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Oh dear .. I think we all have experienced that at one time or another in real life or even in the virual world. So all I can offer is: find a few good books, a neighbor that quilts, a family member that quilts: and learn all you can. Some people resent sharing their "expertise", but we all were "beginners" at some time and still are beginners at other items.
I am teaching a 68 year old woman who can sew the most gorgeous wedding dresses but has never quilted in her life. I am also teaching my DGD's how to sew, quilt and crochet. I am a believer of passing on something I have learned all through my years of self learning through books, trial and error and then learning from others. To pass on knowledge is the greatest thing I can do. IF I can do anything to help you out; pm me and we'll chat .. Please, don't give up due to the lack of consideration of others. |
I too experienced an unwelcoming group in a guild I joined in Arizona. I hesitated joining another but six months ago jumped into one here in our little town where we live now. Some ladies have been friendly then there is a clique of about a dozen or so of them that I've observed that may have known each other a long time I assume...maybe they are founding members???
I wonder if it has more to do with the fact that we are mostly women who quilt? It reminds me of high school cliques, you're either in or you are out. I surmise that is why this Quilt Board is soooooo very successful, I've yet to post a question that isn't answered many times over, encouragement abounds, this is a wonderful 'guild' of quilters, men and women alike here. I remember advice my very outgoing (never-met-a-stranger-type personality) FIL gave me years ago, "Get the other person to start talking about themselves, and there will never be a lack of conversation", ask them the most inane question that relates to them and very few people find it uncomfortable to expound on their 'expertise'.....I've found that to be so true. If a person isn't naturally outgoing and effusive joining a new group and being the new kid on the block can be intimidating. |
Originally Posted by quiltjoey
(Post 5755954)
I'm sorry, MissSongBird and Dolphyngrl, that you both have had those experiences. Some of the quilting groups are hard for "new" people to enter. And age doesn't really matter. When I first started my quilting journey about 5 or so years ago, I encountered some of the some experiences with younger, same age, and older ladies in different groups. I was actually laughed at on 2 separated occasions. I am 69 1/2 years old, so age doesn't matter. It reminds me of being in middle and high school and the "mean girls" attitudes sometimes. At first, it bothered me but now I realize how some women tend to stay in the "insecurity stages of adolescence" and never mature to reach out to others fully. I think it has to do mostly with trust issues in their past. My advice is for you to just keep quilting and don't let anything sway your confidence. Before you know it, you will become the "older" ladies and there will "youngins" that will need your help, guidance, and encouragement. I am in a wonderful Quilting Guild now and always enjoy going to the meetings. We all have a tendency to stay with what is comfortable to us and some people just have a harder time reaching out. I don't think it is you. You are next generation of quilters and the art needs young people like you to continue on. Please look for and find a group that you feel comfortable with for I believe there is one out there for you. With kindest regards, :)
JoAnn Wow JoAnn I couldn't agree with you more, your entire post is 'right-on'. IMHO |
I hate that you have had a negative experience with a few quilters. We should welcome all young quilters with open arms. I am teaching my grandchildren, ages 13, 5, 3, and 2, to quilt. The older two do the sewing and the younger two help choose colors. I hope they will continue quilting and one day teach their children and grandchildren. What a legacy that would be!
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I marvel at the QB - they are so caring and encouraging with their posts. One does not need human contact to find joy in their quilting. Social gatherings can be fun, but they also can be critical. Don't let UR youth discourage U!:o
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Originally Posted by M.Elizabeth
(Post 5753371)
I'm many years older than 20!! I found quilters in my local guild to be closed to "newcomers" (I was about 55 when I joined the guild) so I quit attending the meetings, and it had nothing to do with age. I am more of a loner and introvert anyway, so I actually do better on my own.
I would encourage you not to give up, however. Look at Leah Day, her skill, and her age - 27 or maybe 28. She commands great respect for her quilting skills. So even though you feel age is a factor, and it certainly may be with some women, stick with it. Don't become discouraged. You may be the next Leah Day!! me for introducing him to sewing. ha ha ha That is a good thing to be accused of. |
Originally Posted by MissSongbird
(Post 5753309)
I'm 20 years old and I've been quilting for about 5 years now, and as a young quilter I've experienced many different attitudes from other quilters because of my age. It's only within the last year or two that I've actually become involved in the local quilting community.
A little over a year ago I joined a Thimbleberries quilting group with my aunt in hopes that we would grow a more serious bond over our love of quilting. Long story short, my aunt slowly stopped going with me and my the quilt shop no longer does thimbleberries. Anyway, at the beginning I got a lot of weird looks from the women. I felt sorta un-welcome, but thankfully this was only from a couple of women. Many of these women were happy to talk to me and make me feel welcome. And then once I did show-and-tell for the first time with my black and red log cabin quilt, I truly felt accepted into the group for they now knew I could ACTUALLY QUILT! Some of the women have begun offering my fabric and books and they are always open to helping me with any quilting problem. But on the other hand I haven't had great experiences with some other quilters. Almost two years ago I joined a local chapter of Quilts of Valor. Unlike at Thimbleberries, I felt welcome at the very beginning. But slowly after time the ladies talked to me less and less and I could feel those judgmental stares. I've also found that when we have collectedly worked on projects I'm given "busy work" I guess you would call it...nothing that actually helps all that much. Not all of the women are like this, but it seems some are more than not. Now I don't even want to go to meetings. I'd rather sit at home in my own room doing my thing, than being ignored with all those women around me. Honestly, I feel sometimes some of older quilters aren't to welcome to young quilters and it pushes some potential quilters away. I'm not like a lot of people for if they tell me I can do something I prove them wrong, but I know a lot of people who would be put off forever because of these attitudes. Sorry this is soooo long, but to get to the point, please don't count us youngins. I know we are hard to find, but most of those who do come around love quilting just as much as the next person. And just because we are young doesn't mean we are unskilled or unexperienced. |
I teach quilting at my LQS and just love it when younger people sign up! Frankly, if we don't have younger people like yourself, eventually quilting will become a lost art. Why not look for a new place to quilt, or start a group at your LQS? Or put a notice on Craig's List. Good luck to you!
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Originally Posted by Gabrielle's Mimi
(Post 5756689)
I teach quilting at my LQS and just love it when younger people sign up! Frankly, if we don't have younger people like yourself, eventually quilting will become a lost art. Why not look for a new place to quilt, or start a group at your LQS? Or put a notice on Craig's List. Good luck to you!
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Originally Posted by kyquiltlover1942
(Post 5756370)
I get along good with Myself. We hardly ever disagree.
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Don't give up. I once sat in a quild which was "not for beginners" for a year before I opened my mouth. When the group needed someone to teach a class on pattern fitting prior to a jacket class, I offered to teach it and the members nearly dropped their teeth! Needless to say, their attitudes changed immediately. Do your own thing and keep quilting. We need all the "young-uns" we can get. I'm 77 and we went this wonderful craft to keep going after my generation is dead and gone.
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I am 65, and I had heard horrible stories (like yours) about quilt guilds. So it took me a while to join one. I met someone on this board, two ladies actually, who invited me to come to the group. I've loved it, and all the ladies there. I don't think there was a person in our group that would do that to you. I don't think it's you or your age. It's the other people. We would welcome you with open arms, and it would be so exciting to have young ideas. I don't know why some groups are so huffy, but don't give up looking for someone else to quilt with. It's nice to have someone to show what you've done and teach you, and you teach them. By the way, I enjoyed our group so much, that I am now the President of our Quilt Club. And I by no means am an expert. I won't enter contests because my work is just for me and my family. I don't need it judged to know my flaws. I just love to quilt. I've also learned so much from this board, so keep checking everything in here. Join a BOM, if you've been quilting for 5 years. You probably know more than I do. Keep the faith! Katie
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Originally Posted by M.Elizabeth
(Post 5753371)
I'm many years older than 20!! I found quilters in my local guild to be closed to "newcomers" (I was about 55 when I joined the guild) so I quit attending the meetings, and it had nothing to do with age. I am more of a loner and introvert anyway, so I actually do better on my own.
I would encourage you not to give up, however. Look at Leah Day, her skill, and her age - 27 or maybe 28. She commands great respect for her quilting skills. So even though you feel age is a factor, and it certainly may be with some women, stick with it. Don't become discouraged. You may be the next Leah Day!! Hang in there-quilt for yourself and remember that it is their loss as I am sure you are a delightful person. |
[QUOTE=coopah;5756403]It's not quilters, per se, but WOMEN! (Now I know I'll get bashed for this, but hang on, just a sec.) I have lived all over the USA, but mostly on the coasts. What I've discovered is that women in any group where there are not men (oh, keep reading. I hear you yelling at me.) to modify/influence the behavior of women...well, it can get nasty. It seems to depend on the leader. If you can somehow be friends with the leader (and I don't mean brown nose, but be genuine) and get her approval, you'll be set. Otherwise, it'll be a tough road. I LOVE younger folks. They keep me alive, stretching, growing, learning. Now go ahead and bash me...but it's what I've experienced. Sad, very sad that women are their own worst enemies.
One of my husband's favorite sayings is: " the biggest women haters in the world are women". Eyes...you are SO right!!![/QU |
I agree with c.oopah. The makeup of the group determines it's friendliness. I am tired of the group that I belong to and it's judgemental ways. I joined the group later than some and went out of my way to be friendly, especially to newcomers, my example has not been followed. Even if it is not me that they are talking about, it pains me to see them do it to others. It is supposedly a social group, not a guild. I don't need that kind of social and I am 74 years old. This group is enough for me
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I belong to three Guilds. My level of participation is different with each one. The largest one has 250 or more members. This guild hosts a huge show each year and has lots of committees and projects. The business meeting part of the meeting takes an HOUR to get thru. I tend to not be as involved with this guild as there are too many things to do. I dont mind being a worker bee but I dont want to spend a lot of time "running" this guild any any capacity.
The fav Guild for me is the smallest. Less than 40 members....we dont host shows or put a lot of pressure to participate in swaps, challenges, etc. You participate as you feel fit to do so. We love our show and tell and we do plan our meetings for the year. It is a diverse group of quilters in regard to age, ability, purpose. We embrace everyone and have fun! The third guild has about 85 members who meet 6 times per year. No quilt shows for us either. Retreats and charity quilting and the usual programs for which participation is optional. Where are you located? The State is sufficient . I would love to see some 20 somethings join us! Sandy. (Hobby quilter, no stress) |
[QUOTE=Lucio;5756977]
Originally Posted by coopah
(Post 5756403)
It's not quilters, per se, but WOMEN! (Now I know I'll get bashed for this, but hang on, just a sec.) I have lived all over the USA, but mostly on the coasts. What I've discovered is that women in any group where there are not men (oh, keep reading. I hear you yelling at me.) to modify/influence the behavior of women...well, it can get nasty. It seems to depend on the leader. If you can somehow be friends with the leader (and I don't mean brown nose, but be genuine) and get her approval, you'll be set. Otherwise, it'll be a tough road. I LOVE younger folks. They keep me alive, stretching, growing, learning. Now go ahead and bash me...but it's what I've experienced. Sad, very sad that women are their own worst enemies.
One of my husband's favorite sayings is: " the biggest women haters in the world are women". Eyes...you are SO right!!![/QU Sandy |
Oh, I love the LQS I go to. I wish I had more reasons (and more time...and money haha) to go.
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I'm so sorry that you are having difficulty finding the right group. I don't think it has to do so much with age, as it has to do with cliques, closed mindedness, etc. However, not everyone is like that, so give these groups a try in another month, year, whatever. Sometimes the dynamics of clubs change as new people come in, and it sounds like you are in a community where the older ideas have not yet been replaced with newer improved ideas. They will be.
Maybe you can ask people you know at work, in your neighbourhood, church, school, wherever you can think of if they would be interested in meeting as a quilting group. I have one at work that works very well. The group consists of 6 people, 3 of whom either do not quilt or quilt very little, but quilting is our excuse to get together. It comes with time. There is a generational gap in quilting ideas. I'm 61, my mother is 88, and has quilted for years. She has never liked one quilt that I have made because they do not fit into her formula for a quilt. If the quilt does not consists of 12 identical pieced blocks with sashing inbetween them and a border a certain width, hand quilted, binding the same as the backing, then it is not a quilt. Her quilts are indeed beautiful, but not what I enjoy making. The ones I like are asymmetrical, some have sashing, some do not -- if it is different I want to try it. You must be happy with what you enjoy doing and the heck with anyone else. I wish you lived closer to me because I need some new ideas and input from a younger perspective. You will find someone who is a kindred spirit. Just don't give up. Aileen |
Our group will fall over backwards to get young people sewing! We think is our mission in life to spread the quilting bug!!!
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I think, JMHO, that some of the older quilters feel threatened by the young quilters. Young quilters learn faster than older quilters do. They can work faster. They don't know the rules (I know, there are no rules) so they do something unconventional and it's so cool and it scares some of the older quilters - maybe makes them feel they are being replaced. I have seen some quilts made by a young quilter in my nearby town and WOW!!! She is so great!!! I want to ask her how she thinks some of her ideas up. I could see where certain people would feel threatened by her and gossip about her and make her feel unwelcome in any group. She's outspoken and self assured and usually that comes with age. I like to see that in a young person. I wish I would have been as brave as she is when I was her age. Oh, what I could have accomplished in my life!
And people are always threatened by newcomers of any age. What if they are better than us? There is a pecking order in a clique and a new person interrupts that pecking order. They don't know the rules (I know, there are no rules) in the clique. That is what I think it is about. A young person - a new person! Threatened!! JMHO! I don't belong to any groups. I am best friends with the owner of my LQS and on Tuesdays it's free quilting in the classroom, but I have never gone because there is a certain group that goes and the owner is working in the store. So I would be left out of conversations and feel uncomfortable. And I hate to feel uncomfortable. So, I sew alone. I have a very good friend here on the board and my mentor is here on the board. I have a few friends online. I know it's not in person, but it's better than nothing. And I love my friend here on the board! We are so much alike. We do the same BOMs, like quilt kits and fabric lines, etc. We visit almost every day. And no cliques!! |
As "loullygal" said some people don't like change too much...and I don't believe it has anything to do with age - yours or theirs. I am waaaaayyyyy older than you and belong to a small guild wherein there is a small faction of oldsters (even older than me!) who pitch a fit every time change is mentioned. They are not friendly towards new people and never make an effort to greet guests. We have lost members because of them and that is too bad. However, if you can't find what you are looking for (welcoming people - warmth and sharing of ideas), I like the idea of starting your own group. If you don't ask/try, it won't happen. Happy New Year.
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I would love to start my own group, but unfortunately with school, work, and ballroom I don't have the time...at least not right now. It would be a lot easier if I knew any young quilters to help me form said group cause then all the work wouldn't be on me.
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I think that no matter the subject, group, or affiliation you are always going to come across those few 'contrary' people that seem to speak/act on behalf of the rest. Despite what the rest might really think! Most of us don't want to suffer the wrath of the outspoken contrary few so we just keep quiet and hope you stick around long enough to find your niche in the group. DH and I have had this happen in other social clubs - some we decided to stick out and finally fit in, others we decided just were not worth it and we went else where.
IMHO, for an older quilter to be unwelcoming to a younger quilter is absurd. We young quilters are the future of this craft and will be the ones to carry on their legacy. Without our appreciation of what they have achieved and crafted, old quilts wouldn't be preserved and cherished by the next generation. Unknowingly far too many a work of art would be relegated to the 'dog blanket' just because it doesn't match someone's new decor! Good luck and persevere! |
I'm afraid I have experienced the same thing, but not because I was young. It was because I was new and inexperienced, I guess. I joined a local guild and absolutely LOVED it the first year. Over the course of time, I noticed many of the very experienced "master" seamstresses to be very clique-ish and snobby. Rather than encouraging us newbies at workshops, they were quick to tell us what we did wrong or make us feel less than they. After the second year and another couple ugly situations, I just gave up and quit. I had gotten very involved but decided it wasn't worth it when I would come home and cry because of things that were said to and about me.
I've since joined a different, smaller guild where the members are of a smaller county. The first guild had about 175 members and this one has less than 50. It's a totally different environment. There is one bully there, but for the most part, we can ignore her. I'm grateful to have found them because it's so much more fun to learn and sew with others. |
I'm sorry you were treated that way. I agree with others who posted about cliques and people being set in their ways, etc. If you considered going back to the guild, I would encourage you to take one of the committee chair positions. That way, they'd HAVE to notice and acknowledge you. Also, if you continue to show your work, I think they might take your more seriously. Have you considered becoming part of a friendship group, which is usually a smaller off-shoot of the bigger guild? That would give you a chance to meet and get to know fellow quilters in a smaller setting and they could get to know you too.
Whatever you do, persevere! Keep creating your great quilts. Show us your beautiful projects! We'll appreciate your talent. We'll be your cheerleaders. Just my thoughts - - - Jane |
Some groups have a hard time accepting new members, even though they are looking for them. Some people are just so set in their ways that it is hard for them to change. Keep quilting!!!
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First, I am glad you are enjoying quilting; sorry you don't feel comfortable with some ladies. I have belonged to a
quilt guild for 31 years and we have clicks in it too, sorry to say that! I have a friend who belongs with this same group and the ladies don't talk to her, even if they see her in a different setting, it is strange, I can't explain it either. I have been President, VP, Public Relations, Newsletter Editor and this past 2 years I have been pattern chairman. I am getting too old to keep this up so I think this might be my last year, will wait and see how things are in June. Also have a small group of these quilters that meet on Sunday here in my town and we sew from 1-6; I go to 2 retreats a year with different quilters, so I would suggest you keep looking for the right group where you feel comfortable. If you have to start your own group. The click group in my guild invited me the first year but I was still working (still am now) and I couldn't afford their price for a weekend and I haven't been invited since??? It doesn't bother me, cause I love the other 2 groups that I retreat with. I wish you lived closer to me, you could join us. 2013 is my year to finish several UFO's from classes I took several years ago!!! I have taught some classes too. Just don't give up on quilting...it is relaxing for me. |
I'm sorry you have had this experience. I look forward to see young people join in. They are always eager to learn from us older women. I just love to teach them whatever I know and help in anyway. I hope you can find a place where you are not treated this way. Good Luck! I have found in some groups that I had joined I experienced the same. There are always clicks, but then there are always the ones that welcome you and will be happy to help you and make you feel wanted into the group. Keep trying!
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I'm 73 years old and I got the same welcome that you have.
Believe me it has nothing to do with you. The pres. of the guild could not have been more welcoming, she is a fantastic person. But people form clicks, they come with a friend and that's all they need. I tried every thing I could to mix in, but it was just not to be. I took a out side class with the same group of ladies ( in another town) and much to my surprise no one but the pres. and owner of the quilt shop spoke to me. When they broke up for lunch, off every one went with their little click and not one person invited me to come along. After a year of trying to mix in, I gave it up and decided I really did enjoy myself at home. :) |
I too have had a bad experience with a guild. I joined about 13 years ago and I became friends with the pres. I jumped in with both feet -- did the jobs no one wanted, was an officer, worked on the quilt show. I kept getting comments like -- "you haven't been here long enough to know how things are supposed to be done". We had a block exchange and folks had to donate one 12" block to charity -- I pieced all of these blocks because no one else would do it and in 2 months made 24 tops for our charity. I said at the outset that someone else had to quilt them. When I finished them (reallize the colors and sizes were all over the map), the comments were I should have arranged them better and why didn't I quilt them. I was unhappy but my friend poined out that there are complainers in every crowd. While my friend was alive, folks were very friendly and when she passed away I became a non person. Needless to say I quit going to the group -- and now I get asked why I quilt, they really miss me, and would I be interested in piecing some tops...
Go figure -- it takes all kinds. One LQS I went to had this young girl (about 12) who would help cut fabric. I started talking to her and found out she was quite a quilter. Over the years she and I had a lot of conversations and I got a lot of good tips from her. She entered a couple of shows and won some ribbons . The shop closed and I lost touch with her. A couple of years ago she started teaching at another LQS I go to -- she is in her 20's and is an amazing quilter. She also does FMQ now and she does an amazing job. Age does not matter with quilting -- I think it is just being new and not knowing them for 20 years. |
MissSongBird:
Don't be discouraged. As a general rule most quilters are genuinely nice, accepting people. I am the youngest in my group of about 15 women (just turned 35). Most of the ladies are over 50, but we have all bonded. One of the ladies son (who is my age) actually asks her why Jennifer (me) would want to hang out with a bunch of old women ;) I just joined the Modern Quilt Guild here in Portland. The members of this guild tend to be younger. Might I suggest seeing if you have a local modern quilt guild you can join? Happy Quilting! |
I know what you mean. I went on a shop hop once and at one shop, there was a woman with her daughter doing the hop and the shop people made a comment about the daughter being too young to be on the hop and didn't want to stamp her card (true, some people were bringing family members to increase their odds of winning), but this girl did quilt. On the other hand, my LQS at my old address had kids camp all summer to introduce boys and girls to quilting, so keep looking and there should be other options to share your joy of quilting, including this board.
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I still say start your own group. The small group I belong to is a group of friends. We meet at each others homes once a month. The hostess provides soup and maybe some cookies. We take our own sandwiches. We meet after work and have supper together and then show what we have been working on, or share other things (we are older so husbands are starting to pass away). If you are in school put up a poster on the bulletin board (I'm sure there are more current ways--twitter, etc.) and see if there are others interested. Doesn't have to be work, just a social group with a common interest.
And, you now have quilting friends around the world on this group. What are you working on now? And, what kinds of quilts do you like to make, modern, landscape, applique, pieced? If you want to try something new, just ask and there will be someone here who has tried it and was successful, or had a disaster and will share what they did wrong. Do you hand quilt or machine quilt. Show us some photos. You may have just found your quilting group. Aileen |
I got really lucky with the LQS that I chose when I treated myself to a new sewing machine. After piddling around for about a year on my own, I joined their Saturday block of the month club and found that I really do enjoy it. My very short stint with a guild has not as successful, although I did meet some nice women.
What I have discovered is that some view quilting as an art and quilt because of their love of creating something beautiful that is an expression of themselves. Others seem to be very focused on the do's and don't's of quilting and are very rooted in their idea of what quilting should be, and enjoy policing everyone else. I'm of the variety that believes there aren't any rules except those that I make for myself when it comes to my artform and creativity. Hopefully you will find a small group where you can bond together, or find an LQS that is inviting and supportive. It is certain that I wouldn't have come as far as I have in my quilting journey had it not been for my LQS! Like I said, I got real lucky when I stumbled in there in a mad search for a machine! Best of luck to you, and remember - there will ALWAYS be somebody who ate too many prunes! |
i am sooo glad you quilt. my youngest daughter started quilting just out of college. soo that would be about 23? maybe you could put a notice up on a bullentin board, or in a college newspaper? and maybe start a group, if that is what you would like? seems like in the past, family scheduling interfered with me attending regular quilt guild meetings. now, i'm just lazy. and don't feel like driving the distance to get to one.
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My granddaughter is 9 and made her first quilt a year ago when she was 8. Last summer she showed it at her county fair and won a "Best of Show" in the regular division, not the children's division. The "older" ladies were very encouraging to her. At first she didn't want to even enter but she entered 2. She is in school when the quilt groups meet.
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What some older quilters fail to remember is that they too were once novice quilters!
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Songbird,
If you lived closer, I'd quilt right along beside you. Don't let the old goats get to you - I'm sure they're just jealous of your youth!! Just keep on plugging away at your beautiful talent and you will find folks who deserve to share sewing space with you!! And of course, everyone here at QB is so accepting, no matter age or anything else! |
Originally Posted by coopah
(Post 5756403)
It's not quilters, per se, but WOMEN! (Now I know I'll get bashed for this, but hang on, just a sec.) I have lived all over the USA, but mostly on the coasts. What I've discovered is that women in any group where there are not men (oh, keep reading. I hear you yelling at me.) to modify/influence the behavior of women...well, it can get nasty. It seems to depend on the leader. If you can somehow be friends with the leader (and I don't mean brown nose, but be genuine) and get her approval, you'll be set. Otherwise, it'll be a tough road. I LOVE younger folks. They keep me alive, stretching, growing, learning. Now go ahead and bash me...but it's what I've experienced. Sad, very sad that women are their own worst enemies.
Eyes...you are SO right!!! I belonged to a quilt guild for a couple of years. Most of the ladies were 10-20 years older than I was. Several of the ladies had published books (some of them many books) on quilting. I felt like I was in way over my head because I was a beginning quilter. The ladies were always friendly, but I was not comfortable showing my simple quilts during show and tell. I am currently a member of another guild and I am one of the oldest members. Everyone is very friendly and we all learn together. It is just a better fit for me. I also belong to a quilt club that meets every week. I enjoy it, but am thinking about leaving the group because weekly meetings are too much. I don't want to spend all my time at meetings when I could be home quilting. Is there a Project Linus group in your area? Most ladies who make charity quilts are very friendly. |
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