Wow lots of different sides to this . My opinion is it's till her mother and no mater what they did or didn't go thru. I think a memory quilt by the time you get it done would be welcome . AND IF she's not ready yet she can put it away and bring it out when her heart tells her too. and you can tell her when you give it to her you may not be ready now but some day you will. and if in time she still can't bring herself to have it maybe a grand child or someone else in family would love to hve it. just my opinion. God be with you in your decsion