Thanksgiving dinner/bringing parts of....
 

After many many years of being the person/place where family had thanksgiving dinner - and I doing all cooking - this year gd just having moved into townhouse wants to "have" dinner there for family(approx 12)---but we "bringing parts of dinner". I am assigned, by choice, sweet potatoes and stuffing for part of main meal....now my question......how do I do this....crockpot, casserole for her oven?? When I did group, I have several crockpots going, roaster for turkey, leaving oven for dinner rolls or whatever else....I will have to bring half of my kitchen as she only has stove and micro......would be much easier to just go there for dessert! But wait, she has no coffee pot....ill bring instant coffee!

Am am I just blowing this out of proportion....I guess I'm just so used to being the cook and my home being command central, I am at a loss as to how to coordinate this. And yes, I'm bringing the dishes and silverware too - service for 20 - was my MILs and has served this family well. I do give her credit for wanting to do this, and I'm sure we will all have a good time! I think I'll bring a bottle or two of wine too---better bring some wine glasses too.....and sparkling juice for the kiddos!
Happy Thanksgiving to all - we do have much to be thankful for!

Look at this holiday as a time to make special memories with your GD. Let her start new traditions. She will always remember her first "TG" in her little apartment and making do with whatever happens. LOL! Make sure you pass along the recipes too.

Does she need help the day before? If possible, offer your help and expertise with preparations. Take the dishes/silver and set up the day before. Certain foods and pies can be cooked the day before. It will help prevent that frazzled feeling for a new host.

Do you have a large cooler? You can use that to keep the food items warm. There are insulated bags that keep food warm. Just be careful with food temps.

Bring your coffee pot and coffee for her to use for the day. It could be a perfect time to give her an early Christmas present if you have coffee lovers in the crowd. Wine? Perfect!

Most of all, enjoy your day and relax! It's time to pass the baton and start new traditions.

I will be bring my part to a family dinner also this year. The oven will be in use so a crockpot is the way to go. If everyone brought items the need to go into the oven you will wait forever for all to be done. I hope all does well for your GD. Happy thanksgiving.

Definitely crockpots.

But, ask gently about everything else. She may have a plan for the rest or she may have forgotten, never having done it before. She'll appreciate your help.

Watson

Definitely crockpots and they don't even have to be plugged in near or in the kitchen to keep warm until meal is served. This is a new experience for her so I'm sure it will make some great memories.

Growing up, my family was not close, and did not get together for holidays. I wanted different for my children, and so I was the one who took on all the planning, preparation, and expense of hosting a dinner each Thanksgiving and Christmas for a reluctant family. At first, I was pretty sure my mother only attended because she had nowhere else to go, and I'm pretty sure my brother only brought his family for the free meal. But, over the years, everyone has accepted that holiday dinners are my "thing", and everyone goes along.

Until a couple of years ago, when my SIL decided now that my children are grown, she wanted to take over the tradition, and host Thanksgiving at their house. All they asked me to bring was soft drinks. I admit I had a really hard time with that.

Upon reading your post, I was struck by several of the comments that reminded me so very much of that Thansgiving at my SIL's:

It reminded me so much of myself that year. I was truly saddened by the loss of my holiday rituals. I truly missed the time I spent making everyone's favorite desert, the decorating, bringing out the special holiday dishes...all of my little rituals I had performed for so many years. I knew she wasn't a very good cook. I wanted to send her all of my recipes, or go early and help her prepare all of the food the "right" way. It was so hard, but, out of respect for her, I put on a happy face, thanked her for giving me the year off, and made sure she knew I was willing to help in any way she wanted. In my heart, I was convinced it would all be a disaster.

Will everything be how you would do it? Nope. Will everything be "perfect"? Absolutely not!! Will everything go well? Probably, in it's own way. Whatever mini-disasters" occur will become humorous anecdotes at future gatherings. Every year we fondly recall how that dinner was three hours late because she didn't fully thaw the turkey. Since that year, at Thanksgiving, someone always asks if it is a "Cracker Jack" turkey--one cooked with a surprise inside because she also had no idea that's where the bag of giblets was!

Not to brag, but everyone did miss my version of Thanksgiving dinner, and I missed making it. The following year, I announced that Thanksgiving has nothing to do with the date on the calendar, and everything to do with spending the day together as a family. Now, on thanksgiving day itself, everyone goes off in their own direction. My brother and SIL spend the day with her family, my kids, now grown, spend the day working or with their girlfriends. We have a second Thanksgiving at my house on another day, where I get to indulge in my rituals, no one has to chose which family to be with, and we still get to spend a special day together. My SIL comes over early so she can learn my recipes.

One year, my son was on deployment, so "Thanksgiving" was postponed until March. Another year, I had an extra Thanksgiving in June, just because I wanted us to spend time together. No one asks where we are I am having Thanksgiving anymore, they ask when, lol. It's our new family tradition, and everyone loves it.

Please take this with the kindness with which it is intended, but from your comments, it sounds like you, much like I did, are having a hard time giving up being in charge. You do not need to coordinate anything, your gd does. She is the hostess. I suggest you ask her how she would prefer you bring the dishes you have been assigned. Keep your apprehensions in check, be supportive, make sure she can count on you if she needs help, but unless she specifically asks, leave half your kitchen, the instant coffee, the dishes, silverware and the wine glasses at home. Trust me, years from now, no one will care if you ate off of paper plates instead of MIL's china, toasted with solo cups instead of wine glasses, or had kool-ade with dessert instead of coffee.

The important thing is not what is on the plate, the plate the food is on, or even what the calendar says. It is the blessing of being with people you care about.

Good luck, and I wish you a happy Thanksgiving.

Amen to JJ.
My cousin and I now split the holidays so that no one has total responsibility. We took it over as our mothers aged, and her 86 yr old mom is the only one left. She can be a good cook, but truely does not enjoy cooking. I enjoy it less now that my kids are grown, but still enjoy the get together.
I used paper plates and plastic ware. The host provides the meat, potatoes & gravy, and stuffing if needed. The guests provide the side dishes. The ritual growing up was the same, but we went to grandparents, and as soon as the meal was over the "girls" were all in the kitchen doing clean up and washing ALL of those dishes while the boys were out watching football or napping.
My point is it does not have to be perfect. As long as the people here have a good time, I am happy.
Happy Thanksgiving,
Susan

jj, excellent, thoughtful respons! KUDOS!
....oh! ..and when/where will we all get together for thanksgiving this year? :)

When my kids were small we had Nobody's Birthday parties because we loved birthday parties. LOL. We decorated and had dollar store gifts for every one to open. The kids still talk about our Nobody's Birthday parties. No need to be so silly as to stick with a date on the calendar. We have Thanksgiving meals several times a year. Each one has different relatives or the same ones. Same with Christmas. My kids have Christmas at home with their kids, we have Christmas on New Years most times for the grandkids. Work and rest come first for most young families not packing up to drive to eat and shame on moms and grandmoms that insist.

How about just letting grand-daughter know that you are willing to do "whatever" - but that she has to * ask* you for whatever.

How else is she going to learn what-all is involved?

I think it would be much easier to buy nice paper/plastic plates and disposable tableware - (if you are frugal, you can wash it and use it again!)

I do understand how hard it is to "let go" - but - surprise! surprise! - my female relatives are able to do this as well - or better! - than I was able to.

With Respect, you need to let go of control. You do not need to bring you whole kitchen over. You need to follow her lead. She has asked you to provide two dishes, not to take over her kitchen.

Did you grand daughter ask you to supply the dishes, wine glasses, and silverware? When I 'took over' the big meals I rented dishes. Inexpensive, no washing required and came with table linen too.

Sweet potatoes can be cooked in your oven and brought over while hot. Cover with foil, wrap in towels and put in a cooler. The insulation will keep it nice and hot. If you need to pop it in the over for a few minutes just before serving that is ok.

I always cook the stuffing the in bird, but that you could do in a crock pot and bring the whole thing over.

This will be my first time hosting Thanksgiving for the family. My MIL is generally the hostess but because we have a baby I told her that this year traveling will be harder for us. So the family is coming down instead. I'll be keeping it pretty simple. I'll be making a turkey with the stuffing, gravy, baked potatoes (the family doesn't really care for the traditional sweet potatoes) peas, (I know! But the family loves peas!!) and cranberry sause. My MIL will be bringing the pies. I appreciate my MIL letting go and letting us start our own traditions as a new family. I'm trying my best not to over complicate things as I think that's where everything will mess up.

If the young folks aren't given a chance or taught how to host these holidays, the traditions and feasts will die with the next generation. We will all be simply ordering our holiday turkeys from Dillon's instead!

Simple(r) can be elegant and classy.

It must be the year of change! We have always hosted Thanksgiving. Last Monday my DS came over and said that he and his wife would like to host this year. So on Friday we went to their house to meet and coordinate responsibilities. We are bringing two turkeys. One for the oven, and one to be deep fried. Also the stuffing, cranberries, gravy, rolls, sweet potatoes, dip and pre dinner snacks! (Have to eat during the football games) Also pickles/olives and the wine. They are doing the potatoes, green bean casserole, and desserts. DH and I chuckled quite a bit on the way home. They only live 3 miles from us. Hubby said "Looks like we'll be driving the truck!"

My eldest daughter wanted to do Thanksgiving dinner her first year in her condo. I was thrilled to relinquish the job - however, I had to take so much to her place and then do most of the cooking. After that it is back to my house - she didn't have the room for everyone either so it was a nice attempt but she felt it was more work than fun.

Geri, I'm sure you're struggling with not being the hostess, as that in itself is a tradition many of us enjoy. But the truth is, you aren't responsible to coordinate it this year, your GD is. I agree with the advice to tell her you'll bring or do "whatever" but she will have to ask you. She may well surprise you. My DIL wanted to host T'giv last year and I was okay with it. (Normally my house is command central.) Actually better than okay with it because it was sweet watching her in action with my son.

We all learn by doing. My mom, in her wisdom, passed the Thanksgiving baton to me about 10 years ago. At first I balked because it was a change of tradition. But she wanted us to learn to let go of her gradually, I think, and be independently capable of being the matriarch.

I learned to enjoy making new traditions, starting with paper goods instead of her china. Granted, hers was pretty and traditional, but --good grief--she refused to put it in the dishwasher, and guess who got stuck handwashing. THe four of us girls! Not a fun way to end a long day at all.

Fast forward to this year. It's our first one without Mama. She died in June. I'm already feeling waves of grief hitting again as Thanksgiving approaches. Since she gave me wings 10 years ago to be the chief cook and hostess, that part is second nature. Imagine if she had been hostess till this year, and I was left reeling from her loss PLUS expected to carry on logisitically this ginormous holiday event.

This year will be a new thing. But my dad, who lives alone (they were married 55.5 years) wants to host (as in have us gather us at his place to eat) because he doesn't know how many more times he will be able to . We are gathering on Sunday . It's my sister's 50th b'day and she's coming in from KY. Her first b'day without Mama. And Daddy's first b'day w/o her is on the 28th, so we are probably gonna have some tears, but at least we will share our sorrow together, while remembering her. He did say he wants us to use some of her pretty serving dishes if we aren't going to use the china place settings. I definitely want to do that.

And by the way, my sister is bringing a coffee pot since he doesn't drink it and she will be there a week and MUST have it. LOL

Try to enjoy the changes as a break from responsibilities, and look forward to being a guest. She will appreciate your willingness to help if you resist the temptation to take the reins. And years from now, she will be very grateful that she learned sooner rather than later what it means to be Thanksgiving Hostess.

Sounds like fun! I am jealous, I would love to have it some where else. I would cook everything at home and then bring the sweet potatoes and stuffing in round glass casserole dishes with a lid. This way you can microwave it. Better check if they have a microwave or if it can go in the oven. If you bring wine I would bring plastic wine glasses. Yeah the bringing the dishes thing would not be my thing. I might just leave those behind for next year. LOL It does sound like it will be real pretty.

JJBlaine, what a lovely, kind and wise post - so very nice!

Can't help. I would probably take half my kitchen. Mother and I just go to Cracker Barrel. We have done this for the past 7 to 8 years.

Ask your granddaughter to come to your house to pick up the dishes, silverware, and other items that are not food related. She probably has no idea how much "stuff" goes into preparing a dinner for a large family. If you're lucky, she will return it after the big day too.

I suggest asking your gd if she has thought of using paper plates, plastic cutlery and disposable glasses. Did she ask you to bring wine? Maybe she has a beverage planned. Do you know for sure she doesn't have a coffee pot? Ask her, maybe she'd like one for an early Christmas gift. Showing up with all your stuff may be overwhelming and she could take it wrong. It may make her feel inadequate that she doesn't have all the nice things you brought, plus it could hurt her feelings. She wants to host the event so let her do it her way. Stop thinking of all the things she doesn't have, instead suggest things to her and let her decide. Maybe she already has some plans that don't mesh with yours. Let her do her thing, she'll get through the day, proud of herself and will learn from the experience.

I'm in my late 60s so am sick of coordinating anything, particularly Thanksgiving dinner. We invite friends who don't have families and everybody brings things. A friend who lives across town brings the turkey, gravy, and stuffing. Another (who is a terrible cook) buys pies at a local restaurant. Another brings pickles and olives. I do the vegetables, snacks, table, drinks, clean up. This year I'm using paper plates for dessert! Make it fun for all and remember that the most important thing is that you are together. You are very lucky to have your family to share this holiday with.

It has been resolved. First, guest list is now smaller, her significant other's parents have declined invitation, so just 8 at table......and she bought a dining room table with 6 chairs so we're golden!
between dd- her mom, and me, we will bring side dishes, etc. she doesn't need extra dishes/silver...I will, however, bring wine and wine glasses! I'll leave the glasses at her place...for any of her future guests!
i will prepare my food Wednesday, put in crockpots, deliver to her townhouse Wednesday, Thursday morning, she can plug them in and they will be done by 1:30 dinner hour! I will bring dessert and some appetizers on Thursday......just because.....

no offense intended here, but paper plates, plastics utensils and glasses, for me, are just for summer cookouts/picnics(are there such things anymore)....
actually, I even have plastic outdoor dishes for cookouts.i guess I am really old school!.

i was over thinking...just wanted her "first" family get together to be as good as possible...and it will be...she will carry on and create her own traditions.......and I just better divest myself of some of the trappings of being the hostess with the mostest - and enjoy being the dowanger guest! Happy thanksgiving to all!

Ask her if there will be room in the oven for your contributions. If not ask if she would like to borrow the turkey roaster. She may not have thought of asking to use yours. I know my family now assumes the oven is filled and brings foods to be prepared in the kitchen just prior to dinner or more frequently in crock pots. Happy Thanksgiving!

Kudos to your granddaughter for taking on this daunting task. I am sure that all will be fine.

Hi Geri,

I am glad you have got this sorted out. I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving.

M

Ask your gd who else is coming and what they are bringing, also ask if paper plates etc. are acceptable. More info will help.

I am the one that hosts the dinner. I don't have fancy tableware and linens like my MIL would have used. I use my Corrella dishes. The families have grown and spilt so it is now just me, hubby, our kids and grands. None of the SIL, BIL! Or -in laws. It's not as "nice" as in my early married years but my kids are ok with that. It's not the pretty dishes, it's the family. Heck, last year we did breakfast because of the hassle of kids having to go to both sides. I love having everyone over but I hate the rush to get to a second meal, or show up here already stuffed! Whatever makes it simple and enjoyable for everyone!!!! Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

Well whatever your situation I hope you all have a nice Thanksgiving holiday....I hope to!!!

Your story reminded me of one of our first years of marriage; about year 4. We suddenly decided we needed to do T.G. Dinner. It went okay with us just doing the turkey and dressing. Think my hubbie's sister knew I really didn't know what I was doing, so they just divided it all up and brought it. It was a fun day and fun experience!
ENJOY THE DAY!

Amazing, isn't it, how much others can do if we let them. I'd say ask what you can bring to help and let her do the rest. It doesn't matter if it isn't perfect, it will be fine. I remember eating off paper plates in the living room for Thanksgiving when I was living far from home. It was fine and we all had a good time.

I second the paper plates, but that's just because there is no way I'd pack up my china and silver and transport them to someone else's house.

Everyone has to start someplace and I commend her for stepping up. We accumulate our kitchen and dining room things over the years and so will she. Help if asked and suggest tactfully.

Out of proportion. Your grand daughter is in charge of co-ordination of the meal. If you feel doesn't have everything she needs to 'make it happen", you could go to WM or similar store and buy her a housewarming gift, or a crock pot or one of those oven roasters (usually less than 35$ and big enough to cook a turkey) and bring your sweet potatoes and/or stuffing, pre-cooked but warm, in the house warming gift.

I have had family Thanksgiving dinner at our house for many years until 3 years ago when our granddaughter was in the hospital in another city after having a double lung transplant. I got a turkey and all the rest of the meal and we all the family went to that city and had a wonderful dinner in her hospital room. She couldn't come here, so we took Thanksgiving to her, especially since we were all so thankful for her successful surgery. The next year I wasn't feeling well so I got the whole meal from the grocery store. That was so successful that I decided that since we had broken tradition the years before, I am getting this year's dinner for the same grocery store. I guess sometimes it is good to break traditions. Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Lovely GD you are so blessed! Just enjoy the day with family, relinquish the control and bask in all you have to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving!

I would gladly let someone else take over. There is just me and oldest Daughter to make everything. We trusted someone to bring cheesecake, a staple, she did not, now we don't trust anyone. We tell them to bring snacks or whatever. Anything we two like we bring. Her husband is good to help her, my husband, not so much. He unloads the truck. We have gone to our cabin in the woods since about 1980 or 81. No running water, water has to be heated. Several bring clean water from home. Kids grew up and slowly the crowd has gotten bigger. I never dreamed when it was just the 5 of us what a tradition I started. It is sort of an old fashion Thanksgiving. Grands are adults, except for 15 yo. One GS is a deputy and must work, one spouse doesn't like it, they usually spend Wed. night so they can have TG dinner with his family. All the Grands love it and will jump through hoops to get there. The deputy would like to be there but, knows his job comes first he will get dressing and pumpkin pie anyway. We all have a good time, no arguments. Everyone eats off paper plates but me. Others do dishes. My Daughter says when I am gone she will no continue it but, her sons enjoy it and may have a surprise for her. I don't stuff the turkey.

my friend and neighbor is 83, her family drives many miles to come for Thanksgiving. They order a full dinner from the grocery store and she says it works very well.

I use disposables! I use the fancy wedding ones for holidays and special occasions. I detest after meal clean up so I don't do it. When the food is removed and put away, I pick up the disposable table cloth by the four corners and the whole table contents go in the trash. I put the tablerunner on the table and I'm done with the clean up. No one is stuck in the kitchen doing dishes. DH said he liked real dishes so I used real dishes one time, only if he took care of the clean up. He said fine no problem. That was the last time I used real dishes. LOL He said he had no idea how much time was wasted doing dishes after a big meal.

I love your clean up solution.