Christmas of 2009, I gave my son and new DIL a quilt, their wedding quilt actually, which I knew couldn't be completed by their wedding a year earlier, for reasons I won't go into here. Anyway, our local quilt show is in a month, and I was planning to enter their quilt, which I had asked them about when I gave them the quilt, and they were fine with that. I just got it back so I could put a sleeve on it. I can't believe the shape it is in. It has hundreds of cat claw holes in it and just looks and feels "worn". It is a large queen size, so washing it in my washer isn't practical. I have heard horror stories about taking quilts to the cleaners. I really don't know what to do. Any advise would be so helpful. I am also considering whether or not I should say something to them about it. I realize that it is their quilt, that they can use however they want to, but, I guess I want to try to explain how much it might really come to mean to them in the future ( if it survives). I don't have a family quilt, and I know how much I would treasure something from my mom or grandma. They are young and probably just see it as a "blanket". BTW this quilt is my own design with hand applique, some hand quilting, it took hundreds of hours, not a throw together quilt that I will do again anytime soon. I don't want to hurt our relationship over this, though.

I am so sorry that your quilt is not in very good condition. It is possible that it was so well loved that they used it on their bed all the time or something like that.

If you have a front loader, or know someone with a Front loading washer, you can wash it in there. I have a Large Front Loader and I can throw a queen size quilt in there to wash it.

Take it to a laundromat and use their huge front loading washers. Sorry the quilt was abused. Using white vinegar on a white terry cloth towel solves many needle holes in the garment manufacturing industry. Picture your mouth taking a sip of vinegar; "pucker up"! That is what the fabrics reaction is too. Just be sure to check for color fastness first. I've never had a problem at all.

Well.

If it is a quilt that was made to survive the test of time and be an heirloom, this little "incident" with the cat being all scratchy on it shouldn't have permanently damaged it. Broken it in early, yes. But...quilts last for 20-30-40 years, right? I know you've put a lot of hard work into it. I'm hoping you used your very best fabrics to take a bit of a beating. :D

Go ahead and wash it. Front loader sounds great, less likely to get all twisted up like a top loader. Maybe even spend a day at the laundrymat to use one of their jumbo ones.

THEN...after you do all the quilt show stuff...perhaps you can make a quick coordinating sashing for where the cat does it's clawing? Like, do not spend a ton of time on it...muslin back, coodinating color front, birth that sucker and put some pretty edging on it. Why? Well....here's why:

Return their quilt to them and thank them for letting you borrow it for the show. Let them know that you washed it on GENTLE and TUMBLE DRIED it so you could spiff it up for the show, but so's not to **do any damage** (see where I'm going?). Then tell them you whipped up the drape (I don't really know what this is called...all the fancy schmantzy hotels use them) because you noticed the kitty had done a little scratching. Then say something about it would be MUCH easier to replace (the drape) than the entire quilt...since some of it is HAND DONE and took many hours.

Somehow work in how much you loved working on the quilt, and you're so glad that they use it every day. And how you want them to be able to use it for a long, long time. (Because you do!)

Can you explain a little more, do I put vinegar in the wash? Thanks.

Well much depends on the relationship with your son and DIL.........and considering it was given to them and sounds like they did use it alot, its done.......the laundrymat and the front loader is a good idea too....
...If it were me I sould consider making smaller items the next time....for example Christmas stockings......pillows......small table toppers; perhaps placemats.........in my opinion if folks don't sew or craft when they receive something I have made they just don't have any idea how much effort and time goes into it. Its not their fault, and they seem to be appreciative upon receiving it at the time...........calla

how awful, I am so sorry, you should speak to them, they did not treat that speical quilt with more love, I don't keep a quilt on my bed due to my cat, and occaisonly the dog. my friends and daughter and grandchildren treat my quilts with great respect and have a speical closet just for these gifts of love. yes they do use them all there beds have a quilt on them and there changed out frequently , recently her g/f was abused and called my daughter the first thing she did was wrap her in one of my quilts. enough of my quilts.

Sad.

Quite honestly, if it doesn't come back to me used and abused I get a little offended. With that said I've only ever done one piece I consider to be show worthy and am a little heart sick knowing that the white will eventually be a rainbow of puke and kool-aid colors.

but it's loved, and in the end is all that matters I suppose.

I haven't given appliqued quilts to anyone yet for that reason. It would really upset me to se them ruined somehow.

I know how upsetting it is when you put so many hours into it, I have had the same experience.It hurts but everyone doesn't treat them like you would want them too.

Please, don't do or say anything that might jeopradise (sp?) your relationship with your children. That relationship is waaaay more valuable than any quilt...or anything at all.

I do appreciate your time and workmanship in this quilt and I'm so sorry that it has been abused. Be happy that they use it and I'm sure they love it. Go with the flow and don't give them another heirloom quality quilt. They probably will like the simple ones just as much.

Rebecca VLQ has a really nice way of handling the situation. I found with my children that they had no appreciation of the work that goes into a quilt until they actually helped me work on one.

Now they really appreciate all the work that goes into them, and my daughter has just decided to start quilting. YEAHHH!!!

Try it out and let us know how it goes.

Don't know the answer

Perhaps we should give people "starter quilts" to see how they treat them before they get one of our heirloom ones?

If they are using this quilt on their bed chances are that the cat is sleeping with them pawing the quilt of a night time. It happens to my quilt (made by me) all the time. A quick run through the washer and drier "removes" the holes.
If the quilt is already showing wear after a year and a half chances are there is more of a problem with the fabric then the way they are treating the quilt, unless they use it as a car mat in the garage or driveway!
Now I will say that I don't think there is an even medium here. people either want their gifted quilts to be put up and never used, or they want them to be used until there is nothing left of them. For those that do not want a quilt used maybe adding a hanging sleeve to the quilted gift would be a great idea. This way the gift recipient knows that it is NOT to be used.

Good luck at the show!

I'm sorry you feel the way you do, but you gave them the quilt to use and they have done just that. It's been in use for a year and a half, not hidden in a closet, not hung on the wall, but used on their bed...of course it's going to feel "worn".

If you feel it's still worthy of entering in a show, then it can't be even close to being in the 'abused' category. So show it, if that's what you want, and then when you return it to them afterwards, thank them very much for letting you borrow their quilt for the month or so you had it and tell them you're glad they enjoy it so much. Period.

There is absolutely nothing that is worth the risk of driving a wedge between you and your children. Not one single thing.

You don't need to use vinegar in the wash although it wouldn't hurt anything (and is often used in the rinse cycle). I would take the quilt to a laundromat and use their largest front-loading machine. Orvus is a very gentle soap to use. It's actually horse shampoo and a lot cheaper if purchased at Fleet Farm or other farm supply store than in a quilt shop.

I believe the vinegar would be used on a white towel and rubbed across the cat claw holes to close them.

Thank you everyone of you for letting me vent. This quilt is absolutely not worth ruining our relationship, that was never an issue. The only thing I was thinking about is that I know at my age there is some perspective that I have that they don't. Someday, 20 years from now they may regret not having taken better care of this quilt. If they are loving it to death, and are reminded how much I love them everytime they see it on their bed, then that is what I made it for. If they hate it and have given it to the cat for a bed, well, then I wish they would put it away for one of their kids (expecting their first) someday. I don't think it has been abused, I was just shocked at how worn it looks, so soon, and I wanted your help to know what I might do to be able to put it in the show. All the fabric I used in it is top quality quilt shop brand fabric.

Good luck with the show. I also don't think it's been mistreated. Their cats probably sleep with them. The only "solution" would be for them to stop sleeping with the cats, which I don't think is appropriate. The obviously love your quilt and use it nightly.

Please don't fall into the trap of thinking that age automatically gives you wisdom. They may feel the same way you do, which is why the quilt is used.

OK, settle down.
#1 The quilt belongs to them now and they are free to do what they want with it (as much as you might not like it)
#2 Maybe asking to display it in a show wasn't such a good idea
sounds like you and the new couple have differing views on quilting (no quilts for them in the future, pehaps a gift certificate).
#3 Thank them for lending you the quilt and return it to them(without any editorial comment about the way they abused it)
#4 Dial your computer brain back to the time before you knew how "your" quilt be bing abused by a cat. You've got to find a way to move on, because I don't share my Prozac with anyone, even dear ladies of the board.
It'll get better, it always does.

Roselady, I may be close to you! I have a front loading Maytag machine and could wash the quilt for you. PM me

Another quilt can always be made, but a relationship cannot always be repaired.

I really think the best way to give a quilt is also to NOT go to the people's homes to see what they do/don't do with them! I think most quilters are very sensitive people (God bless us all) and unless the quilts are treated exactly the way we would treat them, it hurts to see under use, over use.....so....I know we have to let them do what they want with them so don't put your heart into them unless you are giving it to another quilter!!!!! We quilters don't GET quilts and when I made one for my quilter friend, she glowed! She hung it on the wall and PETS it everyday as she passes it! Now, I get joy every day knowing she loves it every day. (I do like the idea of giving a practice quilt to see how they treat it. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......great idea.)

The rest of us seem to think you gave the quilt to your son & Daughter-in-law as a gift. That makes it their quilt now, to use as they see fit. You need to let go. Life will go on. Just because you give a gift does not mean you get to dictate what the recipient does with it. If you think you are unhappy now about the quilt, you will be devastated when they stop talking to you if you persue the issue about the quilt with them. Just say thank you and let go.

It is so hard to give a gift and then find out it is being mistreated. We have the saying that once it is given away you have no say about what is done with it. I gave my daughter and son-in-law a beautiful irish chain quilt when they got married and they use it daily on their bed. The dog sleeps on top of the quilt all the time. When I said something they told me that the dog was like one of their kids. I just said ok and dropped it. I will give them another quilt when and if I can. Keeping the relationship good is the important thing. You can always make another quilt.

"Rebecca VLQ" - you should be president or at least Sec. of State, Defense, etc.... WHAT A GREAT DIPLOMAT YOU ARE!!!!!!!! So true and worded perfectly...

I hope "roselady" does well with the lessons.

(Will keep that vinegar treatment, of Tonie Loree's, in mind for the future!!!)

I gave my son and his bride a hand quilted nylon tricot quilt (many, many hours of quilting on this queen size quilt) done in the bride's wedding colors of burgandy and mauve. (Never did see it on their bed) Anyway, several months back I saw it in garage in a heap (they are now divorced). Asked him what it was doing there and he said it was a gift for our wedding and I am no longer married to her and besides it is "pink" - not my colors. Well, I retrieved the quilt and washed it up. It will stay in my house protected until I die. Son may not want it but perhaps his daughters will cherish it one day.

I know when you give a quilt away, it is no longer yours but to see it in such bad shape it so sad. When I was a quilt, which isn't often, I take it to the laundromat and use their triple size and I put in a color grabber or two or more depending on the color of the quilt. I use cold water and Woolite or a specialty soap for washing quilts. I then take it home(wet) and hang it over my outdoor lines and cover it with a sheet so (1) it won't fade, and (2) the birds don't poop on it. and let it line dry. They turn out really nice. You might need to do a light pressing to get it looking new. Good luck and let us know how it turned out, please. Jan

Thank you so much for that offer! It sounds like you are on the coast, I am in the valley, probably 2 or 3 hours away. I stopped at the laundramat today and checked out the machines. They do have a gentle cycle on their front loading machines, so I will take it there. It is really sweet of you to offer.

I haven't been to a laundramat in years but they used to have an extra large capacity washer that I used for such things.

I had never thought about "starter quilts" but I LOVE this idea!!!!

Used and mistreated or stuffed in a closet to never see the light of day again....which is worse.

Give them that quilt now, but then make another quilt and pack it away with a letter for him (possible divorce, death etc.). When he goes through your things he will find that quilt for him. By then they may enjoy it more.

Used and loved to death would definatly be better, mistreated...hmm, I don't think that is better than stuffed into a closet. At least maybe someday someone might enjoy it when it was discovered.

First of all, I know you sewed a lot of love in that quilt. I am on my 14th quilt for family, my 2 sons first, then oldest grandchild, then DIL's and sister and brother and now neice. I am so thankful that they love and treasure their quilts, and use them. There are no pets in thier homes and have not had a problem, they have been washed and I see them in their bedrooms, on vacations, and camps. Think Rebecca VLQ said it best....You can make them another one,,, and knowing that they will use it,, and have cats, just make something that is easier to make and not have so much time in it..They just don't know the time and hours, and all that goes into making a quilt. Hope in the future they will appreciate it more,, but some things come with time.

First of all, I know you sewed a lot of love in that quilt. I am on my 14th quilt for family, my 2 sons first, then oldest grandchild, then DIL's and sister and brother and now neice. I am so thankful that they love and treasure their quilts, and use them. There are no pets in thier homes and have not had a problem, they have been washed and I see them in their bedrooms, on vacations, and camps. Think Rebecca VLQ said it best....You can make them another one,,, and knowing that they will use it,, and have cats, just make something that is easier to make and not have so much time in it..They just don't know the time and hours, and all that goes into making a quilt. Hope in the future they will appreciate it more,, but some things come with time.

I love making quilts and giving them... I feel once they leave my hands that's all the say I have over them, the more used the better! What good is something left in a box in a closet for someone to look at someday? I don't mean this in a mean way really... yes I know this is something that is brought up many many times. I really feel if you don't want it used DON'T give it away. Things happen, life happens don't ruin a RELATIONSHIP for something, tomorrow that person could be gone.. cherish the relationship not the quilt....
Been there.