It's true. When I give a quilt away I always give it to someone that I know will be appreciative and love it. I love making quilts for people (my husband complains that everything I make is always given away), but I tailor it to the person and "screen" who I'm giving it to.

Face it people - there are quilters, and there are people who love quilts, but don't make them.............then there is everyone else - people that do not have a single clue about what goes into the making a quilt -oh, it's not just sewing some fabric together, it is the deciding, the planning, the feeling of the fabric, the pride we feel as everything comes together; so many steps as we beam that it is completely finished, maybe labeled, and perhaps a picture is taken of it - and then - the recipiant, with just their lack of enthusiasm, crushes us like a bug on the sidewalk. I have told this before, but a new neighbor asked me to make a quilt for her, I did, no pay, just to be neighborly, and when I saw it shortly after..YIKES - it was on her bed - IT HAD BEEN WASHED AND DRIED WITH TOWELS!!!!!I am still CRUSHED!!!

I have dear friends who after many years of marriage were finally expecting a baby. I made them a quilted baby blanket. A year or so later when I was visiting I didn't see the quilt anywhere. Laura proudly showed me it was tucked in a drawer because "it was too nice to use". Thirteen years later it is still in the drawer. I did make them a lap quilt which was thrown over the couch for a while. Probably in a drawer now, too. It takes me a while to learn.
bev.

I was thinking the same thing. Your work on the quilt may not have been appreciated by its intended recipient, but I am almost certain the nurse did or she would not have accepted it...so long story short, the intended person may not spend chilly winter nights warmed by it, but someone whom you don't even know is most likely warmed and comforted by your work. Sort of like an unplanned random act of kindness.

Bless you for trying to comfort your friend.

Humans are unreal at times. And no, some just do not realize (THINK) about the work, time, thought and money spent on making a particular item for someone we love (even just like). I could write a chapter about my MIL and closet where all of my hand make gifts were found, even the memory pillow (velvet pillow with roses make of her son's (my husband's) ties was seen buried under junk. Take heart, you are not alone and you are appreciated by LOTS of people. You are special.

HeatherQuilt - what a beautiful and non-antagonizing way to figure out who would appreciate your quilts! Your idea makes it painless for all involved - wish I had thought of it, but glad you shared it with us!

I have to admit that, in my younger years, I had possession of a quilt made by my husband's grandmother that I didn't appreciate. I had been given the quilt by his mother, who had not taken care of it, and I continued the bad treatment. I did not know at that time what it takes to make a quilt, and the love that goes in to it. Not a day goes by now that I don't think of that quilt, and wish to heaven's that I had known what I really had. I apologize to Grandma Hutchison in Heaven- and have to live with the knowledge that I didn't take care of her quilt. I always think of this when I hear about others who don't appreciate homemade quilts. I was this way out of ignorance, not out of irreverance, and I'm sure many others are the same.

Your idea to weed out the ignorant is fantastic!

My husband's business partner and friend and his wife's baby turned 1 in May. I made one of the superfast jellyroll quilts for the baby. I got thanked for the blanket! Their 4 year old got some books and a huge bubble wand for his birthday in July!

On the other end of the rainbow, both my daughters got a crotched throw from me when they went off to college. They still get used like their favorite "blankies".

I hope this isn't too morbid, but my SIL is a Long-armer in CA. When my MIL (her mom) was diagnosed in the final stages of pancreatic cancer, she asked for a prayer quilt she could take with her. So Lin made one for her and Ruthie was comforted by it in her final days.

The one thing that amazes me the most is people have no clue how much $$$$ is involved in a quilt... let's not even consider $8-$12 LQS fabric - we'll use WM or markdown fabric as our example, and we STILL have boocoo bucks involved in just the top... then there's the batting, and then backing...
Yet there are people who consider a gifted quilt a "cheap" gift, "homemade to save money" mentality.
Or they see quilts at WM for $30 or at Cracker Barrel for $100 and consider them low cost items.
When sewing machines became available for the home it was a big deal, the machines were very ornate because if you could AFFORD a machine, you wanted to display it (show off if you will).
So the people who could NOT afford such luxury had to come up with a way to disparage another's good fortune and they made fun of machine sewn stuff.....and all of a sudden the only "real" quilt was a handmade one.
Then people made more money and could afford 'store bought' - and they could lord it over the ones who couldn't, so 'store bought' became the goal and homemade was put down...
While I was growning up the transition was from "homemade" to "store bought" (after WWII). Nobody wanted homemade anymore.
Now it's all designer stuff that people want - frankly I don't understand the mentality of having what everybody else has - before Miley got crazy all the preteen girls were gaga over Miley Cirus stuff - it's still in the stores, and before that it was those two twins....
I guess the point of this rambling essay is that some people will ALWAYS appreciate what you did and what you made and how much you poured into it of money/yourself and others just won't get it.
It's a hard lesson to learn ...

It is all about knowing (or finding out) who will really appreciate your work.

I have to admit that despite being a quilter and knowing the amount of work in handmade items I still prefer store bought gifts (electronics & jewelry, please, LOL!). Up to the 90's Ireland was still a relatively poor place, and handmade gifts were something that we gave and received because we didn't have much money to buy something nice. I still have that mindset to some extent, although one wall hanging I was given which was specifically tailored to my colours and "likes" has pride of place in my computer room.

So when I give a quilt I always say that I won't be the least bit offended if they use it at the beach, hand it on to someone else or drop it into the local charity shop. What happens after I give it doesn't bother me since I usually choose to make a specific quilt because I want to try a pattern or technique, and I've accomplished that when the quilt is done. If I think it's really good I tend to keep it, when they're piled up too high I get the extended family and friends in to pick out whatever ones they want (if any).

My mum was hanging on to two lap quilts that she never used (she prefers the wool rug my dh gave her) just to avoid hurting my feelings! I ended up putting them in her Vincent de Paul donation box myself and I could see how relieved she was to have them gone without me being upset.

Sorry Lori. My little dog has 2 quilts of his own that I made and he loves quilts as much as I do.

I'm thinking that the nurse loved it!

When my cousin asked me to make her a quilt, she asked how much it would be. I told her the cost of materials. She was shocked at how much materials were. If you don't sew, you don't understand the cost involved.

I guess I'm lucky, as far as I know anyone I have ever gifted with a quilt of mine has loved it. I made quilts for 3 friends who all had babies last fall, and all 3 adore the quilts & use them every (or nearly) every day! One mommy actually cried when I asked for the quilt back for a couple days so I could 'finish' it with her daughter's initials & birthdate.

Yes,the nurse was probably really happy. I had an experience where I did not put a label on my quilt and if my hubby hadn't been around to say: 'Charlie made this', all my work would have gone unnoticed. I lrearned that you have to "Toot your own horn" sometimes. Even if as you give the quilt or whatever it is, you say: I just knew you loved cats so I found some fabric at 10 different stores, I hope you like how they look together. Or something like that to let them know you cared enough to spend time on THEM. Just some random thoughts.

I agree with you whole heartedly.... I made my GD a quilt, no reaction at all, I made my girlfriends daughter a quilt and you would have thought I gave her a puppy. Your right , think and go with your gut feeling about the appreciation factor.

Just wanted to let you know I totally understand. My DS #2 does not quilt or sew but makes Fleece -tied blankets all the time for the Children's hospital. One year I was visiting and we went shopping at JA's for fabric for our other DS #1. We chose the fleece and thought we did well. That Christmas, I received the blanket she made for DS #1. I was exstatic! I loved it. I have made probably 30-40 of these myself and given them away. Never for myself. I cherish her blanket and think of her arms wrapping me in love everytime I use it which is almost daily even in warm weather. Our other DS uses hers when grading school papers. Sorry to ramble and I didn't mean to hi-jack. I just want you to know I understand.

Blessings.

Great idea!

I was determined to make quilts for all of my loved ones so when I was quilting in the here after they would have something made with love to remember me by. I appliqued a king size water bed quilt and gave it for Christmas a few years ago. I then found out that within months their dog and cat had chewed hundreds of holes in it. I have since decided that I get the joy of making the quilt and once its given away I have no control over what happens to it and do not become hurt if it is destroyed.

Before I read this post - I had already decided to make quilted Potholders and see how they went over. I have an aunt who collects santas - i am aching to make a santa quilt for her but want to be sure it will not end up in the dogs bed!

I completely get what you're saying, and if someone doesn't appreciate a quilt, definitely don't go to the trouble of making one.

But I always thought a gift was for the recipient. If the recipient dearly wants a necktie, they'll be disappointed with a quilt. In all cases, I think it's best to check in with people about what they are wishing for. It saves money and disappointment all around.

I agree. Some people have no idea whatsoever of what it takes to make a quilt, in cost and in time, nevermind the creativity involved.
Once I made a beautiful fabric bowel for a neighbor and friend across the street. Just for fun, I put a few of the roses from my rose garden in the bowel (I had the roses set in a small bowl of water of course). She shrieked to the other guests at her birthday party, "Look at what Bev gave me!! A bunch of roses from her yard!!" as though it was a big joke. I was so embarrassed until one of the other guests spoke up and said very sweetly, "Is that bowl handmade? It's so lovely."
Needless to say, that friend/neighbor never got another handmade gift from me. She just didn't understand at all, about the value of a handmade gift.

My older sister taought me to sew. She is an amazing seamstress - but does not "get" quilting. (unless the quilt is made from scraps or old clothes) ANYWAY, I decided to make her a quilt in her favorite colors with her favorite things - cats. It took me almost a year to finish this quilt with all of the piecing involved in the squares. Come Christmas Morning her comment was "it's about time some one made something for me". I know whe has looked at it because she commented on a flaw on one of the squares - but she keeps it in a box in her closet because it is "too nice to put out." sigh. I was amazed at this response from the person who taught me to sew and craft! My sister in law - who drives me crazy - has been begging me for a quilt - but she understands what goes into it. One of these days she will get it too!

About 9 years ago I was doing counted cross stitch, and started working on one when my DIL said she was expecting her first child. It took me over a year of intensive work doing a Bird Alphabet that used a lot of 1/4 stitches. It cost almost $200 to frame it. I had no idea if she would value it. Soooo, I borrowed a phrase used on Antiques Road Show. "Just to let you know for insurance purposes, this should be valued at about $1,000." Well, she still has it and does value it.

I have not been shy about saying the same thing about my quilt gifts, and my family does know their value. Sometimes we just have to be proactive. :lol: I have another DIL who would probably turn a quilt into a dog bed, and her gifts are a gift card from Wal-mart. Sometimes we have to judge our recipients with the same care as we choose our fabric colors and designs. :roll: Your idea is excellent and I just might use it. Thanks.

I get what you mean. Last Christmas I made ornaments using clear glass balls and thin strips of batiks I had left from trimming for another project. I gave them out to my quilty friends and they loved them and the idea. They gave me the idea to give them to family as little gifts and see their reaction, to see if they were "quilt worthy". Even though they weren't quilts, some people just don't appreciate hand made items.

These are all really touching letters. And I don't feel so bad about some in my family now! I have made quilts for all the children, almost all the grandchildren and all the g grand children. Two did not acknowledge the 4 quilts and 1 wall hanging, and one never used the baby quilt for a ggchild. It wasn't as soft as the fleese ones that were bought and it had cat fur on it, (after several washings)maybe a hair or 2.
Win a few and lose a few. It was hurtful, so they won't receive any additional quilts. and the quilts that are bed size cost $300 + to have quilted. I really enjoy making covers for kids for our quilt guild project so I make one a month for that project.

I don't think this is negative at all. I think it is very smart way to honestly assess if people like what you make without having them put on the spot. One of my objectives when making/buying a present is that it is something someone would enjoy receiving. Believe me if a friend of mine stuffed animals I really don't care how much time/money went into it, I would not want it. Future gift givers to me please note LOL. Thanks for sharing this great idea.

[/quote] Once I made a beautiful fabric bowel for a neighbor and friend across the street. Just for fun, I put a few of the roses from my rose garden in the bowel (I had the roses set in a small bowl of water of course). She shrieked to the other guests at her birthday party, "Look at what Bev gave me!! A bunch of roses from her yard!!" as though it was a big joke. [/quote]

Well now that's just plain rude!

What a great idea, you're absolutely correct some people just don't "get" what a gift a quilt is.

I had someone to ask me the cost for a Christmas gift.
Then she said she only buys expensive "stuff". It was a relative, too.
Dodee

That is a good idea...a trial gift! LOL Last Xmas I made aprons for my step-mom, SIL and 2 nieces. One of the nieces looked at it, said thanks and crumpled it up putting it back in the box. It is typical of her...she has been this was since she was a little girls...I was not surprised. Her sis, on the other hand, thanked me profusely and has mentioned to me several times how much she enjoys wearing it. Quilted gifts are not everyone's idea of something they want to have decorating their homes. I would be very cautious about gifting people with quilts. This year, all the females in the family are getting Bow-tucks bags!

That was a wonderful way to look at it. Very good advice.

I understand the hurt that many of you feel, i've also been there. But the original poster has the right idea on how to "feel them out". Smart thinking.
I plan to make less than 10 quilts in my lifetime, all for my grandchildren and children. I hope that because they know it is from me, they will treasure the quilt they get.
HOWEVER, once a gift is given, it is not fair to question how a person uses it. You gotta let it go.
I used to handpaint pottery and one day I expect to see one of my projects at a garage sale because I know what you all are learning...not everyone appreciates handmade items.
Maybe they have never had the pleasure of creating something of their own (poor people), or they are just too immature to understand the worth (i was young once). Let's forgive them and move on with more wisdom than we had before. Thanks so much for this post. It makes me feel better that i was not alone.

I made my MIL a beautiful lap size quilt one year and the next time I saw her, it was all folded up and she was using it for a cushion to sit on. Oh well, at least it was being used.

I win the stupid prize there. My DIL pretends to like my quilts, etc.
and I have to do something with them....can only keep so many. However, HER mother wanted to learn how to make them so I taught her. Guess whose DIL uses now.

I just had a thought :idea: :oops: If someone gave us a home crafted gift, would we know how they intended for us to use it. Would I be mortified to find out that they were offended by the way I treated it? I notice a range of actions that goes from the recipient wrapping it up and putting it away because it is too lovely to use, all the way to loving it to death. Maybe they did not know our intentions for the gift. In some cases, would it be the kind thing to tell them?

Having shed tears because of a misunderstanding when my DD received one of my quilts, I have begun to think about better communication and my motive for giving the quilt in the first place. That motive thing became a real opportunity to look at what goes on within myself and the need to have others validate me. :oops: Sorry to get so heavy but I am convinced that as we develop our quilting skills, we develop ourselves. :lol: :lol: :lol:

I live in Florida and most of my family is RI and MA. It's sad that there are a lot of people who don't appreciate the love, the thought, the time and the money it costs to make such a unique
gift. I always think of my lap quilts as long-distance hugs. Several years ago my SIL's mother was quite ill. I made her a lap quilt.
The 24 squares had all different machine embroidered 4 inch butterflies and the quilt was latticed, bordered & backed with a gorgeous butterfly fabric. Georgie, the Mom absolutely loved. My
SIL called me after Georgie died to say she put the quilt in the coffin with her Mom. I have to say that totally freaked me out. Perhaps I should have seen it as a supreme compliment, but I thought it was weird. Why not keep it as a nice memory? Am I nuts?

There are some thrift stores here where my guild-mates go every Monday and Thursday (when they have their extra 10% off weekly sales) and hunt for handmade quilts and afgans. They rescue them and bring them to the next guild meeting. I am always shocked to see these items (and that they got them at a steal).

I went in there to look for costume pieces for DD's school (where ELSE will you find a hand-stitched 3-piece wool suit for 15 dollars?) and it was heartbreaking to see aprons with children's hand-prints on them and the words "we love you grandpa!" and other such items. I can only hope that the estates these came from were from people who passed with little surviving family...

I try not to think about some of the quilts I give away. Baby quilts, I make to be used and loved, so if they wear out, I can deal with that. My MIL doesn't put the quilt I made her on her bed because she's afraid FIL will destroy it (he's rather incontinent now). The chemo quilt I made my mother was used a lot by my dad at the assisted living after mom died and before he died, and they were rather harsh washing it, so it's pretty faded from being bleached now. It's one of our couch quilts.

I only give quilts to people who I know will appreciate them and understand the effort it takes to make one of these things. (also why I only knit small items for family members. If it's a sweater, it's for me :P )

This is a subject dear to my heart. I want my quilts to be used and loved not wasted. I don't care as long they are well loved. I made a quilt for my son, when I gave it to him he didn't seem to like it very much and I was very disappointed. He flew home and in a couple of days he gave me a call. He said his girlfriend absolutely loved it and all his friends were raving about it. I don't think he really appreciated it until he saw it through someone elses eyes. He sent me a picture of it on his bed. Sometimes the pats come in a round about way.

what a great (fairly inexpensive)way to find out about the quilts we give as gifts. I never would have thought of that I spent 3-4 years making 21 quilts to allmy children and grandkids quilts for Christmas three years ago. I knew they would enjoy them and they love them and cherish them.
Nnow I can start on great grands. Love making quilts

What a wonderful quilt!!! I love it!
She sounds like she has a hard time expressing her feelings about gifts. She just HAS to love this quilt. And lots of people put these gifts away because they think they're too precious to take a chance on having them out where they can get damaged. Do you think maybe this was the problem with her?

8-)

No, but you also have to remember the quilt may not have been in as "pristine" condition after the passing as it was when you gave it. And maybe the quilt would remind them of the illness and end-of-life rather than happier times. I think it's rather a huge honor that they buried the quilt with the mother. Perhaps she requested that specifically.

Thankfully the "official" extended family rule is that the adults don't get gifts (of course, we tend to violate that rule, LOL). I make small handmade things for the family (including jam and pickles). The kids are at an age where they prefer cash :)