How can I overcome my fear?
12-15-2010, 10:01 AM
#122
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 376
Thanks for the insights on how you learned to appreciate your pillow and wall hangings and your understanding of your grandma's love for you and of quilting! Very, very heartwarming indeed and giving me ideas!!
When my youngest niece was graduating from grade school, she was going to have to wear a dress, which was not her custom! She played hockey so well she not only scored most of the goals on a boy's team, but they thought she was so cool they make her captain of the team! My sister came to me (she doesn't sew at all) and asked if I had any ideas on how to have this dress thing come about. I said we should ask the niece to draw a sketch what her idea of a dress was and what colour she wanted. The colour was easy, blue, same colour as the team sweaters, and it didn't really surprise us either that she sketched an elongated hockey sweater as her ideal of a dress!
I got a dozen samples of blue cotton and mailed them to her - she chose a gorgeous intense medium shad of water wash blue - it waswonderful to work with true eye-candy. We had to try a little persuasion re the long sleeves - graduation in June can mean 80° - 90° F weather in Montreal. So she agreed - the dress was a slightly princess style with jewel neck, capped, very slightly gathered sleeve with a tie attached to side seams for a bow in the back. I made it so whe seams could be let out an inch, enough for darts to be put in later (she was then flat as a board), 8" extra for hem to be lengthened. I have to say she looked adorable. Dark hair, tan skin, honey brown eyes - the intense blue was just perfect on her. The dress lasted 4 years with alterations, she's saving it, no chance of getting if for quilting pieces! But I've used a lot of the scraps and have more for future projects. I love the sentimentality of adding a bit of her special dress fabric to special quilts. I put some in our bicentennial church quilt, Ina May Gaskin's Safe Motherhood quilt for a baby boy who died at birth, and have some for a special quilt project for raising awareness on genital mutilations. Sometimes it surprises me how much working with fabric, design, and their purposes means to me!
When my youngest niece was graduating from grade school, she was going to have to wear a dress, which was not her custom! She played hockey so well she not only scored most of the goals on a boy's team, but they thought she was so cool they make her captain of the team! My sister came to me (she doesn't sew at all) and asked if I had any ideas on how to have this dress thing come about. I said we should ask the niece to draw a sketch what her idea of a dress was and what colour she wanted. The colour was easy, blue, same colour as the team sweaters, and it didn't really surprise us either that she sketched an elongated hockey sweater as her ideal of a dress!
I got a dozen samples of blue cotton and mailed them to her - she chose a gorgeous intense medium shad of water wash blue - it waswonderful to work with true eye-candy. We had to try a little persuasion re the long sleeves - graduation in June can mean 80° - 90° F weather in Montreal. So she agreed - the dress was a slightly princess style with jewel neck, capped, very slightly gathered sleeve with a tie attached to side seams for a bow in the back. I made it so whe seams could be let out an inch, enough for darts to be put in later (she was then flat as a board), 8" extra for hem to be lengthened. I have to say she looked adorable. Dark hair, tan skin, honey brown eyes - the intense blue was just perfect on her. The dress lasted 4 years with alterations, she's saving it, no chance of getting if for quilting pieces! But I've used a lot of the scraps and have more for future projects. I love the sentimentality of adding a bit of her special dress fabric to special quilts. I put some in our bicentennial church quilt, Ina May Gaskin's Safe Motherhood quilt for a baby boy who died at birth, and have some for a special quilt project for raising awareness on genital mutilations. Sometimes it surprises me how much working with fabric, design, and their purposes means to me!
12-15-2010, 10:11 AM
#123
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: GREAT STATE OF TEXAS
Posts: 1,415
Years ago I made a beautiful baby quilt for a friend & neighbor's 1st child and made sure to match her nursery colors. The next summer I happened to go over to her garage sale and she had it FOR SALE. I asked why and she said it didn't match the NEW room they were "re-doing" for her daughter. OMG She was barely 2 ! She had it marked $10, so I gave her a $10 and took it home. She may have been embarassed but she never said a word about it then, or later, & neither did I. It still looked brand new, so I "re-gifted" it to a friend's daughter who truly loved it.
People fall into 2 categories with quilts (or handmade/heirloom items) They either GET IT ... or they just DON'T
People fall into 2 categories with quilts (or handmade/heirloom items) They either GET IT ... or they just DON'T
12-15-2010, 10:25 AM
#125
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 601
I'd like to try to provide another perspective. I have a very small home, and it is packed full of stuff. We have tons of things in storage because we just don't have the space for it all. My mother spends hundreds, possibly even thousands, of hours each year, as well as plenty of money, tracking down gifts for us. She doesn't quilt, but she puts a lot of time and effort into her shopping. She puts a lot of love into what she purchases for us.
Almost without exception, I can't stand what she's purchased for us. Even when I do like something, we don't have room for it. So what do I do? I say thank you politely, and put the stuff in storage. She is sometimes obviously offended that we don't put out the things she buys us. But really, what does she, or anyone else, expect? Believe me, she doesn't put any less love or care into her gifts than someone who has made a quilt (and as a quilter, I know what that entails). Is the way I treat her gifts wrong? Am I obligated to display objects as she chooses just because they're given with love? Should I not have passed many of them on to charity where I knew they would be better loved? Should I not have thrown out some of them that were just too tacky to curse on someone else?
I just think that just because we value quilts and handmade items so dearly doesn't mean that everyone does, or even should. We can spare ourselves, and others, a lot of stress if we just choose the recipients of our gifts - quilting and not - wisely.
Almost without exception, I can't stand what she's purchased for us. Even when I do like something, we don't have room for it. So what do I do? I say thank you politely, and put the stuff in storage. She is sometimes obviously offended that we don't put out the things she buys us. But really, what does she, or anyone else, expect? Believe me, she doesn't put any less love or care into her gifts than someone who has made a quilt (and as a quilter, I know what that entails). Is the way I treat her gifts wrong? Am I obligated to display objects as she chooses just because they're given with love? Should I not have passed many of them on to charity where I knew they would be better loved? Should I not have thrown out some of them that were just too tacky to curse on someone else?
I just think that just because we value quilts and handmade items so dearly doesn't mean that everyone does, or even should. We can spare ourselves, and others, a lot of stress if we just choose the recipients of our gifts - quilting and not - wisely.
12-15-2010, 12:01 PM
#127
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Lost in a quilt shop :-)
Posts: 1,342
Sorry, I didn't read all the pages, however, not everyone will treat your gifts the same. Can't judge others by the actions of one, no matter how it hurts.
Hold onto the joy it gives YOU to design and make a quilt for someone special, then let them make whatever memories they want with what they get. They will have to live with that, not you. Try not to let it make you sad.
Hold onto the joy it gives YOU to design and make a quilt for someone special, then let them make whatever memories they want with what they get. They will have to live with that, not you. Try not to let it make you sad.
12-15-2010, 12:05 PM
#128
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: No. Calif
Posts: 527
From the many postings it would seem there are hurt feelings on the part of both givers and recipients of our crafting efforts - not just quilts. I know that I am in both categories. I really appreciate the many postings that we are in control and it is up to each of us to either let go of the gift and move on or concentrate on the joy of gifting. Either way there are many excellent suggestions and since this is the time of year for joy and giving, I wish each of you a Merry Christmas and a Very Happy 2011. I have enjoyed this forum this year...
12-15-2010, 03:19 PM
#129
Super Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: currently central new jersey
Posts: 8,623
i didn't read all the pages, either. one page was enough. i agree with everyone. both sides. when you give it away, it's not yours. if you're not happy about about what they did with it, don't give them another.
i spent a lot of time and money making a bed-size quilt for my sister for a wall above her king-sized bed. ON REQUEST. for almost a full year, it was tossed in a corner of her bedroom with her 4 labs sleeping on it. i finally lost my temper and asked for it back and said i would be happy to buy her a cheap blanket. she hung it on the wall full of dog hairs and there it is. for her? never again. but for other family members whose tongues are hanging out for a quilt? anytime!
i spent a lot of time and money making a bed-size quilt for my sister for a wall above her king-sized bed. ON REQUEST. for almost a full year, it was tossed in a corner of her bedroom with her 4 labs sleeping on it. i finally lost my temper and asked for it back and said i would be happy to buy her a cheap blanket. she hung it on the wall full of dog hairs and there it is. for her? never again. but for other family members whose tongues are hanging out for a quilt? anytime!
12-15-2010, 03:38 PM
#130
Super Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 3,252
Can you stand one more idea? I hope you won't let this one bad result ruin your joy of quilting for others. Please keep in mind her age. Sometimes when you are that age you don't have your priorities straight yet, it is still a forming mind. I know there are plenty of teen-agers who are thrilled with grandma's work but some are not mature enough to really understand, some people never are. I am 62 and now look back at a hand pieced quilt top that an aunt gave me when I was in my early 20's. Busy being a wife and caring for our 3 small children. I sure didn't "get it". I have no idea what I did with that top and now every time I think of it I could cry. So, my point is, try to forgive her for not knowing and move on with your quilting. Probably one day when she is married and expecting a baby, she'll call grandama ask for one of those special quilts.
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