what do you say when you give a gift, and reciepiant says
11-29-2012, 10:38 PM
#81
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: S. W. Indiana
Posts: 7,484
Originally Posted by Minmom3
I used to sew Christmas gifts for all my nieces. One year, one SIL asked me to make a party dress for her daughter. I made a coppery silk shantung into a beautiful party dress, if I say so myself. I had to call my BIL at work and ask if the gift had arrived (I sent it Fed Ex) because I didn't KNOW if it had arrived, much less get a thank you call or note. I got a huffy call from that SIL the next day, complaining that I'd made her look bad. I told her I'd tried to call the house and nobody answered, that I had spent a certain amount of money on shipping the dress, let alone my time and effort on materials, and I wanted to know if it had arrived... And no, I never sewed for that neice again, even though it was not at all her fault that the gift went unacknowledged - she was less than 5 years old. I would have been fine with a simple phone call telling me it had arrived, and thank you, and I was offended that I got nothing.
I've been given fabric when my MIL died (all coat weight wool) which went in storage for a few years, and is now being used by my youngest, who just completed a dress design program. I also got fabric when my own mother went into assisted living - much nicer and lighter fabric, but still not my style. Went in storage with MIL's fabric, and DD#3 is poking her way through it, and will donate it to school for their use, if she decides she herself cannot use it. Anything else given to me is taken and set aside until I feel like sorting through it. I never promise to use anything of it, and I only rarely sew on request anymore. That may well change once I start getting grandchildren.
Mending - only for close family, nobody else. A friend gave me dirty things to mend once, and I mended them, but the next time she asked I told her I was too busy, sorry. Family gets told that either they take it back and launder it or I will, and next time do NOT give me dirty things to touch!
I've been given fabric when my MIL died (all coat weight wool) which went in storage for a few years, and is now being used by my youngest, who just completed a dress design program. I also got fabric when my own mother went into assisted living - much nicer and lighter fabric, but still not my style. Went in storage with MIL's fabric, and DD#3 is poking her way through it, and will donate it to school for their use, if she decides she herself cannot use it. Anything else given to me is taken and set aside until I feel like sorting through it. I never promise to use anything of it, and I only rarely sew on request anymore. That may well change once I start getting grandchildren.
Mending - only for close family, nobody else. A friend gave me dirty things to mend once, and I mended them, but the next time she asked I told her I was too busy, sorry. Family gets told that either they take it back and launder it or I will, and next time do NOT give me dirty things to touch!
I'm thinking I'd have told friend I'd mend the items if they survived the sanitizing wash they were about to go thru.
11-29-2012, 10:46 PM
#83
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: S. W. Indiana
Posts: 7,484
Originally Posted by Sewbeeit2
One of the highest compliments I received was
"it looks store bought!"
"it looks store bought!"
And I can not take that as a compliment. It will get you hurt in our family. We all see it as an insult.
11-29-2012, 11:10 PM
#84
Super Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Jozefow, Poland
Posts: 4,474
Originally Posted by Tothill
Hi Sonja,
My comment below is not meant as a personal flame, but another opinion not often expressed here. I was also raised to write a thank you note, but communication options have changed.
I was at a workshop a year ago on Working with First Nation Elders. It puts the idea of what is appropriate into a cultural context. In the Coast Salish community if something is important, the information must be passed orally face to face, second would be a phone call,the very last would be written information.
Yet in a Eurocentric world we discredit a thank you, given orally, in person or by phone and feel that only a hand written note is acceptable.
We have so many more ways to communicate that in my mind are as acceptable as a hand written note. We are not living 100 years ago when a written note was the only option, let alone the only acceptable option.
On Christmas Day my kids send email thank yous with photos of them with their gifts to the overseas grandparents. I feel that is just as acceptable as sitting them down with a pen and paper to hand write a thank you note, then posting it to arrive a week or more after the holidays.
My comment below is not meant as a personal flame, but another opinion not often expressed here. I was also raised to write a thank you note, but communication options have changed.
I was at a workshop a year ago on Working with First Nation Elders. It puts the idea of what is appropriate into a cultural context. In the Coast Salish community if something is important, the information must be passed orally face to face, second would be a phone call,the very last would be written information.
Yet in a Eurocentric world we discredit a thank you, given orally, in person or by phone and feel that only a hand written note is acceptable.
We have so many more ways to communicate that in my mind are as acceptable as a hand written note. We are not living 100 years ago when a written note was the only option, let alone the only acceptable option.
On Christmas Day my kids send email thank yous with photos of them with their gifts to the overseas grandparents. I feel that is just as acceptable as sitting them down with a pen and paper to hand write a thank you note, then posting it to arrive a week or more after the holidays.
But after not receiving any thank yous for wedding gifts to Polish brides, I asked someone here what was done. Yes, I felt slighted. Then, I asked. They told me that the bride (or recipient) should pick up the phone and call to say thank you. I felt better. ...but I still have never received a verbal thank you. I guess it just isn't done here. ? Since I don't give the gift in order to get a thank you, I don't worry about it overly much, but am now aware...
But I still try to give a physical thank you--a card or a gift of candy, etc.
11-29-2012, 11:18 PM
#86
Super Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Jozefow, Poland
Posts: 4,474
Originally Posted by Gabrielle's Mimi
I had a funny one last week...I was looking at a house that was for sale and the owner said when she heard that I was a quilter, "oh, how quaint!" What do you say to that??? Maybe I look like an antique!
That just shows how ignorant the owner was of the 3.6 billion dollar industry quilting has become.
11-30-2012, 10:47 AM
#87
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 673
i love getting gifts of fabric, as long as the "donor" knows i will use what i can, and share the rest. it might be goodwill or salvation army i "share" with, but there it is. and if it is something heavy enough, and poly or fleece, it just might get shared with my granddog, who is big, and needs lots of padding in her bed.
as for thankyou's--our immediate family is small, close, and loving. the unspoken agreement among us adults is that a verbal thank you and a hug is enough--but the kids are taught that if a gift is received, a note of thanks is written, and teaching by example is still done. one of my kids found it easier to "draw" her thanks. (she has a degree in studio art, now), but an acknowledgement was always given! now that my kids are all adults, we are back to hugs and thankyous--but their kids are learning the same thing. when somebody cares enough for you that they give, you must let them know that you get it--that they made an effort, followed through, and made you special.
as for thankyou's--our immediate family is small, close, and loving. the unspoken agreement among us adults is that a verbal thank you and a hug is enough--but the kids are taught that if a gift is received, a note of thanks is written, and teaching by example is still done. one of my kids found it easier to "draw" her thanks. (she has a degree in studio art, now), but an acknowledgement was always given! now that my kids are all adults, we are back to hugs and thankyous--but their kids are learning the same thing. when somebody cares enough for you that they give, you must let them know that you get it--that they made an effort, followed through, and made you special.
11-30-2012, 01:53 PM
#88
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Long Island
Posts: 24,820
Justcamefromplay maah jong(?)with friends, they decided this year we will spend $10/ person. Well, last yr, they all agreed to spend $5-20 a person. So i made all tote bags, threw in a $5 personal gift and one of them asked " well did you spend $15 on the fabric or the whole gift". So does this mean my hours of shopping and crafting,/sewing doesnt count?????
11-30-2012, 02:44 PM
#89
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: S. W. Indiana
Posts: 7,484
Originally Posted by lynnie
Justcamefromplay maah jong(?)with friends, they decided this year we will spend $10/ person. Well, last yr, they all agreed to spend $5-20 a person. So i made all tote bags, threw in a $5 personal gift and one of them asked " well did you spend $15 on the fabric or the whole gift". So does this mean my hours of shopping and crafting,/sewing doesnt count?????
When I make something-----------------I decide the value. If someone wants to question it, I'd simply take it back and apologize for their stupidit y.
11-30-2012, 02:46 PM
#90
Super Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,611
I accept their words in the spirit they were given. I smile and say thank you. 
When I make things for others, I usually ask their color preferences and tell them I reserve the right to choose the design for myself. I have made a few swedish weave afghans with yarn in colors I would not have chosen myself. I keep my comments between my DH and myself and never make a negative comment to the recipient of the gift. After all, I did ask for their choice. When it comes to fabric, I let them know that I can only use 100 per cent cotton and if they are purchasing it, I request that they allow me to do the washing of it because of my Severe Chemical Sensitivities. So far, everyone has responded positively.
When I make things for others, I usually ask their color preferences and tell them I reserve the right to choose the design for myself. I have made a few swedish weave afghans with yarn in colors I would not have chosen myself. I keep my comments between my DH and myself and never make a negative comment to the recipient of the gift. After all, I did ask for their choice. When it comes to fabric, I let them know that I can only use 100 per cent cotton and if they are purchasing it, I request that they allow me to do the washing of it because of my Severe Chemical Sensitivities. So far, everyone has responded positively.
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