To make or????
 

Some input would be greatly appreciated, as I get older it seems that times change and perhaps I am not aware of current “norms”, so here I am asking for your help and feedback with this.

For Christmas I made my neighbors a queen size quilt for their bed. They are indeed Quilt Worthy and really do appreciate hand made items. They were both over the moon with the quilt, however there was a bit of an argument over who would get to use it. I had no idea of their sleeping arrangements, it is certainly none of my business, but she quickly stated that it would be on her bed and he was SOL! The look of disappointment flashed across his face but nothing more was said. In January she called to once again thank me for the quilt, she just loved it. During this call, she casually said she should commission me to make a quilt for her husband and asked me how long it took to make their quilt. When I told her it took me about 6 weeks she grew silent for a moment then changed the subject.

1: I made the quilt for THEM and it was clearly a joint gift as stated in the letter included. So I am saddened by this power play. But, not my monkey, not my circus.

2: I would like to go ahead and make him a quilt of his own and just gift it to him. Do I make him the same quilt but in colors he likes (I do know his favorite colors) ? Or should I do something different in a smaller size (twin/full)?

3: Or do I just not make him a quilt and let it go?

I really don’t want to ask for their input because at the end of the day I don’t want either of them to feel uncomfortable or feel that they need to pay for anything. In the future, couples will each get their own quilts.

I would make him the same quilt in his colors. Maybe the wife won't claim that one. LOL I like making a quilt and giving it to someone that is quilt worthy. It a good feeling.

I would make him one in his colors. Same pattern. It sounds like he will appreciate your effort and since she asked and backed off when you told her the time frame, she will appreciate it also.

I don't suppose there is any way you could 'casually' find out what size his bed is. It would be nicer to make a quilt in his colours that would actually fit his bed.

My daughter and son-in-law have a king size bed, but it is split in the center with a king size bottom and two twins on top. Their 'twins mattresses' are each made up like you would twin beds. I am making them each a quilt, the same design, but in their favorite colors with the borders the same color on both of them to tie them in together. They love the idea of the quilts being the same design and with them being different colors.

So, I say go for his favorite colors, with the same design. That way, they match, but are each their own!

He sleeps on the couch in the living room or a futon/couch in their enclosed front porch so I am assuming full/double size for the futon. This came up in the “this is going on my bed” interlude. I do know that their house is just 2 bedrooms and their adult daughter still lives with them. I have never been inside their home. The only reason I knew they have a queen size bed is because I was cleaning out and downsizing my linens and asked if she wanted any and she came and took some of the queen sized sets I had.

When I was "much " younger, I thought it was awful for married people to sleep separately.

I sleep better by myself now. Some things change over time. Sigh.

A lot of my married friends have separate bedrooms. One husband has a sleep machine, one is constantly moving in his sleep and one has very different bed times. Makes sense to me. I sometimes sleep in the spare bedroom if I have to get up earlier then my husband. No need for him to have to wake up and vice versa. And we always sleep in separate bedrooms if one of us are sick. It's common sense and considerate.

My favorite quilt is about 65 x 85 inches. Fairly manageable when sleeping on the couch, but big enough for added warmth on our queen size bed when we are both under it. A bit skimpy, but workable on the bed.

I agree with Bearisgray, the perfect size is 65 x 85, easy to fold up in the morning. Maybe a matching pillow case, to keep it in?

I would make him his own quilt. I hate for people to be disappointed.

I feel bad for him. You could make a double flese blanket and they are very warm. I buy 1 1/2 yards of two different fleese. Plain on the back and something he would like on the front. This would take no time at all. I stitch the two together after smoothing and pinning the middle and all around and then sew about two inches from edge all around and then clip the two layers all around the edges about 1 and 1/2 in in from edge. they wash easy and are very warm.

You gave them a beautiful gift. That should be the end of it. They can share it, summer mine, winter yours. If you gave them a gift card to a seafood restaurant, and one person only ate steak, would you send another gift card? No, you wouldn't. It was rude that they even brought it up, asking for more. Pls don't hate me, but I feel it needed to be said.

I feel sorry for the husband! What a selfish wife! Hmmm... What to do? Does he have special hobbies? bird watching, golf,fishing etc? I would try to find out! I made my husband a Turning 20 Again quilt and he loves it. All batiks with the exception of the centers and a few fabrics that look like the sky and rocks or pebbles. The main square in the center of each block was fussy cut of Fishing themed stuff and a bit of hunting. It is a handsome quilt! The pattern is easy and since each block is different it doesn't s so much fun to make and cut out!

Thank you for being so kind in such a difficult situation! Please let us know how this turns out:)

I suggest making the same quilt in his colors and the same size. The last thing you want is an argument over her quilt being larger!

My husband and I have separate bedrooms. We each have bad backs and need room to stretch out and get comfortable. Plus, the little cat and dog likes to sleep with me, and then again, I'm up earlier than he is. We see nothing wrong with this arrangement. We both have our own quilts we love.

Wow, this is a first for me to hear about.
You mentioned how disappointed the husband looked. I'd make him his own quilt.
The wife sounded a little grabby didn't she? Saying he was SOL sounds nasty to me.

Maybe the look of disappointment was for his wife's behavior and comments. I wouldn't hurry to make another quilt. They can wait for another reason to receive such an expensive gift. Key word gift, not guilt.

Yes, I would make him a quilt same design in his colors. It would probably make both of them very happy.

Many years ago, I was making a two- layer fleece blanket. For some reason, I had to wash it. I learned then that fleece did not shrink evenly. I had to completrely unsee it and redo it , so it would lay flat.

So my suggestion is to wash the fleecr pieces before sewing them

Thanks for the feedback!

1: Yes, we all have preferred sleeping arrangements, this was not a judgement on their arrangement or anyone else’s. When I was married I would have preferred separate rooms as he was a extreme snorer, so by all means do what is best for you!

2: Yes, I felt her actions were rude in claiming the quilt as her own. And, rather ballsy to ask about a quilt for him because she decided she won’t share with him despite it being a gift for them, NOT just her. Yes, she did imply hiring, but I don’t think she was aware of how long it takes to make a quilt, and is certainly not aware of cost of supplies, especially today.

3: I am going to go ahead and make him his own quilt, in his colors and I will do the same size. I would not feel right making him a lesser quilt. They are hoping to sell their home this year so perhaps he will get his own room with a bed he can use and display his own quilt. I contemplated a different pattern, but am afraid she may claim that one too saying she liked it better!

Thank you all for your feedback and thoughts, it’s nice to have a place to get feedback for Quilty Issues. At the end of the day I am thankful that my quilt's are appreciated and I know that this next one will also be appreciated and used.

Can you meet with the husband in the front/back yard and give him his quilt in private so you can see how he feels about having his own quilt?
Just a thought to keep it between him and yourself.

I agree that she probably had no clue how much time/money/effort goes into making a quilt, and didn’t think it was a big deal to imply that you could just whip another one up for her husband.
Once that started to become clear to her, she realised it was an unreasonable ask, and backed down.
It’s very nice of you to think of making another, but you could save it until next Chrismas, and it can be presented as ‘another’ quilt; not just a quilt for him.

As DH and I have gotten older, his snoring has gotten much worse, and my hearing more sensitive. A bad combination to be sure, and one that has me often going to sleep in my own bed, but waking in the spare room!

Lisa, you are very kind in not wanting the husband to be left out or disappointed. I'd make him his own quilt, too.

Your plan sounds perfect.

Since you are going to make him a quilt- I'd do one thing to make sure he got to use for himself.... Make sure HIS name is 'front & center' on the quilt, both front & back!!! Could be name on the permanent label, worked into the quilting, a name block. Something such that she can't claim it. She sounds like a real piece of work!
Good luck
sewverybusy1

Wow. You would think a loving wife would share, maybe on her bed for a month, then his bed for a month, etc. I kinda feel bad for the guy.

I would make him a large throw/twin in his colors and a pattern that would be quick but one that looks spectacular and call it done.

I've run into people thinking I was being selfish for grabbing something for myself, but they don't know how rare it is for me to do that. I was raised that Mom/Wife got the last. DH and I got married at 18 and had kids right away, and money was very tight while they were growing up, so I got use to going without, and making sure that DH and kids had the best of whatever it was that we got.

So for the few times I grab first and hang on tight, DH will often look disappointed and others look on me poorly, but DH is only doing it because he's use to getting first dibs. He does admit that he's rather spoiled when it comes down to it.

How kind, first to make them the quilt and now to make another.

Watson

If I was her husband and had to sleep on a couch, I would leave. My husband and I sleep in the same bed. He has a cpap machine and it does make a little noise, so get ear plugs. I have back problems, so I do a lot of turning during the night, but we still sleep together. That is why we got married is to be together.

When I was younger, I was appalled ( at ot of things that do not bother me now) when I heard of married people sleeping separately.

After 62 years of marriage - there is a difference between sleeping apart because of anger - and for health reasons or one wants to turn the lights off at 2 am and the other one wants lights out at 10 pm.

I agree 100% with this.

This thread reminded me of a conversation I had with a neighbor who became a good friend several years ago. They moved into an older home with stairs. She slept in a bedroom downstairs and he slept in a bedroom upstairs. She told me that he would get happy and excited whenever he heard the stairs creaking as she walked up them, because it only meant one thing! 🤣

lol.... Peckish, thank you for that. I do agree, one can always share activities and then have a good night's sleep in separate beds as needed. It does not mean you love one another less if you need to sleep apart. Bodies change with time. If the quality of your sleep drops, you get sick so if sleeping separately gives you the quality of rest you need to prevent illness, go for it.

If she really loved her husband, she would have given the quilt to him to use.

If you feel like you would really like to make him his own quilt, use the same fabric you used for the first one but make the binding a different color. For some reason, I think it would be better to make the quilt in the same colors. If you make different color quilt, she might want to use the new one instead of the one she has...or keep them both.

Regardless, you have no responsililty to make a second quilt to solve their differences. Making a quilt is expensive and takes a lot of time. There is not any way you could have expected this to happen, but I know you feel bad with this scenario even though it had an unexpected consequence.

I feel that you are very concerned with scenario. Sometimes I do things I'd rather not do just to make myself feel better.

That does happen, Macy. Women will sometimes let everyone else have things first and do with what's left. Everyone gets used to it so when they finally decide to take something for themselves, others judge them harshly. Its okay to put yourself first. Nothing wrong with that.

Also, my husband sleeps on the couch because he prefers it. He likes to sleep with the TV on all night which I cannot do. He's always slept on the couch a lot of the time. His choice and not anyone's business except ours.

But if you're unconscious all night, what does it matter?

I used to think like this too. We are both older and retired and he uses a cpap machine and has restless leg syndrome so his legs chased me out of bed too often. We both sleep better now in our seperate beds. Yes, things change. Cuddling in front of the tv works just fine.

Good point! lol