chamby

I always tell the truth to my husband. Think of it this way. Would you want your husband telling you a lie? If an item is very pricey we always discuss it first. Then we plan a way to save for the item. I also look at the item and decide if I really need it or do I just want it because it is a new gadget. I try not to buy things that I will not get a lot use out of. And remember it is never a good idea to lie to your spouse.

WMUTeach

I would fess up and then curtail my shopping for a considerable amount of time. If the two of you agree on a time frame that is acceptable to both of you the sting may be less. I know that it is a challenge to all of us but having a shopping budget for any hobby helps to keep a balance. We love to quilt, we love to make beautiful things and to have the tools to do it well, but as in your case this desire has lead you to do something that has hurt your heart toward your husband. It put you in position of being untruthful and baring the guilt.

Pull back and use your stash and apologize to him for being dishonest. You are two grownups and I trust you should be able to help each other out to solve this situation. I pray that you will be strengthened through this and not defeated.

bibi

I realize you don't want to hear any preaching, but it should be stated honesty in every aspect makes for a better relationship. So just tell your husband the truth how much this meant to you and you were concerned about his negative reaction so you did something 'stupid' and lied. Then tell him because honest and open communcation between the two of you is most important to you, you decided to tell him. But also suggest jointly to set up a budget for each of you to spend on items only the other individual cares about, and then in the future you or he can happily purchase items within the budget without having to get an okay. Hopefully, it will lead your husband to share some of his not disclosed expenditures as well.

Lady Diana

If it is your money, you can spend it the way you want, correct? He said it is "our" money??? Does he have tools in the garage? Does he have a variety of guns? What is his hobby? Life is too short not to enjoy getting and using things that will make you happy. Take a deep breath, know that you made a good deal. Don't dwell on the deception of a few dollars. Just don't do that again. Be up front. I would have a sit down talk with him in the near future and tell him that as partners you have a right to enjoy your hobby, as you support his. Tell him that he makes you feel guilty when you spend money on your hobby and you are not going to feel that way anymore. If it is taking food out of his mouth, or if you are not paying bills, then he can complain. However, let him know that his negative reaction everytime you make a hobby purchase will no longer bother you. You are an equal partner and partners should always support and respect each other. You are allowing him to make you feel guilty...deep down it is not guilt over the lie on the price, it is the guilt he makes you feel for purchasing something that is for you to enjoy.
Ask hubby if he wants you to enjoy life. If he says yes, then case closed, spend what you can afford on your hobby. If he says no, then boot him out the door with all his tools, guns, computers, software, games, motorcycle, and sports stuff. He knows how to lay down guilt. Don't accept it! If you don't own the guilt you will be much happier and enjoy your life.
Diana in TX

sosew4fun

when I bought my first embroidery machine I commented that I wasn't sure I could justify the cost, the sales
lady asked if my husband always consulted and justified the cost of tools and fishing gear that he wanted...That
being said I spent the $1500 (my own money) and six months later spent upgraded to one that was over $10,000.
I don't spend foolishly but only use my own money and buy the tools I want for my sewing room

Sierra

I agree with Diana. This isn't about your new tool, this is about your relationship with your husband. A century ago the man ruled the family (why isn't clear, but probably because he brought home the paycheck... the woman did nothing but raise the kids, keep the house in order, cook, sew, help out friends, etc.). Ever since WWII the value of women and their contributions has been openly recognized. You don't have a right to tell you husband what to do with his life as long as it is in the realm of your marriage vows, and he doesn't have the right to tell you what to do. You need to sit down together and make sure your goals in life are compatible. Work out what either of you can spend money for and how much. My hubby and I talk about the big things and ignore the smaller (the ones we both feel we can afford). Never should either of you feel guilty about spending money on something that is important to you. If it (say a sewing gaget) isn't important to him then he doesn't need to use it! And if you don't like his weed eater or brand new set of tools then you don't have to use them. I have a friend who is uncomfortable on water and doesn't want to be in the fancy boat her husband bought. He knew she didn't like being out on the water, but now he's mad because he spent so much money on it and she cried when he tried to make her go on it! Go figure???? Talk to each other. If he won't really talk about these things then do what you think is reasonable and get on with your life.

I have to add one more thing.... Years ago my husband invitied a new employee and his family to our house in the country and we walked, kids and all, the mile to the river and back. The guy was still trying to impress my husband (I guess) and talked about how he would work hard all week at his new job. He went on to say he works on Saturdays on the lawn and house and on Sundays he has his wife serve him coffee in bed. My hubby said, "Oh, I bring Sierra coffee in bed every morning!" The man (actually) said "That's discusting!" To which my husband said, "No, what's discusting is Sierra before she's had coffee." The wife, hubby and I all burst out laughing and the husband couldn't understand what was so funny! They only had two or three very active children...... We had five. No clue.....

jcrow

We have a joint bank account that I use for grocery shopping and paying the bills. Then I have my own account and I pay a certain amount of bills with that and the rest I usually do what I want with it. It's not that we don't have the money. My husband told me a month ago that his waders he bought for fly fishing cost $700!!! I was shocked. But he never told me before how much they cost and I didn't ask him. Well, I don't know why I lied about $29. We talked about buying a Go Baby and I told him it was too much money and then I went and bought the Alto's QuiltCut 2 and felt like I was doing something wrong. I don't know why I felt that way. I have my quilts quilted by LAQ and they usually cost over $100 and have a few done at once, so he knows how much money my quilting cost. I just don't know why I lied. I think I was worried that I would get a lecture about spending money on things I didn't need. He would have brought up the fact that I have a few cutting mats already and lots of rulers and I thought I couldn't explain how the Alto's Quiltcut 2 would be better and easier and faster. When I told him I won the bid on it, I froze like a deer in the headlights and my head started going 90 miles an hour and all of a sudden a lie came out. He has rifles and fishing equipment and all kinds of coats and vests for his hunting and fishing, but he hasn't bought anything new lately.

Teri D

When it arrives, if he says anything, I might say "Boy, I learned a lesson. This wasn't such a good deal after all. By the time the shipping costs and stuff were added in, I wound up paying a lot more than I thought -- even though it was still less than I've seen it on sale locally. I'll be more careful next time I bid on something on eBay."

And, if any of your quilting friends wants to know, I'd also say something like that.

Otherwise, I'd leave it alone and not bring it up again "voluntarily". Do some "penance" by making a couple of nice charity quilts using the new machine......

Of course, men never lie about anything and they always voluntarily offer apologies if they DO slip a bid and bend the truth, right?

CoyoteQuilts

Does he have a hobby? One friend use to point to her DH's 'new toy' any time he complained about the money she spent on her quilting. After awhile he stopped complaining because her quilting was 1/2 what his 'hobby' was....

No, I wouldn't have lied either. I would have just said, 'You really don't want to know'.....

The other question I have is, if what you spend is 'our' money, is what he spends, 'his' money? We have a big pot that everything goes into so it is 'ours'....

Latrinka

I'd have to say tell him the truth. One little lie can lead to many more to cover up that one. You're gonna love your QuiltCut 2 though, I have one and love, love, love it!