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Thread: How can I overcome my fear?

  1. #26
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    I would tell my Grand how disappointed I was to find the quilt tossed aside and forgotten and I wouldn't be spending my time and money where it apparently wasn't wanted. Apparently the parents didn't care how she treated a gift either. I wouldn't let the actions of a foolish disrespectful girl cloud my thinking about giving my quilts as gifts.

  2. #27
    Super Member dglvr's Avatar
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    That quilt you made was beautifal. This happened to me too.
    I spent alot of time and money on a quilt for a friend having a baby and she said she wanted it for the wall. I even put the hangers on it.
    They left for awhile so I took care of their dogs and went to see how the quilt looked. To my shocking suprise it was in the crib with stains and yukkie stuff all over it. I must say a tear or 2 fell that day. I was so upset. I took a picture of it to show a freind. I had to delete it after that because everytime I seen the picture it was a painful reminder. I try to remember the "once you give it away its no longer yours". She was at my house one day and noticed a quilt I had done and mentioned that would look so nice on her bed. Like hint hint please make that for me. All I could do was laugh. I was suprised I kept my mouth shut. It took me awhile to make another quilt to give away but had to remember someone else would hopefully cherish a quilt I made. I've made several other quilts for babies now but use only panels and stuff that I know will be used in a crib.
    It is so frustrating like finding something you took the time and money and heart to make for someone and finding it in their yard sale for $1.
    Don't give up. You do beautifal work. If you want to make me that quilt it will be cherished. :thumbup:

  3. #28
    Power Poster sueisallaboutquilts's Avatar
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    Oh honey, I feel for you! I'm not a Grandma yet but I was a grand-daughter and I CHERISH every single thing they gave me.
    I don't understand how it could be tossed somewhere, sorry.
    But please don't let one person spoil the joy that another person would get by having a quilt made by you. Just be selective.
    I am protective of quilts and all treasures given to me. And I really don't want to spend my time on something that will be misused.
    HUGS

  4. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by dglvr
    That quilt you made was beautifal. This happened to me too.
    I spent alot of time and money on a quilt for a friend having a baby and she said she wanted it for the wall. I even put the hangers on it.
    They left for awhile so I took care of their dogs and went to see how the quilt looked. To my shocking suprise it was in the crib with stains and yukkie stuff all over it. I must say a tear or 2 fell that day. I was so upset. I took a picture of it to show a freind. I had to delete it after that because everytime I seen the picture it was a painful reminder. I try to remember the "once you give it away its no longer yours". She was at my house one day and noticed a quilt I had done and mentioned that would look so nice on her bed. Like hint hint please make that for me. All I could do was laugh. I was suprised I kept my mouth shut. It took me awhile to make another quilt to give away but had to remember someone else would hopefully cherish a quilt I made. I've made several other quilts for babies now but use only panels and stuff that I know will be used in a crib.
    It is so frustrating like finding something you took the time and money and heart to make for someone and finding it in their yard sale for $1.
    Don't give up. You do beautifal work. If you want to make me that quilt it will be cherished. :thumbup:
    It seems like that quilt was being used for the purpose that you gave it to them. Babies make messes. Unpleasant things come out of various openings.

    If I had found it in the dog's bed, then I would have been po'd.

  5. #30
    Super Member Flying_V_Goddess's Avatar
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    Its understandable you'd be hestiant about giving a quilt. A lot of people have said the "once you gift it, they can do whatever with it" credo, but honestly I think its bull. I think whenever a quilter sees a quilt that they've made mistreated (not "loved to death, but mistrated) they feel like they died a little on the inside because they put their whole heart, soul, creativity, and the idea that the recipient would adore it into making that quilt.

    But don't let one bad experiance involving a quilt gift (with a teenager I might add) let it stop you from creating another quilt to give as a gift. Not everyone you give a quilt to is going to use it as a dog mattress or leave it on the floor to be stepped on. There are actually non-quilters in this world who appreaciate the amount of work that goes into a quilt.

  6. #31
    Senior Member pinecone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kre8iveKat
    Maybe she has not fully understood all that went into making that quilt maybe when older she will fill bad for treating a piece of art the way she has done.
    work and money. I would start with a table runner to break the ice so to speak. See if she likes it and go from there. All the big box stores sell quilts for so little many people don't realize that good quilting material can cost $10/yard with 9 yards needed for the queensize backing alone. The C.mas Tree Shop has hiliday ones for $19!!! :shock: OK, so they won't win any awards but just the same...

    piney

  7. #32
    Senior Member Prissnboot's Avatar
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    Gift it with the stipulation that if the recipient ever decides they don't like it, it comes back to you with no questions or hurt feelings.

  8. #33
    Senior Member craftyone27's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JuneD
    You know, a 17 year old may not appreciate the work that went into making the quilt, but I hate to say it, her mother or father should have. Especially if it was given to her by her grandmother. I am sorry for being so blunt, that's just my opinion.

    I can understand your reluctance in making another quilt, but there is someone out there that would LOVE a handmade gift. (especially me!!!!! :-)
    I am in total agreement here! Was it your son or daughter? They should have reminded her of the work and love that you put into making that quilt for her. At 17 kids are not always aware of other peoples' feelings - a rather self-centered age. Does your grandsons fiance do any crafty type things? Usually people who do crafts are more appreciative of something homemade with love.

  9. #34
    Super Member pittsburgpam's Avatar
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    Don't let one incident sour giving for you. We've probably all had either lack-luster responses or mistreatment but then, you also get the ones like my grandson who loves his quilt.

    I gave my sister a quilt probably 15 years ago and I saw it at her house recently on the couch. It looked old and worn and that shocked me for just a moment then I thought... it's been used! It is a simple Amish square-in-square and hand quilted. Maybe it's time to make her another one.

    Just know that if that happens, you don't need to make that person a quilt again. Maybe you could ask for the quilt to clean it up and repair.

  10. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by sewingladydi
    Make some smaller charity quilts for Project Linus or QFK.

    Then imagine the comfort it will give a small child who is ill. That should help comfort your heart
    agreed, but also test the water before gifting a quilt to someone and see the effect.

  11. #36
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    I can't believe your GD would treat such a beautiful quilt that way! There are still a number of quilts in my family from my great grandmother, and while they are in need of a little repair, every one of them is loved, cherished, and used in the manner it was meant for every winter.

    I remember though, before I started quilting, my aunt gave me a quilted pot holder for Christmas the first year I was married. I was quite dissappointed, because it seemed like there wasn't much thought or effort that went into the gift. Now, I'm finishing up placemats and such for my own family and I know exactly how much work goes into such a thing. And that potholder that I didn't appreciate much on opening now gets used in my kitchen at least twice a week!

    I think a little education is the key to proper appreciation. Invite your GD or even your grandson's fiancee over for some girls time while you're working on basting a quilt sometime. (I always found that to be the hardest part of making a quilt.) Maybe if they see the amount of care that goes into the creation, they would appreciate the thought just a little more. And I would definately say something, not only to your GD, but to her parents as well, about how seeing the quilt you made so disregarded made you feel. You can say that once you gift it its no longer yours all you want, but its always easier to say that when it's not family you've gifted it to. If nothing else, they should care about you enough to treat things you gave them properly. I'm sorry if that's a little coarse, but it's true.

    If you feel that your grandson's fiancee would appreciate it, make her a quilt. When you give it to her, you can let her know it's a welcome to the family gift. Don't let one person's thoughtless actions rule what you do for the rest of your life.

    Sloan

    P.S. I've noticed the boys tend to be closer to their grandmothers than girls are many times, so maybe your grandson would be a good influence in making sure your gift would be taken care of too!

  12. #37
    Super Member sewingladydi's Avatar
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    Being a quilter, I understand the amount of work & $$ that goes into a quilt.

    But to give a gift with conditions (if you don't want it, give it back)or to specify how much it costs, doesn't seem to be in the spirit of truly giving. Seem more like a negotiation.

    Kids (teens) do foolish, selfish things, but mostly due to ignorance and the self-centeredness that comes with youth.

  13. #38
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    Well - let's substitute "car" for quilt -

    don't we expect the recipient to take decent care of it?

  14. #39
    Senior Member DawnMarie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearisgray
    Quote Originally Posted by dglvr
    That quilt you made was beautifal. This happened to me too.
    I spent alot of time and money on a quilt for a friend having a baby and she said she wanted it for the wall. I even put the hangers on it.
    They left for awhile so I took care of their dogs and went to see how the quilt looked. To my shocking suprise it was in the crib with stains and yukkie stuff all over it. I must say a tear or 2 fell that day. I was so upset. I took a picture of it to show a freind. I had to delete it after that because everytime I seen the picture it was a painful reminder. I try to remember the "once you give it away its no longer yours". She was at my house one day and noticed a quilt I had done and mentioned that would look so nice on her bed. Like hint hint please make that for me. All I could do was laugh. I was suprised I kept my mouth shut. It took me awhile to make another quilt to give away but had to remember someone else would hopefully cherish a quilt I made. I've made several other quilts for babies now but use only panels and stuff that I know will be used in a crib.
    It is so frustrating like finding something you took the time and money and heart to make for someone and finding it in their yard sale for $1.
    Don't give up. You do beautifal work. If you want to make me that quilt it will be cherished. :thumbup:
    It seems like that quilt was being used for the purpose that you gave it to them. Babies make messes. Unpleasant things come out of various openings.

    If I had found it in the dog's bed, then I would have been po'd.
    I have to say that babies really do make messes, and some stains are super hard to get out. I've mentioned the 3D Bowtie quilt I made for my daughter before...Yeah, I'll never make one of those for a baby again. Do you know how hard it is to get spit up and puke out of those little pockets? Yuk!

  15. #40
    Senior Member cowpie2's Avatar
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    I know how heart breaking it is to have something you spent hours on mistreated. But I agree with those here who say, once given it is the recipients to treat as they will. That being said, if I note that a gift of mine that took hours and hours to make is not appreciated, I know that I shouldn't spend that amount of time on something for that person again and consider it lesson learned.

    Your granddaughter may not have truly understood the love that went into the quilt. I know I have a quilt that one grandmother pieced and my other grandmother hand quilted. When I received it my youngest wanted it for his bed (only about 4 at the time). I was very clear on how important and special the quilt was and that he could use it only if he was very respectful of it. He is now 17 and it is one of his most prized possessions.

  16. #41
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    Why don't you make a quilt for yourself? There is no rule that says quilts have to be gifted. Make one for your bed, the sofa, the guest bed, the dog bed, the quilt rack, the wall in the stairway..... If by then you haven't recaptured the love of quilting, you may be beyond help.

  17. #42
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    I make baby quilts to hold up to abuses. Stains won't show on a clean quilt if it's scrappy bright colors. I don't see the point of making a heirloom baby quilt and then get upset because it was used. I save the nicer quilts for myself. The kids can have them when the time comes I don't need them anymore. I won't know what happens to them anyway.

  18. #43
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    I agree with all the responses posted, but I add this idea: Involve the recipient of the quilt in the planning process. I recently made my mom 14 checkerboard placemats... no small feat (in my opinion), and I went fabric shopping with her, gave her a few patterns to pick from, etc. It was nice because she had an idea of what she wanted/needed, but I was able to have some control, and I put my efforts into something I was confident she would love. I understand how both sides feel, because I have seen some homemade gifts where I thought "glad I didn't get that!", but I LOVE giving homemade things that the recipient will love as much as I have loved making it.
    I figure if the recipient helps with the design, it is a fun project together and they can match colors to what they like/need/want.
    Just an idea.
    I love quilting, but honeslty, the projects that I start for myself never get completed.
    Good luck!!

  19. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by buckyfan19
    I agree with all the responses posted, but I add this idea: Involve the recipient of the quilt in the planning process. I recently made my mom 14 checkerboard placemats... no small feat (in my opinion), and I went fabric shopping with her, gave her a few patterns to pick from, etc. It was nice because she had an idea of what she wanted/needed, but I was able to have some control, and I put my efforts into something I was confident she would love. I understand how both sides feel, because I have seen some homemade gifts where I thought "glad I didn't get that!", but I LOVE giving homemade things that the recipient will love as much as I have loved making it.
    I figure if the recipient helps with the design, it is a fun project together and they can match colors to what they like/need/want.
    Just an idea.
    I love quilting, but honeslty, the projects that I start for myself never get completed.
    Good luck!!
    I really like this idea - except I asked my DIL what she wanted - and I was thinking couch size and she wanted a king-size.

    I think it's a good idea to limit the choices to what you are able and willing to make.

  20. #45
    Super Member dglvr's Avatar
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    I have to say that babies really do make messes, and some stains are super hard to get out. I've mentioned the 3D Bowtie quilt I made for my daughter before...Yeah, I'll never make one of those for a baby again. Do you know how hard it is to get spit up and puke out of those little pockets? Yuk!


    Yeah I do understand babies. She wanted the quilt for the wall as decoration when I made it. That was the frustrating part of it to put hooks on it and everything like she wanted it then find it like that. As the ol saying goes water under the bridge.
    If I had known she wanted it to put IN the crib I wouldn't have gone through that much trouble.

  21. #46
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    Churning out quilts en masse and giving them away willy nilly like will help break you of your expectations. That's one way.

    You can't guarantee how others will behave so it's really your expectations which have to change. That way, it's a nice surprise when someone respects your work.

    You could make blankets for shelters, sick children, wounded warriors, etc. Those are groups of people who, for the most part, appreciate the gift.

    I would be leery of making a blanket for someone I like while fearing their reaction. I wouldn't want to alter our future relationship due to my possible disappoint with that person (and in a situation I created to boot).

    It's a lovely quilt you posted. I wouldn't be surprised if she someday regretted not keeping it as an heirloom.

  22. #47
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    I agree with sewingladydi, becoming involved with charity quilts might change your prespective. Sick and needy children or wounded soldiers would cherish every stich and separate fabric your personally chose, just for them. I've read about soliders dying and requesting their quilt be buried with them because of all the comfort it brought them. What better experience to change your fears away.
    Bless you & best wishes. Keep on quilting.

    Andie :D :D :D

  23. #48
    Super Member desertrose's Avatar
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    I agree with sewingladydi, becoming involved with charity quilts might change your prespective. Sick and needy children or wounded soldiers would cherish every stich and separate fabric your personally chose, just for them. I've read about soliders dying and requesting their quilt be buried with them because of all the comfort it brought them. What better experience to chase your fears away.
    Bless you & best wishes. Keep on quilting.

    Andie

  24. #49
    Super Member Dodie's Avatar
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    with the expense time and love it takes to make a quilt I am very careful who I give them to only to people that I really know and that I know would really appreciate them I was in a beauty shop and listened to a conversation and knew I made the right decision when I overheard a lady say how shocked she was at an auction when someone paid 75.00 dollars for an old quilt I have also seen them very misused also mine are just stacked on the spare bed and when I know someone really wants one then I will give it

  25. #50
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    "Gift and forget" - I love that!

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