I am a retired Nurse Practitioner.

If someone were to make me a quilt I would want it to be affirming of me and my occupation. Cute sayings alone wouldn't do it for me.

I have held hands, listened, hugged, explained, and just plain 'been there' with my patients.

It always felt good to have a Thank You.

ali

Too funny!.....hahaha

Your last period was when?

At 9 cm and epidural is not doable.

You are about 2 weeks over your due date, I see a C-section in the future.

Thanks for all of the sayings, I got a laugh out of it and also was able to pick ones for the quilt. I will post the quilt when I have it completed.

Thanks for everyones help!

Agreed!

put this under your tongue

How about "This won't hurt - it will be just a little prick"

"What's up Doc?" - or was that from somewhere else?

Just checking....blood pressure,temperature,mood...

Get back on the pills...

Have you had your medication yet?

How do you feel today?

I need to check your pulse...

Bottoms up

And how are "we" today?

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

:-) :-)

yep!!

The only thing I ask is that you be respectful......I quit nursing because too many new graduates treated it as a job and not a profession. What happened to caring? I remember overhearing a nurse say to a patient - "You think this is a hotel?" NO, NO. NO! It should be better than any 4 star hotel. These are sick, scared people. No one comes into a hospital or Doctor's office without some fear --even hypochondriacs, God bless them, have a fear - that is why they are always going to the ER or Dr office. If the quilt is to be sitting out in public for friends and company to see, make it tasteful, PLEASE!

I had a VERY strong and immediate reaction to your post, and have written and erased several responses. After some consideration, I realize that the most appropriate response is an eye roll :roll: and one of the most commonly heard "Nursisms":

There is no bottom to stupid.

I do, however, agree with your last sentence.

I would have nothing but respect for my sister. I would not give her something that was disrespectful or distasteful

When was your last BM?

On a more serious note...When my husband was in the hospital a nurse told me " God doesn't give you more than you can handle". I'll never forget that statement. Sounds like a great quilt to make!! Be sure to post some pictures when you are finished. :-)

"Don't worry, I've seen everything. "

Have you moved your bowels? You can't go home until you do.

As a nursing instructor, I try to instill in the students a love of nursing & respect for our patients. The respect we give is the respect we will receive. - I agree although these are funny to read, I wouldn't want a quilt to show others that makes nurses sound flippant & uncaring.

Nursing - a labor of love.
Nursing is a work of the heart.

How are WE feeling today? Time for OUR therapy. Roll over to your side...

As someone who has had more than her share of surgeries I can honestly say that without the nurses I would never have made it through or at least it would have been much more difficult. Nurses, for the most part, have a terrific sense of humor at least that has been my experience. During my first knee replacement surgery if it hadn't been for a nurse suggesting "the bomb" I'd still be in the hospital. The "bomb" is a mixture of prune juice and Sprite, you can guess what my problem was. I had a male nurse, highly under-rated and misunderstood, who was with me on the first night after the first knee replacement. He apologized for waking me and said he just wanted to "sneak a look at my pumps." I was still under the influence of a nerve block and replied that it was very personal since we had just met. He realized what he had said and the poor guy turned red and explained what he meant. I knew what he meant and we had a good laugh. His ability to turn that into something fun was just what I needed. Nurses are truly amazing people, they take so much abuse from people in pain and they are not the ones responsible for the pain. Having a quilt with little quips, I would think, would be the most wonderful compliment. Bless all the nurses for without them all the talented doctors in the world couldn't help us.

Takes special person to do nursing homes...Hats off

Time for your medicine...
Heres a band-aid for you dear...
Wake up so you can take your sleeping pill...(my all time favorite)

I will check to see if it is time for your pain meds.
Would you like a bedtime backrub. (Okay I am a nurse from way back when this was done. Showing my age)
Wake up I have your sleeping pill here. (also given to all patients when the old days)
Time to take your walk down the hall.
Visiting hours are over.

I'm a retired RN - my saying -- "this won't hurt a ood luck with the quilt.

My quote is this won't hurt a bit - sorry about the 1st reply

I agree totally!! My DH had several male nurses that were truly a blessing. Wouldn't have gotten through some rough times in the hospital without them. Truly amazing people.

Just sit there for a few minutes.

I'm a nurse too - I've seen a few t-shirt sayings, "Nurses are Patient People" "Here Comes the Cross Red Nurse" (caricature of nurse with large spoonful os suspicious looking medicine "Have You Had Your Backrub?" sweet little nurse with a container of massage lotion almost as big as she with a large hose attached.

Most are kind of derogatory jokes unfortunately.

Bend Over, this will only take a sec

the one we remember the most was when my husband was in for back surgery and he had a male nurse, he would come in and ask my husband, "are you ready for your bath?' then he would tell my husband, "just call me when your ready" so my husband calls him, the nurse didn't answer, when the nurse finally showed up my husband was telling him he had called several times and the nurse asked, in a soft voice "why? were you scared?"

I agree with that. I will post pictures

We're employee challenged today.
BINGO
You want what when?
Where's my ativan?
I need you nurse!
It's enema time.
I'm a legal drug pusher.
What do you mean there is a narcotic missing?

RN = Real Nurturing

Drop your pants, take your clothes off, here's a gown, what pharmacy do you use, are you in pain?

Doctor's Orders!

NO prune juice on my shift!!

You are going to the lab, xray,
MRI (magnetic resonance Imaging), Cat Scan.

"The doctor is running a little late".

From an RN