How can I overcome my fear?
12-14-2010, 05:46 PM
#91
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1
Just enjoy making quilts. Will it be on the floor? - Yes, because this is where probably are also her jacket, her T-shirt, bras and so on and so on. I went trough this moment. Just enjoy quilting, crafting and everything you love to do with your time. If I like the person - I will make a quilt, if I don't like that person I will not. And if we are honest we have to realize that only people from past generations are "going crazy" to get a quilt as a gift. So, have fun making a quilt and give it.
12-14-2010, 05:48 PM
#92
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 975
Originally Posted by deema
I keep it firmly in my mind that once it is given, it is no longer mine, and the recipient has the right to do with it what they choose - even mis-treat it :( . With that said, I only make quilts for those I know will appreciate it...my mother in law cried tears of happiness when presented with her Christmas gift quilt this year (we celebrated early). I do not want any given quilt to be "saved" for special occasions...I want them used and loved "to death". Mistreatment does hurt my quilter's soul, but love and use to the very last thread warms it.
12-14-2010, 06:07 PM
#93
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 376
If you actually feel fearful of giving something to someone it is probably a healthy sign that you recognize that someone is not on the same page with you on quilting and quilts, their remarkable value of your labor and love that go into making them.
No matter how much we want to gift someone if they don't appreciate the particular gift, let that go, they don't really want it, it is you that has the ideal of giving, not them of receiving. If the gift isn't going to be equally received in care, they aren't the right person to have something made with so much care. The image of someone valuing and caring for a beautiful quilt is very appealing, but for people who can't or won't care for beautiful things, completely different gifts needing minimal or no care or at least something they can't destroy easily are better for both of you!
Find out what they really want and give that instead. Sad and frustrating, but realistic. You don't need to make yourself suffer, watching a quilt that so much of you went into making, abused and destroyed.
I knew a child so clumsy and destructive his grandfather suggested the best gift for him would be a bowling ball, only when he was right in the bowling alley!
Keep your quilts to use on the guest bed when the grands visit, or donate them to auctions that raise money for relief funds or other charities, breast cancer research, etc. Someone buying your quilt will be happy to pay a lot of money for it, really appreciate, enjoy and care well for it, as you and the quilt deserve, and the money is so well used.
I had the sentimental dream of making quilts for my grands that would become heirlooms but after their mother destroyed the first two in what I felt was a really disrespectful way I decided that would be the end of that and not to waste any more time, work and love in that direction. The children barely had time to enjoy them before they were wrecked and heirlooms have to survive to be heirlooms! I enjoy giving them other things now, that they enjoy receiving, and don't need a lot of teaching to understand. That being said, if my granddaughter ever shows an interest in quilting I'll be there with my stash to teach her everything I know including valuing her work and skills and insisting that anyone she shares her work with understands it too.
No matter how much we want to gift someone if they don't appreciate the particular gift, let that go, they don't really want it, it is you that has the ideal of giving, not them of receiving. If the gift isn't going to be equally received in care, they aren't the right person to have something made with so much care. The image of someone valuing and caring for a beautiful quilt is very appealing, but for people who can't or won't care for beautiful things, completely different gifts needing minimal or no care or at least something they can't destroy easily are better for both of you!
Find out what they really want and give that instead. Sad and frustrating, but realistic. You don't need to make yourself suffer, watching a quilt that so much of you went into making, abused and destroyed.
I knew a child so clumsy and destructive his grandfather suggested the best gift for him would be a bowling ball, only when he was right in the bowling alley!
Keep your quilts to use on the guest bed when the grands visit, or donate them to auctions that raise money for relief funds or other charities, breast cancer research, etc. Someone buying your quilt will be happy to pay a lot of money for it, really appreciate, enjoy and care well for it, as you and the quilt deserve, and the money is so well used.
I had the sentimental dream of making quilts for my grands that would become heirlooms but after their mother destroyed the first two in what I felt was a really disrespectful way I decided that would be the end of that and not to waste any more time, work and love in that direction. The children barely had time to enjoy them before they were wrecked and heirlooms have to survive to be heirlooms! I enjoy giving them other things now, that they enjoy receiving, and don't need a lot of teaching to understand. That being said, if my granddaughter ever shows an interest in quilting I'll be there with my stash to teach her everything I know including valuing her work and skills and insisting that anyone she shares her work with understands it too.
12-14-2010, 06:22 PM
#94
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Adelanto, CA
Posts: 4,044
sewmuchtodo ... maybe give this 17 year old the benefit of a doubt ... when she's 60 she may regret not having that beautiful quilt to enjoy and remember you by. Right now she's young and ignorant of the time, energy, money and love that you put into that quilt.
giving you great big
warm quilt hugs, sue in CA
giving you great big
warm quilt hugs, sue in CA
12-14-2010, 06:34 PM
#95
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 376
Maybe she'd like to visit with you an afternoon a week or so and you could teach her to sew and quilt?
I used to visit my Dad's youngest sister every Saturday afternoon off and on, for a few years and she taught me how to sew. Thinking back on it now - she died many years ago it was one of the warmest, happiest memories of my early teenage years.
Nobody in my family quilted, I picked it up after becoming fascinated with patchwork pattern and colours at a quilt show at a local library.
I used to visit my Dad's youngest sister every Saturday afternoon off and on, for a few years and she taught me how to sew. Thinking back on it now - she died many years ago it was one of the warmest, happiest memories of my early teenage years.
Nobody in my family quilted, I picked it up after becoming fascinated with patchwork pattern and colours at a quilt show at a local library.
12-14-2010, 06:44 PM
#97
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 376
No! It 's important for her to see how you manage money and to know how much it costs to make something beautiful. I'm sure you gave he a valuable lesson! Ask her what she thinks about it - bet she give a wise answer!!
12-14-2010, 06:54 PM
#98
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: North Fork Ca
Posts: 8,234
Some people do not understand the amount of time and love that goes into a beautiful quilt. Those are the ones that only get one, or none at all if I figure it out first, Those that love and appreciate them, are the recipients of all my love and care, quilted over time. Don't let it upset you, she has no clue, just don't let it happen again with her. The next one you may the joy of someone's heart. Don't quit
12-14-2010, 07:18 PM
#99
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 1,079
I can only imagine the sadness of seeing the quilt treated that way, but we have no control over what happens after we gift it to someone. Let's face it, we love fabric, and we love the process of making a quilt, but not all people do and they do not understand how much time or money we spend at our passion. I gave one of my sisters a quilt a couple of years ago and later she told me she gave it away. I had spent so much time selecting colors she liked (and colors I didn't much care for) and a design that I thought really suited her. I have tried not to take it personally, but I will admit that I was really surprised when she told me. I have had to just let go of it and now I make quilts for people who I hope and trust enjoy them and care for them.
12-14-2010, 08:06 PM
#100
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: No. Calif
Posts: 527
I know how hurt I was when I saw that the wall hanging I had crafted out of vintage lace, fabric and buttons was being disgarded by the recipient. However, when her son took it for his own, that make me happier - especially to see it displayed in his new home.
It is interesting to see that the quilts I do for Project Linus and for donations to Hands of Hope and the local Cancer center are given without reservations, however those I make for family members are closely watched. It is VERY hard to let go of something that is a gift of love to someone close. I understand the "letting go" theory, but it is still.....HARD.
It is interesting to see that the quilts I do for Project Linus and for donations to Hands of Hope and the local Cancer center are given without reservations, however those I make for family members are closely watched. It is VERY hard to let go of something that is a gift of love to someone close. I understand the "letting go" theory, but it is still.....HARD.
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