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Thread: I lied to my husband

  1. #1
    Super Member jcrow's Avatar
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    I lied to my husband

    I won a QuiltCut 2 on ebay a few days ago! Every time I found a used one, I would be outbid, but this time I actually won it! I've been wanting one for so long. My husband thinks I spend way too much money on my quilting to begin with so I lied to him about how much it cost me. I told him what they go for brand new and then told him I paid half that price. He wasn't impressed with that. Now I'm feeling guilty for lying but if I tell him that I paid quite a bit more, I don't know how he'll react to that. It was my money, but he says it was our money. I paid less than $180 for it, but I told him I paid less than that. What should I do? I tried to explain how the Go baby cost so much more because you have to buy dies and mats all the time but it didn't help. I don't know if I should keep my mouth shut or confess. It hasn't even arrived yet.
    "Be yourself...everyone else is taken."
    Strong people don't put others down...they build them up."
    "Remember that your instincts are more important than rules"

  2. #2
    Super Member peaceandjoy's Avatar
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    If I found myself in that position, I'd have to confess - having that hang over my head would keep me from ever enjoying it! What might seem like a small, spur of the moment lie can turn into a major issue.

  3. #3
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    OOPS! - I have also learned that it's better to NOT lie . Doesn't mean I volunteer everything I know now, either, though.

    To paraphrase some of the characters from the Jean M. Auel series:

    We don't lie.
    But we don't need to tell anything if we are not asked, either.

  4. #4
    Super Member Raggiemom's Avatar
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    I don't always volunter how much I paid for something but if asked, I'll tell him. Lies too often come back and bite you in the backside unfortunately. That being said, only you know what's best for your relationship.
    Heather

  5. #5
    Super Member Chasing Hawk's Avatar
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    First off, I wouldn't have fibbed. Secondly, you only saved $50.00.

    I would tell him, all he can do is pitch a fit.
    Everyone is born right handed, only the gifted overcome it.
    I have already committed my felonies, so people don't have to worry. (Russell Means)
    I swear to you, I am guilty of only being Indian. That's why I am here. (Leonard Peltier)
    “If you can’t see a mistake from 12 feet away, it doesn’t exist, and there are no perfect quilts and that helps a lot,” .......Greg Biornstad

  6. #6
    Super Member Pam S's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearisgray View Post
    OOPS! - I have also learned that it's better to NOT lie . Doesn't mean I volunteer everything I know now, either, though.

    To paraphrase some of the characters from the Jean M. Auel series:

    We don't lie.
    But we don't need to tell anything if we are not asked, either.
    Oh, I agree with you. i don't lie but sometimes I don't volunteer either.

  7. #7
    Super Member JNCT14's Avatar
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    Remember that most hobbies require good tools to produce good results. Point out that inferior products for home improvement produce lousy results....

  8. #8
    Power Poster sharon b's Avatar
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    Will you be able to use it and enjoy it knowing you lied to him about it ? Why was hubby so against you getting one ?
    To keep your mind fresh- learn one new thing a day !

  9. #9
    Super Member Neesie's Avatar
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    I wouldn't have lied, in the first place, since I don't believe in spousal allowances. If I want to buy something, I have the sense to know whether or not we can afford it; my dh feels the same way. However, since you did lie about it, I'd weigh my options very carefully. How much harm will it do now, to tell him you lied? Forget about "clearing your conscience" and think how it will affect his feelings and your relationship. Will he forgive and forget . . . or will it cause him to have trouble trusting you, in the future?

    Another question - Is there a way he'll find out about your lie, if you don't confess? If he's going to find out, it's better coming from you. If not, I'd keep quiet and try to forgive myself for fibbing.

  10. #10
    Super Member luvTooQuilt's Avatar
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    Since your posting the question seems to me you feel guilty.. So just tell him the cost and tell him why you felt the need to lie and tell him that that lying doesnt solve anything thats why you are telling him the truth now..

    He may or may not pitch a fit.. But on all actuality the fit may be more about the lying than the actual cost..

    BUT...



    you got your Altos so smile...



    I too dont volunteer any info but when asked I will tell.. He teases me on my purchases but anything under $300 with cash or debit card I dont need to confer.. its the purchases on the AmEx that i need to let him know BEFORE the bill comes in..

  11. #11
    Senior Member fien777's Avatar
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    It's the other way around with us.
    DH wants me to buy things and supports me in all my quilting as he knows how important it is to me.
    But he also knows I won't buy things I don't have the money for.
    It's not to me to judge you, but I think you are not feeling good about it because else you wouldn't have written this post.
    I agree with neesie's last two sentences.....but who am I??
    greetz, fien
    http://quiltfien.blogspot.com/

  12. #12
    Super Member jcrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neesie View Post
    I wouldn't have lied, in the first place, since I don't believe in spousal allowances. If I want to buy something, I have the sense to know whether or not we can afford it; my dh feels the same way. However, since you did lie about it, I'd weigh my options very carefully. How much harm will it do now, to tell him you lied? Forget about "clearing your conscience" and think how it will affect his feelings and your relationship. Will he forgive and forget . . . or will it cause him to have trouble trusting you, in the future?

    Another question - Is there a way he'll find out about your lie, if you don't confess? If he's going to find out, it's better coming from you. If not, I'd keep quiet and try to forgive myself for fibbing.
    He'll never find out about it because it came out of my checking account. I told him it was $29 cheaper than it actually was. I looked it up online on ebay and I paid $169. I've been talking to him about the Go Baby and he thought it was too much because of having to buy all the dies and mats so when I saw this on ebay, I went and bought it with my own money. But I thought he wouldn't appreciate that it was so much less than a Go Baby with accessories, so I did lie and tell him I paid $140. I think I will keep my trap shut and not spend any more money on quilting for a while so the guilt will subside. I usually spend $200 a month on fabric and gismos every month, but I had already spent that and this was on top of it. But I am going to keep my mouth shut because I agree that it will do more harm to tell him I was dishonest.
    "Be yourself...everyone else is taken."
    Strong people don't put others down...they build them up."
    "Remember that your instincts are more important than rules"

  13. #13
    Super Member Chasing Hawk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JNCT14 View Post
    Remember that most hobbies require good tools to produce good results. Point out that inferior products for home improvement produce lousy results....
    That seems like a petty argument to justify one's lie.
    Everyone is born right handed, only the gifted overcome it.
    I have already committed my felonies, so people don't have to worry. (Russell Means)
    I swear to you, I am guilty of only being Indian. That's why I am here. (Leonard Peltier)
    “If you can’t see a mistake from 12 feet away, it doesn’t exist, and there are no perfect quilts and that helps a lot,” .......Greg Biornstad

  14. #14
    Super Member Chasing Hawk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jcrow View Post
    He'll never find out about it because it came out of my checking account. I told him it was $29 cheaper than it actually was. I looked it up online on ebay and I paid $169. I've been talking to him about the Go Baby and he thought it was too much because of having to buy all the dies and mats so when I saw this on ebay, I went and bought it with my own money. But I thought he wouldn't appreciate that it was so much less than a Go Baby with accessories, so I did lie and tell him I paid $140. I think I will keep my trap shut and not spend any more money on quilting for a while so the guilt will subside. I usually spend $200 a month on fabric and gismos every month, but I had already spent that and this was on top of it. But I am going to keep my mouth shut because I agree that it will do more harm to tell him I was dishonest.
    Regardless of where the money came from......yours, his or a joint account. You feel pangs of guilt over the deception.

    And to keep quiet will only fester and come out in other ways.

    But only you know your marriage, we don't so good luck and hope all ends well.
    Everyone is born right handed, only the gifted overcome it.
    I have already committed my felonies, so people don't have to worry. (Russell Means)
    I swear to you, I am guilty of only being Indian. That's why I am here. (Leonard Peltier)
    “If you can’t see a mistake from 12 feet away, it doesn’t exist, and there are no perfect quilts and that helps a lot,” .......Greg Biornstad

  15. #15
    Super Member Chasing Hawk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fien777 View Post
    It's the other way around with us.
    DH wants me to buy things and supports me in all my quilting as he knows how important it is to me.
    But he also knows I won't buy things I don't have the money for.
    It's not to me to judge you, but I think you are not feeling good about it because else you wouldn't have written this post.
    I agree with neesie's last two sentences.....but who am I??
    Same here, my husband has me buy whatever I need or desire. Right now, he is pushing for me to pick out and buy a long arm quilting machine. And I am digging in my heels till I find a bargain on one. I am leaning towards the Bailey's Home Quilter 13.
    Everyone is born right handed, only the gifted overcome it.
    I have already committed my felonies, so people don't have to worry. (Russell Means)
    I swear to you, I am guilty of only being Indian. That's why I am here. (Leonard Peltier)
    “If you can’t see a mistake from 12 feet away, it doesn’t exist, and there are no perfect quilts and that helps a lot,” .......Greg Biornstad

  16. #16
    Super Member icon17's Avatar
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    I'm confused If you WON IT! Why do you have to LIE about anything?



    i

  17. #17
    Power Poster Prism99's Avatar
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    I would not have volunteered any information about it. You think it's your money, right? Why say anything? Since you have already volunteered information, I would simply not add to it.

    Why does your husband think it's his money? Why do you feel it necessary to justify your purchases to him? Does he have any hobbies?

    It seems to me that wives bring these problems on themselves by raising expectations in the husbands that the men have final say in every little thing that goes on in the household. Why do wives feel the need for permission? I make some purchasing decisions independent of my husband, he makes some purchasing decisions independent of me, and we collaborate on major purchasing decisions. I can see raising objections over a $1,000 purchase without consultation, but not over a $200 decision. Maybe it depends on household income? Not sure.....

    Edit: I just read the second page of posts (after all this time, WHY do I still forget to check for another page???) and saw your second post. I would just hold back on purchasing more quilting stuff for a month to make up for this purchase. And go on with life from there.....
    Last edited by Prism99; 05-09-2012 at 11:34 AM.

  18. #18
    Super Member ghostrider's Avatar
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    Since you asked...
    Lying about it was bad enough, but deciding not to come clean quickly just makes it worse. Your only concern seems to be about easing your own conscience, not about undermining your husband's trust in you and the damage that can do to a relationship. Perhaps it's time to examine your priorities.
    The Earth without art is just "Eh".

  19. #19
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    ICON, I think she won the bid. I'm not sure. Maybe we need to find out.ha.

  20. #20
    Super Member DogHouseMom's Avatar
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    I don't and can't lie about things like this ... not just because of the ethics of it, but hubby and I share the same pay-pay account

    In fact, yesterday he said to me "I can't believe you spent $99.00 on fabric this weekend" (an online purchase). I argued with him VEHEMENTLY that I most assuredly did NOT spend $99.00 on fabric.

    I spent it on thread

    It was a really good sale!!
    May your stitches always be straight, your seams always lie flat, and your grain never be biased against you.

    Sue

  21. #21
    Power Poster ube quilting's Avatar
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    Sorry, but how many hobbies does he have and what do they cost ? how many years have you taken care of him? I would let him find out how much you paid and be proud of how much you saved not buying the new one. I remember one year when I was new to quilting I actually spent 3000. on fabric and stuff for sewing. I now spend almost nothing on quilting. I am far from rich and my DH just said ' if it's what you like dear'. He has always been very supportive of my one hobby and vice versa. There should be no guilt about living and doing what you love. Hope he will be reasonable with you.
    peace

    EDIT: ICON, very funny!
    Last edited by ube quilting; 05-09-2012 at 12:28 PM.
    no act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. Aesop

  22. #22
    Super Member cwessel47's Avatar
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    Just have the wisdom to tell the difference. Truth - good. Lying - not good. I don't know what your financial situation is. It does come into play here. If you feel guilty - you aren't going to enjoy it.

  23. #23
    Senior Member SUZAG's Avatar
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    Does he have any hobbies and/or tools that he buys? Do you question the price? Does he always ask you before he buys?

  24. #24
    Power Poster BellaBoo's Avatar
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    I can't relate to this so I don't know what to suggest. I can't imagine DH getting angry over anything I buy if I discuss it with him or not. It has never crossed my mind to think he would. He's my DH not someone I will ever tip toe around.
    Got fabric?

  25. #25
    Super Member nhweaver's Avatar
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    It is hard not to stretch the truth, and what is done is done. My suggestion is not to dwell on the issue, and own up to telling the truth. Let him know that using the quilt cut 2 will prevent the rotor cuff damage that happens with regular cutting.
    If life gives you lemons, make a margarita.

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