Quilting leads to adoption?
03-31-2011, 05:31 AM
#41
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 619
We have an adopted grandchild, I was included in much of the process & was with them the first few weeks he was brought home. This was the most beautiful experience of my life & I have to admit out of our 7 grandchildren he is my heart.
You don't have to go international-my daughter & son in law went local with an agency that specialized in children of color, & that means a very wide range of ethnic backgrounds.
The advantage of the local agency is the continuing support to the adoptive & biological parents & the child. They sponsor several events where the adoptive parents & children can get together for fun for the children & the parents can talk with each other & hear speakers of all sorts, good & bad adoptive stories, stories from the adoptees, etc.
Listen to your heart, but be sure your husband is on the same page, research & speak with the experts in your area so they can guide you & you can be sure if this is the way to go.
You don't have to go international-my daughter & son in law went local with an agency that specialized in children of color, & that means a very wide range of ethnic backgrounds.
The advantage of the local agency is the continuing support to the adoptive & biological parents & the child. They sponsor several events where the adoptive parents & children can get together for fun for the children & the parents can talk with each other & hear speakers of all sorts, good & bad adoptive stories, stories from the adoptees, etc.
Listen to your heart, but be sure your husband is on the same page, research & speak with the experts in your area so they can guide you & you can be sure if this is the way to go.
03-31-2011, 07:18 AM
#43
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 629
I have an adopted daughter from Korea and a bio son who is 4 1/2 years older. She was 10 mo old when she came and had been in a foster home in Korea - not in an orphanage. We did not have any problems with her. Our problem was getting a home study done in our state but that was back in the early 70's & so many things have changed. It was a long "pregnancy". As I said, many things have changed including the cost. I can't tell you what a joy she has been. I now have 3 beautiful granddaughters and a little grandson. She does have some medical problems now but not as a child. The Holt agency in Or was so wonderful to work with. It may not be a smooth ride but the trip is well worth every minute of it. You may contact me if you wish. I would recommend that you join an adoptive parents group. You will get lots of support and get a lot of your questions answered by people who are somewhere along in the process. You will find that your questions, frustrations,etc are not yours alone. Good Luck and God will provide if it is the right thing.
03-31-2011, 07:46 AM
#44
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 5
I've enjoyed reading this thread and have to share our story. My husband and I always wanted more children - we had 1 daughter & 1 son. Years went by and neither of us thought about it until 2006. We started the process and received lots of advice - both from our church family and our own families - both favorable and unfavorable. We prayed and decided to go international because we honestly believe that it is too easy for the birth parents to return and reclaim their child from us. In my own heart, if this happened to me, I would feel like my child had died because they would no longer be a part of our family. That is my own personal opinion. Yes there are many here in America that need good homes. We worked 2 long years through the system and paperwork and were blessed with not 1 child but 3! Due to my husband's age, we were not allowed to adopt small young children. We couldn't adopt under the age of 9. That was okay with us. We just wanted children to love. We brought home a 14 year old son, his 12 year old sister and a 2nd 12 year old son who was not biologically related from the Ukraine. All had different stories and different trials. We have been blessed to have them trust us and consent to becoming our children. Our older children were very excited to have younger siblings. We have had some rough days - but no different than any 'normal' American child has. We have to a bit more patient and more tolerant due to them simply not knowing what words mean and our customs. But we laugh and cry and we are a family. God truly answered our prayers and blessed us. If you'd like more info, just pm me and we can 'chat.' As for the cost,(as I'm sure many are wondering about when I said 3!) I will say that if there had not been a family tragedy, my MIL's passing and the gift of stock, we would have had to do things a bit differently than we did financially. thanks for letting me share my story.
03-31-2011, 08:01 AM
#45
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: washington state
Posts: 224
You have a good heart to open it up to a child in need. foreign adoption is a tough road emotionally and financially. adopting through a state foster system is tough emotionally and with no guarantees. both are valid ways to help a child. search your heart, do what you are called to do and protect your bio children at all times.
i am the proud mother of 2 beautiful adopted children from the foster care system. we were foster parents for 9 years and had 27 children before the Lord said this one is yours to keep and then followed up with her brother a year later. there are children every where that need help. do what you can when you can. bless you.
i am the proud mother of 2 beautiful adopted children from the foster care system. we were foster parents for 9 years and had 27 children before the Lord said this one is yours to keep and then followed up with her brother a year later. there are children every where that need help. do what you can when you can. bless you.
03-31-2011, 08:11 AM
#46
Super Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Trego, WI
Posts: 1,871
My husband and I are the proud parents of two adopted children. Our son and daughter, now 33 and 31 years old, were born in Korea and each came to us at about 6 months old.
I'm sure that costs, policies and paperwork are all different now.
Your first, most important step is to find a great adoption agency that has a long and successful record of service in adoption. Children's Home Society and Family Services, in St. Paul, MN, is one of the best in the country. They have lots of info, and do work with parents in many states. If you can't visit them, I would recommend a phone call at least.
I'm sure that costs, policies and paperwork are all different now.
Your first, most important step is to find a great adoption agency that has a long and successful record of service in adoption. Children's Home Society and Family Services, in St. Paul, MN, is one of the best in the country. They have lots of info, and do work with parents in many states. If you can't visit them, I would recommend a phone call at least.
03-31-2011, 08:18 AM
#47
Super Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Glenmoore, PA
Posts: 7,941
Originally Posted by so-sew
Ok, people. This is one of those things I never in a million years would have expected. I'll try to tell this in a condensed version.....
By nature, I'm quiet, contemplative, a lover of status quo. My two boys are in 1st and 3rd grade and, being a woman with extra time on my hands when my kids are at school, I sew and sew. Mostly donation quilts, and lately many of those quilts are intended for Japan.
Two days ago, my machine was chugging away and feelings of frustration were welling up within me. I was upset with how little I'm capable of doing for the many lives touched by unthinkable circumstances. Yes, quilts are nice and I love to make them, but it would be wonderful to make a bigger impact somehow. So many people with so little and here I sit with so much...
So, I consider traveling and volunteering in whatever way required where there is devastation, hunger, need, sadness, disease, etc. But two things stand in the way, my family that needs me here, and my inability to walk away from a hurting child. I would be in constant turmoil watching the numerous children living their difficult lives day after miserable day. I knew I would be wanting to bring back at least a dozen kids....
This image of myself not being able to let go of a child who needs so much and wants so little leads to an epiphany. Why not ONE child? Why not save ONE child from a life that is wretched? The idea seems so contrived within the parameters of this little midwestern town where cultural diversity is so slim. But why not?
So, dear quilters, I'm looking for feedback from anyone with international adoption experience. I would love to hear personal stories, good and bad. I would like to hear the facts about the process and the price.
I should add that last night I broached the subject with my husband and he almost choked on his pork chop. There was one repeated phrase..."Wow....." If I'm a lover of status quo, my husband is a fanatic about it. We're a good match that way. But we're also a good match in that we have great love to give and an appreciation of the potential to make positive changes....even if it's to the life of only one small precious person. My boys were at first one for and one against. That progressed to two "no"s, on the basis of having to share their mom. Neither liked the idea of another child calling me "Mom". Their opinion now is that adopting a little girl would be OK, because she would be less likely to "want their Legos". Also, my seven year old would like a girl because she would be less likely to be "scarred up". That one threw me a bit, but apparently the idea of having a child who wears the scars of such a difficult life distresses him. We had to have a discussion, of course, about that.
On the note of cultural diversity, I read stories of some people adopting siblings so the child has at least one person in their life with the same heritage. That is more than I'm capable of wrapping my brain around right now. In raising my two boys, my biggest challenge is dealing with their sibling rivalry. However, a very dear friend of mine lives a couple miles away and has a life very parallel to my own (three boys). She has, as I found out yesterday, been wanting to adopt for several years but has a husband who hasn't supported the option, for fear of "opening a can of worms" (emotional problems brought into their peaceful home). Having not spoken to him about it for quite some time, she brought it up again last night and he was much more receptive to the idea. I think it would be such a blessing to the lives of two children from one country to be brought into our two loving families. Our families see each other at least weekly, and a bond would surely develop between them if their wasn't one already.
If anyone has anything to share on this topic, I would love to hear it. Thanks so much for listening. That attempt to make this a condensed version was pretty much a flop, wasn't it?
By nature, I'm quiet, contemplative, a lover of status quo. My two boys are in 1st and 3rd grade and, being a woman with extra time on my hands when my kids are at school, I sew and sew. Mostly donation quilts, and lately many of those quilts are intended for Japan.
Two days ago, my machine was chugging away and feelings of frustration were welling up within me. I was upset with how little I'm capable of doing for the many lives touched by unthinkable circumstances. Yes, quilts are nice and I love to make them, but it would be wonderful to make a bigger impact somehow. So many people with so little and here I sit with so much...
So, I consider traveling and volunteering in whatever way required where there is devastation, hunger, need, sadness, disease, etc. But two things stand in the way, my family that needs me here, and my inability to walk away from a hurting child. I would be in constant turmoil watching the numerous children living their difficult lives day after miserable day. I knew I would be wanting to bring back at least a dozen kids....
This image of myself not being able to let go of a child who needs so much and wants so little leads to an epiphany. Why not ONE child? Why not save ONE child from a life that is wretched? The idea seems so contrived within the parameters of this little midwestern town where cultural diversity is so slim. But why not?
So, dear quilters, I'm looking for feedback from anyone with international adoption experience. I would love to hear personal stories, good and bad. I would like to hear the facts about the process and the price.
I should add that last night I broached the subject with my husband and he almost choked on his pork chop. There was one repeated phrase..."Wow....." If I'm a lover of status quo, my husband is a fanatic about it. We're a good match that way. But we're also a good match in that we have great love to give and an appreciation of the potential to make positive changes....even if it's to the life of only one small precious person. My boys were at first one for and one against. That progressed to two "no"s, on the basis of having to share their mom. Neither liked the idea of another child calling me "Mom". Their opinion now is that adopting a little girl would be OK, because she would be less likely to "want their Legos". Also, my seven year old would like a girl because she would be less likely to be "scarred up". That one threw me a bit, but apparently the idea of having a child who wears the scars of such a difficult life distresses him. We had to have a discussion, of course, about that.
On the note of cultural diversity, I read stories of some people adopting siblings so the child has at least one person in their life with the same heritage. That is more than I'm capable of wrapping my brain around right now. In raising my two boys, my biggest challenge is dealing with their sibling rivalry. However, a very dear friend of mine lives a couple miles away and has a life very parallel to my own (three boys). She has, as I found out yesterday, been wanting to adopt for several years but has a husband who hasn't supported the option, for fear of "opening a can of worms" (emotional problems brought into their peaceful home). Having not spoken to him about it for quite some time, she brought it up again last night and he was much more receptive to the idea. I think it would be such a blessing to the lives of two children from one country to be brought into our two loving families. Our families see each other at least weekly, and a bond would surely develop between them if their wasn't one already.
If anyone has anything to share on this topic, I would love to hear it. Thanks so much for listening. That attempt to make this a condensed version was pretty much a flop, wasn't it?
I got it...Ethiopia.
03-31-2011, 08:37 AM
#48
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Bellevue, WA
Posts: 735
I have a friend that adopted a little girl from China. We live in an area with a vibrant China town and so my friend was able to have her daughter involved in activities from her home culture. Her daughter took Chinese dance classes and cooking classes. There were also other parents from our area that adopted from China at the same time so they both have a support group that understand their situation.
I have had the same thoughts that you have on many occasions. By American standards we don't have a lot but we have enough and I have often thought about how we can share it with a child in need. If you and your husband are on the same page I encourage you to go for it. If the international thing doesn't work out, don't forget that there are many school aged children in America in need of a better situation.
I have had the same thoughts that you have on many occasions. By American standards we don't have a lot but we have enough and I have often thought about how we can share it with a child in need. If you and your husband are on the same page I encourage you to go for it. If the international thing doesn't work out, don't forget that there are many school aged children in America in need of a better situation.
03-31-2011, 08:41 AM
#49
Super Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: central, ca
Posts: 1,139
I'm adopted, my parents adopted me from Korea while being stationed in Japan. My parents picked me from an orphanage and took me back when I was 17 to visit. I believe the adoption process was a long one, but they believe it was the best thing they ever did. My parents could have kids, I'm the middle one of 7 and the only adopted one. I love my parents as if they were my biological parents, I've never had an issue about finding my real ones. I guess it's all in the way you're raised. Good luck with you decision!
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