Janeen

I have something that has been gnawing at me and I would like some opinions.
I have a friend that I've known for over 50 years. At least I have always thought that we were friends - even close friends - in fact, I have considered her my best friend.
We retired here and so did they but they are not having a good time of it because her husband still needs to work - and in his line of work (tree service) he has only gotten a few small jobs here. In fact they probably will wind up moving back to Florida. That's ok - whatever they need to do.

My question is about a quilt. I found 'cat' prints from Indiana to Florida to Missouri (like the cats in Paris, etc) and made them a quilt large enough for their king size bed. Granted it's 'just' a 9 patch but I really wanted to showcase the fabrics because she's a real cat lover.
I stippled the quilt - not the world's greatest job because I'm still learning the machine quilting part. Presented the quilt to them for Christmas.

We went over one day about two months ago and there's this quilt on the couch as a slipcover - NOT artfully draped on the back or arm of the couch but used as PROTECTION for the couch so her husband could lounge on the couch and not make it dirty from tree jobs or working on the diesel trucks and stuff.

Frankly I was speechless - I didn't say anything because I think I was in shock. How would you have reacted?
The same way I did and still not say anything?
I asked another friend - a quilter - and she said yes she'd be hurt but 'once you've given the quilt the other person can do as they please'....
Is that really how it goes?
Let's put it this way - will she EVER get anything else from me? A resounding NO.
Janeen

Country Quilter

Well, this HAS happened to me...and you do have to keep the attitude, "once its theirs....its theirs to do with as they please"

My sister put the quilt I made for her (hand embroidered with their names and date they married, along with names and dates of birth of their two children with embroidered babies, wedding rings etc....) and I went to their house only to find it on their bed, where it belonged, BUT with THREE huge dogs laying on the bed on top of the quilt and it was FILTHY with hair, and paw prints.....I was SICK!!!

But, didn't say a word....just let it go and yes, I have given her other things but never anything I put so much work into as I did that quilt....

SO....I feel for you....its wrong but there really isn't anything you can do or say to them that will make you feel any better.

OnTheGo

I have no idea how I would have reacted....I would have been surprised like you were. I've found the older I get, the more likely I am to say what I think, soooooooo....maybe I would have said something that I would have regretted later. I think it's best you didn't say anything. On the bright side, she must like it to be using it where everyone will see it.

I have a friend who made a lovely appliqued poinsettia quilt and gave it to her son and his wife only to find it folded and in the dog's bed.

3incollege

Once it leaves your hands, It's out of your controll.
Think of it this way, What if you never saw it again.

Skeat

Janeen...Here is my 2cents!:))First...a friend of 50yrs plus is amazing!! Now...as far as walking in her house and seeing the quilt drapped on the couch...(I would have had a cow!! W/a poker face!) But, honestly when someone does not do our art...they have no idea how much time or money is invested!! If she did...I'm sure it would not be on the couch. Her thinking is it is pretty and loves for it to be seen...just not the way you or I would think it to be:)). Since you did not say anything....here's what I'd do...I'd either go buy her a 'throw' that is nice for her couch and then show up for coffee and always choc. chip cookies:)) And, I'd explain to her you bought a throw to match her living room and then nicely explain the 'value' of that quilt. How much money do you have in it alone would shock her! Or, do as I would at this point...nothing!! When I give a good gift...I also include a letter of care instructions and value. Reason being...you avoid this kind of thing. Now, remember...it is a gift and it is given freely...w/no stipulations. If she wants to put it on her couch...then so be it. The thing about our art is we enjoy doing it...moments like these just give us an opportunity to make more:))LOL Just remember...DO NOT take this personal...I'm sure she does not mean it to be a bad thing towards you...again, she must LOVE what you did to showcase it for all to see. And, in that thought and thinking...you should feel honored!! Skeat

isnthatodd

I agree that once given, they may do with it as they please, but I would never, ever make anything personal again for them. I also would probably have said something I would regret, so good thing it wasn't me!

Janeen

wow, I'm finding out that there's "lots of them out there" 8) :wink:

I have seen my share of old 'antique' quilts that have been mistreated - I guess I just didn't expect it..... and I didn't expect it from her - she is an artist after all - just ask her....

I'm really naive in a lot of ways - we were taught to respect people, other peoples' stuff (don't walk in the neighbor's yard, etc) and to take care of our own stuff - don't walk on the books, don't dogear the pages, etc etc...

Just the other day I saw a quilt folded and on a swingset (not hung to dry) so I don't know.....
I guess I'll just make them and give them to family, hopefully show some at the guild show, and stack them up in my sewing room and not worry about them.... once I'm gone the kids can divvy them up.....
thanks everybody, nice to know I'm not the only one!

beachlady

So sorry that your hard work was not appreciated the way you wanted it to be. People just do not realize the work that goes into a quilt. I hooked a rug for my mother - took me forever - and she gave it to her dog!!! I didn't say a word and even laugh about it now.

henryparrish76

Well if I had seen the same thing I would have been upset. I also would have said something along the lines of, "Oh, by the way did I include care instructions for the quilt I made for you. If not I can jot it down real quick." I think that would have been a diplomatic way of showing your unhappiness without losing a friend.

dreamingquilts

Here is another perspective.

Well, she liked it enough to use it daily and have it seen in a promanent way. (Not saying it is the prettiest or best way to display it. Her husband lounges in its comfort on a daily basis. It is loved in their way.

I received a quilt from an in-law that had so many stipulations attached that it is now in a closet packed away - only seen when I clean the guest room closet. Do I appreciate the work that went into it. Yes. Do I have the fear in me that if something happens to it I will never hear the end to it. Yes.

Maybe it is just a matter of perspective.