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Thread: went to first guild meeting, felt like an intruder - what would you do?

  1. #76
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    I understand your feelings completely as I had the same reaction when I went to one of our local guilds, I never joined but since then I have met quite a few of the members & they also state that it is a very clicky guild. Don't need that because I am there for the quilting

  2. #77

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    I had the same experience and it seemed like all they wanted to talk about was who was going to bring the snack for the next meeting. I think if they served drinks that would be just fine. Most of us are over weight and dont need an extra meal. I tried four different Guilds and found three of them to be like the one you attended. The fourth was an alright group but just to far to drive during the winter months.

  3. #78
    Senior Member shrabar's Avatar
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    You bet it has happened to me ,no I didn't join its sad people treat people that way. Maybe its because you are a quilter to them. As long as you have someone to go with it might not be that way all the time. Good luck

  4. #79
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    Me too! Joined a guild at a fabric store, and the only reason they even lowered themselves to tolerate the group, is the guild HAD to make quilts for the store to display! And they were not returned. Only one person even spoke to me there, and she was insisting I "give" her my broken machine. No surprise the store went out of business, but leaves me with only Joann's to buy fabric. :-(

  5. #80
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    I have wanted to check out the local guild here. I thought the ladies were a bit standoffish at their table at the yearly quilt show so I have been hesitant to join. This topic has convinced me to stay away. If they were unfriendly at the quilt show, I cannot imagine how unfriendly they might be if I actually attend their meetings.

  6. #81
    Super Member GailG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PatriceJ
    talk to your friend about it. because people are different, the groups they form are different. there may be an explanation for their apparent cold shoulders that turns out to make sense.

    consider going one more time and then trust your instincts. if they don't lure you into the fold it will be their loss. you still have us. ;-)

    With all due respect, I fail to understand HOW and WHY a cold shoulder could turn out to make sense. Unless the visitor is appearing cold. Sometimes groups that have been together for a long time tend to become a bit cliqueish. That always makes a newcomer feel unwanted. I think that's probably the reason that I haven't joined the guild in the next town from here and the group at the public library. I have a hard time joining a new situation.

    Good luck. As Patrice suggested, give them another try.

  7. #82
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    I belong to a quilt "group", not a guild. We get together once a week, help each other and just enjoy our time. There is no real structure to it. We do have a lady that oversees it and teaches us a lot of stuff but no dues and no ridged rules. I have gone to a couple of guild meetings and found them to be to "stuffy" for my taste. I guess they are just used to each other.

  8. #83
    d1of1's Avatar
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    The same thing happened to me. I never went back and I'm still looking...

  9. #84
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    Try the local library. Usually the people are in varied stages -- from beginners to experienced quilters. They seem to be friendlier more helpful with each other.

  10. #85
    Super Member JAGSD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Late Bloomer
    I have never joined a guild bt have attended events that showcased their work. What exactly does one do at the meetings? One cannot quilt without a hoop or rack, so does one do hand piecing? Do you bring your sewing machine to work on tops? That is a mystery that I have no knowledge of. Would apprreciate some inside info. Thanks.
    I joined the Guild I am with three years ago as a newer quilter. I would also suggest don't rule out another group, the one I go to is very friendly very willing to help. We meet once a month for the business meeting and then also weekly as "work days". On the weekly you can either bring your machine or any hand work or even nothing and just visit. A lot of times I have binding that needs put on, or a couple of years ago I started a grandmothers flower garden that is english paperpieced so may take that. Quite often it is nice to just go and see and get new ideas( the show and tell is wonderful). Many ladies do hand applique I love to see it but do not like to do it, (it kills my neck), some work on the project warmth quilts, some bring their own machines and piece their quilts, some attatch binding, some do embroidery, I have also traced patterns for machine applique. The work days is like a mini business meeting(10-15 minutes) show and tell and then is whatever you want to do, you can stay 10 minutes or 4 hours or more. Sometimes they set up reservations for lunch somethimes only 2 go to that and other times 40 or more.(I haven't done the lunch thing but maybe someday)
    I started going as a way to get out and do something different and be around other quilters.(I am a stay at home mom of 3 boys)
    I hope that you find one that is good for you, and as friendly and enjoyable as the one I go to.

  11. #86

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    This can happen with any group; church, quilt guilds, Weight Watchers, etc. I feel that it is up to a great extent to whoever is running the meeting to make sure that the new person is introduced and paired off with an old member, sort of like a hospitality chair. The group I belong to meets for 4 hours once a week; we break for lunch. Even if we don't have a project to work on, we are welcome to come and see what others are doing, stay for lunch and just chat if that's our thing for the week. Good luck on finding a group you like and feel comfortable with.

  12. #87
    Senior Member quilter41's Avatar
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    This is exactly why I quit the guild I belonged to. These women were cliquey and rude to newcomers. This wasn't the way I was taught so I moved on. The Show & Tell is great, but not if you aren't comfortable. Just my $.02 worth.

    I now belong to a group of ladies that meet at the library once a month. There are about 15 of us. We are not a guild and there are no dues. Just a short lesson and Show & Tell. Everyone is friendly and we have a nice evening. Maybe you could start something like this.

  13. #88
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    Hey, you must be talking about the guild that meets here!!! All they talked about was how to do a quilt show. For next year!! I went by my self and talked to myself...had the best time ever.LOL

    Have not went back.

  14. #89
    Super Member Tinabodina's Avatar
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    The same thing happened to me about 3 years ago. I recently took a class at one of the more popular quilt stores this past February. The instructor called everyone by their first name; and even though I had introduced myself to her, she never once acknowledged I exsisted. Never once did she come over and see how I was doing. I am finding the internet is the only way to become a part of a "group". FYI, by no means am I shy so that is not the reason. I think "clicks" form and that is that. :cry:

  15. #90
    Super Member greaterexp's Avatar
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    I find it hard to accept that anyone could give the cold shoulder to someone like the folks we have on this forum. I look forward every day to reading posts here; they are so helpful, there is a broad range of abilities and experience, and everyone has always, without fail, been positive and encouraging. I figure none of us knows everything, and we're all "ignorant" of something - we just haven't learned it yet! If you choose not to go back, you may want to put the word out in your neighborhood or church that you are starting a group yourself. It may start very small, but you can set the tone of friendliness and helpfulness.
    We sure like you!

  16. #91

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    Ladies; Thank you so much for your input on guilds. I may consider joining one but only after checking out the ones near me. Now i know what to look for and will try to find a good fit for me. I do some volunteer work for our library so do not want to be away from home "gallivanting" too much as husbands do get prickly when they are home alone too long. We are both retired but sometimes it is good to get away. I volunteer at the used book store with two other quilters so we do go out to lunch monthly and have fun. They are the ones who turned me on to quilting. One of my buddies is 83 and quilts at the firehouse weekly, volunteers at the store once a week and also volunteers at another place a few times a month. Did I also mention that she knits hats for preemies in her "spare" time? She is a real inspiration to me. Folks like her keep me going although I am just a kid at 73. I am a self taught quilter and they have taught me so much. Glad I found this site as it is a wonderful source. Sorry to be so wordy - i have a tendency to do that.

  17. #92
    Super Member amandasgramma's Avatar
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    I live in a small town and have hesitated going to the guild! The LQS has a Friday gathering. I've been in the store and walked into the room and tried to talk to the ladies there.....they've pretty much ignored me. I know some of them belong to the guild - why would I want that same treatment? I've also been one to go to the local guild's quilt show....and have been treated as though I'm an intruder....again, why would I want that same treatment? THIS guild, online, works for me! I can go to a "meeting" when I want, dress like I want, and do it with NO makeup on!!! :thumbup: In another words, I'm SOOOOO glad I found this website!! You all are great! :mrgreen:

  18. #93
    Member dollycathy's Avatar
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    I hate "clicks" its like being back at school Why not start your own group for beginners they could probably learn something from you and then you won’t feel so overwhelmed there are probably others out there that have had the same experience with this group and are just waiting to find a group that is friendlier.

  19. #94
    Senior Member tryitall's Avatar
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    I have heard that on here before. There have been Loads! of quilters that said they felt the same way. I think I will just keep my friends on this board and have fun. Hope to meet some of those near me.

  20. #95
    Senior Member tryitall's Avatar
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    What chance?

  21. #96
    Super Member SandyinZ4's Avatar
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    I feel so lucky after reading many of these posts to know tha my LQG welcomed me with open arms. Now when we have a new visitor, I try to really make them welcome, too. Thanks for keeping me on my toes. Our Guild too has some quilts ladies bring for show and tell that are jaw-droppers. I would love to see some pictures of your dolls too but if that isn't allowed here, please put it on the non-quilting topic and then we can all see them. I was into dolls for 20 years and had a doll hospital (very few clients)but was sure fun to learn about them. Even tried making a couple that came out great. Let us see your little quilts, too. Pictures are always wonderful. I love this board!

  22. #97

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    My guild is like this. At first I was very disappointed because part of the reason for going was to make some friends. I've been a member for about six months now, and a few of the ladies are speaking to me a little more. At least they'll sit at the same table with me now.

    I decided not to let them bother me. I like the speakers very much and I like the show and tell. I'm just a novice and these women are experts. Still, I'm not going to let that intimidate me. I'm proud of the quilts I make, and I don't care what anyone else thinks of them. I take great joy in making them, and that is what's really important.

    We have a challenge going on that I'm quite excited about, and so there are a few things about the guild that I enjoy with our without enjoying the company of the women. I say go for the reasons that you like and forget the rest.

  23. #98
    Super Member TexasGurl's Avatar
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    Don't decide yay or nay after just 1 visit ... most guilds or groups will allow you to attend several times before asking you to join. Make another visit with your neighbor and see if things are different
    Some guilds or groups are so used to their regulars, they forget to welcome NEW faces like they SHOULD ... shame on them!
    I've been a member of 4 different guilds over the yrs. Guilds are great for inspiration & speakers - but I've always had the most FUN at small bees & a scrap group we had
    DON'T be intimidated by the quilts either, there are ALL kinds of quilters in groups ... that's what makes it so interesting !

  24. #99

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    Talk with the friend who took you there. Ask her if it's always like that. Quiet, contemplative, etc. If she says yes, then you have your answer.
    Try to find an embroidery guild. The elderly (over 75) ladies at our church have an altar and rosary society. (I don't belong and probably wouldn't join.) You may contact one of the ladies, usually the president, and ask her where the embroidery group meets.
    Perhaps post a note at the library? That's all I can think of at the moment.

  25. #100
    Super Member DebraK's Avatar
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    Write them off. I'm a big believer in first impressions if it involves a whole group. Life is too short to try to fit in with a group who made you feel that way right off the bat. You seem like a very nice person, I can't fathom why they weren't more welcoming.

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