needs to have 'typical' (we don't say normal) friends show him how to play. He has a lot of typical friends at school - they vie with each other to play with him, which is great. He was chosen most friendly 2 years ago! He follows the other kids like a puppy at recess.

Rhonda

It really shows how involved you are in your grandsons lives! We are always sharing Zach stories here. We get a kick out of his achievements and his humor. The up side for us is he is usually a very content child. He has an aide at school that goes with him all day to keep him on track. He is mainstreamed this year for the first time and he goes to a resource room for a couple hours each day for help with his work. He is doing great once the school system finally figured out his needs!! They still don't always understand.
I'm sure you can relate. Autistic kids have alot of love to give!!