Husbands...boyfrineds and such regarding quilting
09-19-2011, 04:30 AM
#83
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Bay Area near San Francisco
Posts: 1,213
Originally Posted by clsurz
Originally Posted by Candace
I have to admit I cringe every time I read "my husband LET me buy or do whatever"..... Anyone who LETS me do anything is in charge of me. And NO ONE is in charge of me, but me! It should be a partnership, not one person in control of another.
09-19-2011, 04:58 AM
#84
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: An Ocean Shore
Posts: 950
TWO husbands later.. I FINALLY grew up...wised up ... and figured this out. Not to launch into hours of psychobabble, but a lot of this can stem from what kind of dad's we had. My father (God rest his soul) was an overbearing, dominant jackass. My mom...(God rest her soul) was a sweet door mat - oppressed to her core. Dad always had every man toy known to mankind but my mom would have to BEG for a new clothes washer (and grocery money) while trying to raise 4 kids...etc. Anyhow.. my two husbands were just like my dad. One time when moving my second husband walked into my craft room and announced "I am NOT moving this *hit*.. get rid of it"...and like a BIG dummy.. I DID. I gave a car load of fabric to a friend who sewed quilts for the Linus project. So... 7 years later.. (when my kids got a little older) I gutted up and divorced him. I had completely patterned my behaviors after what I learned from my mom. My dad just plowed her over emotionally at every turn. It was very sad. I have been single for 11 years now, but living with a great guy for the last 6. I won't get married again. We call each other husband and wife, but we are not married. I am too afraid to ever stick my neck in that noose again. We have each other protected financially and legally.
BUT BUT... the man I'm with now happily follows me around fabric/craft stores, and every vacation we have ever taken he knows I'm plumbing my personal "shop hop stops" into the GPS. He gets a kick out of my hobbies, and often comes in and admires what I'm doing. He was farmed raised, and had good values instilled into him as a kid. His parents were loving and kind to each other (that's a HUGE KEY). He's respectful of his siblings and vice versa. It was a pleasant surprise to KNOW there were really men out there like this. I indeed saved the BEST for last.
Having put up with 30 years of rotten husbands I understand WHY some women stay (they honestly don't understand they can leave and not only survive - they will THRIVE). If they only knew that life is SOOOO much better if you break away from that insanity.
Been there... done that.. and out of the blue...a 5 star man popped into my life. Life is good!
BUT BUT... the man I'm with now happily follows me around fabric/craft stores, and every vacation we have ever taken he knows I'm plumbing my personal "shop hop stops" into the GPS. He gets a kick out of my hobbies, and often comes in and admires what I'm doing. He was farmed raised, and had good values instilled into him as a kid. His parents were loving and kind to each other (that's a HUGE KEY). He's respectful of his siblings and vice versa. It was a pleasant surprise to KNOW there were really men out there like this. I indeed saved the BEST for last.
Having put up with 30 years of rotten husbands I understand WHY some women stay (they honestly don't understand they can leave and not only survive - they will THRIVE). If they only knew that life is SOOOO much better if you break away from that insanity.
Been there... done that.. and out of the blue...a 5 star man popped into my life. Life is good!
09-19-2011, 05:09 AM
#86
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,225
I've never actually used the cast iron skillet but I have a couple :lol: My DH only gets in knickers-in-a-knot when he feels overburden by the chores (we farm and we both work full time) and feels I'm not doing something he thinks I should. He's never complained about the $$ although he doesn't understand why I *need* another sewing maching :roll: He's actually proud of my quilts and when a friend of ours had cancer was quick to ask me if I could make a quilt to donate to the auction (yeah, with a couple of weeks notice).
Susan
Susan
09-19-2011, 05:13 AM
#87
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Huntington, Texas
Posts: 45
I have almost got my husband convinced to give up all of his wood working tools so that we can use his 12 x 24 shop for a long arm quilting machine. He also said I would have to teach him how to quilt. Imagine that.
09-19-2011, 05:15 AM
#88
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: League City, Texas
Posts: 504
How Ray for you. I feel the same way. I work and I feel I earn enough to do what I want. My husband is no longer alive but sometime he could get cranky when I spent money on fabric but then he bought me a $13,000.00 long arm machine. Go figure.
Originally Posted by clsurz
Why do some of us feel we have to account to these men why we have this hobby/craft...whatever we want to call it?
WE DON'T!
If we can't be equals why be attached to a man?
Now getting to our fabrics, machines, sewing, quilting and for that matter any other art form we wish to be a part of.... IMHO they (men) have there toys, and man caves so to speak therefore we should have our girl/women caves and I as much told a man that last week while I was sewing at a friends house. He had the nerve to come into her sewing room and plop (is this even a word) his behind on the cough and start fussing about our sewing, her sewing room and such and she kept quiet all the while. He irriated me so that I spoke up and asked him what kind of toys he had and he stated what he had and I told him for every one thing he wants her to get rid off he should get rid of one of his toys. That shut him up pretty quick. Short of it is he did not tell me to leave and we ended up in a conversation about his being a Christian and asking him "What would Jesus do or say?" and he admitted he did not know. I heard the next couple days that he seems to have changed his attitude about life in general and his wife's stuff. He also told his wife he likes me.
Quite a few years ago hubby pulled that stunt on me coming into my girly cave and telling me to get rid of this and that..... and that I had to much stuff. I made a list of all I had and a list of all what he had (shotguns, rifles, pistols, tons of fishing rods, fishing boat, etc) and I told him that for every item he wanted me to get rid of he had to get rid of one of his toys. That shut him up pretty quick.
Today I am fascinated with sewing machines, needle felting machine, die cutters, fabrics, threads and more and he dare not say anything to me about any of it.
Guess point I'm trying to make is this is no longer the 19th or 20th century where we are expected to be a slave to some man and let him dominate us, it is the 21st century and we work and put forth financially most of us into this relationship therefore they no longer have the privelage of saying "it's my money and I earned it and you get what I want you to have if any and no more".
Hubby also learned some 20 years or so ago really quick by having a bad attitude the feel of my cast iron skillet across his head. That's another story for another time.
So many of us have allowed men to verbally and mentally abuse us let alone physically do so that enough is enough. Mine use to verbally abuse me for years until the day I used that cast iron skillet on across his head.
Today hubby just smiles every time I buy something to do with sewing and or quilting and I don't ask him permission to do so I just buy it if I want it. He even volunteers to put it where I need it without my asking him to do so.
IMHO we women have worked all our lives no matter if in a domestic home career or out of the home and we have done so to help our families be better off financially and no man has any right to tell us what we can or cannot buy unless of course we were buying and using money that were needed to pay bills and such. Than they'd have a right to do so.
Speaking of which regarding quilting I just recently bought the Accuquilt Studio and some studio dies and just ordered a bunch more and got it all at between 40 to 50% off retail. Only way I would buy such. I let him know I had and when it arrived he helped me put it in my Girlie Cave. :-)
The Studio runs alot smoother than the Go machine or the Sizzix Wesminister Big Shot Pro machine. The dies also are made different with being made out of several layers of wood and padding unlike the other dies made out of plastic and foam.
WE DON'T!
If we can't be equals why be attached to a man?
Now getting to our fabrics, machines, sewing, quilting and for that matter any other art form we wish to be a part of.... IMHO they (men) have there toys, and man caves so to speak therefore we should have our girl/women caves and I as much told a man that last week while I was sewing at a friends house. He had the nerve to come into her sewing room and plop (is this even a word) his behind on the cough and start fussing about our sewing, her sewing room and such and she kept quiet all the while. He irriated me so that I spoke up and asked him what kind of toys he had and he stated what he had and I told him for every one thing he wants her to get rid off he should get rid of one of his toys. That shut him up pretty quick. Short of it is he did not tell me to leave and we ended up in a conversation about his being a Christian and asking him "What would Jesus do or say?" and he admitted he did not know. I heard the next couple days that he seems to have changed his attitude about life in general and his wife's stuff. He also told his wife he likes me.
Quite a few years ago hubby pulled that stunt on me coming into my girly cave and telling me to get rid of this and that..... and that I had to much stuff. I made a list of all I had and a list of all what he had (shotguns, rifles, pistols, tons of fishing rods, fishing boat, etc) and I told him that for every item he wanted me to get rid of he had to get rid of one of his toys. That shut him up pretty quick.
Today I am fascinated with sewing machines, needle felting machine, die cutters, fabrics, threads and more and he dare not say anything to me about any of it.
Guess point I'm trying to make is this is no longer the 19th or 20th century where we are expected to be a slave to some man and let him dominate us, it is the 21st century and we work and put forth financially most of us into this relationship therefore they no longer have the privelage of saying "it's my money and I earned it and you get what I want you to have if any and no more".
Hubby also learned some 20 years or so ago really quick by having a bad attitude the feel of my cast iron skillet across his head. That's another story for another time.
So many of us have allowed men to verbally and mentally abuse us let alone physically do so that enough is enough. Mine use to verbally abuse me for years until the day I used that cast iron skillet on across his head.
Today hubby just smiles every time I buy something to do with sewing and or quilting and I don't ask him permission to do so I just buy it if I want it. He even volunteers to put it where I need it without my asking him to do so.
IMHO we women have worked all our lives no matter if in a domestic home career or out of the home and we have done so to help our families be better off financially and no man has any right to tell us what we can or cannot buy unless of course we were buying and using money that were needed to pay bills and such. Than they'd have a right to do so.
Speaking of which regarding quilting I just recently bought the Accuquilt Studio and some studio dies and just ordered a bunch more and got it all at between 40 to 50% off retail. Only way I would buy such. I let him know I had and when it arrived he helped me put it in my Girlie Cave. :-)
The Studio runs alot smoother than the Go machine or the Sizzix Wesminister Big Shot Pro machine. The dies also are made different with being made out of several layers of wood and padding unlike the other dies made out of plastic and foam.
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