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-   -   What response are you really looking for? (https://www.quiltingboard.com/main-f1/what-response-you-really-looking-t269588.html)

madamekelly 09-05-2015 10:41 AM

Because of the "keep it positive" understanding I have here on the board, if I point out an issue on my own quilt, I am asking for suggestions for that project, or for next time, so I become better with each project, not just kudos for getting it done. Having said that if I get a comment on the OK-ness, I am flattered by that, and sometimes the encouragement is just as important as the suggestions, because someone felt the need to improve my day. If you take the time to comment on my post, my only response is. "Thank you for taking the time to write".

Rose Bagwell 09-05-2015 04:35 PM

I would always want a helpful honest response, with out being hurtful /put down statements. I am sure we all have to learn at one point in our quilting /sewing projects. Even though we think we know, I always learn something new or a new way of doing what I already do or think I know . For the most part, I have read very friendly positive remarks and find some very nice ladies/gents on here .

rj.neihart 09-06-2015 05:37 AM

Best response is an honest response - if a person is setting their selves up asking the questions, they are looking for advice. We all know how to gently provide advice without bias....

maviskw 09-06-2015 06:06 AM


Originally Posted by madamekelly (Post 7307712)
Because of the "keep it positive" understanding I have here on the board, if I point out an issue on my own quilt, I am asking for suggestions for that project, or for next time, so I become better with each project, not just kudos for getting it done. Having said that if I get a comment on the OK-ness, I am flattered by that, and sometimes the encouragement is just as important as the suggestions, because someone felt the need to improve my day. If you take the time to comment on my post, my only response is. "Thank you for taking the time to write".

An excellent answer / comment. Thank you for taking the time to think this out for our perusal.

BettyGee 09-06-2015 06:39 AM

If I ask a question I'm looking for help from experienced quilters, like the ones on this board. If a do over is the answer I already know that. If I made a big mistake and it can't be remedied I already know that. So if I encounter a situation with which I have no clue I will turn to this board of terrific folks for an honest answer. If I'm totally wrong then I want to be told that I've messed up.

Monale 09-06-2015 07:23 AM

Like other posters, I do not have any quilters around me to give me honest feedback. Yes, it's great to hear nice and encouraging things, but I am also very happy for constructive criticism that helps me learn and improve my work!

I lately posted some PP stars, and one board member (and only one) pointed out that I obviously missed to add one piece of fabric in one of the stars. I wasn't even expecting something to be wrong with them, but when going back over them all, I discovered two more such mistakes in another star! It gave me the chance to fix the mistakes before I put the blocks together, and I guess I learned to watch more carefully for something like this :o (in fact, with the latter star, I had two pieces of fabric left over when finished piecing but thought that I miscounted and cut too many...). I know I would have pulled my hair if I would only have discovered it on the finished quilt!

tessagin 09-06-2015 07:27 AM

Ditto here!! If I don't know of a fix, sometimes I'll post anxious to see other members suggestions.

Originally Posted by NJ Quilter (Post 7306642)
I agree with PaperPrincess....I would be looking for suggestions for a fix that perhaps I had not though of yet. I might couch my response to the effect 'you could leave it but you would always know it's there' kind comment prior to any suggestion I might have. Depends on how the OP poses the question.


Wonnie 09-06-2015 07:31 AM

Truthfully, when we make a mistake we all know we've done it. It seems to me you have a choice...leave it or redo it...period. I have learned far more in my life by ripping it out and redoing it until I get it right than by leaving it and having someone "okay" my mistake by telling me, "Oh, no one will ever notice."

bearisgray 09-06-2015 08:28 AM


Originally Posted by Wonnie (Post 7308596)
Truthfully, when we make a mistake we all know we've done it. It seems to me you have a choice...leave it or redo it...period. I have learned far more in my life by ripping it out and redoing it until I get it right than by leaving it and having someone "okay" my mistake by telling me, "Oh, no one will ever notice."

I always think that the "Oh, no one will ever notice." statement should be modified to -

"Most people probably will not notice." And they probably won't - however -

the person that pointed it out noticed - and I think that person considered herself/himself a "someone" or "somebody"!

I think it is okay (and perhaps even respectful) to acknowledge a mistake/glitch/anomaly in one's own or someone else's work - most of them are not life-threatening - - and definitely a good thing to point out what is "right" about a project. (This is when the maker has done the pointing out.)

Some people notice if a huge picture is only 1/16 inch off of level. Others might not notice if it's hanging at a 45 degree angle - and then, if they did notice, will assume that it is intentional and a new way of displaying art.

cashs_mom 09-06-2015 08:51 AM


Originally Posted by lynnie (Post 7306759)
I think some people are passive/ aggressive about it and want us to say it looks great, don't worry, other wise, they would have fixed it b4 showing it. they want us to say, oh, it's o.k., when it isn't. They want to say,"Oh, I'm so stupid" and we're to say, "No you're not".

I agree with Lynnie. Not everyone wants an honest response. I've seen people become offended IRL when they show something and ask for comments and get some that aren't what they are looking for (praise) even though they are honest remarks.

It's a fine line between encouraging and newbie and just enabling them to do lousy work. I don't often know how to t walk that line successfully so will often not say anything at all.


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