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Thread: How can I overcome my fear?

  1. #1
    Sewmuchtodo's Avatar
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    I love creating and sharing with others, however now I am hesitatant to do this when it comes to quilts. My grandson is engaged to a sweet young lady, and I would love to make her a lap quilt. However the last quilt that I made it for my granddaughter. She was 17 at the time. I spent quite a while creating the quilt. Well, I was over at their house one day and while going out to the back patio I spotted her quilt just laying on the ground outside. It was quite apparent it had been there for a while. I was hearbroken, to see how it was disregarded. Ever since then I am unable to bring myself to commit to gifting a quilt. I keep trying to get past it, but it is so hard. I would love to make more quilts but I just keep thinking about the work and the lack of appreciation. Any suggestions on how I can get over this? This is the quilt that I made for my granddaughter..thanks for any suggestions.
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  2. #2
    deema's Avatar
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    I keep it firmly in my mind that once it is given, it is no longer mine, and the recipient has the right to do with it what they choose - even mis-treat it :( . With that said, I only make quilts for those I know will appreciate it...my mother in law cried tears of happiness when presented with her Christmas gift quilt this year (we celebrated early). I do not want any given quilt to be "saved" for special occasions...I want them used and loved "to death". Mistreatment does hurt my quilter's soul, but love and use to the very last thread warms it.

  3. #3
    Power Poster Lacelady's Avatar
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    How about a little note with the quilt at the time you give it? 'Please enjoy this gift, but don't mistreat it, because it took me xxx hours to make it with love for you'.

  4. #4
    joan_quilts's Avatar
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    I agree with deema. Once it is given, it is a gift and theirs to do whatever with. But, when or if I see one of my quilts given as a gift, misused, that person will never get another quilt from me.

    How many people do you think would LOVE a homemade quilt? You giving is awesome and most people realize that.

    Don't let one person ruin your love of quilting and sharing.

    It is kind of like riding a horse, sometimes you fall off but you get back on! You shouldn't feel the way you do because of one person.

    "Let no man or woman rob you of your joy". I am sorry about the way she treated you quilt though.

  5. #5
    Member Kre8iveKat's Avatar
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    Maybe she has not fully understood all that went into making that quilt maybe when older she will fill bad for treating a piece of art the way she has done.

  6. #6
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    I can imagine how you feel. I am very hesitant in giving my quilts away, I have not given that many away lately, I am keeping them. Has this stopped me from quilting, no. It is kind of heartbreaking. I remember a lady telling me some time ago, she gave a quilt to her nephew, she was over there and it was laying on the garage floor for the dog. If I keep them all, my kids can figure out what to do with them some day.

  7. #7
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    I gave one once (just a wall hanging) and found it in there yard sale later!

  8. #8
    Super Member raedar63's Avatar
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    Wow,This had to really hurt, a handmade gift truly comes from the heart and I am not sure those that do not make things understand the work and feeling that goes into the gift.
    This really makes me hesitate to make the 6 I was going to start on for me neices and nephews. I certianly wont be putting a lot of work into them.

  9. #9
    Senior Member twospoiledhuskies's Avatar
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    I'm sorry your quilt was mistreated. I know she didn't intentionally try to hurt your feelings. I think most people who are not crafters (in general) don't realize the time and of course the expense in making something. I find in most of my crafting, in alot of instances, it would be cheaper to buy it premade..... but that's the point. You don't get exactly what you want.

    Depending on who it is given to, I have actually written the hours to make it on the quilt label. I have a very busy lifestyle. I think when they can see how much time you spend for them, versus doing other things, they have a better appreciation of the gift.

    I agree with everyone else, just move on to the next project and enjoy the experience. ;)

  10. #10
    Super Member quiltinghere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lacelady
    How about a little note with the quilt at the time you give it? 'Please enjoy this gift, but don't mistreat it, because it took me xxx hours to make it with love for you'.
    I agree with Lacelady - especially if it's family or close friends. Even in conversation with the GD you could ask her how the quilt is doing, is it keeping her warm enough, is she taking care of it, is it holding up well? I'd also tell the recipients to let me know if something starts to come apart because 'a stitch in time - saves nine'.

  11. #11
    Senior Member JuneD's Avatar
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    You know, a 17 year old may not appreciate the work that went into making the quilt, but I hate to say it, her mother or father should have. Especially if it was given to her by her grandmother. I am sorry for being so blunt, that's just my opinion.

    I can understand your reluctance in making another quilt, but there is someone out there that would LOVE a handmade gift. (especially me!!!!! :-)

  12. #12
    Super Member ptquilts's Avatar
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    How about having a little conversation with GS's GF, just tell her about GD's quilt and how it made you feel. Just work it into a conversation somehow. If she seems shocked and says, I would never do a thing like that, you may be good to go.

  13. #13
    Super Member Murphy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by deema
    I keep it firmly in my mind that once it is given, it is no longer mine, and the recipient has the right to do with it what they choose - even mis-treat it :( . With that said, I only make quilts for those I know will appreciate it...my mother in law cried tears of happiness when presented with her Christmas gift quilt this year (we celebrated early). I do not want any given quilt to be "saved" for special occasions...I want them used and loved "to death". Mistreatment does hurt my quilter's soul, but love and use to the very last thread warms it.
    Amen to this. I also give it which means give it away. Well said Deema.

  14. #14
    Power Poster cjomomma's Avatar
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    It's time to toughen up here!! If you are making quilts to give away then you nolonger have the right to say what happens to it once it is given. If you are making quilts and keeping them then were is the fun. Frankly not everybody appreciates what goes into the making of a quilt and they don't have too, also it's not our job to educate them. When it comes to gifting a quilt you need to gift and forget. Once it is out of yours hands you nolonger have the right to say what happens to it.

  15. #15
    Super Member sewingladydi's Avatar
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    Make some smaller charity quilts for Project Linus or QFK.

    Then imagine the comfort it will give a small child who is ill. That should help comfort your heart

  16. #16
    Super Member SuziC's Avatar
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    Don't stop giving. Our quilts mean a lot to us but once they are given, they are no longer ours. Give the gift of a quilt with love and then let go and make another one. I am sure the baby quilts i donate are dragged around and spit up on, but that's okay. I gave them from the heart and that's all that matters.

  17. #17
    Super Member clem55's Avatar
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    I am guilty !! when I was 20 years old, we had a quilt that was made for my husband by his grandmother, and a down comforter also that came from her. We did put the quilt on the twin bed, but the comforter was a very ugly green so we had it put back in a closet. Well, winter came, and it was to be very cold, and husband took the quilt and comforter and tossed them on the hood of the car, hoping that would let the car start in the morning. Then it was just left laying on the garage floor for the rest of the winter. I should have been smarter and stopped him from doing that, but honestly, at the time, I figured it was something his gramndma made for him, he could do what he wanted with it. Had it been from MY grandma, I would not have allowed that to be done. Years later I realized what went into a quilt, and the down comforter could have been recovered, but at 20, it didn't really mean much to me or hubby. NOW it would mean the world to have that quilt!! Yes, you give something, and it is theirs to do as they want, but, if your GD did this, and the parents were there and didn't stop it, then I would have to say something to her. She is family!! I said something to my daughter when she used the very first one I made, for her dog to sleep on. It was then washed and put on a quilt rack. She didn't realize either at 20, but she does now! Personally, I would never make a quilt for someone not of my family, maybe a wallhanging size, but I sure wouldn't go overboard. I made my MIL a very pretty pink, blue, white quilt to use in her guest room with white wicker furniture. She had admired others I made using those colors and professed to love to have something like that. was on the bed about two months and then her daughter gave her a store bought patchwork ( 6 inch scrappy), and it was used instead. She "said" she didn't want to ruin mine, and didn't want to hurt her "daughters" feeling! Learned my lesson with that!!

  18. #18

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    Gifts should only be given out of the goodness of our hearts, because we want to do something nice for someone else. When we have expectations about the use or appreciation of those gifts, we're gifting for ourselves, not for others. If you want to only gift things to people who will use and appreciate them the way you want them to, I am sure there are many nice people on this board who will be glad to give you their addresses. Otherwise, take joy just in the giving, and forget the rest!

  19. #19
    sunnycat's Avatar
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    I can see both sides. I have been the recipient of a few handmade gifts. I'm sure it seems I didn't appreciate it, but honestly, it just wasn't my style or anything I needed. Just because I make quilts, does not mean everyone around me wants one, kwim?

  20. #20
    grammalyn's Avatar
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    I'm a grandmother, and I wouldn't hesitate to speak up to one of my grandsons if they treated one of my quilts that way. It sounds like she may never have known how much that hurt you--she (and her parents) need to know. It's not that you are asking for an apology, just letting them know how you feel. Don't give up on giving quilts as gifts, but maybe talk to the person ahead of time to make sure they really want one.

  21. #21
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    I think many of us feel as protective of quilts that we've made as we do of our children and pets.

  22. #22
    Super Member amandasgramma's Avatar
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    I agree that when given, it's belongs to the recipient...... However, I do tell them at the time I give them the gift that it took me XXX hours and more than XXX $ to make......that it is to be treated with respect....because if not, it will be the last thing I give them. Seems to have worked with my granddaughter!!!!! :) I figure SOMEONE needs to teach them/remind them to respect items we make.

  23. #23
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    I think we put so much of ourselves into our quilts that we feel our love should just pour out and into the other person. Maybe we need to start thinking like a store and let the receipents know that if they don't care for what we give them, we will take it back and get them something else. Theres so many different tastes out there, and not all of them are as good as ours( :) ).

  24. #24
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    Could you ask your granddaughter to help you make the new quilt for the girlfriend? Then she would understand the time and love that goes into quilting.

  25. #25
    Junior Member BATIKQLTR's Avatar
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    I feel so bad for you. It would hurt me also if I had seen one of my quilts so disregarded. Maybe ask her Mother during a conversation, if the girl just didn't care for the colors or pattern........there might be a reason for it being out there and just had not been cleaned and brought back in.

    I don't do too many for my relatives, as I don't really know how they feel about quilts. However, I do sew for a "Prayers & Squares" organization from church. We make up lap size quilts and they are given to people that have their names put in for prayers. And I give lap quilts to assisted living homes for elderly people that don't have any relatives any more. There is also a need through the Linus Project (that someone mentioned) for quilts for children in hospitals. These quilts are very well received. The elderly and sick/needy children usually all love their quilts.

    So please try to find an outlet for you creativeness that will be appreciated. I have loved sewing since I first took it in Home Ec in the 7th grade. I almost have to do it......and I do almost every day since retiring.

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