Halloween Chili

Substitutions are in parentheses. Best made during the last phase of the
moon. If that is not possible, just do the best you can in a candlelit
kitchen after dark.

1 1/4 lb ground goblin gizzaHalloween Chilirds (ground beef)
1 medium eye of Cyclops (onion)
15 oz Can soft shelled beetles (kidney beans)
28 oz Can blood of bat (V-8 juice)
1/8 tsp pureed wasp (prepared mustard)
1/4 tsp common dried weed (oregano)
1 dash of Red-tailed hawk toenails (crushed red pepper)
2 tsp ground sumac blossom (chili powder)
1 tsp hemlock (honey or sugar)
1/2 cup fresh grubs (sliced celery)
1 Tbsp eye of Newt (pearled barley)
1 Tbsp dried maggots (uncooked rice)
Water from a stagnant pond (or just regular water will do)

Brown the gizzards in an iron cauldron over a fire made from the siding
off of a haunted house. A regular pot and stove can work in a pinch. Add
chopped eye of cyclops and simmer until the pieces of eye become
translucent. Add blood of bat, and soft shelled beetles, and bring to a
slow bubbling boil. Add the common weed, maggots, toenails, sumac, grubs, hemlock, eye of newt and the pureed wasp. As it cooks you may want to adjust the consistency with pond water. You can tell it is done when the eye of newt swells and the vertical tan colored 'cats eye' appears on one side.