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Thread: Watching out for Tender Feelings and yet Giving Advice

  1. #76
    Super Member Chris Anders's Avatar
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    Great answer artsy one!!!!
    Have a Blessed & Prosperous Day !
    Chris.


  2. #77
    Senior Member petthefabric's Avatar
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    What is your goal? Relationship or quilt? I think you've indicated you're struggling with talking with them because you want to maintain the relationship. So approach it in a way to build the relationship. Such as:

    "I really enjoyed your having interest in my favorite hobby and I enjoyed working with you. What did you like about the process? (open ended sentence), response. I like ___________ about your quilt because__________. What do you like. (response) So you like _______________, is that right? (response) What was difficult or confussing about making this quilt? (response) (repeat her response, ask clarification) What do you think would help this difficulty you've encountered? (If she never asks you for advise, ask permission to give advise, if she say's no [probably not] then let it go." End with "I enjoyed working with so much, I hope we can do it again,(pause) would that be good for you?"

  3. #78
    Senior Member suzanprincess's Avatar
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    Once upon a time...I received a baby gift of a special quilt. My dear friend drew and painted Peanuts cartoons on large squares of fabric, and tied the quilt at the intersections. Young and unknowing of quilts, and with no care directions, when it got dirty I washed it; all the batting lumped horribly into one corner, and I was SO upset, as all that work was now ruined and useless!

    Since these beautiful quilts were made as gifts for others, it's the recipients who will be devastated if those beautiful items turn into lumpy uglies. They both are so very nice as they are now. I hope you will gently and carefully mention to each quilter the possibilities of ruin if not fastened together closely enough (quilting or tieing) and how disappointed and upset the recipients would be if they happened to wash and inadvertently make a mess of their treasured quilts. It's been 45 years since my unhappy experience, and it's still way too memorable to me!

  4. #79
    Senior Member be a quilter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GramMER View Post
    I have been able to influence two young ladies to make a quilt each. One is a granddaughter and the other is my youngest DDIL. Both of them chose to quilt on the regular sewing machine, but they have done way less quilting than seems necessary to me. I mentioned to the mother of my GD that her quilt needing more to "hold it together" but she just made the statement, "It has enough."

    Now what? I was the one to buy the fabric and batting for the granddaughter and I know the batting is cotton--Warm-n-Natural. Then the DDIL (a different son's wife) has just sent me photos of a double bed quilt with a panel she put blocks around and then a very wide border. She has only quilted around the panel and the small blocks around that. It looks nice, but I am concerned when it is washed, the batting will fall down inside.

    Any suggestions about how to approach them without causing hard feelings? Any tutorials you know of that deal with that issue?
    I would tell the GD how nice of a job she did and then ask her how it went for her and if she liked quilting. At this point you could ask her if she knew that most battings have different requirements for sewing and go with what she says. I would mention that the quilt will fall down inside if there are not enough stitches and then let it up to her. Same approach with the DIL. I understand people have to learn the hard way sometimes but sometimes they just don't know and appreciate help. I would not have known that if someone didn't tell me when I started to quilt. If quilting is not for them, so be it, but they may just not know and might appreciate the help. imho

  5. #80
    Junior Member yorkie luv's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArtsyOne View Post
    I used to judge baked goods for 4H'ers. Some would be really awful, but I always concentrated on what was good about their product. For instance, for a dinner roll that was raw dough inside I would say "You did a beautiful job on judging the color that the rolls should be!" and for one that was burnt on the outside I would say "What a great job you did making sure that they were all the same size!"

    I did once read an article on this topic. Apparently it's: Compliment - Critique - Compliment in that order.

    You can use the same tactic here. "What a great job you did on choosing the colors! Did the batting manufacturer have information about how closely it should be quilted? I'd hate for it to get lumpy when you did such a great job on it."
    We need a LIKE button. I love this suggestion. And if they don't take your advice, you must remember it is THEIR project. As for the money spent, it is gone whether the quilt holds together or not. Sometimes we just have to bite our tongues and remember that we sometimes have to learn the hard way.

  6. #81
    Power Poster MadQuilter's Avatar
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    Warm and Natural has a recommended maximum distance for quilting. (I usually quilt way more than required but some want to be DONE.) You could ask (ever so innocently) if their quilting was within the batting requirements. After all, the newbie quilters don't want the batting to fall apart in the wash.
    Martina
    Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Fabric!

  7. #82
    Senior Member richardswife's Avatar
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    I agree with MarLeClair we all learn our best lessons by making our mistakes. With hard to handle teens I think they call it tough love. So you could call it tough love quilting.

  8. #83
    Senior Member quilter in the making's Avatar
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    I am with those that have suggested it be left alone. I am a perfectionist and am really thin-skinned when I feel my work is being criticized. I'm rather new at quilting and am learning lots every day, but think I may have been scared off of quilting if my first mistakes were pointed out to me. You definitely don't want to discourage their interest in quilting.

  9. #84
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    I would honestly not say anything more. At some point, we the teachers have to let go and let others learn, even if we bought the fabric or the book, or whatever. The relationship is so much more important than the density of the quilting.

    It is quite possible that the quilts will be fine. If something happens after a few washings, and they ask you, then say, "that kind of batting might need more lines of quilting." Make sure that the subject of the sentence is the batting and not the quilter.
    Maggie in Jerusalem
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  10. #85
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    Compliment, SUGGEST, compliment. And suggest, every manufacturer of batting has differing information about quilting. Which one did you use? and Oh, what did it say?
    http://www.oregonquilting.net
    I choose to give my life away for things that last forever

  11. #86
    Super Member mom-6's Avatar
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    I am one of those who prefers a quilt that is more like a comforter. They may be of this mindset as well. If so, they most likely wonder why you are wanting to do more quilting, since that doesn't seem necessary. And after all, they are happy with it as it is.

  12. #87
    Super Member Rosyhf's Avatar
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    I don't know....I would nip it in the bud from the very beginning. I would just say it once nicely. Honey, this is not enough quilting. It's good that we have a chance to discuss this as you are learning. After all this work you did, you sure don't want that batting to slip down. Then instruct her where to do more quilting, you were after all teaching them.

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