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Thread: Watching out for Tender Feelings and yet Giving Advice

  1. #26
    Super Member HillCountryGal's Avatar
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    Totally agree, this is one battle you should not attend.
    We all have to learn from our mistakes.

    Thinking back to when I first learned to sew... to be honest, I was not interested in cutting the pattern "thread perfect" as our teacher wanted. All I was going for was a finished product. The 1st quilt I made... I was just making. Now I shoot for things/patterns a bit more complicated. It's a learning process and your girls will learn. In the mean time, you've taught them another skill.

  2. #27
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    I don't know that I would say anything unless asked. When the quilts are washed and have issues then you might ask about the batting and offer suggestions at that point. Compliment them on a job well done. If you had worked with them on a routine basis you could have offered suggestions at that point. Now saying anything will be critical of them.

  3. #28
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    Good luck.

  4. #29
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    I wouldn't. She may get discouraged and give it up. She will learn as she goes.

  5. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarLeClair View Post
    I suggest they make their own mistakes. My first quilt had very little quilting and after washing it I learned real fast. They put the time in the quilt, you have said your peace, the rest is up to them.
    I agree with this.

  6. #31
    Senior Member qwkslver's Avatar
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    You told them. If you say any more you become a know-it-all or a nag. I would let it go. Live and learn. I'm one of those that didn't take criticism well. I learned a lot by my mistakes. Just my 2 cents. Bless you, you are in a difficult situation. I know it breaks your heart. Sometimes you can't help someone who don't want help.

  7. #32
    Super Member Mitch's mom's Avatar
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    I would take the blame: " Your quilt is just darling and I love it! I made a mistake when I bought the batting. I meant to get you one that had to be quilted farther apart. Because of my mistake when you wash it I'm afraid the batting will clump. It can easily be fixed by putting some quilting on the borders. The quilt is so pretty I will feel awful if it ruins in the wash. Would you like me to help you correct it?

  8. #33
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    It is their quilts. As soon as you gave her. The fabric, it became their quilts. They will learn by their mIstakes, just like you and I did. Let them learn, love them enough to let them do their quilts. Love them even more when it falls apart, help them fix and NOT say, "I knew this was going to happen!"

  9. #34
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    Agree with MarLeClair. Sometimes they have to learn from their own mistakes. They have seen quilts with more quilting and for whatever reason, have chosen not to put more in theirs. They will learn what happens with that and you will not be the bad guy. Admire what they have done and encourage another project. They will read and learn along the way.

  10. #35
    Super Member Weezy Rider's Avatar
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    If you do suggest, suggest the quickest, dirtiest way to do it. They might think that quilting involves a lot of STID or FMQ which they don't want to deal with. If it's just straight lines, it will serve the purpose. Might not be up to your standards, but --

    The first stuff I made, all I wanted to do was get done! Even now, I'm not a fan of all over quilting. Straight line and single templates do just fine.

  11. #36
    Super Member cabbagepatchkid's Avatar
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    Even if it does bunch up after washing, all is not lost....it will be the perfect time to teach your DGD how to use a seam ripper. It won't be that hard to separate the 3 layers, add new batting, and quilt it properly.

    Maybe she likes the idea of a poofy quilt so you could use a different type of batting and she could 'tie' the quilt, instead.

  12. #37
    Super Member quiltmom04's Avatar
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    If you have them advise and they didn't take it, then let the consequences be theirs, as much as it bothers you. Some times the only way some people will learn is to have it go wrong. After all - it's called a "learning curve", not a "do what somebody else says " curve!

  13. #38
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    As a retired teacher. I like Hopetoquilt's formula.

  14. #39
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    I agree with MarLeClair. Let them come to you. If you see them frequently, they will quickly notice the difference and seek your advice. You may want to mention to them about joining the Quilting Board. They will soon learn from others and probably ask for your assistance. Maybe you could have your own little quiting bee, if you live close enough or when you visit. Would love to be able to spend that kind of time with my GDs.

  15. #40
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    I use the same technique as Artsyone - learned while I was working with reluctant readers. Two stars (two compliments on anything they did -- no matter how small) and a wish. Next time I hope you'll pay attention to -- try to - take time to etc. Little kiddos would beam at the compliments and try their darndest to improve their weak spots. They were also paranoid about making mistakes and I was constantly pointing out that I liked it when they made mistakes because then I knew they were making adjustments and really learning. Repeating what you already learned is satisfying but it is not making adjustments and learning. Sounds a lot like what goes on in the quilt rooms across America, doesn't it?

  16. #41
    Super Member cpcarolyn's Avatar
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    We all need to make our own mistakes, its a great way to learn. Don't push the issue. You could damage your relationship.

  17. #42
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    I would probably tell them that you once made the mistake of not quilting close enough and when you washed the quilt how disappointed you were with the way it look. And then you tell them how pretty there quilt is and what a nice job they did and you would hate to see the same thing happen to them. Then if they don't listen to you they can only blame their selves. Good luck.

  18. #43
    Super Member oldtnquiltinglady's Avatar
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    I have learned the hard way myself on this subject--got rebuffed in no uncertain terms for attempting to point out a mistake in a quilt-learner's first efforts; lost contact with the person because of it; my advice is to let it ride and don't agonize over it like I did. It took me forever to get over it and I lost a friend in the process. You gave it to them, let them enjoy it and love you for that.....
    Make every day count for something!

    JoAnn

  19. #44
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    warm and natural recommends "Up to 10 inches"


    ·What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

  20. #45
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    When i was a brand new quilter i had finished the top and layered it.. then i sitd around each block to stabilize it as i had never quilted before. I thought it needed more quilting so i took it to a local quilt shop and spoke to the current hand quilting expert. I asked how much more quilting the piece would need to be right and he told me that there was enough quilting on it now to hold together any more would be for accent and decoration. that quilt has now held up for 10 years of washing and use. I think some feel that if every inch of a quilt isn't quilted its not enough. I prefer a softer feel.
    Judy

  21. #46
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    The only problem is that if you don't say something and they know you have quilted for year and they wash there quilt and it is ruined they still could blame you. Mostly since they have showed you the quilt and you have seen there work. Also if a lot of work is gone into there first quilt and it is ruined with the first washing they may never make another one. So I would tell them but also let they know what a beautiful quilt it is.
    Last edited by grandmahoney; 03-31-2013 at 03:15 AM. Reason: Spelling

  22. #47
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    The only problem is that if you don't say something and they know you have quilted for year and they wash there quilt and it is ruined they still could blame you. Mostly since they have showed you the quilt and you have seen there work. They will wonder why you didn't say something. Also if a lot of work is gone into there first quilt and it is ruined with the first washing they may never make another one. So I would tell them but also let they know what a beautiful quilt it is.

  23. #48
    Power Poster twinkie's Avatar
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    One thing I learned when I took "people" classes for management is to always start constructive criticism with a compliment. You might suggest that it has taken you many years to learn what you know about quilting and in the beginning you made many mistakes. Then ask if they would mind if you were to pass on some of the mistakes you made and help them not to make the same mistakes. Also tell them that you are so proud of the quilts they have made and that they have done a great job for their first quilt.

  24. #49
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    Why beat around the bush...just tell her and why..I don't think she would mind since she obviously wants to learn how to quilt, she would appreciate the advice...and honestly do you want to spend that much time teaching her how if she is not going to listen to what you say?
    Kitty

  25. #50
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    What is the big goal here? To inspire a love of quilting, sewing, creativity? Or a perfect finished product? I would let the answer to that question guide you.

    Most of us have experienced less than perfect projects - and we learned from them. Some of us learned how to cut, piece, press, quilt more carefully. Some of us learned we didn't really like this art form and moved on to something else. But we learned. And if we enjoyed it, we persevered - and our second project was better, and our third was better, etc.

    To bring this full circle for the young ladies, you might talk with them about the process - what they liked, didn't like, struggled with, etc. If through that conversation you learn they struggled with the quilting, that might be a time to offer to add some.

    Since they quilted them on their domestics, they may have had trouble maneuvering the quilt and are just happy to have it done.....and we also have to remember that our vision grows and develops with each project - maybe they just didn't know what else to do?

    No matter what, you can be happy you have helped them with completing a project :-)

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