I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.
*
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
*
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
*
How come we choose from just two people to run for prime minister and over fifty for Miss Aust ?
*
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'
*
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
*
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
*
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
*
Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
*
***
And remember:
Life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
***

Great thoughts

Funny, funny, funny. I really liked the 'idiot' one.

What a chuckle but wish I could get the bumper sticker for my car

Thanks for the laughs! Those were cute!