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Originally Posted by Onebyone
(Post 7543930)
There is only one answer that will put a stop to every request. It's simple and to the point. Say:
No, I don't want to. It works for every request, every time. If someone doesn't think twice about putting me on the spot I have fun saying No I don't want to. It's worth it to see the expression on their faces, You don't want to do something I wanted you to do for me??? The trick is, just say "no"...don't justify (i.e. no, because.....) People will try to guilt you into doing it, as you've given them an "in" by offering a reason you're saying no. Just a plain NO ("I don't want to" is a nice addition!) you're not giving them something to work with. This applies to anything you're saying NO to. |
Originally Posted by deedum
(Post 7543030)
People think because I have one or two sewing machines and possibly more:) and a sewing room that I can sew or mend anything they have and for free. Just last week I was asked to repair a blouse and a former neighbor asked me to repair some items for her and now my dn asked me to hem her chiffon dress. No. I don't have a shingle out saying "Will do mending and repairs"! I sew quilts or whatever because I want to, I don't want to get this started. I wouldn't know where to start with chiffon. I give them the name of a local mending and repair store that does have there shingle out for business.
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My friend had a neighbor ask her to sew together blocks she had embroidered, then hand quilt and finish the quilt. Her neighbor is a retired hair dresser, so they struck a deal--a finished quilt for doing her hair for the rest of her life. They are both near eighty and very happy with the deal.
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No magic wand story request but I've just finished the top for a little I Spy quilt which I made to give to a lifelong friend's granddaughter, for her new baby. As I was planning the borders I suddenly came to and realized that while the grandmother -- my friend -- would appreciate it, the granddaughter, a very modern young woman, is probably not even a "quilt" person and I can well imagine her tossing it. I would probably never know -- my friend would certainly never tell me -- but I'm now so convinced that I've decided not to give it. I'm a little sad because I had planned to surprise my friend with it, but while I know we can't control what people do with our gifts, I've decided to give it elsewhere, to someone I know will like it.
No blame to the granddaughter; people are free to like what they like. But I forget sometimes, in my creative eagerness, that not everyone likes or values homemade gifts, including quilts. |
I gave a relative a wedding quilt. Its a queen size basket quilt, the backing is Mardi Gras fabric. Nobody ever sees the front of the quilt. :(
Sharon in Texas |
Originally Posted by Onebyone
(Post 7543930)
There is only one answer that will put a stop to every request. It's simple and to the point. Say:
No, I don't want to. It works for every request, every time. If someone doesn't think twice about putting me on the spot I have fun saying No I don't want to. It's worth it to see the expression on their faces, You don't want to do something I wanted you to do for me??? |
mme3924, how about gifting it directly to your friend to use at her home when the baby visits??
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My dear friend said she really wanted me to make her a queen size quilt. Before I could say no, she went on to tell me she would pick out the pattern and colors soon. She then added that she'd pay me $25 for the quilt. I had just made my first quilt which came about because I had taken a 6 week quilting class. And I had to buy my fabric at the store, the cost was over $200. I was able to interrupt my friend to tell her that I was way too new at this quilting to ever make her a quilt, the answer was a gentle, but firm no.
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Originally Posted by mme3924
(Post 7544030)
No magic wand story request but I've just finished the top for a little I Spy quilt which I made to give to a lifelong friend's granddaughter, for her new baby. As I was planning the borders I suddenly came to and realized that while the grandmother -- my friend -- would appreciate it, the granddaughter, a very modern young woman, is probably not even a "quilt" person and I can well imagine her tossing it. I would probably never know -- my friend would certainly never tell me -- but I'm now so convinced that I've decided not to give it. I'm a little sad because I had planned to surprise my friend with it, but while I know we can't control what people do with our gifts, I've decided to give it elsewhere, to someone I know will like it.
No blame to the granddaughter; people are free to like what they like. But I forget sometimes, in my creative eagerness, that not everyone likes or values homemade gifts, including quilts. |
Here is my story. After living in a motor home with my 93 year old mother for 7 1/2 weeks following a flood in 2011, a man who was working in my basement at $40.00 an hour asked me to make his wife a quilt. I knew her as a friend and a fellow teacher. I told him I would if he paid for the supplies and paid me for my time. He agreed. I gave him in itemized estimate just like he had given me. I figured it would take about 12 yards of fabric at $12.00 a yard. I work at a local quilt shop and knew that was the going price. I added in the price for batting, thread and other supplies. I am a long arm quilter and have my own machine so I added the cost for quilting. I also added $40.00 per hour for my time. I figured if his time was worth $40.00 an hour, so was mine. When he was here for the end of the project, and presented me with the final bill, I gave him my estimate. It came to $1350.00. Needless to say, I haven't heard from him to make his wife a quilt.
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I made a patriotic quilt for an uncle who had served in the military who helped my dad (his brother) and mom a lot. When another uncle saw it, he asked me to make him one. I told him to send me the fabric and I would. He bought all of the fabric he liked that the store had. When I got the package it was only four yards and he thought he had enough to make matching pillow cases. No backing, no batting. It's a good thing I love him or he wouldn't of got it. Picture posted on this board cars quilt!
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Originally Posted by ND Quilter
(Post 7544248)
Here is my story. After living in a motor home with my 93 year old mother for 7 1/2 weeks following a flood in 2011, a man who was working in my basement at $40.00 an hour asked me to make his wife a quilt. I knew her as a friend and a fellow teacher. I told him I would if he paid for the supplies and paid me for my time. He agreed. I gave him in itemized estimate just like he had given me. I figured it would take about 12 yards of fabric at $12.00 a yard. I work at a local quilt shop and knew that was the going price. I added in the price for batting, thread and other supplies. I am a long arm quilter and have my own machine so I added the cost for quilting. I also added $40.00 per hour for my time. I figured if his time was worth $40.00 an hour, so was mine. When he was here for the end of the project, and presented me with the final bill, I gave him my estimate. It came to $1350.00. Needless to say, I haven't heard from him to make his wife a quilt.
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Originally Posted by LavenderBlue
(Post 7544070)
mme3924, how about gifting it directly to your friend to use at her home when the baby visits??
I did that for another friend, who has no children, but whose husband has grandchildren who visit. When this friend learned I had begun quiltmaking, she was so supportive, sending me quilt magazines and books. She does love quilts, so I knew the one I made for their "house" would be welcome. When she called to thank me, she said "I'm not sure any grandchild will ever be allowed on this!" (I had suggested they might use it on the floor as a play or nap quilt.) She seemed thrilled just to have it, which of course made me very happy. |
Originally Posted by jbj137
(Post 7542535)
***
*** My story: *** Can you make me a quilt for my camper *** so I want ruin my good comforters? *** *** I guess quilts are only for dirty, trashy places. *** |
Originally Posted by carol45
(Post 7543066)
I love this thread!
This is what I did with a wedding quilt I made for a nephew who I thought would appreciate the quilt (and I was right--they called me up 2 days after the wedding to say it was the best gift that they got). I had it appraised for them before I gave it to them, and the appraisal was for $1200. A couple of months after the wedding I gave them the appraisal certificate and said they should hold onto it for insurance purposes. This way, they really know the true value of what they got. But, I really have to be confident that someone will appreciate it before I go to the trouble of making a quilt for a gift. |
Originally Posted by DOTTYMO
(Post 7543640)
A quilting friend's father had Dementia and she asked me to make them a quilt for him. She would pay. I said I would make a list of all fabric purchased as well as thread and batting plus time. I did a MSQC quick cathedral window with picture fabric in the Windows. I itemised everything and time in hours but no cost. All she paid for were the fabrics thread and batting I got nothing from them for my time. This was from another quilter, should have known better.
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Originally Posted by deedum
(Post 7543853)
A few years back I was asked to donate a quilt to a silent auction. My friend agreed to donate one small as well. So I got busy and made a nice block of the month oversized lap quilt. Quilted it myself, my friend sent hers to a longarmer.We donated both quilts, although it was a good turnout, people wanted stuff for nothing, highest bid on either quilt was $20. My dh seen this and he placed a high bid on both of them and bought them back for us. He was not going to let them go for pennies. He was so insulted, as he has seen how long it takes me to make one and seen the receipts as well. Learned a lesson there.
What a GREAT HUSBAND! This makes me wonder don't silent auctions have reserves? I learned from this post if I should ever donate a quilt for a silent auction it would have to have a reserve to cover at least the cost of materials or I'd simply not be willing to donate. |
Originally Posted by ND Quilter
(Post 7544248)
Here is my story. After living in a motor home with my 93 year old mother for 7 1/2 weeks following a flood in 2011, a man who was working in my basement at $40.00 an hour asked me to make his wife a quilt. I knew her as a friend and a fellow teacher. I told him I would if he paid for the supplies and paid me for my time. He agreed. I gave him in itemized estimate just like he had given me. I figured it would take about 12 yards of fabric at $12.00 a yard. I work at a local quilt shop and knew that was the going price. I added in the price for batting, thread and other supplies. I am a long arm quilter and have my own machine so I added the cost for quilting. I also added $40.00 per hour for my time. I figured if his time was worth $40.00 an hour, so was mine. When he was here for the end of the project, and presented me with the final bill, I gave him my estimate. It came to $1350.00. Needless to say, I haven't heard from him to make his wife a quilt.
Loved reading your story thanks for the chuckles, still chuckling here! Good for you! |
Madamekelly ~
I just finished each message in the thread and I can't tell you how long it's been since I've enjoyed a thread as much as this one you started! Thanks for starting this! I don't have a magic wand story myself, much different than the ones already shared, and I learned a long time ago the value of the word no. However, I love the post that suggested just saying, "I don't want to." Can't wait to use that one if for nothing else than to see the look on the face of the requester. |
Great thread!! I LOVE Cathy Miller -- her songs always make me smile. My story -- I was asked by a friend a couple of years ago to make a twin quilt -- I asked who it was for what it should look like, etc. I she had some specifics in colors, fabrics, etc, then told me it had to be heavily quilted because it was to replace the quilt her son used on the garage floor when he was working on his car -- the one he had from Walmart wore out too fast. Needless to say, I said I would not make the quilt -- she was not happy.
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QuiltnLady1, you didn't need a magic wand for that "friend", you needed a broomstick to bop her over the head with, then to give her to fly away on!!! For the garage floor!! Just imagine!!!
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Originally Posted by QuiltnLady1
(Post 7544771)
Great thread!! I LOVE Cathy Miller -- her songs always make me smile. My story -- I was asked by a friend a couple of years ago to make a twin quilt -- I asked who it was for what it should look like, etc. I she had some specifics in colors, fabrics, etc, then told me it had to be heavily quilted because it was to replace the quilt her son used on the garage floor when he was working on his car -- the one he had from Walmart wore out too fast. Needless to say, I said I would not make the quilt -- she was not happy.
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No is now my favorite word. It took me exactly 3 'guilted into it' quilts to get there and 2 friendships and I wish I'd learned this lesson earlier. I make what I make for whom I like, when I like and for no other reason.
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Originally Posted by lynnie
(Post 7542571)
what really amazes me is that people think a 'craft' by a woman is of less value than a repair on their car and a repair shop per hour is so much more worth it than a quick quilt by one of us.
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I have a store bought quilt in my camper well I got It for free but no way would I make anything other than a scrappy quilt for the camper
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Originally Posted by Jo Anne B.
(Post 7543779)
Last Fall I had a lunch with a GF, I had driven to her small town about 30 min. from me. Thought I'd stop at he local shop for a yard of flannel. This friend went on to buy over $100 for a pattern and fabric, I am being confused she is a non-quilter... on the way back to the car she announces we could quilt for an hour on Wednesday's at her house. I thought my head was going to fall off my shoulders. When I claimed "no we would do this at my house, it was just wasn't worth it for me to spend 30 min. packing my car, the 30 min. drive for an hour of sewing.
She now wants to gift me the the goods. |
Originally Posted by jbj137
(Post 7542535)
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*** My story: *** Can you make me a quilt for my camper *** so I want ruin my good comforters? *** *** I guess quilts are only for dirty, trashy places. *** |
Originally Posted by glassnquilts
(Post 7542549)
I made a lap quilt for my son in law. Extra long. He keeps it at work because it gets cold and he wraps it around his shoulders. He said one of his coworkers asked if I could make them one for $50. He just laughed and told them they couldn't afford one.
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I made an oversized queen bargello quilt for my daughter and then soon-to-be son-in-law. It was incredibly time consuming and fairly expensive (for me at least). I probably had $250-$300 in materials alone and then I had paid someone $200 to finish the quilting on it. My friend, who doesn't sew or do any crafts says to me "Oh I want one, would you make me one?". I said....well....I guess but you'd have to pay for the materials and quilting. When I told her what it would cost....AT COST.....she just said...well I thought we were friends and you'd just give it to me, besides, you can get a quilt at Walmart for much less. OKAY.......so.....go buy one at Walmart. And I dare you to buy one that looks like mine ;) WTH? lol
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Originally Posted by Sandygirl
(Post 7542992)
I don't tell people what it costs...i tell them how many HOURS it takes to make a quilt, a purse, whatever. Esp if quoting a price for one. I don't sew for others. I just smile at the them.
One problem that we read ver and over is that a lot of the ladies do not comunicate the COSTS associated with making a quilt. Time and costs. Speak up! Never take on a request without discussing the total costs and timeline and put it on paper. Get signatures agreeing to the terms. Collect the material costs upfront. A lot of getting cheated is the fault of the quilter...not the " customer". Don't try to be "in business" if you are unable to properly quote the request. "No" is a powerful word...use it! Sandy Back in the 80's I made most of my clothes, including some things like tailored slacks. I was a single mom at the time, so when a lady at church approached me and asked if I could make a dress for her, all I saw was an opportunity to make some money and never thought to ask several important questions. I didn't think to ask what kind of fabric it was or what type of pattern, and told her I would do it for $20.00. STUPID ME STUPID ME STUPID ME!!! NO WONDER her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when I gave her the price - she handed me a bag with six yards of slinky, slide-y silk charmeuse and a pattern for a dress with a full circle skirt on it! :shock: :mad: I didn't have the guts back then to say, "I'm sorry...I'll have to re-think that price and timeline..." and went ahead and made it. It took me weeks longer than I originally thought it would, but every time I called her to tell her it was taking longer, she just happily said, "That's fine!" UGH! She knew she was taking advantage of my ignorance, plus she'd seen my work and knew that I would do a good job regardless... :( That dress was a nightmare - I had to do French seams on almost the entire dress, plus it needed tons of handwork. It turned out beautiful though and she very happily handed me a twenty dollar bill when it was finished. Didn't even seem ashamed of herself. After that I did one more dress for a little girl at church. I charged a more realistic price, but the mom picked a pattern that had miles and miles of ruffles and gathers. What a headache! After that I decided that I would NEVER sew for money again! Took all the fun out of it. Now I only make quilts for people that I love, and I make them as gifts, on my own timeline. I don't do mending either, and like many of you, I have a seamstress that I take my mending and alterations to. I don't have a problem telling people "No" any more. Life's too short to put up with that aggravation. The problem that I have now is with my best friend - we've been besties for around 25 years and I love her dearly...can't imagine life without her. I've been working on an Irish Chain quilt for her and I'm looking forward to hand quilting it (never done that before.) She's a very loving, giving person, but she does a lot of guilt and has a hard time receiving things from others. She's thrilled that I'm making her the quilt but she kept trying to pay me for it until out of frustration one day I said,"NANCY! If you try to pay me one more time for this GIFT that I'm so lovingly and willingly making for you, I'm gonna burn the damn thing! OK?!" She looked a bit shocked and then we both started laughing. Then she said, "You're right...I've got to stop doing that. THANK YOU...I'm going to cherish this quilt!" :) |
I have a good one My Sister's Grandson was getting married and I thought would make him and his wife a quilt for their wedding gift and I did.So me and my oldest Sister went to stay the night before in my other Sister's house since she was going to be out of town so we wouldn't have to travel so early the next morning the day of the wedding and we did we had went out to dinner and done some shopping had a wonderful time,,So later that evening my Hubby called and said I had forgot their quilt and he would have had to travel 2 hours to bring it to me So i told my Sister's GS and his wife the day of the wedding I had made them a quilt for a wedding gift and they seem so happy that i had and I told him when he came to visit his other grandmother which lives close by where I live to stop by and pick it up and they both said sure,,,Well my Sister his GM has since then pass away and he has been by my house many,many times but never offer to stop by and pick his gift up I still have the quilt in the gift bag then I begin to think of the time and the money I paid for the fabric I brought and hours I put in that quilt and I made it in the colors their bedroom was in Which my Sister had told me the colors of their bedroom and to think they haven't even offer to stop and get.I come from a Big family my Mom had 14 children so you can imagine how many Grand kids she had 34 in all I have made nearly all of them a quilt for wedding gifts But this one was for my Mom's Great G kid. Now here is the thing of it That was 7 years ago guess what I will not do that again,,,Wish my bedroom was in those colors I made the quilt a Queen size that's the size of my bed also I will keep it and maybe one day I will do my guess bedroom in those colors Lavender,Sage Green,Creme ,,,Don't that take the cake Vent over ,,,By the way I love this thread,,,Blessings
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Originally Posted by toverly
(Post 7544065)
I definitely need to practice this simple phrase. I can say no, but I usually make up some excuse like, I have too many other projects. Which does leave the door open for a later date. Your way ends it. Good job.
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Originally Posted by QuiltnLady1
(Post 7544771)
Great thread!! I LOVE Cathy Miller -- her songs always make me smile. My story -- I was asked by a friend a couple of years ago to make a twin quilt -- I asked who it was for what it should look like, etc. I she had some specifics in colors, fabrics, etc, then told me it had to be heavily quilted because it was to replace the quilt her son used on the garage floor when he was working on his car -- the one he had from Walmart wore out too fast. Needless to say, I said I would not make the quilt -- she was not happy.
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I have made dozens of wall hangings and quilts, and do a lot of alterations....by choice. My sister got a sewing machine for Christmas, and promptly declared that "If you can do it, I sure can." She then made a Tee Shirt quilt, and a quilt for her granddaughter. Then I get the phone call...."Can you help me? These didn't turn out right. There must be something wrong with my machine." No stabilizer, no squaring, no batting...Not as easy as she thought!! And yes, I'll help her...when I'm good and ready....and enjoy every minute of her "lesson"!
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I don't have a magic wand story but I was showing a block-of-the month (West of Baltimore) quilt that I had made to my son. He said, "Boy, Mom, I bet you could sell that on e-bay for $100.!!!!!! It was a raw edge hand applique quilt that I had invested almost $1000.00 (thousand) in and I worked on it about 6 years. I gave my daughter strict orders that he DOES NOT get any of my quilts when I die. The king size "Foldy Stuff" courthouse square quilt I gave him years ago has never been on his bed that I know of. I had failed to get a picture of it, so not long ago I asked if I could do that. He got it off the top shelf in their bedroom. I've also made all four grand children and one great grand a hand embroidered ABC baby quilt. Haven't seen them at my son's house but the ones I made for my daughters girls are still being used for lap quilts.
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Originally Posted by Genden
(Post 7543997)
My friend had a neighbor ask her to sew together blocks she had embroidered, then hand quilt and finish the quilt. Her neighbor is a retired hair dresser, so they struck a deal--a finished quilt for doing her hair for the rest of her life. They are both near eighty and very happy with the deal.
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Originally Posted by jbj137
(Post 7542535)
***
*** My story: *** Can you make me a quilt for my camper *** so I want ruin my good comforters? *** *** I guess quilts are only for dirty, trashy places. *** |
A co-worker of mine was having her first grandbaby so I decided to make her a no-sew fleece blanket for him (the kind you tie off the edges all around). She told me that the father love the movie Toy Story so I was able to find fleece to make it. Well, they loved it so much that the father asked my co-worker if I could make him one to match. I immediately said NO but I would be glad to show her daughter (the mother of the grandbaby) how to make them since there was no sewing involved. The daughter came up to the office & I brought a small square of fleece to show her how to make it & tie it off. She never did make her DH one & they have never asked me to make anything else for them.
No is a good word to use when you don't want to do something.....no excuses....just NO |
I have a friend who doesn't craft a whole lot and what she does craft she doesn't spend a lot of time on it doesn't turn out to well she used to do Crosstitch she took her time and it was really pretty so when I tell her I am making a quilt show call me in about an hour and ask how it turned out like it's done. I now tell her I'm making pot holders so when she calls the pot holder is done lol
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Originally Posted by SherylM
(Post 7545527)
I learned this expensive lesson years ago, long before I started quilting.
Back in the 80's I made most of my clothes, including some things like tailored slacks. I was a single mom at the time, so when a lady at church approached me and asked if I could make a dress for her, all I saw was an opportunity to make some money and never thought to ask several important questions. I didn't think to ask what kind of fabric it was or what type of pattern, and told her I would do it for $20.00. STUPID ME STUPID ME STUPID ME!!! NO WONDER her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when I gave her the price - she handed me a bag with six yards of slinky, slide-y silk charmeuse and a pattern for a dress with a full circle skirt on it! :shock: :mad: I didn't have the guts back then to say, "I'm sorry...I'll have to re-think that price and timeline..." and went ahead and made it. It took me weeks longer than I originally thought it would, but every time I called her to tell her it was taking longer, she just happily said, "That's fine!" UGH! She knew she was taking advantage of my ignorance, plus she'd seen my work and knew that I would do a good job regardless... :( That dress was a nightmare - I had to do French seams on almost the entire dress, plus it needed tons of handwork. It turned out beautiful though and she very happily handed me a twenty dollar bill when it was finished. Didn't even seem ashamed of herself. After that I did one more dress for a little girl at church. I charged a more realistic price, but the mom picked a pattern that had miles and miles of ruffles and gathers. What a headache! After that I decided that I would NEVER sew for money again! Took all the fun out of it. Now I only make quilts for people that I love, and I make them as gifts, on my own timeline. I don't do mending either, and like many of you, I have a seamstress that I take my mending and alterations to. I don't have a problem telling people "No" any more. Life's too short to put up with that aggravation. The problem that I have now is with my best friend - we've been besties for around 25 years and I love her dearly...can't imagine life without her. I've been working on an Irish Chain quilt for her and I'm looking forward to hand quilting it (never done that before.) She's a very loving, giving person, but she does a lot of guilt and has a hard time receiving things from others. She's thrilled that I'm making her the quilt but she kept trying to pay me for it until out of frustration one day I said,"NANCY! If you try to pay me one more time for this GIFT that I'm so lovingly and willingly making for you, I'm gonna burn the damn thing! OK?!" She looked a bit shocked and then we both started laughing. Then she said, "You're right...I've got to stop doing that. THANK YOU...I'm going to cherish this quilt!" :) Dina |
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